Is this fair?

[wnbama]

If my sons step-mom/soon to be step-mom EVER asked me to go with her, the NCP and child...you can forget it!

Just maybe he is not just to all of this changing and going from mom to dad, then dad has girlfriend and she a son, just maybe his son feels "left out" because your son gets to spend so much time with HIS dad...Just a thought or something like that COULD be the problems.

 

[Silverplum]

If my sons step-mom/soon to be step-mom EVER asked me to go with her, the NCP and child...you can forget it!

One melted snowball...

 

[proud_parent]

Is there a such a thing as too much blending in the family, could it be considered unhealthy for the kids involved?

I have 1, my fiance has 1. Ocassionally my ex's kids (2) come over to see their brother. Sometimes this is the same weekend my fiance has his son. Totalling in 4 kids. Also my fiance son has a older sister that his son's mom had when he met her. She too has visited. Adding 1 more to the posse. Totaling in 5 inter-related kids.

It all depends on the individuals involved, not the number of them.

If everybody involved shared the goal of making the situation work, and were able to practice and to model effective communication and conflict resolution skills, the melting pot could be successful. And if successful, it could be an outstanding experience and life lesson for the kids.

BUT -- and that's a HUGE 'BUT' -- it would take extraordinary effort and exceptional patience. (And a heaping dose of prayer besides.)

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state? FL

I am a single mom(with a fiance but not the father). I have an 18 month old son. Me and the father of my child have never gotten a court orded child support agreement. We have an agreement that he is to give me xyz amount every 1st and 15th of the month. He has never been late and our arrangement has worked well.
Recently I learned that his ex-wife(they have been divorced for almost 6 years) with whom he has 2 other children is receiving triple the amount in child support (through court ordered)than I am receiving.

I have mentioned to him that I think its unfair that she is getting a larger amount (per child) than I am and that I am considering to file for child support. He has since become very rude and disrespectful. He has gone from begging me not to do it to threatening me. He claims that I will not get what I think I should from the courts because I live in a dual income houseld and she doesnt- does that matter?he name of your state?

Before you file for CS you'll need to run the numbers through a CS calculator to find out what the guideline amount would be. If it turns out to be less than he is voluntarily paying, you might want to wait awhile before filing.

The thing is that whatever amount he is paying his ex has to be deducted from his income BEFORE figuring what your CS would be, that's why it's a good idea to check first before filing. As long as he continues paying, it might work better if you leave it alone, unless he quits paying voluntarily.

 

[Alana_Moore]

Before you file for CS you'll need to run the numbers through a CS calculator to find out what the guideline amount would be. If it turns out to be less than he is voluntarily paying, you might want to wait awhile before filing.

The thing is that whatever amount he is paying his ex has to be deducted from his income BEFORE figuring what your CS would be, that's why it's a good idea to check first before filing. As long as he continues paying, it might work better if you leave it alone, unless he quits paying voluntarily.

So does the parent who files first have the advatage?

 

[farmgirl_48732]

Alana Moore

I do not offer legal advice either. However, i did marry a spouse with three children and I had none. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have NEVER gotten myself into that situation. You don't only marry him, you marry the X-spouse too. Run, do not walk away from this relationship. There are alot of available men out there. Kepp looking.

 

[Silverplum]

So does the parent who files first have the advatage?

Yes, in your state.

Unless you really know all about his X's income and his income, and how your state figures CS, you can't really judge/be upset/bothered by the amount she receives for their children.

We can assure you, court-ordered CS is calculated by formula. Lots of personal financial info involved -- the kind of personal info you likely don't have access to for his X.

 

[Gracie3787]

So does the parent who files first have the advatage?

Basically, yes that's how it usually turns out. here's an example:

Parent #1 files for a support order, the NCP's income is $3,000.00 per month. CS is determined on the full income of $3,000. NCP is ordered to pay $600.00 per month.

Then parent #2 files for support, NCP's income is $3,000. However, the court ordered support of $600 must be deducted first, so the 2nd parent's CS will be determined on NCP's remaining income of $2,400. Result is that the second order will be less than the first, even if all other factors are exactly the same.

 

[jbowman]

So does the parent who files first have the advatage?

Well yes, sort of. CS is calculated in court according to his income. Once there is an order in place, the CS he pays to other mom is then DEDUCTED from his income when they are trying to calculate a new order. You get whats left over. You would be seeing a new judge and that judge does not have the power to change the existing order made by another judge.

 

[texastepmom]

OP - there are a lot of stepfamily books and stepfamily web sites out there... the reality is that many if not most stepfamilies fail, do your research now, learn, don't rush anything, and go in with your eyes wide open. many people make the mistake of thinking things will just work out on thier own, that isn't true, just as it takes a lot of work to make a marriage survive, it takes twice as much for a stepfamily.

good luck to you.

 

[Silverplum]

Well yes, sort of. CS is calculated in court according to his income. Once there is an order in place, the CS he pays to other mom is then DEDUCTED from his income when they are trying to calculate a new order. You get whats left over. You would be seeing a new judge and that judge does not have the power to change the existing order made by another judge.

Naw, the NCP is not a slave, just treated like one. The CP of the 2nd filer gets a PORTION of what's left over.

 

[jbowman]

Naw, the NCP is not a slave, just treated like one. The CP of the 2nd filer gets a PORTION of what's left over.

Sorry, I meant to say that the calculation for HER new CS order would come from the income left over AFTER the first CS order is deducted.

 

[Alana_Moore]

Oh OK I get it. Yeah now I have to reconsider some things. It may just be in my childs best interest to stick to the current arrangement.

I feel bad deciding not to date someone because they have kids, I have a kid, how can I discriminate . I totally understand what your saying because you do take EVERYBODY on in a relationship.

 

[Luckiecatt]

but my fiance thinks its something his son will grow out of and will soon be over. Hmm...:-/

You have a child of your own, you should know that even if the son does grow out of it, it will only lead to another phase the child will go thru. And if the x is the cause of this phase, good luck with her negative influence not making each phase harder and harder to handle... Only you know how strong of a step-mother you can be in a situation like this...

 

[Alana_Moore]

OP - there are a lot of stepfamily books and stepfamily web sites out there... the reality is that many if not most stepfamilies fail, do your research now, learn, don't rush anything, and go in with your eyes wide open. many people make the mistake of thinking things will just work out on thier own, that isn't true, just as it takes a lot of work to make a marriage survive, it takes twice as much for a stepfamily.

good luck to you.

Thank you. I definately plan to hold off on the wedding as long as things are this bad. I will check into some stepfamily literature.

I just so want this to work, because I already have a child w/ someone else and I just want to provide a settled household. Oh well

Thanks everyone for the advice!