Not sure why my threads keep getting locked

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MO

I have a question about how to handle something wrt conversations the ex is having with the kids.

When I picked the kids up on Sunday night, the youngest girl (almost 6) was complaining of a tummy ache and telling me that she didn't want to go to school the next day. I tried to talk to her, but she was very non-communicative and just insisted she didn't feel good. Monday morning, my step-dad was driving the kids to school, which he's never done before, and the 5 year old told him to turn on a road that she KNOWS doesn't go to the school. She said it was because she didn't want to go to school, she wanted to stay with me.

Yesterday when I picked them up from school and we were running errands, she kept repeating over and over that she didn't want to go to daddy's house after school anymore, she wants to go to daycare. When I asked her why, she refused to answer, just kept insisting that she wasn't going to dad's and I couldn't make her. (she's there right now, since that's where the bus drops her off, so don't freak out on me)

When we were at the store, the 9 year old said "Since we're going to live with daddy during the week, will that change when school is out?" I asked what she was talking about, and she said "Daddy told us last night that you guys were going to court today and we were going to go live with him during the week so that you don't have to work so hard to take care of *the baby* and get us to school and stuff."

I asked the youngest girl if that's what had been bothering her, and she refused to speak to me, except to say that she's "sorry that they're too much work for me, but she understands"

Other than the fact that as a mom I'm furious with him for dragging the kids into this... how do I address this w/the GAL? Do I let it go and see if the kids bring it up with her on her visit? Do I send her an email now? Do I wait til she's at the house?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Let the GAL have time to grieve she just burried her father Sunday!
When she makes her home visit, she will conduct the visit on her own terms.
Dad has not said anything harmful about you, some may take your ex letting you care for your newborn infant rather than transport your children to and from school differently than you do, afterall you have delegated that transportation to others already. For every point you think you have there will be another side to it even with the bf out of the picture, because he abandoned you and you moved away when it turns out you could have stayed where you were and not given your ex any reason to file in the first place.

 

[LdiJ]

Let the GAL have time to grieve she just burried her father Sunday!
When she makes her home visit, she will conduct the visit on her own terms.
Dad has not said anything harmful about you, some may take your ex letting you care for your newborn infant rather than transport your children to and from school differently than you do, afterall you have delegated that transportation to others already. For every point you think you have there will be another side to it even with the bf out of the picture, because he abandoned you and you moved away when it turns out you could have stayed where you were and not given your ex any reason to file in the first place.

Rmet, that response disappoints me. You don't like this particular poster but that doesn't excuse that response.

What dad said to those children was completely inappropriate and YOU KNOW IT. It is certainly something that the GAL absolutely needs to be aware of.

However, I agree that its too soon after her father's death to bother her.
My recommendation is that when she makes contact to set up the appointment to meet at your house, that you bring it up then.

 

[CJane]

Rmet, that response disappoints me. You don't like this particular poster but that doesn't excuse that response.

What dad said to those children was completely inappropriate and YOU KNOW IT. It is certainly something that the GAL absolutely needs to be aware of.

However, I agree that its too soon after her father's death to bother her.
My recommendation is that when she makes contact to set up the appointment to meet at your house, that you bring it up then.

Don't worry about it. I've learned to ignore Rmet's agenda and search for a nugget of useful advice in her posts. She's clearly deliberately clueless about my situation... all that 'abandonment' crap, and the 'no need to move' crap, and the ex never filing anything if I hadn't moved crap. I'm over her.

The appointment is set up already, she'll be here Sat @ 2pm. And while I realize she just buried her father on Saturday (not Sunday), she was also at court on Monday.

In reference to Rmet's suggestion that I'm delegating responsibility to others already... it's BS. My parents were in town, and my Sdad volunteered to drive the kids to school and meet us at the court house. No biggie.

 

[stealth2]

Actually, I'd likely just email/snail-mail her the info. I found an effective way of phrasing things was something along the lines of "I wasn't there, but this is what the kids told me transpired.... (describe).... I thought I should make you aware." And leave it at that.

 

[CJane]

Actually, I'd likely just email/snail-mail her the info. I found an effective way of phrasing things was something along the lines of "I wasn't there, but this is what the kids told me transpired.... (describe).... I thought I should make you aware." And leave it at that.

That's sort of where I was leaning. The way it's been handled with similar situations is via phone call/meeting with her, but it was because they happened when I was scheduled to speak with her anyway.

I've journaled the conversation, as well.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Don't worry about it. I've learned to ignore Rmet's agenda and search for a nugget of useful advice in her posts. She's clearly deliberately clueless about my situation... all that 'abandonment' crap, and the 'no need to move' crap, and the ex never filing anything if I hadn't moved crap. I'm over her.

The appointment is set up already, she'll be here Sat @ 2pm. And while I realize she just buried her father on Saturday (not Sunday), she was also at court on Monday.

In reference to Rmet's suggestion that I'm delegating responsibility to others already... it's BS. My parents were in town, and my Sdad volunteered to drive the kids to school and meet us at the court house. No biggie.

I don't have an agenda and I am objective, basing my responses on the facts in evidence. Ldij on the other hand, has an agenda and loves debate.

I am not clueless as to your situation, it is very obvious the situation you got yourself into and are now trying to find a way out. You have to remember that the court and the GAL will see all sides of the picture, not just your individual point of view. Whether or not you believe it, your bf actions could easily be summarized as abandoning you and his infant which has one set of implications in your relationship with him and that custody battle and another set on implications in your custody battle re your older children because it demonstrates your ability to use good judgement and to consider the best interest of your children. I used the word "ABANDONMENT" for impact, now if your ex used that when talking to the children, then what he said "might" have been inappropriate, but when the children already know because of the GAL visits that, where they will be living might change and ask dad about why that might be happening, what dad said is a reasonable explaination for dad's viewpoint without getting imflamatory. Remember he could talk in much less glowing terms about you but doesn't. He could honestly say, "Hey, your mom had an accident already, lucky you all were not hurt or killed!" And don't forget the fact that there was no insurance.

You moved in with your bf because you got pregnant, based on your timeline you conceived sometime in April 2005 prior to the move, were nearing the end of the first trimester in June when you moved and you claimed to be 16 weeks pregnant 8-10-5, not the actions of a commited or LTR relationship where you would have moved in together before you got pregnant. How does all of this fit with your parenting plan? Then how does the story go from there? Oh yeah, bf then is working his buns off to save up enough money to build you a house, while you are truing to get welfare for your older kids,so he is rarely there and now is not coming back. That sounds like abandonment and perhaps welfare fraud. Don't forget you posts here about trying to get welfare last summer based on you and the older children and your refusal to pursue any paternity action re your infant until after the GAL visit became an issue and his excuses for not being there. You didn't need to uproot your children and subject them to the longer drives, doing homework, eating and dressing in the car because there was no reason to move. Now that baby is born, you might have had reason to move to a bigger place. You started this mess when you filed for "clarification". Both sides have asked for continuances.

You continually say I am wrong, that I haven't a clue and I continue to quote your previous posts. Once again you claim I am wrong well here is proof from the last locked thread where I didn't respond at all, where you siad the GAL burried her father on SUNDAY!

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?p=1316183

03-06-2006
CJane

Update
What is the name of your state? MO

Court today. Continued again. Ex's attorney STRONGLY objected to the GAL's request for the continuance. But she (the GAL) said that she wasn't up to trial considering she'd just buried her father on Sunday, and would like some time before she has to deal with the whole thing, and that she felt it would be unfair to go to trial prior to visiting my house.

So, we're on for the 27th and the judge said there will NOT be another continuance. EX brought up that his wife is due on the 20th and may go late. Judge said that's not his problem, and instructed the attorney's to depose her on Monday in case she's not here to testify. So we're doing that.

The judge was reading through the original parenting plan and said "What kind of damn idiot signed off on an agreement giving the father sole legal/physical and the mother more time????"

He kept flipping to the last page and said "Oh, that'd be me."

At least now I know that the agreement is as crazy as I think it is, and the judge thinks it's crazy too!

Friday is the youngest daughter's bday, so Sat we're going to a parade and carnival, the GAL is coming out after, and Sat night is her bday dinner. Should be a fun weekend.

Actually now the judge will have time to see why they signed the parenting plan and that dad actually has the children more than 50% of the parenting itme because they also provide child care. ANother thread where the issue of publis assistance on the reason for the move is here. https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=267069
8-10-5

What is the name of your state? Missouri

I currently have a modification pending. I am seeking to clarify the language of the current parenting plan (not change any physical time with the kids for either me or my ex), and he has responded by filing for sole custody (making me an every other weekend mom).

I am 16 weeks pregnant, and am considering applying for state aid. I know that I qualify as far as the income guidelines, but am wondering what effect, if any, this could have on my custody issues. Is a judge likely to consider being on state aid as something to be used against me?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? MO

I have a question about how to handle something wrt conversations the ex is having with the kids.

When I picked the kids up on Sunday night, the youngest girl (almost 6) was complaining of a tummy ache and telling me that she didn't want to go to school the next day. I tried to talk to her, but she was very non-communicative and just insisted she didn't feel good. Monday morning, my step-dad was driving the kids to school, which he's never done before, and the 5 year old told him to turn on a road that she KNOWS doesn't go to the school. She said it was because she didn't want to go to school, she wanted to stay with me.

Yesterday when I picked them up from school and we were running errands, she kept repeating over and over that she didn't want to go to daddy's house after school anymore, she wants to go to daycare. When I asked her why, she refused to answer, just kept insisting that she wasn't going to dad's and I couldn't make her. (she's there right now, since that's where the bus drops her off, so don't freak out on me)

When we were at the store, the 9 year old said "Since we're going to live with daddy during the week, will that change when school is out?" I asked what she was talking about, and she said "Daddy told us last night that you guys were going to court today and we were going to go live with him during the week so that you don't have to work so hard to take care of *the baby* and get us to school and stuff."

I asked the youngest girl if that's what had been bothering her, and she refused to speak to me, except to say that she's "sorry that they're too much work for me, but she understands"

Other than the fact that as a mom I'm furious with him for dragging the kids into this... how do I address this w/the GAL? Do I let it go and see if the kids bring it up with her on her visit? Do I send her an email now? Do I wait til she's at the house?

I'm not in MO~ But I'll tell you that the GAL in our case, with a very similar issue/wording...chewed nuttyX a new one in person, addressed it in her report, and also via verbal testimony in trial.

What that does, is make the children worry about You (reversing parenting roles) &/or attach a negative stigma to themselves as being something that is a "burden". Not healthy at ALL for the children. And, as it turns out he is only making himself look like a liar- as court was continued & no change occured either way with the children.

You have one child, and then when you had the 2nd child you were still able to provide enough love/care to both of them. Now, with child #3 you will continue to provide enough love/care to all the children. Dad is feeding off every child's natural insecurity when a new baby arrives in a split family. That's not only shameful, it's disgusting IMO

 

[Zephyr]

I'm not in MO~ But I'll tell you that the GAL in our case, with a very similar issue/wording...chewed nuttyX a new one in person, addressed it in her report, and also via verbal testimony in trial.

What that does, is make the children worry about You (reversing parenting roles) &/or attach a negative stigma to themselves as being something that is a "burden". Not healthy at ALL for the children. And, as it turns out he is only making himself look like a liar- as court was continued & no change occured either way with the children.

You have one child, and then when you had the 2nd child you were still able to provide enough love/care to both of them. Now, with child #3 you will continue to provide enough love/care to all the children. Dad is feeding off every child's natural insecurity when a new baby arrives in a split family. That's not only shameful, it's disgusting IMO

couldn't agree more....

 

[CJane]

Remember he could talk in much less glowing terms about you but doesn't.

Actually, he does. Unless you consider telling the children that I'm going to burn in hell, perfectly acceptable. Or how about their SMom telling them to call as soon as they get up every morning so she knows they 'made it through the night in my care'. Of course, I'm sure I'm making all of that up.

You moved in with your bf because you got pregnant, based on your timeline you conceived sometime in April 2005 prior to the move, were nearing the end of the first trimester in June when you moved and you claimed to be 16 weeks pregnant 8-10-5, not the actions of a commited or LTR relationship where you would have moved in together before you got pregnant. How does all of this fit with your parenting plan?

For the bazillionth time. I notified the Ex of the move on May 1st. I got pregnant on Beltane - which is the first week of May. I moved in with the BF on June 1. I FOUND OUT I was pregnant on June 17. So yeah, obviously, I would have moved in anyway.

Then how does the story go from there? Oh yeah, bf then is working his buns off to save up enough money to build you a house, while you are truing to get welfare for your older kids,so he is rarely there and now is not coming back. That sounds like abandonment and perhaps welfare fraud. Don't forget you posts here about trying to get welfare last summer based on you and the older children and your refusal to pursue any paternity action re your infant until after the GAL visit became an issue and his excuses for not being there.

Whether or not I apply for welfare when I qualify for it is really none of your business, and I didn't do it anyway, so STFU about it.

I did not 'refuse to pursue paternity' of the baby. You've repeatedly said things like this, completely ignoring the FACT IN EVIDENCE that the BF SIGNED THE AOP in the hospital. He was there for the birth. The paternity of this child (or any child I've ever given birth to) is NOT and has not EVER been in question.

You didn't need to uproot your children and subject them to the longer drives, doing homework, eating and dressing in the car because there was no reason to move. Now that baby is born, you might have had reason to move to a bigger place. You started this mess when you filed for "clarification". Both sides have asked for continuances.

'My side' has NEVER asked for a continuance, thank you very much. The kids don't dress in the car, nor do they do homework in the car. You're stretching here Rmet, and you know it. We practice spelling words in the car, they eat breakfast in the car, we listen to books on tape and we TALK.

Yeah, we'll be moving to a bigger place eventually. But since I'm a big proponent of co-sleeping, and always have been, I don't anticipate the baby needing his own room (or even his own bed) for at least a year.

And yeah, I filed for the clarification. And, given the judge's comments Monday, he'd tend to agree that some modifications are necessary. Guess I'm not a crazy manipulative bitch after all, huh?

You continually say I am wrong, that I haven't a clue and I continue to quote your previous posts. Once again you claim I am wrong well here is proof from the last locked thread where I didn't respond at all, where you siad the GAL burried her father on SUNDAY!

It was Saturday. Forgive my typing error.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?p=1316183 Actually now the judge will have time to see why they signed the parenting plan and that dad actually has the children more than 50% of the parenting itme because they also provide child care. ANother thread where the issue of publis assistance on the reason for the move is here. https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=267069
8-10-5

And no, I'm thinking that dad's WIFE providing child care doesn't equal more than 50% of the time when it's 2 hours max 2 days a week. Unless in your world 4 hours/week = 10% of the week.

I have the kids 57% of the time. That's not in question by anyone but YOU, actually. Even dad will admit it... the judge knows it... the GAL knows it... it's NOT in dispute. SMom's childcare position doesn't = parenting time, any more than the kids' teacher's time = parenting time.

 

[CJane]

I'm not in MO~ But I'll tell you that the GAL in our case, with a very similar issue/wording...chewed nuttyX a new one in person, addressed it in her report, and also via verbal testimony in trial.

What that does, is make the children worry about You (reversing parenting roles) &/or attach a negative stigma to themselves as being something that is a "burden". Not healthy at ALL for the children. And, as it turns out he is only making himself look like a liar- as court was continued & no change occured either way with the children.

You have one child, and then when you had the 2nd child you were still able to provide enough love/care to both of them. Now, with child #3 you will continue to provide enough love/care to all the children. Dad is feeding off every child's natural insecurity when a new baby arrives in a split family. That's not only shameful, it's disgusting IMO

Yup, and considering there's a baby on the way in HIS household as well (to a woman who's never had a child before)... are the kids now wondering if they're going to get shifted off to someone else when their lil sister arrives?

Tell ya what, if I was SMom, I'd be telling dad to back the f*ck off on this whole full custody thing. Can you imagine never having been a parent, only been married 7 months, left your family behind, left your career behind... and you're all of a sudden full time parent to someone else's 6 year old and 9 year old AND have an infant? I'd run screaming, LOL.

 

[Zephyr]

Guess I'm not a crazy manipulative bitch after all, huh?

guess you'll just have to work harder at it

 

[SITLYNNE]

Guess I'm not a crazy manipulative bitch after all, huh?

guess you'll just have to work harder at it

Yeah, don't let us down now. You hear?

 

[nightday77]

Cjane:communicating with your kids

What is the name of your state? MO

I have a question about how to handle something wrt conversations the ex is having with the kids.

When I picked the kids up on Sunday night, the youngest girl (almost 6) was complaining of a tummy ache and telling me that she didn't want to go to school the next day. I tried to talk to her, but she was very non-communicative and just insisted she didn't feel good. Monday morning, my step-dad was driving the kids to school, which he's never done before, and the 5 year old told him to turn on a road that she KNOWS doesn't go to the school. She said it was because she didn't want to go to school, she wanted to stay with me.

Yesterday when I picked them up from school and we were running errands, she kept repeating over and over that she didn't want to go to daddy's house after school anymore, she wants to go to daycare. When I asked her why, she refused to answer, just kept insisting that she wasn't going to dad's and I couldn't make her. (she's there right now, since that's where the bus drops her off, so don't freak out on me)

When we were at the store, the 9 year old said "Since we're going to live with daddy during the week, will that change when school is out?" I asked what she was talking about, and she said "Daddy told us last night that you guys were going to court today and we were going to go live with him during the week so that you don't have to work so hard to take care of *the baby* and get us to school and stuff."

I asked the youngest girl if that's what had been bothering her, and she refused to speak to me, except to say that she's "sorry that they're too much work for me, but she understands"

Other than the fact that as a mom I'm furious with him for dragging the kids into this... how do I address this w/the GAL? Do I let it go and see if the kids bring it up with her on her visit? Do I send her an email now? Do I wait til she's at the house?

I don't feel it necessary to involve your children in a custudy battle, visitation, on plain feuding with your ex! You don't know everything your ex has told them, if you tell them something else they may get confused and not want to talk to anyone. You need to wait untill a final decision is made, then sit doun with your children, be honest, and things will eventaully get better.

 

[Zephyr]

I don't feel it necessary to involve your children in a custudy battle, visitation, on plain feuding with your ex! You don't know everything your ex has told them, if you tell them something else they may get confused and not want to talk to anyone. You need to wait untill a final decision is made, then sit doun with your children, be honest, and things will eventaully get better.

I don't think that was point of her question