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Narcissism in the workplace

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plizzo64

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? OR

This is complicated but I will make it as simple as possible so please bear with me. I have to give all the details so you will understand my perspective.

I use to work in a call center and I was promoted when I moved to graveyard shift. An admitted narcissist followed me because "I was a nice guy". Truth is, he knew nothing about me and he hated my guts. Just because another employee always really enjoyed talking to me about anything. I was just a friend and I never knew what to make of her but that's neither here or there. A classic narcissist trick is "Ignore him. He's the toxic one". A rat talking behind my back. Ignore me she did. Started going out of her way to talk to everyone and not even acknowledge me. This had a negative impact on me. Although it was short and I got over it PDQ, I developed "feelings" for her. I was not myself at all. After just a few months, it started getting better. "Hi", "Bye", "How are you?", "Fine", "Pretty good". A little idle chit chat but her always smiling self was still gone. A short time later, she was back and better than ever. She applied for a new position. Moving up, very proud of her. She was having an absolute blast talking to me about it. She was having so much fun. His teeth were clenching. His jaw muscles were bulging when she got real close to me with that great big smile on her face. (Note: There was never anything between us. I was just a friend as I stated and that was it).

That evening at graveyard, he copped a VERY obnoxious attitude (A temper tantrum) about seeing that. He is a brat. This kid has issues and really knows how to drive people up the wall. He caught me completely off guard. It was a whole tirade of statements and he capped it off pushing his palm at me with a statement. It felt like a shotgun blast and it really rattled me. I was out of it. 11:30 at night, I walked around a pond down the hill where I use to work completely lost in my own thoughts. Didn't even know what I was doing. The next time I saw her, I asked her if I could stick around until her break and talk to her about what happened. She agreed. When she came out, BOOM! Both barrels. She was shouting things that didn't make any sense. She scared me half to death and I completely forgot what I wanted to talk about. I felt really bad about this for a long time but I was drawn into it with her. She didn't deserve this but I shouted back at her trying to steer the "conversation" into a direction I never had any intention of. She went off again and calmed way down and smiled. She just said not to worry about him. She knew how to handle him and calmly went back inside. It was a Sunday. No one was around to hear us. I just stood out there for a couple of minutes wondering if I entered the twilight zone then just went home.

The manager came in early after this and told me she forgave me and I almost lost my job for harassment. Is it harassment for being drawn into it? Is that on my record? The company will not talk to me and I would really like an answer and to set the record straight. I feel like I have no rights here. She caught me off guard and I really felt terrible about it. (But it isn't her). If that troublemaker would have left me alone, I would have left her alone. The manager walked all over me and would not let me talk. I reported the most obnoxious part of his attitude pushing my palm at her just like he did with me. She said, "You should have said, What are you talking about. You shouldn't be judging him. He's a kid. Maybe he has a crush on her so leave him alone..." Really? Leave him alone? She can recite War and Peace in one breath and absolutely would not let me talk. She interrupted me, put words in my mouth, even threw in a couple of insults. If an employee had been on a call, their customer would have heard it and I don't think they would appreciate it too much. I had no choice but to take an immediate mental break. I had to get away from him for a while. But it wasn't long enough.

The manager came in early quite a bit since then to bring drama into my life. I still wasn't myself and I was getting worse. She just kept dragging me through the mud. I saw her maybe once in six months before this. I told another employee that he is a narcissist. He told me he could "Teach me how to manipulate women". I just told him to spare me. I don't want it. She got word of this and came in early to yell, yell, and yell at me for telling them that. Her verbal assault was very stressful. The look on her face was just like his during his attitude. Hatred. She probably talked to him alone about that and he played the victim so I forgive her. Because of my age, I ended up in the ER with heart palpitations. Hostile doesn't even begin to describe my work environment. I should have taken another mental break. I did report it to HR though and I was just blatantly ignored.

Things were getting better between the other co-worker and I after our falling out but the manager came in early again about a week later and was all smiles. I just wanted to be left alone. She came in early to pretend to tell me how to "fix" things with this other co-worker. If she would have left me alone, I would have left her alone. I was fired for following her "advice". I got the call the next day from her and HR letting me know I was fired for "Trying to be her friend and I said he could brainwash women". I said no such thing because the word he used was "manipulate". "Trying to be her friend"? That makes no sense to me. Someone is either a friend or they are not. I was manipulated out of my job so the poor baby doesn't have to see her old self talking to me again. Ten years with the company. She broke into my locker so I couldn't get my own personal belongings and say any goodbyes and show some dignity. Friends I have known that long too.

Some friends are no longer talking to me at all. The ones that are, are the ones that don't talk to her much. Smear campaign. You can see who is stalking you on Facebook and she popped up not long after. Fortunately, I hid my friends list. Propping him up on a pedestal while talking who knows what about me. I can't even ask what is being said and that is a hard thing to go through. I have been going through counseling but it doesn't help much because they have nothing to do with the company. No one of any relevance to the situation knows my side of the story and I can't get any answers. She should have asked him why the temper tantrum just because he wasn't getting all the attention. I found out a little later he was fired but too little too late. I believe he should have been fired when I reported him.
 


quincy

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? OR

This is complicated but I will make it as simple as possible so please bear with me. I have to give all the details so you will understand my perspective.

I use to work in a call center and I was promoted when I moved to graveyard shift. An admitted narcissist followed me because "I was a nice guy". Truth is, he knew nothing about me and he hated my guts. Just because another employee always really enjoyed talking to me about anything. I was just a friend and I never knew what to make of her but that's neither here or there. A classic narcissist trick is "Ignore him. He's the toxic one". A rat talking behind my back. Ignore me she did. Started going out of her way to talk to everyone and not even acknowledge me. This had a negative impact on me. Although it was short and I got over it PDQ, I developed "feelings" for her. I was not myself at all. After just a few months, it started getting better. "Hi", "Bye", "How are you?", "Fine", "Pretty good". A little idle chit chat but her always smiling self was still gone. A short time later, she was back and better than ever. She applied for a new position. Moving up, very proud of her. She was having an absolute blast talking to me about it. She was having so much fun. His teeth were clenching. His jaw muscles were bulging when she got real close to me with that great big smile on her face. (Note: There was never anything between us. I was just a friend as I stated and that was it).

That evening at graveyard, he copped a VERY obnoxious attitude (A temper tantrum) about seeing that. He is a brat. This kid has issues and really knows how to drive people up the wall. He caught me completely off guard. It was a whole tirade of statements and he capped it off pushing his palm at me with a statement. It felt like a shotgun blast and it really rattled me. I was out of it. 11:30 at night, I walked around a pond down the hill where I use to work completely lost in my own thoughts. Didn't even know what I was doing. The next time I saw her, I asked her if I could stick around until her break and talk to her about what happened. She agreed. When she came out, BOOM! Both barrels. She was shouting things that didn't make any sense. She scared me half to death and I completely forgot what I wanted to talk about. I felt really bad about this for a long time but I was drawn into it with her. She didn't deserve this but I shouted back at her trying to steer the "conversation" into a direction I never had any intention of. She went off again and calmed way down and smiled. She just said not to worry about him. She knew how to handle him and calmly went back inside. It was a Sunday. No one was around to hear us. I just stood out there for a couple of minutes wondering if I entered the twilight zone then just went home.

The manager came in early after this and told me she forgave me and I almost lost my job for harassment. Is it harassment for being drawn into it? Is that on my record? The company will not talk to me and I would really like an answer and to set the record straight. I feel like I have no rights here. She caught me off guard and I really felt terrible about it. (But it isn't her). If that troublemaker would have left me alone, I would have left her alone. The manager walked all over me and would not let me talk. I reported the most obnoxious part of his attitude pushing my palm at her just like he did with me. She said, "You should have said, What are you talking about. You shouldn't be judging him. He's a kid. Maybe he has a crush on her so leave him alone..." Really? Leave him alone? She can recite War and Peace in one breath and absolutely would not let me talk. She interrupted me, put words in my mouth, even threw in a couple of insults. If an employee had been on a call, their customer would have heard it and I don't think they would appreciate it too much. I had no choice but to take an immediate mental break. I had to get away from him for a while. But it wasn't long enough.

The manager came in early quite a bit since then to bring drama into my life. I still wasn't myself and I was getting worse. She just kept dragging me through the mud. I saw her maybe once in six months before this. I told another employee that he is a narcissist. He told me he could "Teach me how to manipulate women". I just told him to spare me. I don't want it. She got word of this and came in early to yell, yell, and yell at me for telling them that. Her verbal assault was very stressful. The look on her face was just like his during his attitude. Hatred. She probably talked to him alone about that and he played the victim so I forgive her. Because of my age, I ended up in the ER with heart palpitations. Hostile doesn't even begin to describe my work environment. I should have taken another mental break. I did report it to HR though and I was just blatantly ignored.

Things were getting better between the other co-worker and I after our falling out but the manager came in early again about a week later and was all smiles. I just wanted to be left alone. She came in early to pretend to tell me how to "fix" things with this other co-worker. If she would have left me alone, I would have left her alone. I was fired for following her "advice". I got the call the next day from her and HR letting me know I was fired for "Trying to be her friend and I said he could brainwash women". I said no such thing because the word he used was "manipulate". "Trying to be her friend"? That makes no sense to me. Someone is either a friend or they are not. I was manipulated out of my job so the poor baby doesn't have to see her old self talking to me again. Ten years with the company. She broke into my locker so I couldn't get my own personal belongings and say any goodbyes and show some dignity. Friends I have known that long too.

Some friends are no longer talking to me at all. The ones that are, are the ones that don't talk to her much. Smear campaign. You can see who is stalking you on Facebook and she popped up not long after. Fortunately, I hid my friends list. Propping him up on a pedestal while talking who knows what about me. I can't even ask what is being said and that is a hard thing to go through. I have been going through counseling but it doesn't help much because they have nothing to do with the company. No one of any relevance to the situation knows my side of the story and I can't get any answers. She should have asked him why the temper tantrum just because he wasn't getting all the attention. I found out a little later he was fired but too little too late. I believe he should have been fired when I reported him.
How old are the individuals involved?

How long ago did all of this happen?

Here is a link to an Oregon "Media Guide" which provides a good look at the defamation law in your state:
http://www.open-oregon.com/media-guide/chapter-12-defamation/
 

Eekamouse

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? OR

This is complicated but I will make it as simple as possible so please bear with me. I have to give all the details so you will understand my perspective.

I use to work in a call center and I was promoted when I moved to graveyard shift. An admitted narcissist followed me because "I was a nice guy". Truth is, he knew nothing about me and he hated my guts. Just because another employee always really enjoyed talking to me about anything. I was just a friend and I never knew what to make of her but that's neither here or there. A classic narcissist trick is "Ignore him. He's the toxic one". A rat talking behind my back. Ignore me she did. Started going out of her way to talk to everyone and not even acknowledge me. This had a negative impact on me. Although it was short and I got over it PDQ, I developed "feelings" for her. I was not myself at all. After just a few months, it started getting better. "Hi", "Bye", "How are you?", "Fine", "Pretty good". A little idle chit chat but her always smiling self was still gone. A short time later, she was back and better than ever. She applied for a new position. Moving up, very proud of her. She was having an absolute blast talking to me about it. She was having so much fun. His teeth were clenching. His jaw muscles were bulging when she got real close to me with that great big smile on her face. (Note: There was never anything between us. I was just a friend as I stated and that was it).

That evening at graveyard, he copped a VERY obnoxious attitude (A temper tantrum) about seeing that. He is a brat. This kid has issues and really knows how to drive people up the wall. He caught me completely off guard. It was a whole tirade of statements and he capped it off pushing his palm at me with a statement. It felt like a shotgun blast and it really rattled me. I was out of it. 11:30 at night, I walked around a pond down the hill where I use to work completely lost in my own thoughts. Didn't even know what I was doing. The next time I saw her, I asked her if I could stick around until her break and talk to her about what happened. She agreed. When she came out, BOOM! Both barrels. She was shouting things that didn't make any sense. She scared me half to death and I completely forgot what I wanted to talk about. I felt really bad about this for a long time but I was drawn into it with her. She didn't deserve this but I shouted back at her trying to steer the "conversation" into a direction I never had any intention of. She went off again and calmed way down and smiled. She just said not to worry about him. She knew how to handle him and calmly went back inside. It was a Sunday. No one was around to hear us. I just stood out there for a couple of minutes wondering if I entered the twilight zone then just went home.

The manager came in early after this and told me she forgave me and I almost lost my job for harassment. Is it harassment for being drawn into it? Is that on my record? The company will not talk to me and I would really like an answer and to set the record straight. I feel like I have no rights here. She caught me off guard and I really felt terrible about it. (But it isn't her). If that troublemaker would have left me alone, I would have left her alone. The manager walked all over me and would not let me talk. I reported the most obnoxious part of his attitude pushing my palm at her just like he did with me. She said, "You should have said, What are you talking about. You shouldn't be judging him. He's a kid. Maybe he has a crush on her so leave him alone..." Really? Leave him alone? She can recite War and Peace in one breath and absolutely would not let me talk. She interrupted me, put words in my mouth, even threw in a couple of insults. If an employee had been on a call, their customer would have heard it and I don't think they would appreciate it too much. I had no choice but to take an immediate mental break. I had to get away from him for a while. But it wasn't long enough.

The manager came in early quite a bit since then to bring drama into my life. I still wasn't myself and I was getting worse. She just kept dragging me through the mud. I saw her maybe once in six months before this. I told another employee that he is a narcissist. He told me he could "Teach me how to manipulate women". I just told him to spare me. I don't want it. She got word of this and came in early to yell, yell, and yell at me for telling them that. Her verbal assault was very stressful. The look on her face was just like his during his attitude. Hatred. She probably talked to him alone about that and he played the victim so I forgive her. Because of my age, I ended up in the ER with heart palpitations. Hostile doesn't even begin to describe my work environment. I should have taken another mental break. I did report it to HR though and I was just blatantly ignored.

Things were getting better between the other co-worker and I after our falling out but the manager came in early again about a week later and was all smiles. I just wanted to be left alone. She came in early to pretend to tell me how to "fix" things with this other co-worker. If she would have left me alone, I would have left her alone. I was fired for following her "advice". I got the call the next day from her and HR letting me know I was fired for "Trying to be her friend and I said he could brainwash women". I said no such thing because the word he used was "manipulate". "Trying to be her friend"? That makes no sense to me. Someone is either a friend or they are not. I was manipulated out of my job so the poor baby doesn't have to see her old self talking to me again. Ten years with the company. She broke into my locker so I couldn't get my own personal belongings and say any goodbyes and show some dignity. Friends I have known that long too.

Some friends are no longer talking to me at all. The ones that are, are the ones that don't talk to her much. Smear campaign. You can see who is stalking you on Facebook and she popped up not long after. Fortunately, I hid my friends list. Propping him up on a pedestal while talking who knows what about me. I can't even ask what is being said and that is a hard thing to go through. I have been going through counseling but it doesn't help much because they have nothing to do with the company. No one of any relevance to the situation knows my side of the story and I can't get any answers. She should have asked him why the temper tantrum just because he wasn't getting all the attention. I found out a little later he was fired but too little too late. I believe he should have been fired when I reported him.
Instead of all this drama, you should have been doing your work. You all sound like little kids on the playground. What did it matter who was saying anything about you? You should have been working instead of engaging in childish behavior with your co-workers.
 

quincy

Senior Member
Instead of all this drama, you should have been doing your work. You all sound like little kids on the playground. What did it matter who was saying anything about you? You should have been working instead of engaging in childish behavior with your co-workers.
It was the "sounding like little kids on the playground" part that prompted my first question to plizzo64. ;)
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
True. The facts matter.

Employers tend to hate drama in the workplace, though.
Not always. I worked at a company in MA who's CEO had his ex wife as the payroll MGR, his lover( that he left the ex for) as sales MGR and the NEW little some-some was a sales rep. When sales MGR found out(about the little some-some) she wasn't happy. I had to bite my lip so hard I needed stiches to keep from saying "What he does with you he will do to you".

The CEO ended up in Club Fed for five years. I'm sure the women in his life were saddened by his imprisonment. :rolleyes:
 

quincy

Senior Member
Not always. I worked at a company in MA who's CEO had his ex wife as the payroll MGR, his lover( that he left the ex for) as sales MGR and the NEW little some-some was a sales rep. When sales MGR found out(about the little some-some) she wasn't happy. I had to bite my lip so hard I needed stiches to keep from saying "What he does with you he will do to you".

The CEO ended up in Club Fed for five years. I'm sure the women in his life were saddened by his imprisonment. :rolleyes:
Okay. I revise my previous statement.

MOST employers do not like drama in the workplace. OTHER employers create it. :)
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Plizzo, not only are there no laws against employing narcissists, it is unknown why you believe this person is a narcissist, since you are clearly not qualified to make such a diagnosis. Do you even know what the word means?

There are, however, laws about sexual harassment in the workplace. As you have been accused and fired due to sexual harassment allegations, you should become familiar with what is considered to constitute sexual harassment. You are responsible for your behavior; stop blaming others. You don't like a guy, don't go flirting to harassing some chick just to get him riled.

As others have pointed out, you may have a disability. If you are aware that you have some disability that affects your ability to interact in an emotionally intelligent way, that information is relevant, and we might have some positive suggestions. Otherwise, your post reads like really bad romance fiction, and you either need to stop taking drugs or you need a therapist to help you learn socialization skills.
 

quincy

Senior Member
It would be nice if plizzo could return to clarify the situation a bit. But from what he has posted, I do not see any clear defamation.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
It would be nice if plizzo could return to clarify the situation a bit. But from what he has posted, I do not see any clear defamation.
Moreover, because he was previously warned by his manager that there was a harassment complaint against him, this would be a firing "with cause". I'd be worried more about unemployment benefits (or the lack thereof).

Seriously, "The manager came in early after this and told me she forgave me and I almost lost my job for harassment. Is it harassment for being drawn into it? Is that on my record? The company will not talk to me and I would really like an answer and to set the record straight. I feel like I have no rights here. She caught me off guard and I really felt terrible about it. (But it isn't her). If that troublemaker would have left me alone, I would have left her alone."

Unacceptable excuse. Plizzo has repeatedly told people that his former co-worker has a mental disorder - that falls more closely in with the definition of defamation.

If you're old enough to be concerned about age related heart trouble, then you're old enough to not blame other people for your bad behavior.
 

quincy

Senior Member
Moreover, because he was previously warned by his manager that there was a harassment complaint against him, this would be a firing "with cause". I'd be worried more about unemployment benefits (or the lack thereof).

Seriously, "The manager came in early after this and told me she forgave me and I almost lost my job for harassment. Is it harassment for being drawn into it? Is that on my record? The company will not talk to me and I would really like an answer and to set the record straight. I feel like I have no rights here. She caught me off guard and I really felt terrible about it. (But it isn't her). If that troublemaker would have left me alone, I would have left her alone."

Unacceptable excuse. Plizzo has repeatedly told people that his former co-worker has a mental disorder - that falls more closely in with the definition of defamation.

If you're old enough to be concerned about age related heart trouble, then you're old enough to not blame other people for your bad behavior.
That could go back to Just Blue's earlier point on the individuals who might have been hired by this employer.
 
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