Moving out-of-welock child out of state

[Ohiogal]

And maybe I shouldn't. They don't have to give me free advice.

I will remember that. Don't expect any further help of advice from me. Got it? Go pay someone. I don't need your attitude. You on the other hand need mine. Because a court is most likely going to react the same with the same arguments I brought up.

 

[Ohiogal]

Like I said the EMC motion bared her move. She wanted to move from central Ohio to N. KY, so about 2 hours away. No, like you we didn't have a visitation court order, though last week in mediation we hammered out a "Agreed court entry" that basically covers what we've been doing the past 10 years. We'll present it to the magistrate in our hearing. The big issues; custody, tax deduction we'll settle with the court. In my situation the mother disclosed to myself and the court investigator that she still plans on moving out of state regardless of the court's decision on custody. That won't leave a very good impression with the magistrate.

Make sure you sugarcoat things for this poster. Maybe OhSweetness will come help her out. Give sweetness and light to her because everything needs to be dripping with honey. Congrats Mcw by the way onyour win.

 

[TRP08]

Like I said the EMC motion bared her move. She wanted to move from central Ohio to N. KY, so about 2 hours away. No, like you we didn't have a visitation court order, though last week in mediation we hammered out a "Agreed court entry" that basically covers what we've been doing the past 10 years. We'll present it to the magistrate in our hearing. The big issues; custody, tax deduction we'll settle with the court. In my situation the mother disclosed to myself and the court investigator that she still plans on moving out of state regardless of the court's decision on custody. That won't leave a very good impression with the magistrate.

Do you know yet what kind of custody agreement you might settle on? What was it before she planned to move out of state? Our agreement, even though it's just between us and nothing settled by the courts, was for her father to have her on every Monday and Tuesday night. The only problem with that is that he is ALWAYS working on those nights and therefore, he never sees her. He works from 3pm to 11pm for the most part. So moving to KY doesn't seem like a big deal to me just because it wouldn't hinder his visitation. Granted, he is working on weekends right now, and I don't want this move to affect his relationship or time with our daughter, but I don't see how any visitation would work right now with his schedule.

 

[mcwjjm]

Do you know yet what kind of custody agreement you might settle on? What was it before she planned to move out of state? Our agreement, even though it's just between us and nothing settled by the courts, was for her father to have her on every Monday and Tuesday night. The only problem with that is that he is ALWAYS working on those nights and therefore, he never sees her. He works from 3pm to 11pm for the most part. So moving to KY doesn't seem like a big deal to me just because it wouldn't hinder his visitation. Granted, he is working on weekends right now, and I don't want this move to affect his relationship or time with our daughter, but I don't see how any visitation would work right now with his schedule.

In mediation last week we could only agree to disagree on custody and tax exemptions. We're both comfortable letting the magistrate decide these issues. I would be shocked if I didn't walk out of our hearing with at the very least a "Shared Custody" agreement. If the magistrate truely believes it's in the child's best interest [with my evidence] to allow mother to move them out of state I'll be shocked. And while I know it's not common for a parent with no previous custody order [of any kind] to be given full custody I wouldn't bet against it either in our case. The mom has made it clear she's more interested in her "new life" in KY than continue an active role in her child's life should he remain in Ohio.

As I said our situations are similar. Our visitation was a mutual agreement we for the most part made work. But we did settle on a formal visitation schedule in mediation last week that will be presented to the court. As far as the previous schedule you worked out and how you felt the pending move "wasn't a big deal" [to father]. Our circumstances are different but that's what go the whole ball rolling for me. That the mother has neglected certain parental responsibilities and I've had to be the one to "fix' what I could. Well, even if we didn't have a regular visitation scheduled worked out previously my ability to monitor and respond to my son's needs would be greatly compromised with him out of state. A visitation has nothing to do with that. And regardless what the schedule may have been just knowing he was in town makes me much more comfortable than knowing he's not. So even if the Dad wasn't seeming to concerned with spedning time with daughter he may change his tune knowing she's no longer living in town.

Employment and work schedules can change [though mine has not for 28 years] but having your children move away from you seems like a much more binding thing to modify than simply adjusting one's schedule. If I were Dad I would freak out despite what my previous visitiion schedule or pattern of activity with my child looked like. YMMV.

 

[Ohiogal]

Hey OP

Thanks anyways

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't expect any further advice from you nor do I want it. You have been nothing but negative and hateful. Maybe not being so catty would help. I don't need things sugarcoated. But if that makes you feel better, then go right ahead and think that.

Do NOT PM me. I am not being catty. Deal with it. YOu apparently DO need things sugarcoated. And no I have not been only negative and hateful. I have not been hateful at all. As for negative, pumpkin, the law is not all sugar and roses.

 

[TRP08]

Do NOT PM me. I am not being catty. Deal with it. YOu apparently DO need things sugarcoated. And no I have not been only negative and hateful. I have not been hateful at all. As for negative, pumpkin, the law is not all sugar and roses.

Just leave me alone. Is that too hard?

 

[Ohiogal]

Just leave me alone. Is that too hard?

YOU are the one who invaded my PM box and sent me the PM on my last post and you want me to leave you alone? HOw about you take your own advice and grow up quite a bit. Instead you want to instigate something in private messages and then whine when I respond. No one has been mean or hateful to you. You need to realize that right now. YOU are going to have issues should dad take you to court. You have a very good chance of losing custody and you need to face facts. Plain and simple.

 

[TRP08]

In mediation last week we could only agree to disagree on custody and tax exemptions. We're both comfortable letting the magistrate decide these issues. I would be shocked if I didn't walk out of our hearing with at the very least a "Shared Custody" agreement. If the magistrate truely believes it's in the child's best interest [with my evidence] to allow mother to move them out of state I'll be shocked. And while I know it's not common for a parent with no previous custody order [of any kind] to be given full custody I wouldn't bet against it either in our case. The mom has made it clear she's more interested in her "new life" in KY than continue an active role in her child's life should he remain in Ohio.

As I said our situations are similar. Our visitation was a mutual agreement we for the most part made work. But we did settle on a formal visitation schedule in mediation last week that will be presented to the court. As far as the previous schedule you worked out and how you felt the pending move "wasn't a big deal" [to father]. Our circumstances are different but that's what go the whole ball rolling for me. That the mother has neglected certain parental responsibilities and I've had to be the one to "fix' what I could. Well, even if we didn't have a regular visitation scheduled worked out previously my ability to monitor and respond to my son's needs would be greatly compromised with him out of state. A visitation has nothing to do with that. And regardless what the schedule may have been just knowing he was in town makes me much more comfortable than knowing he's not. So even if the Dad wasn't seeming to concerned with spedning time with daughter he may change his tune knowing she's no longer living in town.

Employment and work schedules can change [though mine has not for 28 years] but having your children move away from you seems like a much more binding thing to modify than simply adjusting one's schedule. If I were Dad I would freak out despite what my previous visitiion schedule or pattern of activity with my child looked like. YMMV.

Yes, I know that if I was in his situation, I would not be happy. It just seems that my daughter and I have put our lives on hold for him. She, especially, has been disappointed by him when he says he's going to get her for a few days and take her to do something and then backs out at the last minute leaving me to pick up the pieces. Not that it's a problem for me, but it just seems like we've put our lives on hold for him for too long now. I wish things were just simple, but when is life ever simple. The only thing I can do to ease his mind about this move is that the school she will be going to is just like the one she'll be leaving. Small town, small school, very one-on-one. Plus, she's happy. What about him sacrificing a little for his daughter and moving closer here. Right now, he lives in the town he works, which is surrounded by rural areas. It would be just as easy for him to move 25 minutes south so that he could be that much closer to her. I just don't feel like he cares enough.

Now I need your opinion. It seems that some on here have basically labeled me as a "bad mom". Now that could or could not have been their intentions, but that's how it seems. What's your opinon about me letting my daughter stay in Illinois the past two weeks to finish up her quarter at school. I felt like I was doing the right thing by letting her finish the quarter out and letting her father have those two weeks of school with her. I didn't think it was such a big deal, but I do realize now that it could hurt my attempts at bringing her down. But will my steady work schedule help me in any way? Her father's schedule is always changing and he has no significant other to take her to school. Any thoughts?

I hope things go well for you in court, especially seeing that mom seems to care more about where she's going than her child. Hopefully the judge will see that. You care so much about your child, it seems like you have the best intentions.

 

[TRP08]

YOU are the one who invaded my PM box and sent me the PM on my last post and you want me to leave you alone? HOw about you take your own advice and grow up quite a bit. Instead you want to instigate something in private messages and then whine when I respond. No one has been mean or hateful to you. You need to realize that right now. YOU are going to have issues should dad take you to court. You have a very good chance of losing custody and you need to face facts. Plain and simple.

You are the one who needs to grow up. Leave me alone. Give advice to someone else.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, I know that if I was in his situation, I would not be happy. It just seems that my daughter and I have put our lives on hold for him. She, especially, has been disappointed by him when he says he's going to get her for a few days and take her to do something and then backs out at the last minute leaving me to pick up the pieces. Not that it's a problem for me, but it just seems like we've put our lives on hold for him for too long now. I wish things were just simple, but when is life ever simple. The only thing I can do to ease his mind about this move is that the school she will be going to is just like the one she'll be leaving. Small town, small school, very one-on-one. Plus, she's happy. What about him sacrificing a little for his daughter and moving closer here. Right now, he lives in the town he works, which is surrounded by rural areas. It would be just as easy for him to move 25 minutes south so that he could be that much closer to her. I just don't feel like he cares enough.

No, the school is NOT just like the one she will be leaving. It is further from her father. It is not easy for him to pack his life up and move to follow you around. You feel that he doesn't care enough but you are not really thinking about your daughter but yourself and being with your new hubby in a new place with a new job. That is what your actions show.

Now I need your opinion. It seems that some on here have basically labeled me as a "bad mom".

NO ONE has stated you are a bad mom. You are the only one who has put that label on it.

Now that could or could not have been their intentions, but that's how it seems. What's your opinon about me letting my daughter stay in Illinois the past two weeks to finish up her quarter at school. I felt like I was doing the right thing by letting her finish the quarter out and letting her father have those two weeks of school with her. I didn't think it was such a big deal, but I do realize now that it could hurt my attempts at bringing her down. But will my steady work schedule help me in any way? Her father's schedule is always changing and he has no significant other to take her to school. Any thoughts?

You cannot legislate who answers you or not. But quite frankly you don't seem to understand that dad has a say so. He can go into court anytime between now and six months from now and petition to have the child remain in his state and her home state under UCCJEA (federal law). The longer from six months the least likely a court would require the return but you would still be under the jurisdiction in dad's state NOT yours.

I hope things go well for you in court, especially seeing that mom seems to care more about where she's going than her child. Hopefully the judge will see that. You care so much about your child, it seems like you have the best intentions.

Try rereading your post. You did similar to what his ex did. You left your child behind regardless of the reason while you moved on with your life. You don't get it.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

OP - what you don't get is that YOU could lose custody over the move. Yes, it is possible to have long distance moves; I'm a mom who gave up custody of one, and retained custody of the younger child on the move.

In order to get the courts to allow the move, I had to PROVE that it was in the best interest of BOTH the child and myself to allow the move. It could NOT be to thwart the NCP's parenting time. Etc., etc.

I had to be prepared to pay for ALL of the transportation cost. I got lucky that I was able to argue splitting the costs. I give up all of Christmas break every other year. it is really hard to not have either Christmas or Christmas Eve.

Your attitude seems to not match your words. You seem very non-chalant about his use of parenting time. Don't you know that it is YOUR job to facilitate a relationship with the child and his/her dad? How are you making it hard for him? Attitude? Body language?

Be prepared that you COULD lose custody.

 

[TRP08]

OP - what you don't get is that YOU could lose custody over the move. Yes, it is possible to have long distance moves; I'm a mom who gave up custody of one, and retained custody of the younger child on the move.

In order to get the courts to allow the move, I had to PROVE that it was in the best interest of BOTH the child and myself to allow the move. It could NOT be to thwart the NCP's parenting time. Etc., etc.

I had to be prepared to pay for ALL of the transportation cost. I got lucky that I was able to argue splitting the costs. I give up all of Christmas break every other year. it is really hard to not have either Christmas or Christmas Eve.

Your attitude seems to not match your words. You seem very non-chalant about his use of parenting time. Don't you know that it is YOUR job to facilitate a relationship with the child and his/her dad? How are you making it hard for him? Attitude? Body language?

Be prepared that you COULD lose custody.

Yes, I do know how to have a relationship with him. I am not trying to come off bitchy, IN ANY WAY, but how could I lose custody by moving? I mean, I know you do not know the whole story and I've tried to give a summary, but if it is in her best interest to move with me, how could I lose custody? I know if my ex decides to take me to court it is in the hands of the Judge, but how could my steady work schedule, and two parent home be better than his odd and always changing hours and not having a spouse or other support system be better? I need to be prepared for anything, life is never easy, but I just don't understand how the court could do something like that. But what if he does not want to go to court over this. Are we allowed to still have our mutual agreement on custody instead of filing for one? We've always been very flexible with each other. I know that with her in a different school out of state that he cannot just come and pick her up after school and keep her over night because of the distance.

I'm not trying to take time away from my ex with our daughter. I know that it is important for any child to have both parents when at all possible. I just know that her spending the school week with me is steady and stable for her. She'll be in one house instead of going from home to home like she would if she were to stay with her dad. We have a schedule and a bedtime, where her father does not. I'm not sure if those things will help my case, but they are important factors.

How did you and your ex come upon the agreement of custody? And how do you work out Holidays or other days when school is out? For us, my ex gets our daughter every other holiday. And on our daughter's days off (and this will hold true after the move and if visitation can stay on our terms out of court) we see who's schedule is free. But it's usually pretty constant. My ex has most Mondays and Tuesdays off so he gets her on the long weekends from school.

I would just rather stay out of courts, if it's legally possible.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, I do know how to have a relationship with him. I am not trying to come off bitchy, IN ANY WAY,

Yet your PM to me screams bitchy. You didn't

but how could I lose custody by moving? I mean, I know you do not know the whole story and I've tried to give a summary, but if it is in her best interest to move with me, how could I lose custody?

Are you aware of the COURT'S standards for best interests?

I know if my ex decides to take me to court it is in the hands of the Judge, but how could my steady work schedule, and two parent home

You have a ONE PARENT household. Not two. Your husband is NOT a parent to this child> Do not ever think that. He is a legal stranger.

be better than his odd and always changing hours and not having a spouse or other support system be better? I need to be prepared for anything, life is never easy, but I just don't understand how the court could do something like that.

Then you need to read the statutes for your state regarding what they based custody decisions on.

But what if he does not want to go to court over this. Are we allowed to still have our mutual agreement on custody instead of filing for one?

If he does not want to go to court then you don't necessarily have to. But you can't guarantee that. Your best bet if you agree is to file your mutual agreement on custody in the proper court and make it an order.

We've always been very flexible with each other. I know that with her in a different school out of state that he cannot just come and pick her up after school and keep her over night because of the distance.

Does he approve of her moving? Have you worked out the details after th emove?

I'm not trying to take time away from my ex with our daughter. I know that it is important for any child to have both parents when at all possible.

But your husband is NOT a parent to her. Realize that.

I just know that her spending the school week with me is steady and stable for her.

YOUR opinion.

She'll be in one house instead of going from home to home like she would if she were to stay with her dad.

Prove it.

We have a schedule and a bedtime, where her father does not. I'm not sure if those things will help my case, but they are important factors.

Nope. Parenting differences.

How did you and your ex come upon the agreement of custody? And how do you work out Holidays or other days when school is out? For us, my ex gets our daughter every other holiday. And on our daughter's days off (and this will hold true after the move and if visitation can stay on our terms out of court) we see who's schedule is free. But it's usually pretty constant. My ex has most Mondays and Tuesdays off so he gets her on the long weekends from school.

So when would he see her if you moved? Wouldn't it make more sense for him to have her during the school week and you get her weekends if he works weekends?

I would just rather stay out of courts, if it's legally possible.

Your preference may not be dad's.