Modification of Support/Daycare/Visitation

[StampGirl]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I am looking for some help on this issue. I am preparing my paperwork for modification of support, asking for daycare expenses and modification of visitation.

Currently our CO states the NCP visitation is 1st, 3rd & 5th weekends starting Friday after school (he picks up) until Sunday at 7pm.

For the last year (since my move & his job change) the NCP has had visitation on 1st, 3rd & 5th weekends Sat @ 8:30am to Sun @ 7pm. I moved 30 min away from where I was living (as allowed per our court order & he didn't fight it) then a week later, he took a job promotion that changed his schedule from M-T-W with Thurs-Sun off to Tues-Fri day shift with Sat-Mon off. We meet half-way to exchange girls at the police dept in the city I used to live in. The current arrangement was worked out between us almost exactly 1yr ago today. I just want it in the CO.

The modification of support needs to be done as I am now working and his income has drastically increased over the last 7yrs.

Daycare expenses have come into play as my mom (who watches the kids after school and during off-track) is moving out of state. The girls elementary school has an after-school program and a summer daycamp program. I am proposing that he pay for one child and I pay for the other. He has never paid for any type of daycare before. So this needs to be added to our agreement.

My questions: Should I propose in an email the costs (including all flyers etc) and ask him to pay half? Then when he says no (as I know he will), file the paperwork. Or should I just file the papers and forget about asking ahead of time.

Another question: Do I need to have them registered in the program before I file the papers asking him to pay half or do I need to wait and register them after I receive an answer from my filings?

CC is a lil busy today and I am impatient so I am asking for everyone's opinion today LOLWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Hi Stampygirl -

I would register the children and get the statements from the centers to take to court with you. They don't added "gonna happen in the future" items to child support orders, cuz sometimes, well, they don't happen.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Are you looking to get any of the girls' tax exemptions?

When I had split my exemptions with X#1, he got the oldest, I got the youngest and we rotated the middle one.

 

[StampGirl]

Are you looking to get any of the girls' tax exemptions?

When I had split my exemptions with X#1, he got the oldest, I got the youngest and we rotated the middle one.

Yeah I am. Currently he gets to claim all 3 girls every year. I haven't been able to claim them at all in the last 7yrs.

My offer to him is this: He gets the oldest, I get the youngest and then we swap out the middle one. Once the oldest ages out, he gets the middle one and I keep the youngest one. When the middle one ages out, we swap the youngest one till she ages out. Fair?

The problem is that he is crying "poor" lately. Our child support order is $1600 a month for all three girls. When I ran the numbers for CA with their dissomaster calculator giving him the last amount he was making per year that I am sure of (I saw w-2s in court in Dec 2004) and that was $100,000 a year. Since then he has had raises and now a promotion plus a ton of OT. So the calculater states that childcare (during the school year which is cheaper than the summer) addition is around $341 (his half) and support is $2200. He will pitch a HUGE fit.

So much OT that in fact, he constantly brings the girls home early or tells me to keep them home.

So I need to register them, file the paperwork and pay the full amount until the judge decides if he gets to help out or not?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Daycare is a given hun ... you both work ... the free babysitter is moving.

 

[StampGirl]

Daycare is a given hun ... you both work ... the free babysitter is moving.

Yes you know that and I know that BUT the Ex will fight it tooth and nail.

Frankly, he has gotten away with way under guideline support for years. Now the free babysitter is moving and its time to pay up. I can't do it alone.

His problem is that he lowered his visitation percentage so much with the new job position. He only has 2 overnights a month. Rarely is it that even. He likes to blame that on my moving however, at the same time, he chose the job schedule that had him working on Fridays. He had a choice.

 

[StampGirl]

Wow. I just did the math!!!

He is looking at least a $941 increase per month PLUS losing 1-2 of the kids as a tax write-off.

Honestly, I have been debating the last year if I should modify or not. Ask CC LOL But now that my parents are moving and I have no one to watch the younger girls, I have no choice.

I also wonder if he can make the arguement that the 2 girls can stay home all day during the summer with my oldest (13yrs) as a babysitter? Then during the school year have her watch them until I get home? They would be alone for 1 hr or so before my oldest gets home.

 

[StampGirl]

Hi Stampygirl -

I would register the children and get the statements from the centers to take to court with you. They don't added "gonna happen in the future" items to child support orders, cuz sometimes, well, they don't happen.

Here is the thing: we have joint legal custody. Do I need his "permission" to enroll the girls in summer day camp?

I dont' have a problem enrolling them and paying as long as he will be reimbursing me for costs paid up until the court order states he has to pay half.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

It's more a matter of fact statement:

Dear Dork,

My mother, who has been providing FREE daycare, will be moving xx/xx/xxxx. With that being the case, the girls will need to be in daycare.

After carefully checking out the rates of xxxx,yyyy and zzzz, location xxxx provides the most reasonable costs. I am enclosing a copy of their rate sheets.

They will start on yy/yy/yyyy.

Sincerely,

The most wonderful mom in California

Short, sweet, mindful of the $$$$.

Let him balk at putting them in daycare.

HOW long does it take you to commute? If there were an accident, HOW long would it take you to get home?

Sorry, but three/four unsupervised children for the summer is asking for trouble.

 

[StampGirl]

It's more a matter of fact statement:

Dear Dork,

My mother, who has been providing FREE daycare, will be moving xx/xx/xxxx. With that being the case, the girls will need to be in daycare.

After carefully checking out the rates of xxxx,yyyy and zzzz, location xxxx provides the most reasonable costs. I am enclosing a copy of their rate sheets.

They will start on yy/yy/yyyy.

Sincerely,

The most wonderful mom in California

Short, sweet, mindful of the $$$$.

Let him balk at putting them in daycare.

HOW long does it take you to commute? If there were an accident, HOW long would it take you to get home?

Sorry, but three/four unsupervised children for the summer is asking for trouble.

LOL

So in that lovely letter, do I ask him to pay for one child and I pay for the other? Or just leave that out? My thing is that I KNOW his (or rather his wifey's) response will be "you can't put them in daycare without my permission because we have joint legal custody" *eyeroll*

I work 6am-2:30pm. I have an hour commute so that puts me at home around 3:30pm. At least my step-son will be at his mom's during the week so we dont' have to pay for him to be in summer daycamp. We will be paying for his after-school care though.

Oh he will balk at the entire modification filing!!! I know he will. Won't surprise me if he hires an attorney but not sure where the money would come from. If he does that, I will have to scramble to hire one!!

I only see an issue on the support modification and daycare. Mediation will take care of the visitation and since we have been doing it for a year, isn't status quo on my side?

They would start the first week in June. So I need to hurry up!!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

How will they get to daycare if you leave at an unholy hour of the am?

 

[StampGirl]

How will they get to daycare if you leave at an unholy hour of the am?

LOL

My husband can drop them off. He is the one who takes them to school in the morning anyways. They would be there from 7:30am - around 3:30/4pm.

yeah I leave at 4:45am!!!

 

[wileybunch]

StampGirl, I get that the thought of increased monthly expenses will make him see red and he won't be happy about it, but what is there for him to fight about that he would get an attorney for? Isn't most of this black and white? What part of what you plan to do is outside of child support guidelines?

 

[StampGirl]

StampGirl, I get that the thought of increased monthly expenses will make him see red and he won't be happy about it, but what is there for him to fight about that he would get an attorney for? Isn't most of this black and white? What part of what you plan to do is outside of child support guidelines?

One thing I have learned is that when it comes to his money, he will fight to the end to hold on to it. For the last few years, he has been on my case saying that "I am lucky he doesn't modify the support because it will go down". I laugh at that!!! He obviously knows he is getting away with below guideline support as he would have modified it so fast your head would have spun if he knew it would go down now that I am working.

I am not asking for anything outside the guidelines. I am only asking for help with daycare costs, guideline support, to share the child tax exemptions, and to put in writing/court order the visitation we have been doing for the last year.

 

[SgtPink]

Stampgirl
I think you will have problems if you TELL him that you are putting then in daycare but if you both AGREE you may not have a problem.

MHO send him and email stating that now that your mom is leaving you need to put the kids in daycare. Ask him if he knows any good daycares and that you will send him a list of the ones you visited. Once you guys agreed on one ask him to split the cost in half. My husband pays for my stepdaughter's daycare. He splits every cost in half including the supply list.

Its a little harder but make him think its his brilliant idea.