Name Change

[RemitAdvice]

Yeah, but it was darned funny! BTW... O/T... I can't help but think of you as "misto's fleas"...

OP... why not hyphenate her name?

As I stated earlier, her name is quite long already with a traditional family double first name, a middle, and a last name which is often mispronounced. His, I may add, is long and somewhat difficult to spell/pronounce. I'm not trying to torture the girl! Growing up with the same myself, then adding the hyphenation, I just don't want to subject her to that. If she wants to change it once she reaches 18, fine.

...he must like Kittys.

 

[CSO286]

As I stated earlier, her name is quite long already with a traditional family double first name, a middle, and a last name which is often mispronounced. His, I may add, is long and somewhat difficult to spell/pronounce. I'm not trying to torture the girl! Growing up with the same myself, then adding the hyphenation, I just don't want to subject her to that. If she wants to change it once she reaches 18, fine.

...he must like Kittys.

It would be kind of cruel to force a pre-K or K kind to write "My name is MaryAnne Elizabeth Supercallafraga-Listicexpealladotious" every day.....

Ouch.

Maybe both Mom and children should change thier names to Smith.

 

[mistoffolees]

It would be kind of cruel to force a pre-K or K kind to write "My name is MaryAnne Elizabeth Supercallafraga-Listicexpealladotious" every day.....

Ouch.

Maybe both Mom and children should change thier names to Smith.

I think EVERYONE should change their name to Smith - so we can be done with these silly "can I change my child's name?" threads.

 

[stealth2]

As it happens... my ex's Dad did something very similar. Given that my maiden name does have a cultural and historical significance, it grated to no end when our kids used to think we were related to every "Jones" in the world. They still don't know what a fake name it is. Not my place to tell them.

 

[ElsiSharp]

Yes, I left that out - since it's almost never Dad who's trying to change the child's name. But it certainly applies in both directions.

Probably because its usually dads who have bailed on kids. Check the numbers...

 

[stealth2]

Probably because its usually dads who have bailed on kids. Check the numbers...

And it is usually moms who want to try "back door adoptions" by doing a name change.

Seriously - none of this adds anything to OP's questions.

 

[ElsiSharp]

Yeah I don't understand the name change. I don't think it would matter to a kid, its still the same kid.

 

[Mnemosyne]

Shouldn't this question be put to Dad and not just anyone?

Okay...sorry to interrupt...

But can anyone think of any valid reasons Dad would want the name change, other than to rid himself of some embarassment?

 

[proud_parent]

I think EVERYONE should change their name to Smith - so we can be done with these silly "can I change my child's name?" threads.

Not me. I'm considering changing mine to Jolie-Pitt.

You know it's only a matter of time until Brangelina adopts everyone on the planet, so why not?

 

[RemitAdvice]

Shouldn't this question be put to Dad and not just anyone?

So you don't think we discussed it?? C'mon. Here goes:

Him: Just to let you know, I'm having her name changed to mine.

Me: Her what? Why?

Him: Because she's my kid

Me: Past time you realized that little fact. So, why?

Him: So she has my name. I don't need a reason, she's my kid, she should have my name.

Me: Oh, ok.

 

[CJane]

As it happens... my ex's Dad did something very similar. Given that my maiden name does have a cultural and historical significance, it grated to no end when our kids used to think we were related to every "Jones" in the world. They still don't know what a fake name it is. Not my place to tell them.

As it happens, my maiden name is "Jones" ... yeah. "Jane Jones". When I got divorced, my attorney asked me if I wanted to ask to have my name changed back to my maiden name. I thought it was hilarious. "Would you like to have your ID already in your wallet when you buy it?"

And just as an aside. A hyphenated name is still a changed name. And if it's damaging to the child all of the time, then it's damaging to the child all of the time. And it should never ever be found in their best interests. Ever.

 

[gr8rn]

If he insists on having the childs name changed, rather than hyphenating two long names, why not offer to change her middle name to his last name, or put your last name as the middle name?

When my sons father and I were thinking about his name, he definitely did not want our son to be a third generation same name. Instead, we chose to honor his grandfather, who only had daughters, and used his first and last name as our sons first and middle name.

Just a thought. A compromise of sorts. If it gets that far, because in your scenario, I really don't see a judge forcing your daughter to have her name changed after she has had her current name and he has been out of her life for so long. If he wanted her to have his name, he should have been in her life from the beginning, as someone else said.

 

[CJane]

If he insists on having the childs name changed, rather than hyphenating two long names, why not offer to change her middle name to his last name, or put your last name as the middle name?

This is a good compromise. OR you could both agree on a completely unique last name that honors both families.

When my sons father and I were thinking about his name, he definitely did not want our son to be a third generation same name. Instead, we chose to honor his grandfather, who only had daughters, and used his first and last name as our sons first and middle name.

I have 4 sisters, and each time one of us got pregnant, we'd try and figure out how to fit our grandfather's name into our child's name... and argue about who "got to use" the name. We kept having girls and Grandpa's name is not at all gender neutral.

The year after Grandpa died, my sister and two of my cousins had babies within 3 months of each other. All of them have Grandpa's name as their middle name.

All of that said, I absolutely do NOT get the desire to change a child's name at all, barring exceptional circumstances such as criminal behavior on the part of the person whose name they carry. I do not have the same last name as my 4 year old, and I never will. If I were to marry, I'd take my husband's last name and then have a different last name than all 3 of my kids. Wouldn't make me less their Mom, any more than the fact that the girls' step mother DOES share their last name would me her MORE their mother than I would be.

Just a silly thing to fight about from my perspective. I don't think it's damaging to the child, and I don't think it's always ego driven. But I DO think it's certainly not worth battling.