Mom Leaving Dad Out of Decisions

[ConcernedStep]

What is the name of your state? California

I am new here and have read the "sticky" at the top. I am a step-mom who is married to a man with three girls.

The girls mom is keeping information from my husband and myself. This is against their court order. She doesn't get the school information to him in the 24hr as required by court order. When he emails her, she doesn't answer or gives vague answers (example: I will take your concerns under advisement. Thank you.)

The girls are also having behavior issues. They lie all the time when here and have bad table manners. We are trying to correct it but she is refusing to help us.

She also doesn't allow make-up time when my husband has to work and miss visitation with the girls. Therefore, we hardly see them. He does talk to them every day (per court order) but they are distant and the middle one doesn't really talk to him. She is vague and distant and doesn't want to be bothered half the time talking to him.

Also, since the support order is based on her not working and now she is, can the support order be reduced? He pays way too much support. The mom lives in a nice new house and is getting married next week.

Thanks for your help.What is the name of your state?

 

[Zigner]

Also, since the support order is based on her not working and now she is, can the support order be reduced? He pays way too much support. The mom lives in a nice new house and is getting married next week.

Thanks for your help.What is the name of your state?

You almost had me fooled, but this is what your post is REALLY about.
I'm sorry your husband has to pay (in YOUR opinion) "way too much" for HIS children.

 

[ConcernedStep]

You almost had me fooled, but this is what your post is REALLY about.
I'm sorry your husband has to pay (in YOUR opinion) "way too much" for HIS children.

No my concern is for the girls. My husband is being railroaded financially and emotionally. He deserves to be treated equal as a parent. His Ex doesn't allow that to happen. I love those girls like they were my own. We make plenty of money together so its not a problem, I just don't think its right that the support order doesn't reflect her salary.

Sheesh.

 

[CJane]

Please post exactly what the court order says regarding the availability of school records and Mom's duty to supply the information to Dad.

In CA, CS is based on both parent's incomes and can be adjusted for a variety of reasons. But, if your husband's income has increased at all since the last order, it's unlikely that it would be adjusted downward.

Things like table manners and discipline are usually parenting issues and each parent has the right to parent as they see fit in their home. As long as there is no abuse involved.

The kids can sit on the floor in the living room scarfing fries and pizza with their bare hands while watching spongebob if they want to - and Mom wants them to. Not Dad's business.

 

[Humusluvr]

No my concern is for the girls. My husband is being railroaded financially and emotionally. He deserves to be treated equal as a parent. His Ex doesn't allow that to happen. I love those girls like they were my own. We make plenty of money together so its not a problem, I just don't think its right that the support order doesn't reflect her salary.

Sheesh.

YOU don't think???? yeah.

Then why don't YOU pay a lawyer, and YOU will end up getting smacked in court.

 

[txrose1998]

Please post exactly what the court order says regarding the availability of school records and Mom's duty to supply the information to Dad.

In CA, CS is based on both parent's incomes and can be adjusted for a variety of reasons. But, if your husband's income has increased at all since the last order, it's unlikely that it would be adjusted downward.

Things like table manners and discipline are usually parenting issues and each parent has the right to parent as they see fit in their home. As long as there is no abuse involved.

The kids can sit on the floor in the living room scarfing fries and pizza with their bare hands while watching spongebob if they want to - and Mom wants them to. Not Dad's business.

You just described my daughter's favorite way to dine!!

 

[mommyof4]

You almost had me fooled, but this is what your post is REALLY about.
I'm sorry your husband has to pay (in YOUR opinion) "way too much" for HIS children.

This is where I stopped reading.

The girls mom is keeping information from my husband and myself. This is against their court order.

OP, would you like to post an exact word for word copy of the court order to show us exactly WHERE you are included as a party to the suit?

Thank you. Have a nice day.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? California

I am new here and have read the "sticky" at the top. I am a step-mom who is married to a man with three girls.

The girls mom is keeping information from my husband and myself. This is against their court order. She doesn't get the school information to him in the 24hr as required by court order. When he emails her, she doesn't answer or gives vague answers (example: I will take your concerns under advisement. Thank you.)

Dad can contact the school directly. Most teachers in CA have e-mail. Also, Dad should ask the school send him all correspondence separately (as is common w/divorced parents)

I would add, that at least the X is polite & responds to the emails.

The girls are also having behavior issues. They lie all the time when here and have bad table manners. We are trying to correct it but she is refusing to help us.

Parenting choices in each home are up to that parent. Neither parent should try to control what happens in the other parent's home. Most split homes are different.

She also doesn't allow make-up time when my husband has to work and miss visitation with the girls. Therefore, we hardly see them. He does talk to them every day (per court order) but they are distant and the middle one doesn't really talk to him. She is vague and distant and doesn't want to be bothered half the time talking to him.

If Dad misses his visitation - he misses it. Mom is under no obligation to offer make-up time for Dad's schedule. That's up to Dad. This is not a legal issue. Has Dad thought of webcam/video-conferencing?

Also, since the support order is based on her not working and now she is, can the support order be reduced? He pays way too much support. The mom lives in a nice new house and is getting married next week.

Decreases are very difficult to obtain...bc in CA, even if one parent does not work, they are still imputed their support obligation w/in the dissomaster. If Mom marrying improves her life financially- that's fine. Same as if you worked & improved Dad's life financially...that would not be a reason to INcrease his support.

Thanks for your help.What is the name of your state?

Has Dad talked to the children about their behavior at his house himself? I ask, bc my youngest is horrid sometimes for her Dad...but he spoils her. At my house, we have no behavior problems- but she has to share everything w/a sibling here & we are 1 income family as opposed to Dad's 2 income family.

 

[TheGeekess]

Originally Posted by CJane:
The kids can sit on the floor in the living room scarfing fries and pizza with their bare hands while watching spongebob if they want to

You just described my daughter's favorite way to dine!!

At least I make The Child sit at the table while she does all of the above!

 

[ConcernedStep]

CJane? The court order states that Mom is to provide Dad with all school papers w/in 24hrs. We most of the time do not receive them until the girls come to visit (mostly every other weekend). I am aware that she does speak to him on the phone on some things but then doesn't follow up with email or regular mail.

Well my husband's income has increased in the last few years but that is due to mandatory overtime which I am sure isn't included in the support calculations.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? California

I am new here and have read the "sticky" at the top. I am a step-mom who is married to a man with three girls.

That is a good start.

The girls mom is keeping information from my husband and myself.

You have NO RIGHT to any information.

This is against their court order.

Really? You are mentioned in the court order? I highly doubt that. Please quote the exact passage.

She doesn't get the school information to him in the 24hr as required by court order. When he emails her, she doesn't answer or gives vague answers (example: I will take your concerns under advisement. Thank you.)

So? She is being polite. How does he address her? Or is it you that are doing the emailing? How do you address her?

The girls are also having behavior issues. They lie all the time when here and have bad table manners. We are trying to correct it but she is refusing to help us.

She out and out states that she will not help US? Oh and by the way there is no US. You are not a party to this. YOU have no right to be a part of parenting these children. REMOVE yourself from the situation and let dad handle it.

She also doesn't allow make-up time when my husband has to work and miss visitation with the girls. Therefore, we hardly see them.

Does the court order REQUIRE make up time? Because quite frankly mom does NOT have to provide make up time for dad missing visitation for any reason.

He does talk to them every day (per court order) but they are distant and the middle one doesn't really talk to him. She is vague and distant and doesn't want to be bothered half the time talking to him.

How old are the children? Many children do not like talking on the phone. And how do you know that she is vague and distant if she is talking on the phone to her father?

Also, since the support order is based on her not working and now she is, can the support order be reduced? He pays way too much support. The mom lives in a nice new house and is getting married next week.

So? Her living in a nice house means nothing? It is your opinion that he pays too much support. What does the guideline support order state that he should be paying? Sometimes when both parents are working the amount actually INCREASES. Odd but true.

Thanks for your help.

You are welcome. Please answer my questions.

 

[mommyof4]

No my concern is for the girls. My husband is being railroaded financially and emotionally. He deserves to be treated equal as a parent. His Ex doesn't allow that to happen. I love those girls like they were my own. We make plenty of money together so its not a problem, I just don't think its right that the support order doesn't reflect her salary.

Sheesh.

No, your concern is for your husband's wallet. Nowhere have you stated anything that would even hint that the children are neglected, abused, miserable...nothing.

You have, however, posted quite a bit about how unfair you think the CS is and how you wrong it is that Mom doesn't discuss anything with you.

 

[txrose1998]

At least I make The Child sit at the table while she does all of the above!

Well, sometimes we use TV trays.....but she loves to pretend it is a picnic!

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? California

I am new here and have read the "sticky" at the top. I am a step-mom who is married to a man with three girls.

The girls mom is keeping information from my husband and myself. This is against their court order. She doesn't get the school information to him in the 24hr as required by court order.

Really? It's against the court order for Mom to keep info from you?
MOST unusual. For reference purposes, we'd like a word-for-word quote of how that court order reads.

When he emails her, she doesn't answer or gives vague answers (example: I will take your concerns under advisement. Thank you.)

Quite normal. Often, the best form of communication.

The girls are also having behavior issues. They lie all the time when here and have bad table manners. We are trying to correct it but she is refusing to help us.

As stated, she doesn't *have* to help your H, or you, on behavioral issues at Dad's house. However, there are many fine parenting books out there that could help.

She also doesn't allow make-up time when my husband has to work and miss visitation with the girls. Therefore, we hardly see them.

IS it in the court order that makeup time is required?

He does talk to them every day (per court order) but they are distant and the middle one doesn't really talk to him. She is vague and distant and doesn't want to be bothered half the time talking to him.

See previous reference to parenting books. Classes are available, too.

Also, since the support order is based on her not working and now she is, can the support order be reduced?

That is a financial calculation, for which we do not have the numbers. But even if we did, we don't *do* calcs here. I think the Dissomaster is online, to run test calcs. But your H might want to hire an attorney to do that: I hear CA CS is difficult to compute.

He pays way too much support.

And your basis for this statement is...?

The mom lives in a nice new house and is getting married next week.

How pleasant.

*Well, good morning, All!

 

[Ohiogal]

No my concern is for the girls. My husband is being railroaded financially and emotionally. He deserves to be treated equal as a parent. His Ex doesn't allow that to happen. I love those girls like they were my own. We make plenty of money together so its not a problem, I just don't think its right that the support order doesn't reflect her salary.

Sheesh.

Those girls are NOT your own. You apparently did NOT comprehend the sticky. And you not thinking it right does not matter. If dad wants to attempt going back he has the right but that doesn't mean his support order will decrease. And he also has to want to be an equal as a parent. How does his ex not allow that to happen?Does dad contact the school and ask the school to copy him on all paperwork? Does he provide envelopes to receive information weekly? How many times has he called the teachers? How many times has he attended conferences or appointments? How many times has he called the doctors and such?