You may be supporting him but you are definitely not helping him make wise decisions. Just because he does not live with his daughter does not mean he can't be a full time Dad to her as well. You are setting yourself and your unborn child up for a very big emotional fall when he decides to do the same to you.
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MUNCIEMOMUV2
Member
OK this is not legal advice but I had to respond to this one. Normally I just keep my mouth shut and just sit back and read and learn but OP I have to say that you are mistaken if you think everythings just going to be so wonderful for your child and he will be the perfect parent to the child youre having.
My ex had a child with another woman right before I got pregnant with our child. Now I had no clue what kind of parent he was because he didnt know if the other child was his or not but he did eventually get a DNA test and she was his. Well he was a great parent to our child, did everything for her but then he wouldnt have anything to do with the other child and I mean NOTHING. I kept telling him he needed to see the other child that she needed a father too but he wouldnt do anything but I kept hoping that he wouldnt do the same to our child if we split up....well guess what? We split up and he went back to the mother of his other child (yeah the other mom was that stupid) and he has now not had anything to do with our child for five years now. After we split up I tried to get him to see his child and he called the police on me and said I was harrassing him and told the cops he didnt want anything to do with either one of us. He went on to have two more kids with that other woman and is a father to those other kids while my daughter gets nothing from him. Heck even his own mom started paying his child support just to make sure her granddaughter was taken care of.
So if you think he will be different with your child you are delusional. Im sorry but if he treats his other child that way then he will treat your child this way also if he decides to leave you too.
My ex had a child with another woman right before I got pregnant with our child. Now I had no clue what kind of parent he was because he didnt know if the other child was his or not but he did eventually get a DNA test and she was his. Well he was a great parent to our child, did everything for her but then he wouldnt have anything to do with the other child and I mean NOTHING. I kept telling him he needed to see the other child that she needed a father too but he wouldnt do anything but I kept hoping that he wouldnt do the same to our child if we split up....well guess what? We split up and he went back to the mother of his other child (yeah the other mom was that stupid) and he has now not had anything to do with our child for five years now. After we split up I tried to get him to see his child and he called the police on me and said I was harrassing him and told the cops he didnt want anything to do with either one of us. He went on to have two more kids with that other woman and is a father to those other kids while my daughter gets nothing from him. Heck even his own mom started paying his child support just to make sure her granddaughter was taken care of.
So if you think he will be different with your child you are delusional. Im sorry but if he treats his other child that way then he will treat your child this way also if he decides to leave you too.
workinggal
Member
Were you guys married? He was in a relationship with her prior to marrying me. I don't really know their history just that he claimed they were not serious, just messing with each other for a few months. The ex however claimed they've known each other for 8 years. That's irrelevent now anyway because we are married. I believe in God and I knwo God can change people, maybe by me having our child now, he will change for the better of everyone. I love and support my husband 100%. I don't plan on leaving him nor him me. Gid blessed us in ways I can't even imagine and he will do more. I know that when I have our child , we will treat and raise his other daughter up with our child as well. I believe in family, that's My husband, I, his daughter, and our new baby. He will come around, I have hope.
summerdawn
Senior Member
Wow. You sound like my ex's new wife. He was a really abusive man when we were together, and didn't have much at all to do with the kids in the years after we broke up, until she came into the picture and helped him file for visitation and modification (reduction) of child support and all that-we haven't gotten the court order yet so we'll see if he actually starts visiting them on a regular basis after the CO is drafted. She thinks he's a great guy and supports him 100% as well and of course "he would never do those things to her". All I have to say, sincerely, is good luck to you. I really hope you are right and he will change for you. if he doesn't I hope you become strong enough to not let him treat you and your child the way he is treating his previous relationship.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Keep hoping, darlin'. And bear in mind what you're in for if God doesn't work that miracle. I was married to a man like your husband for 11 years. It took me that long to see what he was doing to me and to our kids. Yeah - God worked a miracle. He gave me an "ah hah" moment and the strength to leave the jerk.
workinggal
Member
Thanks all for responding, I see what everyone is saying. I do believe God is working on him, us.... I will continue to talk to him regarding his daughter. The ex never bother us, never call, never ask for anything outside the child support check...She give no drama...I can see how it is important for my husband to do the right thing by his daughter but if he continue, the only thing I can hope for is that the new baby will change him into being a great father for both children.
MUNCIEMOMUV2
Member
HMMMM....pretty much the same thing that my ex said about the mother of his other child.
[/QUOTE] I don't plan on leaving him nor him me. Gid blessed us in ways I can't even imagine and he will do more.[/QUOTE]
I dont actually think anyone goes into a relationship planning on leaving the other one. Noone ever knows how things are going to turn out and if you look around on these boards I bet you would find plenty of others who never "planned" on not being with the other parent. You just keep believing that God will work miracles and make your husband change but Im sorry the only one that can change your husband is your husband and from the sounds of it he is childish and petty. I do hope for your childs sake and for the other childs sake that he does change though and grows up.
CourtClerk
Senior Member
I sincerely hope we aren't praying to the same God, because your husband is doing worse by the minute... but you're so da*m snowed you can't even see it. And since we're on the subject of God on the Lord's day, do you think He believes your husband is acting in a way that is pleasing to Him?
By the way, find that section in the Bible that talks about free will. You see, God will only change you if you want to be changed and submit to Him. Your husband is fine being the jacka&& that he is... and you are fine with him being who he is. You did say one thing right. You will never leave him. If for nothing else, because I'm sure you don't want to admit that you'll find yourself in the exact same situation as his ex is in. Then, you'll have to admit failure. Apparently, no one in your life has told you that you can't change a grown man. Like I said.. I'm done with you and how you ENABLE your husband to TORMENT this woman and her child. Yes, ENABLE. All because you don't want to stand up to this child you call your husband.
You do like Jesse Jackson though...keep hope alive.
" Thanks all for responding, I see what everyone is saying. I do believe God is working on him, us.... "
That's all well and good but does he have a Therapist working on him? A person CAN change but, only if they want to and are willing to put a lot of WORK and effort into changing. It doesn't sound like your husband is interested in changing. In fact, it seems like he is getting worse. He is spending LESS time with his child and wanting to lower C/S since your pregnancy. He is not acting like a Father or even a MAN. He is behaving like a 4 year old who got a new puppy and neglects the older dog for the new and exciting. If he can't manage to be a good parent to one, he isn't good parent material. PERIOD. You may think the marriage makes a difference but it really doesn't. A man-child who can't commit to raising HIS child, does not have the capacity to TRULY commit to a marrige. Deep down, he doesn't take either too seriously. When he finds something new and shiny to distract him, you and your child will be in his Ex's shoes. ( Except, since he is already paying support on #1, you will be getting pennies on the dollar of what he is currently paying because you chose to have offspring #2 with this man. )
God is wonderful but a marriage takes TRUE commitment and hard work on the part of BOTH partners. You can believe and want all you want, but with out work and commitment a marriage can't work. Your husband is not wired to commit and without a whole lot of help and work he will never be.
That's all well and good but does he have a Therapist working on him? A person CAN change but, only if they want to and are willing to put a lot of WORK and effort into changing. It doesn't sound like your husband is interested in changing. In fact, it seems like he is getting worse. He is spending LESS time with his child and wanting to lower C/S since your pregnancy. He is not acting like a Father or even a MAN. He is behaving like a 4 year old who got a new puppy and neglects the older dog for the new and exciting. If he can't manage to be a good parent to one, he isn't good parent material. PERIOD. You may think the marriage makes a difference but it really doesn't. A man-child who can't commit to raising HIS child, does not have the capacity to TRULY commit to a marrige. Deep down, he doesn't take either too seriously. When he finds something new and shiny to distract him, you and your child will be in his Ex's shoes. ( Except, since he is already paying support on #1, you will be getting pennies on the dollar of what he is currently paying because you chose to have offspring #2 with this man. )
God is wonderful but a marriage takes TRUE commitment and hard work on the part of BOTH partners. You can believe and want all you want, but with out work and commitment a marriage can't work. Your husband is not wired to commit and without a whole lot of help and work he will never be.
You could not be more unsure of the situation with all the protests you make and top of t off with blind faith. Whether his first child was a result of a one night stand or a 8 yr relationship it does not change the kind of father he already is.. lousy, selfis and incredibly stupid.. I hope things work out better for you.
artificially
Member
My 2 cents
Let me tell ya a bit about my husband. Married for 20 years here - 2 girls. He joined church, shriners, free masons, etc. He never had nor does he still have a relationship with his daughters unless he has to because I am sick or was working. The oldest girl is 17 and has little to no respect for her dad but loves him because he is her dad. The youngest is 8 and is beginning to resent the fact that male family friends do more with her than her father.
So let me impart upon you this. Do NOT be like me if he starts treating your child yet to be born like he doesn't want to have a relationship with him or her. I have stayed married to the man thinking that I could force him to be a dad.
Oh, it worked a bit especially when I went to work 3 yrs ago and he had to be responsible for especially the youngest. But now, due to my health issues, I have pointed out of 3 jobs and well, he's still about him when it comes to the kids.
Let me tell ya a bit about my husband. Married for 20 years here - 2 girls. He joined church, shriners, free masons, etc. He never had nor does he still have a relationship with his daughters unless he has to because I am sick or was working. The oldest girl is 17 and has little to no respect for her dad but loves him because he is her dad. The youngest is 8 and is beginning to resent the fact that male family friends do more with her than her father.
So let me impart upon you this. Do NOT be like me if he starts treating your child yet to be born like he doesn't want to have a relationship with him or her. I have stayed married to the man thinking that I could force him to be a dad.
Oh, it worked a bit especially when I went to work 3 yrs ago and he had to be responsible for especially the youngest. But now, due to my health issues, I have pointed out of 3 jobs and well, he's still about him when it comes to the kids.i am still waiting for that one post who responds with....
"oh he will change. my husband changed. i stayed with him so long he grew up and started to be a father to our children while ignoring all previous children. he's a wonderful man for it and i am so glad i stuck it out all those years."
someone call me when that response shows up.
"oh he will change. my husband changed. i stayed with him so long he grew up and started to be a father to our children while ignoring all previous children. he's a wonderful man for it and i am so glad i stuck it out all those years."
someone call me when that response shows up.
my life is mine
Member
LOL Isabella
artificially
Member
if that happens I'll send ya a bottle of your favorite spirit. Don't hold your breathe.
I agree with the other posters, your husband is not going to change and suddenly become father of the year with your child together. You could ask my ex. He's on his 4th child with 4 differnt women, my daughter being the oldest. The women frankly get more and more stupid as the you go down the list. He has nothing to do with my Daughter, moved out of the state even. Then he had a second child, who he has nothing to do with, and moved out of that state two... while he was with his second daughters mother he cheated on her and had another child. That mother refuses to name him as the father (at least she learned some sort of a lesson along the way) but the kid is for sure his. And now he has another 4th child.... none of which he takes care of. The judge even told him "maybe you should stop having children that you don't want to support of be part of their lives and get a vasectomy" I couldn't help but laughing. But what's just as sad as all these children he creates and leaves behind is all the stupid women who seem to think that they have some magic over him and suddenly he's going to be the best father ever to their child. Your ex is a jerk, and sadly you're blind to it. Your marriage will likely not make him any better of a father to his second child than he is to his first child and your hope will not get you anywhere. sorry. My personal opinion is I would never date or marry a man who doesn't put his children first. I have never understood why women do that either. Must be some good sex!
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