Parental Rights violations?

[sugarplum_lana]

What is the name of your state? Nebraska

So the state of nebraska came to my home while i was in the process of moving to another state as i couldnt support myself and my son on no income. My son (hes 16) decided he didnt want to leave his girlfriend and his pals so they reported me to the State for neglect. I had no income and was moving to another state where a friend had offered to let me use an apartment in the duplex he owns until i could get on my feet. The state workers who visited my home stated that if i moved i could be charged with abandonment. My son at this time was refusing to come home and his friends parents were supporting him in that. I had at this point gone to the police station on 2 seperate occassions trying to get my son home. Each time his friends parents stepped in and said he could stay with them. Then they reported to HHS that my son being there was causing a "strain on their marriage."
Anywho after the state removed my son they charged me with neglect. My court appointed lawyer did NOT explain anything that was happening to me, had me admit to a charge of being unable to support my son through no fault of my own which killed any and all chance of me or anyone else testifying on my behalf (a fact i didnt find out until the judge mentioned it in court). Now to be quite honest, i dont want my son back in my home because how can i ever trust that he would not pull this stunt again? But at the same time i have been railroaded by a lawyer who was only out for his check from the county and not out to help me through this process at all. I have been put on some Central Register for neglect even though its listed as "inconclusive."
All i wanted to do was move to a state where a.) i have a friend willing to help me out, b.) where my son wouldnt be having a sex with a girl i totally disapprove of (she's 18... he's 16... um not cool in my book), c.) is economically more stable than middle of nowhere nebraska, and d.) i wouldnt keep running into my soon to be ex-husband everytime i turned around. Now I'm living with my parents (2 blocks from the soon to be ex) as i cant afford a place of my own since im working a minimum wage job as that's all that is available in my area. I'm only working part time as the State has me running all over the place doing parenting classes, visitations with my son, counseling for myself, and finally family counseling.
Is there ANYTHING i can do to get my name cleared? And no i cant afford a REAL attorney. (sigh)
At this point in time my plan is to go to CDL school the day after disposition on the 28th of this month. My court appointed lawyer said i HAVE to be at the disposition or i would already be gone. Anybody got any ideas on what i can do to clear my name and get back my life?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Nebraska

So the state of nebraska came to my home while i was in the process of moving to another state as i couldnt support myself and my son on no income. My son (hes 16) decided he didnt want to leave his girlfriend and his pals so they reported me to the State for neglect. I had no income and was moving to another state where a friend had offered to let me use an apartment in the duplex he owns until i could get on my feet. The state workers who visited my home stated that if i moved i could be charged with abandonment. My son at this time was refusing to come home and his friends parents were supporting him in that. I had at this point gone to the police station on 2 seperate occassions trying to get my son home. Each time his friends parents stepped in and said he could stay with them. Then they reported to HHS that my son being there was causing a "strain on their marriage."
Anywho after the state removed my son they charged me with neglect. My court appointed lawyer did NOT explain anything that was happening to me, had me admit to a charge of being unable to support my son through no fault of my own which killed any and all chance of me or anyone else testifying on my behalf (a fact i didnt find out until the judge mentioned it in court). Now to be quite honest, i dont want my son back in my home because how can i ever trust that he would not pull this stunt again? But at the same time i have been railroaded by a lawyer who was only out for his check from the county and not out to help me through this process at all. I have been put on some Central Register for neglect even though its listed as "inconclusive."
All i wanted to do was move to a state where a.) i have a friend willing to help me out, b.) where my son wouldnt be having a sex with a girl i totally disapprove of (she's 18... he's 16... um not cool in my book), c.) is economically more stable than middle of nowhere nebraska, and d.) i wouldnt keep running into my soon to be ex-husband everytime i turned around. Now I'm living with my parents (2 blocks from the soon to be ex) as i cant afford a place of my own since im working a minimum wage job as that's all that is available in my area. I'm only working part time as the State has me running all over the place doing parenting classes, visitations with my son, counseling for myself, and finally family counseling.
Is there ANYTHING i can do to get my name cleared? And no i cant afford a REAL attorney. (sigh)
At this point in time my plan is to go to CDL school the day after disposition on the 28th of this month. My court appointed lawyer said i HAVE to be at the disposition or i would already be gone. Anybody got any ideas on what i can do to clear my name and get back my life?

Until the state releases you from it's investigation &/or your Case Plan...you must remain where you are & complete what is required of you.

What went wrong is you let your teen control you instead of the other way around. Where is teen's Dad? Is teen back at home now or @ his g/f house?

 

[sugarplum_lana]

So basically the state of Nebraska can tell me i can not go to school in order to get a better job, I have to stay and complete parenting classes and a pysch evaluation, attend family counseling with a child who, to quote his counselor, "adamantly refuses to be reunited" with me, endure 10 hours a week of said child's abusive attitude, put up with having my name on some database for abuse and neglect... all because I didnt want him sleeping with an 18 year old girl and decided to move us to a more economically sound area of the country????? All because I was TRYING to get him back under control before he got the lil wench pregnant??????? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone is dumping on me because my son was uncontrollable but when i try to get him under control WITHOUT beating the ever-lovin snot right out of him I get told im not allowed to deny him sex, sports or anything else his royal highness might so desire. Oh and when I protest being abused by him and his friends I get told i have to put up with it because it might be a "positive influence for him". I have done anything I could to support my son short of walking the flipping streets and at the point when i decided to move that was my ONLY option left. So... to all of you that think I'm a rotten parent 'cuz my kids out of control... how do you control a kid who outweighs you by 52 pounds, towers over you by 10 inches (and is still growing by the way), has decided he wants something and he WILL get it one way or the other, has put his hands on you on more than one occassion in order to get what he wants, has broken down your bedroom door in order to continue harrassing and haranging you when you have gotten to the point where you HAVE TO LOCK YOURSELF in so he will leave you alone?????? I havent swatted his tush since he was 12 and called me a REALLY bad word. I ground, I take away privileges, I ignore the behavior, I have a SIGNED by HIM contract that he violated within days of signing it. Soooooooooo.. if y'all know what would bring this kid back under control please let me know because nothing I have done works since he hooked up with this 18 year old girl. Oh and dad disappeared while i was still pregnant with the boy and i have no clue where he is. And no my son is not back in my home and if i can possibly help it he never will be.

 

[stealth2]

Well, uuhh, yeah. Okay.

Frankly, if you waited until he was 12 to start disciplining him, you waited too long. Sorry. And given your attitude towards him as evidenced in the above post, I'm not really too surprised that you're being investigated for neglect.

 

[Ohiogal]

And when the judge said you waived your right you could have told him you changed your mind and wanted a trial. Why didn't you do that?

 

[sugarplum_lana]

Well, uuhh, yeah. Okay.

Frankly, if you waited until he was 12 to start disciplining him, you waited too long. Sorry. And given your attitude towards him as evidenced in the above post, I'm not really too surprised that you're being investigated for neglect.

Dear Stealth:
I didnt wait until he was 12 to START disciplining him. As i stated in my previous post... he and i didnt have a lot of discipline problems until this 18 year old girl came along and started telling my son what to do and think... I said "the last time i swatted his tush was when he was 12." That was the last time he really needed it... until this mess. As i stated before, the reason he and his girlfriend reported me for neglect was because they were unhappy that i was moving us to another state. I'm sure meant well with your post but you might want to re-read what i actually DID say.
The thing is since he began dating this girl he has molested his cousin (who was 3 at the time), stolen money from family and friends, crashed his grandparents computer 3 times with internet porn to the tune of over $500, run away from home for getting grounded for theft, destroyed the personal property of friends and family members with no thought to the cost for them or any remorse at all. I have statements from 16 people of the stuff this kid has done just since he started dating the Lil Demon (my pet name for the darlin lil thing) and has no intention of being sorry for or trying to fix. So... if my attitude sucks toward my son THATS why... He can hurt whoever HOWEVER he wants and everyone says "oh that poor child hes just neglected" what about all the people he has hurt? what about the family thats going through counseling because of what he's done to them???
This is a kid who went from being my roadtripin'/fishin' buddy who wanted to be a police officer more than anything to a guy who hopes he can find a job as a dishwasher so if his bi-polar (diagnosed and on meds for) girlfriend gets pregnant he can pay child support.
When i grounded him from dating her before we had a few attitude problems but they were pretty much normal teenage stuff, the minute i let him go to her Junior Prom with her we were back to the the anger and the "i dont care if you are my mom you'll do it my way" attitude. Oh and his girlfriend went through this SAME exact scenario with HER mom... gosh and golly do you suppose that might be where HE got the idea????
So Stealth dear (if you are still reading this....) the reason i dont want my son back in my home is because i KNOW.... everytime i say no or make a decision that he doesnt like.... im going to have social services in the middle of my life again... not to mention still not being able to move to a more economically stable are of the USA.... Sorry if that makes me worthy of being charged with neglect but at this point i hurt too much to really give a rats....

 

[sugarplum_lana]

And when the judge said you waived your right you could have told him you changed your mind and wanted a trial. Why didn't you do that?

Um... because i didnt know I could do that... not having had courtroom etiquette explained beforehand.. i of course found out afterward... All i knew i could do was directly answer the questions the judge asked me... "yes Sir no Sir" that sort of thing... nobody once said... okay this is what you said do you want to change your mind or anything before we put it down permanent? Stupid me for thinking that i had a chance in hell against the state or in court... learned my lesson though... too bad i cant go back and fix it now

 

[LdiJ]

I really do feel for you. I think that you were trying to do the best you could to get the two of you out of a bad situation, and two master manipulator teenagers sandbagged you....or at least one master manipulator and someone in lust.

I have seen this happen to parents before and I am sure that I will see it happen to other parents again. Its difficult for someone to understand unless they have observed it themselves.

There are things that you could have tried before it got this far (like counseling for you and your son) but no one knows whether that would have salvaged the situation or not.

If you are absolutely certain that you do not want your child back in your home, you can talk to your caseworker about it...perhaps allow them to terminate your parental rights. Or even perhaps convince them that it would be better for you to move on with going to school so that you can provide support for him even if you can't have him in your home.

You are not absolutely stuck where you are, but there would be at least financial consequences if you simply went ahead and left.

However, you have to be absolutely certain that you are truly prepared to go that route....because once its done, its forever. When your son breaks up with this girl, or she breaks up with him (and its almost inevitable that it will happen) you may get your son back and he may be himself again.

 

[majomom1]

I really do feel for you. I think that you were trying to do the best you could to get the two of you out of a bad situation, and two master manipulator teenagers sandbagged you....or at least one master manipulator and someone in lust.

I have seen this happen to parents before and I am sure that I will see it happen to other parents again. Its difficult for someone to understand unless they have observed it themselves.

There are things that you could have tried before it got this far (like counseling for you and your son) but no one knows whether that would have salvaged the situation or not.

If you are absolutely certain that you do not want your child back in your home, you can talk to your caseworker about it...perhaps allow them to terminate your parental rights. Or even perhaps convince them that it would be better for you to move on with going to school so that you can provide support for him even if you can't have him in your home.

You are not absolutely stuck where you are, but there would be at least financial consequences if you simply went ahead and left.

However, you have to be absolutely certain that you are truly prepared to go that route....because once its done, its forever. When your son breaks up with this girl, or she breaks up with him (and its almost inevitable that it will happen) you may get your son back and he may be himself again.

This does happen. And when teens get hold of anyone that will support them against a parent -- it can be very tough. My ex is taking part in this with my teens and daring me to 'touch' them. I monitor their MySpace, phone calls etc... and my ex tells them it's an invasion of their privacy. Every consequence or discipline I hand down my ex sides with them and says I am being mean, unreasonable and vindictive...

I am barely hanging on until court. My hands are tied to do much else until then, but I am standing my ground for now. So far, I still have a small thread and I think my kids know the difference between right and wrong. There is a bond there... but they are teens and push every single chance they get. I love my kids dearly, but sometimes I don't like them very much. That is very, very hard for me to say.

OP, look at Ld's options... they sound like valid ones for you. I wish I had some options. If you have family that can help with legal fees... beg them for help.

 

[stealth2]

The thing is since he began dating this girl he has molested his cousin (who was 3 at the time), stolen money from family and friends, crashed his grandparents computer 3 times with internet porn to the tune of over $500, run away from home for getting grounded for theft, destroyed the personal property of friends and family members with no thought to the cost for them or any remorse at all. I have statements from 16 people of the stuff this kid has done just since he started dating the Lil Demon (my pet name for the darlin lil thing) and has no intention of being sorry for or trying to fix. So... if my attitude sucks toward my son THATS why... He can hurt whoever HOWEVER he wants and everyone says "oh that poor child hes just neglected" what about all the people he has hurt? what about the family thats going through counseling because of what he's done to them???

And what happened to your darling when you called the cops for molesting a child, theft, etc? You DID, of course, call the cops. Right?

 

[TCool]

i try to get him under control WITHOUT beating the ever-lovin snot right out of him

Honestly, the bolded part is exactly what I would've done.

Sorry you're having issues, good luck.

 

[Ohiogal]

Um... because i didnt know I could do that... not having had courtroom etiquette explained beforehand.. i of course found out afterward... All i knew i could do was directly answer the questions the judge asked me... "yes Sir no Sir" that sort of thing... nobody once said... okay this is what you said do you want to change your mind or anything before we put it down permanent? Stupid me for thinking that i had a chance in hell against the state or in court... learned my lesson though... too bad i cant go back and fix it now

YOur attorney should have explained that to you. And if you did not have an attorney you should have asked for a continuance. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO KNOW THE LAW if you are going pro se.

 

[sugarplum_lana]

YOur attorney should have explained that to you. And if you did not have an attorney you should have asked for a continuance. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO KNOW THE LAW if you are going pro se.

I have a court appointed attorney and he didnt explain anything i didnt directly question him about. But disposition is tomorrow and at the moment Im working on finding out if i can recant my earlier admission and get a new lawyer.

 

[sugarplum_lana]

And what happened to your darling when you called the cops for molesting a child, theft, etc? You DID, of course, call the cops. Right?

Wow Stealth, what did i ever do to you to make you so mad at me?
Of course the cops have been called. The officer that has brought my son home time and again has done everything in his power to help us stay together as a family and has tried to help my son as well. None of us wanted to see my son go to Juvenile Hall or reform school or whatever it is they do with problem kids these days. This child had goals and dreams and we all tried to help him reach them, police included. We lived in a tiny little town of less than 200 folks so we knew everyone and they knew us. The point being that nobody wanted to see this kid messed up and everyone did what they could to help him stay on the straight and narrow.
Im glad now that the cops were called for all this stuff because Im sure they have records of all of it. Im calling them all today and having as much information faxed to me as i can get. As i stated elsewhere in this thread I am trying to get my earlier admission of "no fault" recanted and im firing my lawyer and asking for a new one. If that doesnt happen, well, they cant throw me in jail so I'll get on with my plans to provide a home for the kid and hope the State figures out what everyone around him already knows.

 

[mommyof4]

Once he molested the child...that would end any concern I would have about trying to keep the family together. He MOLESTED A 3 YEAR OLD CHILD!!! And all anybody was worried about was trying to keep him with you? He SHOULD have been in a cell, no matter what you think of that option. He is, and obviously has been for a while, beyond any help you could offer.

All I can say is wow....

You should admit to the court that you CANNOT control him (you can't) and find out what options are available. Police reports, your counselor's report, etc. need to be presented.