Moving out-of-welock child out of state

[mommyof4]

I have not determind that my daughter should be in Illinois and not with me. You have no idea what it is like not to have her with me. I don't know your story, but it's not mine. So do not judge me or tell me what my opinions are. Moving to a new state out of your comfort zone can be traumatic for children. I am simply trying to ease this process for my daughter. I do not want to live without my daughter. You make it seem like I'd rather not have her with me. You have the right to your opinion, but do not try to form opinions for me.

I came here for answers and insight, not criticized.

Actions speak louder than words.

The perception is that you were more concerned about moving with your husband to KY than you were about waiting to move when you could move with your daughter.

Being left behind by her mother is more traumatic than moving an hour away. It's not like you are moving a 15 year old child from Nova Scotia to Haiti. Get real.

Either go get your child (and wait for Dad to file a motion to have the child brought back to the state), move back to stay with her until everything is sorted out legally (gee, there's an idea) or prepare for y'all's daughter to go live with Dad.

And no, nobody called you a brat. CJane was talking to someone else, that's why she quoted the other poster's post.

 

[Zigner]

I have not determind that my daughter should be in Illinois and not with me.

You told us that very thing...remember this?:

My daughter lives in Illinois right now with my parents part of the week and her father on the first two days of the week.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have not determind that my daughter should be in Illinois and not with me.

Yes you have. YOU LEFT HER IN ILLINOIS and she is not living with you. That is a great big statement.

You have no idea what it is like not to have her with me. I don't know your story, but it's not mine. So do not judge me or tell me what my opinions are.

The judge is going to judge you and quite frankly that is a big blinking NEON sign that the child should remain in Illinois.

Moving to a new state out of your comfort zone can be traumatic for children. I am simply trying to ease this process for my daughter. I do not want to live without my daughter. You make it seem like I'd rather not have her with me. You have the right to your opinion, but do not try to form opinions for me.

Dad again has a great chance at getting custody since you left your child with legal strangers.
I came here for answers and insight, not criticized.[/QUOTE]

 

[Isis1]

I have not determind that my daughter should be in Illinois and not with me. You have no idea what it is like not to have her with me. I don't know your story, but it's not mine. So do not judge me or tell me what my opinions are. Moving to a new state out of your comfort zone can be traumatic for children. I am simply trying to ease this process for my daughter. I do not want to live without my daughter. You make it seem like I'd rather not have her with me. You have the right to your opinion, but do not try to form opinions for me.

I came here for answers and insight, not criticized.

Poster, you are not looking at the big picture. you are in KY. your daughter is in IL. legally speaking, you are showing the courts you would rather have the child in IL by your actions. what you think or what your goal is does not matter. it's what you are doing that matters. you want the best chance to win custody?? or not?? best chance is by hauling your daughter with you EVERYWHERE you do. if you think she will be traumatized, get her a therapist. you could lose custody today if your ex came on these forums, told his story and he would be advised to go pickj up his daughter, file for emergency temporary custody and would probably retain custody. GO GET YOUR DAUGHTER!!!

 

[TRP08]

I am not going to sit here and argue my side because it's pointless. I did what I thought was best for my child. I am probably not as old as some on here. I had my daughter when I was very young. I had to grow up faster than others my age. But I did it, and never looked back. I think I am a good mom. Maybe I don't know all the right ways to go about doing things. But I do it the best I can. I'll say it again. I came here for advice. I did not expect to get critcized and to feel like I am a bad mom. I do appreciate the advice given. The only reason I did not bring my daughter with me is because I did not that I could. I had been told by several people and one lawyer that I could not take her with me. So, I let her stay with my parents. Now I'm not sure what was meant when someone said I left her with "legal strangers", but my parents are NOT strangers to my daughter. We have lived with my parents since my daughter was born. Am I lucky, sure. They were there all those years my ex wasn't. Regardless, they are not legal strangers if what was said meant that they were legally her grandparents, but strangers to her.

So thank you for advice and I now know that I can and should bring her with me. In no way did I choose my husband over her. I was offered the job and thought it best that I had a job to support my child. So again, thanks for the advice so far. I hope I can continue to get advice as I progress in this situation.

 

[mommyof4]

Well, here's a chance for you to grow up a little bit more.

When you have a child, that child comes before anything else, including your new husband. If you didn't think you could leave with her, then you DON'T LEAVE. If that means you don't get married right now (or ever) well....welcome to life with a child whose father is not the man you plan to marry.

Legal stranger is not a 'stranger'. It means they have no grounds to have any legal rights or responsibility for the child. Your parents are legal strangers, no matter how close they are.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not going to sit here and argue my side because it's pointless. I did what I thought was best for my child. I am probably not as old as some on here. I had my daughter when I was very young. I had to grow up faster than others my age. But I did it, and never looked back. I think I am a good mom. Maybe I don't know all the right ways to go about doing things. But I do it the best I can. I'll say it again. I came here for advice. I did not expect to get critcized and to feel like I am a bad mom. I do appreciate the advice given. The only reason I did not bring my daughter with me is because I did not that I could. I had been told by several people and one lawyer that I could not take her with me. So, I let her stay with my parents. Now I'm not sure what was meant when someone said I left her with "legal strangers", but my parents are NOT strangers to my daughter. We have lived with my parents since my daughter was born. Am I lucky, sure. They were there all those years my ex wasn't. Regardless, they are not legal strangers if what was said meant that they were legally her grandparents, but strangers to her.

So thank you for advice and I now know that I can and should bring her with me. In no way did I choose my husband over her. I was offered the job and thought it best that I had a job to support my child. So again, thanks for the advice so far. I hope I can continue to get advice as I progress in this situation.

No one said that you should move her to KY without giving PROPER notice to the courts. What was said is since you left her in IL without you that that shows the court that being in IL is MORE important than being with you.

 

[TRP08]

No one said that you should move her to KY without giving PROPER notice to the courts. What was said is since you left her in IL without you that that shows the court that being in IL is MORE important than being with you.

Ok, well you can get off my back about it because it was highlighted that I know now that I need to get her immediately.

 

[Isis1]

Ok, well you can get off my back about it because it was highlighted that I know now that I need to get her immediately.

but you still need to be very aware that dad CAN file to have his daughter returned back to his state as your moving interferes withis father-daughter relationship. that hurdle also needs to be handled as well.

 

[Zigner]

Ok, well you can get off my back about it because it was highlighted that I know now that I need to get her immediately.

You should be nice to the family law attorney who is helping you for free

 

[mcwjjm]

Not an attorney but I'm our situations are similar. Never married, my son's mother told me in June she was moving to Ky [from Ohio] in three weeks. I was told to immediately file a motion for Emergency Custody [which I did] in addition to a Compliant for Custody. Within a few weeks I had my EMC hearing where the judge denied my motion, which I anticipated, but the mother was bared from moving the child out of the juristiction - big win for me. My custody hearing is next week where the magistrate will decide if she's allowed to move [the child], we have shared custody or we reverse roles and I get custody.

The advice given here is usually very helpful but it's not sugar-coated. Sometimes things are said that you may not wat to hear. Based on what I've learned about my custody motion these last 4 months I would agree that you moving without your child looks bad. As a parent I can read between the lines and see what you're saying but I think a judge won't do that. There just going to look at the facts, not your good intentions. Good luck.

 

[TRP08]

but you still need to be very aware that dad CAN file to have his daughter returned back to his state as your moving interferes withis father-daughter relationship. that hurdle also needs to be handled as well.

Yes, that is one thing we are trying to work as of right now.

 

[TRP08]

Not an attorney but I'm our situations are similar. Never married, my son's mother told me in June she was moving to Ky [from Ohio] in three weeks. I was told to immediately file a motion for Emergency Custody [which I did] in addition to a Compliant for Custody. Within a few weeks I had my EMC hearing where the judge denied my motion, which I anticipated, but the mother was bared from moving the child out of the juristiction - big win for me. My custody hearing is next week where the magistrate will decide if she's allowed to move [the child], we have shared custody or we reverse roles and I get custody.

The advice given here is usually very helpful but it's not sugar-coated. Sometimes things are said that you may not wat to hear. Based on what I've learned about my custody motion these last 4 months I would agree that you moving without your child looks bad. As a parent I can read between the lines and see what you're saying but I think a judge won't do that. There just going to look at the facts, not your good intentions. Good luck.

We are in a similar situation, but we're in opposite roles. Is the distance between you and your son's mother far? And do you already have a standing visitation court order? My ex and I do not.

I see now that not taking my daughter with me was not a smart move, but it was all in good intentions, and you're right, a judge will not see it that way.

I have been taking the things people say on here very personally, which is hard for me not to do and it just gets to me. But thank you for your kindness and your honesty.

 

[TRP08]

You should be nice to the family law attorney who is helping you for free

And maybe I shouldn't. They don't have to give me free advice.

 

[mcwjjm]

We are in a similar situation, but we're in opposite roles. Is the distance between you and your son's mother far? And do you already have a standing visitation court order? My ex and I do not.

I see now that not taking my daughter with me was not a smart move, but it was all in good intentions, and you're right, a judge will not see it that way.

I have been taking the things people say on here very personally, which is hard for me not to do and it just gets to me. But thank you for your kindness and your honesty.

Like I said the EMC motion bared her move. She wanted to move from central Ohio to N. KY, so about 2 hours away. No, like you we didn't have a visitation court order, though last week in mediation we hammered out a "Agreed court entry" that basically covers what we've been doing the past 10 years. We'll present it to the magistrate in our hearing. The big issues; custody, tax deduction we'll settle with the court. In my situation the mother disclosed to myself and the court investigator that she still plans on moving out of state regardless of the court's decision on custody. That won't leave a very good impression with the magistrate.