Mediation

[mistoffolees]

Don't be sorry, Micha, i'm always grateful for the help I receive here.

I was wondering if I could do this as well, I don't know if submitting information from a previous filing would be considered irrelevant info or if it would "taint" the case or something? Kind of like when someone is convicted for something previously and they don't let that info into the courts because it could bias the judge's decision? I don't know if they consider our stuff all one long running case that they look at previous stuff or if they consider every new filing a new opening of the case.

Why would you resubmit all the old stuff? The court has that.

You submit a document saying "this is what I want" and "this is why it's best for the kids if I get it".

Really, let your attorney handle things.

Does anyone have any advice for if CPS does show up at our home?

You say "welcome to my home. What can I do for you?"

They're generally not going to be very interested in the history. They would be there to investigate a complaint. if the complaint is true, your history doesn't matter. If the complaint is false, your history doesn't matter, either.

 

[summerdawn]

Why would you resubmit all the old stuff? The court has that.

You submit a document saying "this is what I want" and "this is why it's best for the kids if I get it".

Really, let your attorney handle things.



You say "welcome to my home. What can I do for you?"

They're generally not going to be very interested in the history. They would be there to investigate a complaint. if the complaint is true, your history doesn't matter. If the complaint is false, your history doesn't matter, either.

I don't have an attorney, and the court clerk said that if they cancel the case this mediator's report will be thrown out, so the court won't have it, I guess.

I am a bit concerned because my son has been having a lot of trouble with his behavior. I have had to call the police on him twice because he was getting aggressive with me and my husband. I hope this won't cause any trouble for our family, we are working through his issues.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Why not file again if he cancels and just go thru mediation again. Did you keep notes? If so, are you allowed to bring in your notes and say, this is what was agreed upon at the last mediation, but that it was tossed because dad cancelled court.

You have a couple of choices here with the stipulated agreement. If you agree, I would have them type it up. You initial EACH and every paragraph AND you get a copy of the signed copy BEFORE you leave the office so that they can't pull a fast one. If they question why, tell them that it was changed after it was signed by you. That puts them on notice.

Did you keep notes?

 

[summerdawn]

Why not file again if he cancels and just go thru mediation again. Did you keep notes? If so, are you allowed to bring in your notes and say, this is what was agreed upon at the last mediation, but that it was tossed because dad cancelled court.

You have a couple of choices here with the stipulated agreement. If you agree, I would have them type it up. You initial EACH and every paragraph AND you get a copy of the signed copy BEFORE you leave the office so that they can't pull a fast one. If they question why, tell them that it was changed after it was signed by you. That puts them on notice.

Did you keep notes?

I didn't keep notes-he brought up so many things, it was all going so fast, I was just trying to actually be able to insert my requests and not get run over. The mediator herself was also very chatty-I think she talked more than he and I did.

The mediator said her report should be done by Monday so i'll request it as soon as I find out it's finished.

ETA: An excellent idea on initialing the finished paragraphs. Last time they only had me sign the last page and they made changes on the other page. I think CC told me afterwards that I should have initialed each page, but nobody told me that, they just said to sign the finished document.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I would have the attorney/ or whoever photocopy the paperwork prior to submission.

How would you know if what the mediator typed up is what you agreed upon without notes?

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't have an attorney, and the court clerk said that if they cancel the case this mediator's report will be thrown out, so the court won't have it, I guess.

I misunderstood - or you weren't clear. Definitely include the mediator's report in your filing and your request.

When you said "old stuff", I thought you were referring to the earlier orders.

I am a bit concerned because my son has been having a lot of trouble with his behavior. I have had to call the police on him twice because he was getting aggressive with me and my husband. I hope this won't cause any trouble for our family, we are working through his issues.

Just be careful not to blame EVERYTHING on your ex or your situation. Even kids without all the drama have trouble some time. You deal with it the best you can and make (and enforce) your own rules. You have no control over what Dad does - so there's no point worrying about it.

 

[summerdawn]

I would have the attorney/ or whoever photocopy the paperwork prior to submission.

How would you know if what the mediator typed up is what you agreed upon without notes?

There were only about 6 points in the filing. I didn't take diligent notes, just a few sentences, but I remember off the top of my head what we agreed upon because he withdrew several points that he had listed and said he had only inserted them because he was angry. I took my filing and crossed off the stuff he took out. I can go through the filing and I know what we agreed upon on a point by point basis. A few he took out completely and said that it was just cr*p he threw in because he was mad at me when he filed.

The points were:
1.no corporal punishment by either parent.
This was turned into no corporal punishment by any third parties.

2. child care only provided by adults approved by each parent.
He threw this one out completely, and also said he doesn't have a problem with my 16 yr old watching the girls, and he doesn't mind 15 watching them in case of an emergency but doesn't want him watching them often due to his immaturity.

3. Maintain a lice and bedbug free living environment.
Turned into if the children get lice I am to notify him and we are to work together to get rid of it.

4. No negative remarks made by the other parent to or in hearing of the children.
Taken out completely because it is already in the CO.

5. Court ordered therapy for the girls.
Taken out completely.

6. no moving children out of school district without an agreement or court order in place.
Changed to father and mother will discuss all moves that require the children to be removed from their current school and transferred.

Added to the CO:
1.mother and father's wife shall have no contact whatsoever unless it is an emergency.
2. all communication regarding the children's education, health, and general welfare should be done by phone.

 

[summerdawn]

I misunderstood - or you weren't clear. Definitely include the mediator's report in your filing and your request.

When you said "old stuff", I thought you were referring to the earlier orders.



Just be careful not to blame EVERYTHING on your ex or your situation. Even kids without all the drama have trouble some time. You deal with it the best you can and make (and enforce) your own rules. You have no control over what Dad does - so there's no point worrying about it.

Oh, my son's behavior has nothing to do with this case. He has been having some trouble for a while now, and since he started high school it has escalated a bit. Also, this isn't his dad, I had him and my oldest when I was a teen, before I ever dated my 3 little girls' father.