Parenting Decision, Correct?

[CourtClerk]

I can see both sides of this argument. I have a child the same age as 2Mistakes. If dad were to send a phone with kiddo, it would only be allowed in my home and kept on the kitchen counter. No where else. It would NOT be going to school, etc. I will NOT be responsible for the cost if kiddo lost it. If he wants to call, we have a perfectly serviceable phone in the house where he can call to his hearts content. And on the next trip, back to dad's it would go. I do NOT see an overwhelming need for children to be tethered to their parents with telephone umbilical cords at the ripe old age of 12.

Now, when kiddo gets a driver's license - yeppers, she'll have one then. But then, she might not get one till she is 18 yo.

And for what it's worth, I completely agree with this, as well.

 

[Rushia]

Ugh, I've been saying to put it on a shelf since the first page! Put it there, leave it on, when it's MOM calling, allow child to talk, put it back on shelf, send it to Mom's during her time. Keep cycle going.

 

[ray25]

She could take it to court but I would probably take my chances. My ex has tried to dictate everything that goes on in my house from what I feed kids to what time they go to bed, what I read them, what I do with them, etc. If I mention ONE thing that goes on at her house, "it's none of your business!".

I think that if you allow her to make decisions for your house with this, then where does it end? If the child was driving, if you were denying phone contact, etc then I could see it.

One other thing to keep in mind: A child can be traced through GPS on a cell phone. There are services out there that will track your child for you. A mother at work was talking about how she knows where her kid is when with the ex because of this service. She's just trying to "catch him" in something so she can take him back to court.

I agree you should have ignored the email and confiscated the phone when it came to your house. Maybe find a compromise, only you can decide for your family what is right. Just my opinion based on experience. Obviously a judge very well could order you to let her have it. It could also easily go the other way.

 

[LdiJ]

My ex has issues with boundries. Anyone remember the turtle debacle last summer?

For those of you who don't, last summer, mom sent the kids home to me with a large tank of turtles. She never asked me if they could have pets, just sent them home. I wasn't home when the kids were dropped off, my parents were, and they didn't know what to say or do. So we had these freakin' turtles. I let the kids keep them.

UPDATE ABOUT THE TURTLES:

We had the turtles for about 6 months. The kids did a good job of taking care of them for awhile, then the "new" wore off, and my house started smelling like ass.

I gave the kids a second chance. I told them either they cleaned the tank weekly, or the turtles had to go. About 3 weeks later, with the house still smelling of ass, we released the turtles in the creek behind our house.

I can top the turtle story 10 fold, and my ex and I are best friends...wanna hear about the newts, the frogs, the baby ducks, the baby chicken, the baby goose, the baby rabbits, the baby hamsters (that sadly got ate by the dog "traumna"), the parakeets, the iguana, the numerous puppies and kittens?

Talk about a house smelling like ass...you don't know what ass smells like until you have had baby fowl living in it.

I didn't read past the first page on the responses you had on the cell phone, but here is my two cents.

Let your 12 year old have it. Leave it on and charged and let it be somewhere where it can be answered if mom (or other maternal relatives) calls. Let it be available otherwise for times when its useful to YOU. Don't make it a fight between you and mom, because its not guaranteed that you will win.

People have all different kinds of views about kids and cell phones. As a mother, my daughter had a cell phone at 12 and I considered it to be mom's best friend. Other people view it very differently. However, in my opinion its simply not a battle worth dying over.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Hey 2Mistakes ... since the turtles are gone, I could send a guinea pig your way ... we still have one of the "children" who really could use a new home.

 

[2Mistakes]

Ugh, I've been saying to put it on a shelf since the first page! Put it there, leave it on, when it's MOM calling, allow child to talk, put it back on shelf, send it to Mom's during her time. Keep cycle going.

And then mom thinks she has some say so about the rules I make.

Kiddo has asked me for a phone umpteen times. And umpteen times I've told her no. Mom does not get to usurp my authority in my house.

If kiddo gets this phone from mom and is allowed to keep it that just teaches her that if daddy says no to something, she just needs to run to mommy with a sob story and she'll get what she wants.

Uh uh. Not in my house.

 

[Isis1]

And then mom thinks she has some say so about the rules I make.

Kiddo has asked me for a phone umpteen times. And umpteen times I've told her no. Mom does not get to usurp my authority in my house.

If kiddo gets this phone from mom and is allowed to keep it that just teaches her that if daddy says no to something, she just needs to run to mommy with a sob story and she'll get what she wants.

Uh uh. Not in my house.

keep in mind, at the same time, daughter is KNOWINGLY pitting you and mom against each other.

 

[2Mistakes]

Hey 2Mistakes ... since the turtles are gone, I could send a guinea pig your way ... we still have one of the "children" who really could use a new home.

I have a better idea.

Why don't I send you the ex's address and you can send it to her.

No return address. We'll just let her wonder.

 

[Isis1]

I have a better idea.

Why don't I send you the ex's address and you can send it to her.

No return address. We'll just let her wonder.

if you are going to do THAT, make sure the little piggy is pregnant first!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Well, the piggy I'm thinking about is a boy ... if HE were to get pregnant, well ... I think I could make some $$ from the National Enquirer.

 

[Isis1]

Well, the piggy I'm thinking about is a boy ... if HE were to get pregnant, well ... I think I could make some $$ from the National Enquirer.

lol, in that case DON'T send that one to mom!

 

[Zephyr]

I have a better idea.

Why don't I send you the ex's address and you can send it to her.

No return address. We'll just let her wonder.

Brilliant!


2M- since it's understood that kiddo is pitting you and mom against each other.....why not pull mom on over to your side (if possible) call her up and say hey here's the deal, kiddo has been asking for this phone and I have said no yadayadayada.....can you help me out here by backing me up? If there is something you are against, I'm going to back you on it- but we can't allow the kids to drive us crazy against each other, we do a good enough job of that already


I know it's a long shot but....it might work?


and one thing I would like to point out- humbly, it seems from what I can recall that you object to much of what mom wants, there may be some good will to be had by caving on small things (not necessarily the phone) and then asking for her cooperation in return when it is something that is really important to you

 

[penelope10]

I agree with the advice that the phone be put up on shelf and only used when Mom calls to your house. OMG to a 12 year old that is going to be a terrible punishment. It'll drive her crazy!!!(To see the stinking phone everyday and NOT be able to use it-and should teach her a lesson about pitting Dad and Mom against one another on certain issues).

 

[txmom512]

I didn't read all the replies. But Wow... My dd's had her phone since she was 10. She's 12 now. This past weekend she dropped it in a water bucket at the barn. OMG I don't know what we did before she had one! It was SO inconvenient. I hated not being able to call her whenever I wanted. lol

Honestly, when she got hers at 10 I used it as a bribe sort of. She got the cheapest trac phone they had (all of $10 so it would be cheap to replace if I had to) and she did chores to earn minutes. Worked out GREAT!

Now, animals are a different story. You know most serious "good" breeders, and most rescues will not allow a family to have a puppy or kitten if they know it's going to be up to the kids to take care of it. It never works. If you get your kid an animal you should be ready to take care of it yourself...

 

[CJane]

I got unruly a phone. Didn't discuss it with Dad. Didn't feel the need to.

She's had FOUR phones 'disappear' at his house. FOUR. She's NEVER lost a phone when with me - and she's had a phone since she was 10. Am I more than a little suspicious that if they did a study of his farm pond, it would come back seriously contaminated w/whatever leaches out of NICAD batteries? Yup. Do I DO anything but get another phone since I WON'T have Unruly being w/out one when she's left home alone, etc? Nope.

I GET what you're saying about YOUR rules in YOUR house. And I'm with you. Believe me, I'm 100% with you. But take a deep breath. Your reaction is giving Mom the win. You're all pissed off, ranting, posturing, saying "NOT IN MY HOUSE!!!!" and "WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE IS!!!!" and getting your ... whiskers ... all in a knot about it. She's just sitting there saying "Yup. Still got it. Look at him twist."

OR you let her have the phone in the manner that Rushia suggested. She doesn't REALLY have access to the phone. Doesn't really HAVE a phone in the sense that big sis does. Sure, mom still wins a little bit in that daughter keeps the phone. But it's relatively painless for you and Mom is left thinking she can't get your goat anymore. Which is a small win for YOU.

Which is less painful? And at the end of the day, there's a lesson in there for Princess - she wished for a phone - and she got one. But it's under YOUR control as long as it's in YOUR house. So she didn't really get her wish after all and she learns that just because Mommy does something doesn't mean Daddy is gonna let it slide through unnoticed.

Unruly doesn't use her phone at Dad's house. I've NEVER been able to call her on it when she's with him. Ever. No big.