Mediation with only one party

[moldableman]

On Monday, she was seen, and her wound had closed on it's own so it was too late for stiches. I'm taking her to her regular pediatrician for follow up. Dad has called the local hospitals in my area, including her pediatrician, telling them that they are not allowed to see, or treat our daughter for anything.

I'm no expert, but have observed this situation happening with my wife and her ex. You might contact an attorney and see what they recommend about sole legal custody..

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm appearing in court whether dad is there or not. I am not sure if they'll even hear me without him there. I've seen them meet with parents who have shown without the other present, but I don't know what the situation was.
Dad has threatened me because I won't sign his little paper, he also wants me to sign a statement that states that I won't talk to the mediators about our daughters injury.

Let me just say this -- if you don't talk about the injury OR you sign the paper, I will walk away from EVER attempting to help you. Why? Because you would be putting your child in harm's way and showing that you don't care.

I recieved 8 voicemails from him, ranging from him calling me names (infront of our daughter) to begging me to meet him and sign this paper, then to threatening me with making accusations that will make the courts take our daughter from me.

Go to the police and file a report for harassment and file a report for your daughter's injuries. Let your daughter talk to them.

He is incredibly intimidating. So many people tell me that they feel "extremely uncomfortable" by him, and refuse to associate with our situation. Lately, our daughters doctors have told me they would feel more comfortable if our order was worded differently.

You need to stand up to him. He is a bully and is not used to anyone standing up to him. The moment you do successfully and do not back down he will retreat.

Now, he has changed his story, telling me that she was seen in the ER, and they told him that he had done such a good job tending to her injury that there was nothing they could do.

Then the ER would have records. Which I bet they don't. Which means he is lying. WHich -- i am a betting girl -- means he is the cause of the injury. Did you file a police report?

 

[LdiJ]

Show up for both the mediation AND court. That way if he is a no show for mediation it will be documented that you showed, and he didn't.

 

[wileybunch]

I agree that OP needs to use a sensible approach to dealing with what seems to be really suspicious circumstances about child's injury and subsequent supposed treatment.

I also think OP needs some advice on what to say when she DOES show up because she's afraid the court will just easily continue to another date. She needs to be armed with info for the court so the court realizes Dad may well have purposely acted like he could not be there and not shown up BECAUSE of the injuries to the child, so he couldn't be questioned about it directly while the situation was more fresh.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree that OP needs to use a sensible approach to dealing with what seems to be really suspicious circumstances about child's injury and subsequent supposed treatment.

I also think OP needs some advice on what to say when she DOES show up because she's afraid the court will just easily continue to another date. She needs to be armed with info for the court so the court realizes Dad may well have purposely acted like he could not be there and not shown up BECAUSE of the injuries to the child, so he couldn't be questioned about it directly while the situation was more fresh.

She should take the paper that dad wants her to sign UNSIGNED to the court. As well as certified medical records of the child's injuries.

 

[novemberbride]

Thank you all for the advice.

I contacted the supposed hospital that dad said he took our daughter to. There is no record of her being seen, or even checked in. I was told, had a young child come in, with the injuries described, not only would she have been seen, she would have been seen immediatley without question. So, their feeling was either he took her to a hospital, but lied to me about which one so I couldn't come see her, or he didn't take her at all.

I printed 3 different sets of daughter's injuries. One set is 2 days after injury, another is 5 days, and the other is 8 days. It's clear, even in the latest ones taken that she sustained a pretty bad blow to her head. She sees her pediatrician this week to follow up, even though she hasn't had any signs of a cuncussion. Her pediatrician has assured me that dispite dad's threats of suing them, he is not intimidated and would see and treat our daughter no matter what.

I have emails, and voicemails from dad. He called me 16 times on Saturday night, 8 times on Sunday, and at least 5 times just tonight. Because I told him I will not discuss court matters with him, he is now calling demanding to talk to our daughter, and demanding that I allow her to talk to him privately. I am refusing his phone calls, so now his threat is that he is documenting everything and will file contempt charges against me. He says he has already called the police on me, just incase I try to call them on him to file any kind of report. However, he doesn't give me a reason why he has called the police on me. I talked to my local police department, and they told me to document everything, and to file a harassment report the next time he calls all night long, even though his excuse is to talk to our daughter.

I picked up our daughter from her grandma on Friday night infront of Dad's house. All of his belongings were strewn all along the driveway, and front lawn and even in the street. It appears that there is a lock box on the door. I wish I took pictures, but at the moment I didn't think about it. Whenever I pick up our daughter from him, they are always in his truck, in the garage. So, now I believe he has never lived in that home and it was all a show to the courts that he had a stable house. Now it appears that he has been evicted. So, as far as I know, he is homeless.

Dad still brings up the paper he created that I won't sign. He says that I am a liar, stupid and irrational for going to court. He says that if I just trust him, and allow him to make all the decisions, everything will be ok. This is why I am refusing his phone calls now. I don't even know how to respond to him when he talks like that.

 

[AngryMom627]

Whoa! I'm not an attorney either, but YOU SHOULD NOT SIGN ANYTHING AND SHOW UP FOR MEDIATION. YES, THE MEDIATION WILL STILL TAKE PLACE JUST W/O HIS INPUT. I agree you should take pictures and gather all possible documentation for mediation. Protect your daughter at all costs!!! SHE IS ALL THAT MATTERS!

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you all for the advice.

I contacted the supposed hospital that dad said he took our daughter to. There is no record of her being seen, or even checked in. I was told, had a young child come in, with the injuries described, not only would she have been seen, she would have been seen immediatley without question. So, their feeling was either he took her to a hospital, but lied to me about which one so I couldn't come see her, or he didn't take her at all.

I printed 3 different sets of daughter's injuries. One set is 2 days after injury, another is 5 days, and the other is 8 days. It's clear, even in the latest ones taken that she sustained a pretty bad blow to her head. She sees her pediatrician this week to follow up, even though she hasn't had any signs of a cuncussion. Her pediatrician has assured me that dispite dad's threats of suing them, he is not intimidated and would see and treat our daughter no matter what.

I have emails, and voicemails from dad. He called me 16 times on Saturday night, 8 times on Sunday, and at least 5 times just tonight. Because I told him I will not discuss court matters with him, he is now calling demanding to talk to our daughter, and demanding that I allow her to talk to him privately. I am refusing his phone calls, so now his threat is that he is documenting everything and will file contempt charges against me. He says he has already called the police on me, just incase I try to call them on him to file any kind of report. However, he doesn't give me a reason why he has called the police on me. I talked to my local police department, and they told me to document everything, and to file a harassment report the next time he calls all night long, even though his excuse is to talk to our daughter.

I picked up our daughter from her grandma on Friday night infront of Dad's house. All of his belongings were strewn all along the driveway, and front lawn and even in the street. It appears that there is a lock box on the door. I wish I took pictures, but at the moment I didn't think about it. Whenever I pick up our daughter from him, they are always in his truck, in the garage. So, now I believe he has never lived in that home and it was all a show to the courts that he had a stable house. Now it appears that he has been evicted. So, as far as I know, he is homeless.

Dad still brings up the paper he created that I won't sign. He says that I am a liar, stupid and irrational for going to court. He says that if I just trust him, and allow him to make all the decisions, everything will be ok. This is why I am refusing his phone calls now. I don't even know how to respond to him when he talks like that.

That right there shows that dad is the one who is stupid and irrational. I also agree that its impossible to speak to someone who is stupid and irrational.

 

[novemberbride]

Mediation Continued

Went to court, and Judge said that dad had been calling all morning long. Judge said he would grant dad a continuation just once. So, mediation is continued, the new date is 2 days before my wedding.
Had to contact the police last night becuase dad made threats to me. Called me every name in the book. Wanted to know if I appeared in court, what I said. I told him he was going to be notified by the court. He then went nuts, screaming that I am a liar, and stupid for not signing his little paper. Told me that he was going to "go crazy on me". Said "I will get what I deserve". He demanded to talk to our daughter who was asleep in bed, and I told him she would call him when she wakes up. He called and called demanding that I wake her up. I told him I wouldn't wake her up, but she would call him the moment she wakes up, which would be in the morning. He continued to call, harass, make threats. He said that he is reporting me and my fiance to CPS. He said he will tell them anything to get them to investigate. I called the police, and an officer came out to make a report. While he was in my home, dad called 4 times. Officer asked me to answer so he could listen to him. So, I did. Dad was yelling, studdering his words, calling me names, telling me that CPS is going to take our daughter from me....going on and on. He was soooooo worked up that he could hardly catch his breath. I eventually hung up. The officer told me that I have every right to "fear this guy" because of his behavior. Officer took statements from me, and my witness and said he would call dad and tell him that he can't keep calling. Dad kept calling. Screamed "I'm on my way up there". I hung up, he called back, left messages, called and called. I called the police department and explained that he is still calling. Few moments later the officer called me and said that he had called dad when he left our house. He said dad is "out of control". Officer said he would not allow the officer to speak, and dad was screaming at him, and refused to listen to the officer. Officer said he had no respect for authority, and said he is the most difficult person he has ever spoken to. He said it is clear that dad has some serious control issues. Officer said if he speaks that way to a police officer, he can only imagine the way he speaks to me. Officer said that the local police would be potrolling my neighborhood, and if dad was seen in the area he would be arrested for stalking. Officer said if dad does contact CPS, it could only backfire on him.
So, I am getting an attorney, which is very costly but I really have no choice. Right now, I am scared of the lies he will tell CPS. He's already taught our daughter to say very disturbing things. I seriously have doubts that CPS will take dad seriously, based on his behavior. If they do take him seriously, how do I defend lies? Could I request a psych evaluation on dad based on his threats and behavior? Could I request the courts to evaluate his home, and drug test him again?
I'm not intimidated by him, but I am definatley so concerned by his behavior.

 

[Isis1]

Went to court, and Judge said that dad had been calling all morning long. Judge said he would grant dad a continuation just once. So, mediation is continued, the new date is 2 days before my wedding.
Had to contact the police last night becuase dad made threats to me. Called me every name in the book. Wanted to know if I appeared in court, what I said. I told him he was going to be notified by the court. He then went nuts, screaming that I am a liar, and stupid for not signing his little paper. Told me that he was going to "go crazy on me". Said "I will get what I deserve". He demanded to talk to our daughter who was asleep in bed, and I told him she would call him when she wakes up. He called and called demanding that I wake her up. I told him I wouldn't wake her up, but she would call him the moment she wakes up, which would be in the morning. He continued to call, harass, make threats. He said that he is reporting me and my fiance to CPS. He said he will tell them anything to get them to investigate. I called the police, and an officer came out to make a report. While he was in my home, dad called 4 times. Officer asked me to answer so he could listen to him. So, I did. Dad was yelling, studdering his words, calling me names, telling me that CPS is going to take our daughter from me....going on and on. He was soooooo worked up that he could hardly catch his breath. I eventually hung up. The officer told me that I have every right to "fear this guy" because of his behavior. Officer took statements from me, and my witness and said he would call dad and tell him that he can't keep calling. Dad kept calling. Screamed "I'm on my way up there". I hung up, he called back, left messages, called and called. I called the police department and explained that he is still calling. Few moments later the officer called me and said that he had called dad when he left our house. He said dad is "out of control". Officer said he would not allow the officer to speak, and dad was screaming at him, and refused to listen to the officer. Officer said he had no respect for authority, and said he is the most difficult person he has ever spoken to. He said it is clear that dad has some serious control issues. Officer said if he speaks that way to a police officer, he can only imagine the way he speaks to me. Officer said that the local police would be potrolling my neighborhood, and if dad was seen in the area he would be arrested for stalking. Officer said if dad does contact CPS, it could only backfire on him.
So, I am getting an attorney, which is very costly but I really have no choice. Right now, I am scared of the lies he will tell CPS. He's already taught our daughter to say very disturbing things. I seriously have doubts that CPS will take dad seriously, based on his behavior. If they do take him seriously, how do I defend lies? Could I request a psych evaluation on dad based on his threats and behavior? Could I request the courts to evaluate his home, and drug test him again?
I'm not intimidated by him, but I am definatley so concerned by his behavior.

wow. i am so sorry. i would definitely request a psych eval. and i'd subpoena the officer as well.

i take it dad isn't aware the mediation was continued?

 

[novemberbride]

Dad said he was not aware about the mediation being continued. I thought telling him that he would be notified in the mail, and it was continued until next week would suffice for him. But, it didn't.
I did have our daughter call dad this morning, just like I told him I would. He was asking her some inappropriate questions, and when she wouldn't answer his questions, he hung up on her.

 

[CdwJava]

Have you sought a restraining order? It sounds as if you have enough to justify such an order. A court could make an exception for mediation or for child exchanges, but it could prevent him from making repeated calls or e-mails to you.

Annoying and harassing calls is only a misdemeanor in CA. Whether a judge would agree that this is stalking or not is up in the air. The mitigating issue is the child you have between you. A restraining order would also help to build a stronger stalking case.

- Carl

 

[novemberbride]

He has been told in the past that he is walking a very thin line with stalking me. In the past, he followed me to a hotel where I was staying for training for my job, 150 miles away from my home.
I've seen him driving around my town a few times, not on days that he has visitation with our daughter. One day, he was one street over from where I live. He also has threatened me by telling me that he has survelliance video of me with other men, and out in bars. He's told me that he has people follow me, and once said to me "if you die, I get full custody of (daughters name)".
Do I file for a restraining order in my county, or the county where our family law case is?

 

[Ohiogal]

He has been told in the past that he is walking a very thin line with stalking me. In the past, he followed me to a hotel where I was staying for training for my job, 150 miles away from my home.
I've seen him driving around my town a few times, not on days that he has visitation with our daughter. One day, he was one street over from where I live. He also has threatened me by telling me that he has survelliance video of me with other men, and out in bars. He's told me that he has people follow me, and once said to me "if you die, I get full custody of (daughters name)".
Do I file for a restraining order in my county, or the county where our family law case is?

Go file NOW in the county where you live. Hopefully you have that police officer's name and number. Subpoena him for the restraining order case. Ask for all contact between you and he and HIM and the child be stopped until there is a hearing.

 

[novemberbride]

Thank you for the advice. I filled out my RO paper work, and will be filing it on my way home from work. I tried to leave early today, but we're short staffed
Do I subpeona the officer once I find out the court date?
And, if my TRO states that dad can't contact me, or daughter, will that superscede the current custody/visitation order? The visitation orders will still be in place right, until our mediation hearing?