Parent Teacher Conferences

[2Mistakes]

SHE does NOT have the authority to give dad permission to go or order him to schedule separate conferences. She should LET HIM? Ummm, no. She has no right to either give or deny him permission from attending a student teacher conference that he has EVERY RIGHT to attend.

Maybe "let" was the wrong word to use. I wasn't using "let" as in give or deny permission.

I meant she would choose to not attend said conference, and she would speak to the teacher seperately.

While your suggestion is good, it doesn't benefit the child quite frankly as much as two parents being mature would benefit said child.

Agreed. But wow, he married the NANNY. That must hurt. And while she does need to get over it for the benefit of the children (as I stated in my previous post), maybe it's just too soon still.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

I just realized, I should have added that this is the second time I've seen him since I found out he was remarried. The first time was when he showed up at one of the children's Karate practice and I did not have to interact with him at all.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

Well, I survived, got through 2 conferences and didn't have to say more than 3 words to him!

On another note, I have been waiting for him to get me a letter that gives me base access because of the children and shopping privileges, which he has been sitting on for months. Well, I made some phone calls and found out exactly what *I* can do to get the letter myself. So, I am going over on Friday to get this done. Its truly amazing what we can do if we put our minds to it!

Thank you everyone for your support and advice.

 

[profmum]

I don't see where the OP was trying to push dad out. I don't see where OP was trying to keep dad from going to the conference(s).

She asked if she should let dad go to conference(s) by himself and have seperate ones herself.



My ex and I have separate conferences because he wants to. Teachers seem to be fine with it thus far (granted it is only kindergarten!).

 

[frylover]

I am a teacher and have no problem with scheduling seperate conferences if parents request it. That's just part of my job.

 

[stealth2]

You say you have full and legal custody, but that the children still see him.

If he has visitation, you do not have full custody... you are just the custodial parent.

This is wrong, jeff. Full custody does not mean his rights were terminated.

 

[Perky]

I am a teacher and have no problem with scheduling seperate conferences if parents request it. That's just part of my job.

As another teacher, I agree. I frequently have duplicate conferences for divorced parents, and they both get the same information. How they choose to interpret or even hear that information may be different, but each parent gets the same information.

I've also had conferences that divorced parents have attended together. Some are fine, and some most definitely are not. It's very uncomfortable to be drawn into someone else's marital problems during a PT conference!

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

As another teacher, I agree. I frequently have duplicate conferences for divorced parents, and they both get the same information. How they choose to interpret or even hear that information may be different, but each parent gets the same information.

I've also had conferences that divorced parents have attended together. Some are fine, and some most definitely are not. It's very uncomfortable to be drawn into someone else's marital problems during a PT conference!

Its funny that you said that about "hearing". Both of the children were having issues turing in homework, one was just accumulating it in his backpack, the other was getting confused on what was due at what time. I asked the teacher of the younger one (backpack accumulation) to give me a call if his homework was not turned in on Friday and he would not be able to play hockey on Saturday. The other one, my solution was to just help her get a bit more organized so she knows what is due when, she is also a competitve gymnast. So when I got back to work, my ex texted me, "is #### going to loose gymnastics privileges if her grades don't come up?" Since there were already too many texts of negative nature going back and forth I didn't bother to respond.

 

[Ohiogal]

Its funny that you said that about "hearing". Both of the children were having issues turing in homework, one was just accumulating it in his backpack, the other was getting confused on what was due at what time. I asked the teacher of the younger one (backpack accumulation) to give me a call if his homework was not turned in on Friday and he would not be able to play hockey on Saturday. The other one, my solution was to just help her get a bit more organized so she knows what is due when, she is also a competitve gymnast. So when I got back to work, my ex texted me, "is #### going to loose gymnastics privileges if her grades don't come up?" Since there were already too many texts of negative nature going back and forth I didn't bother to respond.

Why wouldn't you answer that question. Because dad has a right to input on it. If her grades are low what is the solution? You penalize the boy for bad grades by not allowing him to play hockey but sis gets nothing really in comparison. That could breed animosity between the children.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

I didn't respond because neither of their grades are bad, they are both getting As and Bs. Their issues are their homework. One of the causes with the homework is that they have been to 3 different this year, the first one did not do homework, the second one homework was rare (only if you didn't get your classwork done on time) and now their current school is nightly/weekly homework. They have only been there for 3 weeks, so its taken some time to adjust and get with their program. Both teachers said that they are doing better since they started there with their homework, my concern was that the younger of the two was doing it, just forgetting to turn it in. The two children are completely different and therefore need different ways to parent them. If the gymnast's grades were to drop, then she would have to miss gymnastics, but her grades have only improved with gymnastics. The hockey player now has his homework done, backpack by the door and is ready to go, he doesn't want to have to skip hockey.

 

[truebluemd]

I don't see where the OP was trying to push dad out. I don't see where OP was trying to keep dad from going to the conference(s).

She asked if she should let dad go to conference(s) by himself and have seperate ones herself.



My ex and I have separate conferences because he wants to. Teachers seem to be fine with it thus far (granted it is only kindergarten!).

I think having separate conferences is a good idea

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I did not sleep well last night because I was up with sick kiddos so I'm sure I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It just irks me because he is wanting to do things as a "family" now, even though we are divorced and he has remarried. And I'm just resentful that he didn't do this for the past 13 years. I know I just need to get over it and move on.

Yes, you do need to get over it and move on. You also need to be able to tolerate being around him from time to time and parent/teacher conferences are a good way to "break the ice".

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

OP, are you saying that the kids are in thier 3rd school this school year???

 

[Ohiogal]

I didn't respond because neither of their grades are bad, they are both getting As and Bs. Their issues are their homework. One of the causes with the homework is that they have been to 3 different this year, the first one did not do homework, the second one homework was rare (only if you didn't get your classwork done on time) and now their current school is nightly/weekly homework. They have only been there for 3 weeks, so its taken some time to adjust and get with their program. Both teachers said that they are doing better since they started there with their homework, my concern was that the younger of the two was doing it, just forgetting to turn it in. The two children are completely different and therefore need different ways to parent them. If the gymnast's grades were to drop, then she would have to miss gymnastics, but her grades have only improved with gymnastics. The hockey player now has his homework done, backpack by the door and is ready to go, he doesn't want to have to skip hockey.

WHY have they changed schools three times this year? That is unbelievable and something that dad can make an issue.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

The kids started this year at the same school they were in last year. Due to the divorce, the fact that we lived in military housing, and the school they went to was a base school they had to change schools when we moved out. At our new apartment, the local school where they were supposed to go to did not have room for the youngest and they were overflowed to another school. When they had room at their neighborhood school, which is one of the highest scoring in the county which is why I moved where I did, they brought them back to the neighborhood school. If I had a choice, I would never have moved them out of their first school, but I really had no choice.