modification of existing custody agreement

[doorz]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina


Hi everyone


first of all i live in Cabarrus county and ex lives in stanly county - the case was in stanly county courts
i entered into a mutual agreement in 2013 regarding child custody and visitation that at the time i thought was best and didn't understand the implication of incorporating it into judgment of divorce (in 2014)
we have joint legal custody but ss far as visitation goes ..
agreement states 1 anytime mutually agreeable 2 if can not agree the following
every other weekend ( it actually says wed - friday ) until oldest son starts school then it will become Thursday - saturday plus 1 visit ( non overnight per week)- it was written at that time because my oldest was going to start preschool and it would be Tuesday - Thursday
i am a physician and work every other week ( work 7 days then off 7 days 12 hour shifts - very difficult to make any visitation during that time )
please note i work the other 2 weekends)
also 2 non consecutive 7 day periods during the summer for vacation with notice by april 1st
i tried to request from ex changing it to equal custody and she refused - she is also a physician and works the same schedule
she informed me that its more stable in her opinion for kids to spend overnights with a nanny at her house than with me - i live 9 miles a way and i'm always off during those times.
we both work on alternating weeks and are off on alternating weeks - meaning week 1 i work 7 days and she is typically off during those 7 days then week 2 she works 7 days and i'm off during those 7 days however i am only allowed to visit with kids 1 afternoon and 1 weekend during that time and she heavily utilizes family and nanny to plug in the gaps - most of our shifts are 12 hour shifts so she would have a nanny come in before kids wake up and sometimes doesn’t get home before they are in bed and when she is working nights ( 1 week every 6th week ) they stay with nanny at mother's house even though once again i am off that whole week i am free i am offering / pleading to let them stay with me if at least during work times
we both make the same amount of money
i filed a motion to modify and my understanding of what happened is that even though it makes sense for the kids to be with me during that time there has been no significant change in circumstances to warrant modification of the order
motion was denied yesterday and i am at a loss for where to go next to spend more time with my kids as she keeps citing the agreement and refusing to give me any additional time and preferring nanny over me just because agreement says that is the time you are allowed
we tried to argue that initially she allowed me more time and now restricting for no reason - they argued the agreement allows more time therefor when she allowed me more time it was not a change in circumstances
based on that agreement i am allowed 52 overnights per year and 52 non over night visits per year plus potential for 14 more days of vacation however if the 7 days are requested on my off week it would fall on my existing weekend therefor the max available overnight are somewhere between 52 + 14 vs 52 + 10 ( if those 7 day stretches are on my off week - i have done 70 over nights and 40 visits - they used that against me as i did not even get all my visits in how dare i ask for more - once again i can't do all my visits due to work but i am able to do more visits or overnights on my off week and i am requesting every single day that i am off but she keeps citing the agreement
the judge during findings of fact used the math the OC used not my testimony - during 60 day period in the summer i testified i had them 20 over nights
he said well isn't the maximum allowed in 60 days 4 + 4 + 7 +7 ( 2 weekend and 2 7 day stretches ) 22 i replied no it depends how those fall and it could be 18 since they did fall on my weeks yes when the judge announced findings of facts he said i had them 20 out of 22 days and i didn't meet all my non over nights

i am a fit and proper person with no record or substance abuse issues
i am employed
have never missed child support payment
i never thought she would restrict my time due to her personal feelings towards me specially this far out after the divorce - i truly believe shared custody is in the best interest of the kids
she made no statements to discredit my parenting ability - but she did admit during deposition that she hates me but no complaints about my parenting

help

 

[adjusterjack]

I only read about half of that long post but it's clear that you will have to go back to court for an adjustment.

Make sure you have a lawyer.

 

[CTU]

I only read about half of that long post but it's clear that you will have to go back to court for an adjustment.

Make sure you have a lawyer.

Jack, he just got out of court yesterday; he already filed for a mod and it was denied.

Dad, you tried and got denied. Better luck next time.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Apparently Dad did not effectively argue "change of circumstance" - age is a change of circumstance (5 years), for example.

I wonder if Dad had a lawyer.

 

[LdiJ]

Apparently Dad did not effectively argue "change of circumstance" - age is a change of circumstance (5 years), for example.

I wonder if Dad had a lawyer.

I think rather than age you mean events that normally happen at a certain age, like a child starting school? Age alone would really not be a change in circumstances. Some children have certain events happen at different ages.

 

[doorz]

dad had an reputable and expensive city lawyer and paid over 100k for this motion

we did not argue the schools as it was in a rural community and school is a christian school and the judge is conservative ( thats what i was told )
since this was not argued / mentioned in this motion does that mean a new motion can be filed using this information

 

[LdiJ]

dad had an reputable and expensive city lawyer and paid over 100k for this motion

we did not argue the schools as it was in a rural community and school is a christian school and the judge is conservative ( thats what i was told )
since this was not argued / mentioned in this motion does that mean a new motion can be filed using this information

Unless there is something about schools that is relevant no, you cannot argue that.

If dad had a good attorney, spent that much money, and lost, then its over.

 

[not2cleverRed]

dad had an reputable and expensive city lawyer and paid over 100k for this motion

we did not argue the schools as it was in a rural community and school is a christian school and the judge is conservative ( thats what i was told )
since this was not argued / mentioned in this motion does that mean a new motion can be filed using this information

For that amount, Dad should have received some professional insight from the lawyer about what would make the best reasons (change of circumstance) in petitioning for a modification of custody/visitation/parenting agreement.

*Starting* school was a change of circumstance, if you had sought a modification at that time, for that reason, that could be argued.

So, Dad, what was your lawyer's opinion on how this case went?

 

[Zigner]

dad had an reputable and expensive city lawyer and paid over 100k for this motion

we did not argue the schools as it was in a rural community and school is a christian school and the judge is conservative ( thats what i was told )
since this was not argued / mentioned in this motion does that mean a new motion can be filed using this information

In other words, you have no problem with the school. You are simply grasping at straws now because you didn't like how your case went.

 

[not2cleverRed]

In other words, you have no problem with the school. You are simply grasping at straws now because you didn't like how your case went.

$100K for a lawyer, and he has no insight from the lawyer what went wrong.

 

[doorz]

$100K for a lawyer, and he has no insight from the lawyer what went wrong.

i don't have any problems with the school academically
(

 

[doorz]

what i was told is we do have significant change but rural judge has the final say and chose to no do anything
i had consulted multiple lawyer before hiring the one i did and all of them said the same - if your case was in a city its a no brainer but small town judges you never know whats going to happen

 

[doorz]

In other words, you have no problem with the school. You are simply grasping at straws now because you didn't like how your case went.

of course i don't like how it went
the priority is spending more time with my kids in anyway possible
all constructive advice welcome

 

[not2cleverRed]

what i was told is we do have significant change but rural judge has the final say and chose to no do anything
i had consulted multiple lawyer before hiring the one i did and all of them said the same - if your case was in a city its a no brainer but small town judges you never know whats going to happen

Then it would have been better to retain a lawyer familiar with that particular judge's quirks.

 

[Zigner]

of course i don't like how it went
the priority is spending more time with my kids in anyway possible
all constructive advice welcome

See, there's your problem. In your quest to have a "do-over" on your court case, you want to rock the boat with kiddo's schooling, even though you acknowledge that the school is perfectly acceptable. In other words, the child's best interest is taking a back seek to your own desires.