He's had options and they've been used. Then he said his option could not do it anymore. We were involved in a no-contact exchange program...that recently shut down due to budgetary reasons.
His other idea is that I, alone, before work, drop off our child at his house and that I, alone, after work, pick her up at his house.
He has had these same kinds of episodes with the GAL, with Early Intervention services, and with numerous other public people, as well as the daycare HE chose for his other child (not our child).
While that would be prime, it hasn't worked int he past.
The biggest thing is he made this huge production in front of OUR child AND other daycare children.
He was not happy with the exchange program. He's not happy with meeting me in a public place. He said my parents harassed him. He wouldn't pick her up at a different daycare.
He wants me alone, with the child in the middle, causing the same problems that have been going on for almost 3 years. I can, and have, walked away when he's done it before.
Re-emphasizing that he has repeatedly harassed and committed libel against the daycare he already chose for his other daughter, as well.
There is a huge pattern here.
I am trying not to do the police station for kiddo's sake, as that can be quite intimidating, as well, for her, but it may come to that.
Your option is to make sure this is part of the court action that is in progress. Since he is so difficult and giving daycare providers troubles, if you can prove that to the court, should not be hard to get the court to keep him out of the daycares. Meeting him alone, is not an option for you, makes no difference what he wants, that is not an option for you.
The police station does not have to be so bad for the child, benefits of the police station the child can learn and maybe need later in life. My Niece has a very difficult ex, domestic abuse with proof. So far her ex has been banned from daycares, banned from regular school. All drop offs and pick ups are in a public place, both parties must get a receipt to prove they were there at drop offs and pick ups. Her ex has had several family members and friends banned from coming to these drop offs and pick ups. She however must take someone with her. All this is in her court order, ordered by the Judge, with plenty of proof why these steps are needed for her safety and childrens well being. Her ex has been warned that one more incident at this public place and the drop offs and pick ups will be moved to either the police station or an exchange facility at his cost.
Is all this hard on the children, sure is, will be just as hard if it is changed to the police station or an exchange facility. But it does keep the exchanges much more controlled and less stressful for the children. Court says they must go, so all you can do is provide the least amount of disruption possible at the exchanges.
My Niece has been doing this for 8 years, her ex does not work with her any better today then he did 8 years ago. She has tried everything, he will make every attempt to engage her no matter what form of communication then use, no matter how she handles it, even if she just walks away, does not answer his crap in an email or hangs up on him over the phone when he starts. HE WILL CONTINUE THIS BEHAVIOR TILL SHE NO LONGER HAS TO DEAL WITH HIM ANYMORE. My point being, your ex may just keep going on and on with you, no matter what. Best thing is to get the court order detailed, and get these exchanges moved to someplace that does not affect the childs regular schedule of things, such as daycare. Your other best thing is to stop engaging back with him. Ignore his crap that goes off topic, simply state, your only going to discuss things that concern the child. When it does concern the child and you discuss it with him, and it is obvious your not going to agree, simply state we are not coming to middle ground on this, discussion is over. Leave that hanging out there for him to decide the next move. He takes you to court, so what, at least you will get the court to make the decision, cause the 2 of you can't.
Another good thing to get in the order for those struggling with difficult exs is no deviating. My Niece has that in hers. It simply states the order must be followed, if they deviate from the order, it must be in writing with both parents signing and dating it. That's been in her order for 6 years, and they have not deviated once. Ya want to know why? Cause he can't give an inch for anything, makes no difference who is asking for the change in schedule. He can't compromise, he can't put the children first, he won't stick to what he agrees to, even in writing. Stinks sometimes, children lose out, but there is nothing more you can do with this guy.
At some point I'm afraid you may have to face facts here, that your ex is never going to change, never going to co-parent with you. It seems to me by reading all your postings(I sat not that long ago and read all of yours), he is an abuser, abusers are controllers, they don't co-anything with anyone. If your lucky maybe at some point he will seek help for his problems and change. But understand that mental disorders, often prevent ones from seeking help, if they do seek help, mental disorders make it very hard to continue using that help. They often stop meds, they often stop therapy. So it's a rollercoaster ride in dealing with someone like this.
