Mediation

[mistoffolees]

in this case, i thought it was fair. he admitted to not knowing about e-mails and it was his wife doing the responding. it's not dad not wanting to talk to mom, it's dad not wanting his wife to get all bent out of shape over him speaking to dawn. nothing like admitting the wife is doing all the talking and communicating to push an order like that.

I agree - in THIS case, it was a reasonable thing. I was just commenting on the impression I got that the mediator was suggesting that email was always a bad idea.

I think if we were a new case she may have given it a chance, but since we have been trying to communicate via email for a good two years now she felt we should try a different way. We already tried a notebook so she didn't want to go that route.

ETA: It's funny, i've just gotten an email from stepmom, even though dad and I agreed in the mediator's office that she and I shall have no contact unless it is an emergency, and that is supposed to be written into the CO. I'm not going to answer it, because it is not really relevant to the children, but I am not quite sure how he and I should communicate until the court date on March 21st-the CO doesn't go into effect until then, I think, so I don't know if I am allowed to use the phone to contact him or not yet, if I needed to contact him. Should I just follow the current court order and email him until then if I end up needing to contact him?

Why wouldn't you be allowed to use the phone? I don't recall your previous thread - so I don't recall if there was a restriction against phone calls. Remind me what the current court order says and I might have a suggestion.

 

[summerdawn]

I agree - in THIS case, it was a reasonable thing. I was just commenting on the impression I got that the mediator was suggesting that email was always a bad idea.



Why wouldn't you be allowed to use the phone? I don't recall your previous thread - so I don't recall if there was a restriction against phone calls. Remind me what the current court order says and I might have a suggestion.

I don't have the current court order in front of me, but I believe it states email contact for most things and phone only for emergencies. I haven't talked to him on the phone since 2009, so i'm not sure of the exact wording but it's the above put in fancy court language lol

 

[summerdawn]

We have court March 21st.

New question: In mediation yesterday, after everything was ironed out, dad kept insisting he is not going to court. He said he was going to have his attorney cancel the court date and he wanted us to submit our own stipulation. I don't think I feel comfortable with this, I think it would be in the best interest of all involved (especially the kids) that we go to court and just have the judge set the court order (and i'm praying he will include everything we agreed upon in mediation in the CO). Dad's wife emailed me last night, acting like him, stating that he "agrees with everything we agreed upon in mediation, and agrees to phone contact only regarding the children-but only if you agree to give me the children for a week if they get lice again so that I can wash and comb through their hair." He suggested the week thing in mediation but it wasn't something we added to the Co because he lives so far away that when he has had the kids before on weekdays they didn't make it to school. I can have them washed/combed and back to school in a day, not a week. The whole email wasn't even necessary; he agreed on all of it in mediation, I don't need an email to know he agrees with it.

I got a second email saying that if I want to stipulate, to call 867-5309 and do not call the paralegal. They seem very, very eager to stipulate rather than go to court all of a sudden.

If we don't go to court either his lawyer (wife's uncle) or his paralegal (his MIL) would handle the stipulation. I really want this to be in neutral hands and not handled by them. However, one of the reasons dad wants to cancel court and handle it outside is because his wife broke her spine a few months back and she is completely disabled and he is going through a lot of stress. I feel bad for dad, but I feel like it's a bad idea to have his parties handle everything.

If his lawyer requests to cancel the court date, he has to notify me first, right? He can't just ask the judge to throw it all out without me agreeing? If he tries to file a cancellation without me, is there something I can do to rebut it and ask that the court date be kept for the 21st?

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't have the current court order in front of me, but I believe it states email contact for most things and phone only for emergencies. I haven't talked to him on the phone since 2009, so i'm not sure of the exact wording but it's the above put in fancy court language lol

Then I would send him an email for now - and if you don't hear back in a few days, call him.

 

[MichaCA]

I'm glad mediation went well.

No, he cannot decide to ditch the court date. Not unless you both agree and have something signed for the judge to see. So it looks like your going to court.

Perhaps he doesn't want to go to court now because of the conversations in mediation about his wife...what will show up on the recommendation? I agree with you...I would go to court...a neutral judge can handle the recommendation and whatever argument takes place in court.

If the recommendation says anything about his wife staying out of conversations you and he are to have about the kids...don't let him talk you out of insisting it be put in the court order.

 

[summerdawn]

I'm glad mediation went well.

No, he cannot decide to ditch the court date. Not unless you both agree and have something signed for the judge to see. So it looks like your going to court.

Perhaps he doesn't want to go to court now because of the conversations in mediation about his wife...what will show up on the recommendation? I agree with you...I would go to court...a neutral judge can handle the recommendation and whatever argument takes place in court.

If the recommendation says anything about his wife staying out of conversations you and he are to have about the kids...don't let him talk you out of insisting it be put in the court order.

From what dad said in the mediator's office, they never planned to go to court. I don't think he pays his wife's uncle for representation. I think they thought I was going to see the bad stuff they put and contact the MIL to try to mediate with them rather than take it all the way to court.

I also think they feel that they can mediate more stuff into the order if they handle it themselves, and I know they will be the ones at an advantage. I just really hope the judge keeps everything in there, especially the phone contact, because I have grown weary of talking to stepmom instead of dad.

 

[summerdawn]

OK, this is weird. I just spoke with a clerk at the family law desk and she said that since dad was the "moving party" they can dismiss the court date without my consent. All they have to do is file to dismiss and then serve me after they do it. She said there is no paperwork that lets me rebut their request for dismissal, but I can always refile myself if they get it dismissed.

Also, she said that if they do dismiss the date, everything in the mediation paperwork is disregarded and the judge wouldn't even see that mediation report if I refiled. We would have to go to mediation all over again. Our current CO would still stand.

And to complicate things further, since dad alleged that my teens were abusing the littles at our home, I may have child services coming out to investigate. This is nuts.

 

[MichaCA]

I am sorry for giving you wrong legal info, but I am shocked that the moving party can choose to dismiss a court date. Just shocked. So what was the point of mediation, if he planned all along to not go along with it?

I wonder...if you did chose to make a motion yourself, if in your declaration you could use this current mediators recommendation (when you get it) as an attachment? I understand it wouldn't be legally binding at all...but to show that in good faith you showed up expecting to make an agreement and felt much progress was made in that mediation session.

I don't know your status with an attorney, but I would want to get a consultation at a time like this, and some tips on how to write up the next motion, if you chose to take that route. And wait for seniors to respond.

I'm sorry your going through this, its insane. Hang in there, maybe a better outcome will happen by things going this way - somehow.

 

[SESmama]

Since iit all was agreed upon would you not be able to file to enforce the mediation agreement?

 

[LdiJ]

From what dad said in the mediator's office, they never planned to go to court. I don't think he pays his wife's uncle for representation. I think they thought I was going to see the bad stuff they put and contact the MIL to try to mediate with them rather than take it all the way to court.

I also think they feel that they can mediate more stuff into the order if they handle it themselves, and I know they will be the ones at an advantage. I just really hope the judge keeps everything in there, especially the phone contact, because I have grown weary of talking to stepmom instead of dad.

Submitting a stipulated agreement is really not so risky as you are thinking. You would both have to sign the agreement, therefore if his attorney tried to put something in there that you did not agree to in mediation (such as the bit about them keeping the children for a week if they get lice again) you simply refuse to sign the agreement until they take it out.

A stipulated agreement still gets signed off by a judge and becomes a court order.

So, it would not hurt to try to get a stipulated agreement drawn up.

 

[summerdawn]

Submitting a stipulated agreement is really not so risky as you are thinking. You would both have to sign the agreement, therefore if his attorney tried to put something in there that you did not agree to in mediation (such as the bit about them keeping the children for a week if they get lice again) you simply refuse to sign the agreement until they take it out.

A stipulated agreement still gets signed off by a judge and becomes a court order.

So, it would not hurt to try to get a stipulated agreement drawn up.

I went through his parties before to have a stip drawn up, and after I signed it they made minor changes to the stip. It wasn't anything drastic that they changed, they made their visit 3 hours longer or something like that, but it made me feel really uncomfortable to go through them again.

 

[LdiJ]

I went through his parties before to have a stip drawn up, and after I signed it they made minor changes to the stip. It wasn't anything drastic that they changed, they made their visit 3 hours longer or something like that, but it made me feel really uncomfortable to go through them again.

Are you saying that they altered a signed agreement? One way to make sure that doesn't happen again is to initial every paragraph.

 

[mistoffolees]

I went through his parties before to have a stip drawn up, and after I signed it they made minor changes to the stip. It wasn't anything drastic that they changed, they made their visit 3 hours longer or something like that, but it made me feel really uncomfortable to go through them again.

Then don't go through him.

If he cancels the court date, file on your own and submit the mediated agreement as your request. Dad can object, but then he'll have to explain to the court why he is objecting to his own mediated agreement.

 

[summerdawn]

I am sorry for giving you wrong legal info, but I am shocked that the moving party can choose to dismiss a court date. Just shocked. So what was the point of mediation, if he planned all along to not go along with it?

I wonder...if you did chose to make a motion yourself, if in your declaration you could use this current mediators recommendation (when you get it) as an attachment? I understand it wouldn't be legally binding at all...but to show that in good faith you showed up expecting to make an agreement and felt much progress was made in that mediation session.

I don't know your status with an attorney, but I would want to get a consultation at a time like this, and some tips on how to write up the next motion, if you chose to take that route. And wait for seniors to respond.

I'm sorry your going through this, its insane. Hang in there, maybe a better outcome will happen by things going this way - somehow.

Don't be sorry, Micha, i'm always grateful for the help I receive here.

I was wondering if I could do this as well, I don't know if submitting information from a previous filing would be considered irrelevant info or if it would "taint" the case or something? Kind of like when someone is convicted for something previously and they don't let that info into the courts because it could bias the judge's decision? I don't know if they consider our stuff all one long running case that they look at previous stuff or if they consider every new filing a new opening of the case.

 

[summerdawn]

Does anyone have any advice for if CPS does show up at our home? I had a not so good record with them when I was younger and I fear that if they do come out they will not be unbiased...i'm really nervous. If you have read `some of my much older threads, I was a drug addict when I was a teenager and had my oldest 2 removed from my home. I worked really hard and got them back, but I do have a history with CPS because of it.