Not sure

[heypaizan]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

Things with my wife and I are not working out. I wanted to find out what sort of troubles i may create for myself if i move out of the home. The home is in my name only and was purchased about 3 months prior to us being married. I would like to retain the home if we end up divorcing as i understand NC law requires that we separate for 1 year prior to divorcing. She has no intentions of moving out of the home and has threatened to take our 4 yr old son and move back to NY with her mother if I kick her out. I am not sure which way to turn with this and didn't want to make a mistake leaving first if it will cost me money/my house etc. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[heypaizan]

After doing some other reading, I thought I would add that due to the real estate market, There is no equity in the house, matter of fact I believe I owe about 20,000 more than its worth.

 

[Proserpina]

In all honesty, I'd be more concerned about your wife threatening to relocate.

In NC, your state, the presumption is in favor of relocation - so the question would likely be, who is the child's primary caregiver?

(I don't mean financially - I mean as in who provides most of his daily care, for example do you work while Mom stays home?)

 

[heypaizan]

Oh i am definitely concerned about her threatening to relocate. However she is only threatening to do so if I kick her out of the home. She stays home and i work about 55-60 hours a week. She has been neglecting me, the home, and taking care of our son. I bathe him much more frequently than she does if you catch my drift. In a perfect world, I would love to take full custody,but that would require me putting him in daycare of some sort (he starts school in September) which is not idea, i would venture to guess that the courts would likely side with giving her custody....

also what did you mean by "In NC, your state, the presumption is in favor of relocation"

 

[Proserpina]

Oh i am definitely concerned about her threatening to relocate. However she is only threatening to do so if I kick her out of the home. She stays home and i work about 55-60 hours a week. She has been neglecting me, the home, and taking care of our son. I bathe him much more frequently than she does if you catch my drift. In a perfect world, I would love to take full custody,but that would require me putting him in daycare of some sort (he starts school in September) which is not idea, i would venture to guess that the courts would likely side with giving her custody....

also what did you mean by "In NC, your state, the presumption is in favor of relocation"

It basically means that unlike many other states, it would be up to you - the NON relocating parent - to convince the court that Mom shouldn't be allowed to relocate to NY with your child. Given that you can't really take full custody yourself, the court would really have little option but to approve the relocation.

(NC is also an "equitable distribution" state, btw, but I'll defer to those more knowledgeable to touch on that issue!)

 

[wrongsometimes]

i know in NC if you leave the house .. she can change the locks and boot you out .... seen it happen several times

 

[Proserpina]

i know in NC if you leave the house .. she can change the locks and boot you out .... seen it happen several times

Would you happen to have the statute providing for that?

(It being the marital home, and all that)

 

[heypaizan]

Proser so I have to prove why she shouldn't be able to leave the state? I might add that the neglect comes at the hands of a computer. Meaning she's spending more time tending to the computer then anything else. How hard is it prove her unfit due to her actions?

Wrong even if she isn't on the deed or mortgage?

 

[Proserpina]

Proser so I have to prove why she shouldn't be able to leave the state? I might add that the neglect comes at the hands of a computer. Meaning she's spending more time tending to the computer then anything else. How hard is it prove her unfit due to her actions?

She's not unfit - here's why.

On a daily basis, you go to work for X hours and leave your child in her care. That, honestly, deems her fit.

Wrong even if she isn't on the deed or mortgage?

Please ignore wrong.

 

[heypaizan]

So would I have to find alternate care and then I could deem unfit or am I just spinning my wheels?

 

[Proserpina]

So would I have to find alternate care and then I could deem unfit or am I just spinning my wheels?

No hon, you're honestly spinning your wheels on this one.

The acceptable standard of parenting is perhaps depressingly low; unless the child is being abused or actively neglected (and no, leaving kiddo in front of the TV while she spends hours playing Bejeweled is not actually neglect - letting the child go without food and water for days, sit in feces for 12 hours at a time, exposing the child to a convicted child sex offender...these are examples of neglect and/or abuse) it's actually legally acceptable to be a crappy parent.

And of course, if any of those horrible things were happening you would have acted upon them already - no? To be okay with the status quo and only be NOT okay with it because you decide to divorce, isn't going to wash.

(I'm not being argumentative Dad, okay? I simply want to point out the reality of the situation as it stands).

 

[Proserpina]

I do want to add one thing; during the initial custody determination, "best interest" will generally be the standard. But status quo is a big thing in NC (as with many - if not most - states). In other words, the courts are very fond of letting the primary caregiver (in this case, Mom) remain the primary caregiver and not upsetting the applecart.

 

[heypaizan]

Thanks for all your insight Proser. Never thought I would be here...when you said equitable distribution earlier I assume u were referring to the house?

Also being neglected for a computer (hoping you can read between the lines here) is reason enough for a divorce correct. I mean she is spending hours with a computer instead of me.

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks for all your insight Proser. Never thought I would be here...when you said equitable distribution earlier I assume u were referring to the house?

Yes, that's what I meant

(And other property)

Also being neglected for a computer (hoping you can read between the lines here) is reason enough for a divorce correct. I mean she is spending hours with a computer instead of me.

Well, that really depends on what you're saying....

As you know, in NC you have you have two options:

No-Fault:

(1) Marriages may be dissolved and the parties thereto divorced from the bonds of matrimony on the application of either party, if and when the husband and wife have lived separate and apart for one year.

Fault:

A spouse must commit one of the following acts:

(1) Abandons his or her family.

(2) Maliciously turns the other out of doors.

(3) By cruel or barbarous treatment endangers the life of the other. In addition, the court may grant the victim of such treatment the remedies

(4) Offers such indignities to the person of the other as to render his or her condition intolerable and life burdensome.

(5) Becomes an excessive user of alcohol or drugs so as to render the condition of the other spouse intolerable and the life of that spouse burdensome.

(6) Commits adultery. (North Carolina Statutes - Chapter 50 - Sections: 50-5.1 and 50-6)

Might you be indicating online infidelity?

 

[heypaizan]

I don't really have any proof but definitely suspect it. Our marriage has become a sexless marriage over the last 6-7 months. Is there anyway to prove online infidelity?