Legal Recourse against delusional co-gaurdian

[stealth2]

Everyone says to "butt out," whereas nobody has any idea how involved in the true situation I am. I do not talk to the father, nor do I talk to the son about the father except when he asks, and then only with the utmost courtesy.

No, you just refer to the child's father as delusional. Dude - he's not the only one.

 

[Silverplum]

I do not talk to the father, nor do I talk to the son about the father except when he asks, and then only with the utmost courtesy.

Thanks again to everyone for your flaming egos.

Ha. Speaking of flaming egos...

Congratulations upon acting like a grownup human, with civility and manners!!! I can see it means a lot to you to be acknowledged properly on your good-boy behavior!!! Yay for you, hon.

 

[Benowulf]

*sigh*

Ah whatever. Silverplum, fair is fair...thanks. Honestly. At least you helped me to test the waters and gain a better feel for the mood out there. I'll take your advice into account. Truly. It is hard to separate one's own situation from those we care about, but I will look for the middle ground.

peace everyone, thanks for the replies. I'm taking the post down in a few.

 

[stealth2]

*sob* He didn't thank me!

 

[Benowulf]

One last breath

Okay, changed my mind One last wish:

here's what I really want to know:

1. let's say I agree with all of you. It is not my business, and legally I am a nobody. I do agree with all that in fact, so we don't have to pretend.

2. let's say that the mother and I are good people, and spend most of our time together, and are heading towards marraige. Still, even then I refer back to #1 and agree with it.

3. However, I cannot (whether by fault or virtue) see past the fact that I care for these people, and the father is verbally abusive to the mother. You're also all correct that I don't know FOR SURE how the father acts with the son, so let's not talk about that here. I'll leave it out.

So, finally, if any of you were in my situation, what would you suggest? I'm not asking for right and wrong, or the moral solution...I know there isn't one. What I'm asking for is advice on what to do. I'm sure that you all know how hard it is to simply "butt out" when you perceive your loved ones to be in a bad situation, even if that IS the best solution.

So, any last words of wisdom?

Incidentally, I've gained respect for all of you, because your opinions are certainly valid when I can step aside from my own ego.

 

[Zephyr]

Okay, changed my mind One last wish:

here's what I really want to know:

1. let's say I agree with all of you. It is not my business, and legally I am a nobody. I do agree with all that in fact, so we don't have to pretend.

2. let's say that the mother and I are good people, and spend most of our time together, and are heading towards marraige. Still, even then I refer back to #1 and agree with it.

3. However, I cannot (whether by fault or virtue) see past the fact that I care for these people, and the father is verbally abusive to the mother. You're also all correct that I don't know FOR SURE how the father acts with the son, so let's not talk about that here. I'll leave it out.

So, finally, if any of you were in my situation, what would you suggest? I'm not asking for right and wrong, or the moral solution...I know there isn't one. What I'm asking for is advice on what to do. I'm sure that you all know how hard it is to simply "butt out" when you perceive your loved ones to be in a bad situation, even if that IS the best solution.

So, any last words of wisdom?

Incidentally, I've gained respect for all of you, because your opinions are certainly valid when I can step aside from my own ego.

if this is the case- you can either go punch him in the mouth the next time he does it (of course I don't advise you to take that path) or you can advise mom to only deal with him through emails.

 

[Silverplum]

*sob* He didn't thank me!

Yeah, but I quoted you (without credit, but as "one of my faves!")

 

[fairisfair]

What I would suggest is that if dad is acting like a 2 year old in his dealings with mom, then Mom will have to act twice as responsibly to make up for it, your role would be supporting her in this endeavor. Get used to dealing with dad, you are going to be doing it for a long time if you stick around. You can not change his behavior, or actions, but you can definitely change your response to it. Ignore the nasty emails, you do have delete on your computer don't you? too bad it is not so easy to delete him as well. It isn't that the people on this forum don't have sympathy for you or her or the child, it is just that you have no legal recourse at this time, there is nothing happening that a court is going to intervene in. By the way, when you ask someone for help, it is very poor manners to question the help you receive.

 

[stealth2]

Verbal abuse towards the mother is moot when it comes to visitation with the child. If her and Dad were great friends, they'd likely still be together. For starters, Mom doesn't need to put up with it. She can walk away, hang up, file the email. In other words, she can be the adult and ignore it. Lots of us deal with less than friendly ex's. (Wanna sit down for a few days and hear about mine?) But that does not preclude the other parent's right to be a parent to their child. He is the man your g/f chose to father her child. Now he's in her (and therefore your) life for a long time. Y'all need to learn to deal with it.

 

[stealth2]

Yeah, but I quoted you (without credit, but as "one of my faves!")

I saw that. Tho I've always prefered "is this really a hill you want to die on?"

 

[Silverplum]

The suggestion about dealing via email is excellent.

Tell mom to learn her rights. Study up. Only on law in her state, because other states don't matter.

Tell mom to try to obtain consultations with family attorneys. Many offer free initial consultations. Tell her to list her questions in writing, and try to get them all answered.

Failure to pay CS is something for which she should file contempt. She could then show that he does not take his CS obligations seriously and should be garnished.

Tell mom to get a good parenting plan in place, signed by a judge, and live by it. Denial of court ordered visitation is an absolute no-no. And CS and visitation are NOT linked -- don't try to link them, because that's a loser's game.

Anything not signed by a judge or magistrate, through the courts, is absolutely unenforceable in court. Notarized doesn't count.

That is all for now.

 

[Silverplum]

I saw that. Tho I've always prefered "is this really a hill you want to die on?"

I love that one, too! But it's more for a parent. The bf/gf/sp gets, "Zip. Zero. Nada. Zilch!"

 

[fairisfair]

I love it when you give in and act nice LOL

 

[Benowulf]

Like rain

Ahhhh, I am awash in the advice that I came to here to receive.

Thank you everyone. Also, stealth, I like your screenname the best if that helps at all. Not that there's anything wrong with fairness or silverplums or zephyrs...but stealth is grand.

I apologize for my battles, but I don't regret it. The end is good words of advice from all.

See you all on the other side.

 

[stealth2]

And it's the screenname I like least. The only reason I have it is because of an ex who likes to follow me around online.