Paternity/support/custody issue. Yikes!

[Ambr]

Here's a thought.....

Your test, while being performed using a sibling to determine the likelihood of a paternity test -- could be disregarded, because the first thing to ask is well, am I actually the father of that child.

The same for his test.....assuming that he used the older sibling as well since you were not aware of it.

A proper DNA testing would need to be performed with samples from MOM, DAD and the child. To confirm paternity.

Going through the court could be a way of ending child support (which according to you hasn't been a problem - he is and has been willingly paying support) and could possibly terminate his custody to the child (which according to you isn't what he wants because he wants to remain in the childs life regardless).

Why not go for the test?

 

[msfurman]

Also, a VA attny told me that I would not be responsible for paying back and money in support that he has paid because he knowingly continued to pay support even though there was doubt to the parentage. In our situation, we were not married, so we signed a Paternity Acknoweldgement inthe hospital. By signing that he was basically saying yes, he knows that he is being named as the father and that he will take responsibility of this child without a paternity test. Waiving paternity testing. Thus, he cant sue me for support.

I though of something else in your case that relates to the State of Virginia. You were marriedlegally when you conceived your child with the other man. IN Virginia, if you are legaly married, and you conceive during that marriage, legally an child conceived during the marriage is that of the husband. And the only way to combat that is through Paternity testing to prove otherwise. So inthe eys of the court, even if he is not the bio dad, they will impute it all on him because yall were married, unless, you or he proves why he shouldnt. If no other man is going to show up and "claim" the child, then, the courts will leave things the way they are. However the other post was right, that if he complained, he could be dismissed from paying support, but still get visitation. YOu just need to rpove why that is not in the childs best interest.

If yall both agree that nothing will change....child support, visitation, custody and at thispoint its purely about the child being able to know at a later date who his father is, then try to get him to do it pravely through DNA Diagnsotics.

Another thing. Are you SURE this man will never take you to court later in a couple years for Custody? Something to think about it, if he gets the urge to be a jerk, like my other childs father, and years later decides he wants custody, the only way to stop the actoin in its tracks for you, without a whole bunch of legal mess, would be a paternity test. An attny told me that biological parents will never lose custody to "third party" parents unless the third party (your x) can prove that your a prositutes, drug dealer, user.....bad mom. So maybe to save your self the headache, if he wants the daggon test, take it and keep the information. Because when that child is 11 years old and he decided he wants custody or attempt to, all you have to do is pull out paternity papers to show, he is not the bio dad. Just a little hint to think about. The Va. attny said, they would never take a child away from a bio parent unless they are just terrible. But as you know, couples fight all the time for custody and one parent loses custody thats had a child for something stupid in the law...a technicality or whatever. But if you have that test in hand, that is your protection.

 

[virginia_mom]

Thanks!

Thanks for the post. We are dealing with different social situations for sure. Since my last post, I've called the company who did the sibling test for me. They reviewed the results and said they could not believe that my ex had done a valid paternity test because according to their test, it was nearly certain that my children are full-siblings (not half as ex suggests). My ex has a bond with this child and I do NOT want to change that. He says he doesn't either. I've done a test because I feel the child needs to know who her father is (maybe not at 4 but she needs to know). I still don't understand why my ex is making an issue out of this.

So in VA whoever requests the test pays? That's interesting to know. I think in my situation I'm going to sit on this and wait for my ex to make a move. He's sent a couple of threatening e-mails and I've only replied that I would be happy to compare his test results with mine just let me know when and where. He doesn't seem to want to do that and I'm starting to think that it's because he didn't really do a test.

Best of luck in your situation. Let me know how it turns out.

vm

 

[msfurman]

Yes, at this point, I say to sit on it for a while. In court whoever request it, has to pay for it - its in the Code of Virginia. Just play cool like youve been. If the dna place stand by there testing, then just tell the x, Hey, I know who my kids father is. If you have questions or question my test results, then you can either, take the child for testing yourself (and let me know if you need a sample from me) or court order me to take it. I mean, like me, your child is 4. Too young to even TRY to explain any of this. And if he is the father, there is nothing to explain....right? And as of now, he is the father. Hes provided without a problem and you have a sibling test. Everything is on your side. Leave it alone. He is the father of your child. Test proved it. He's trying to rattle your cage. If he wants to continue to rattle it, he will have to pay for it financially in the court system and why do that if there is a chance that he might get out of paying support? go with your test unless the court forces you other wise. But in reality, if he is going to have to pay for it if its court ordered because he asked for it, what isthe difference then, in him goin on his own and taking the child on one of his visits to have him and the child tested and pay for it himself. Because they dont need YOU to take the test. He still pays for the test! Tell him that. Either way, he's paing for it. They dont need you for the test. Think about it.....If you wanted to know if your daughter was YOURS and not another womens, and lets say your a single mom, for example, you and the child would be tested. Same goes for him. If he wants to know if the child is his, he doesnt need a court order for you. He could just take the child and himself. The DNA places even say so. So why is he so hell bent on court ordering you?????Makes no sense. He's not thinking right. The only reason he would need to court order you, is if you were making it impossible for himto see the child so he could or if he wanted you to help pay for it. He's a mess!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

This is a no brainer.
There is a question of paternity.
You admit that you had sex with other men and they could be the father.
You ex has the right to petition the court to order a paternity test.
The court can make orders based on the results.
If there is paternity fraud you can be held responsible.
Even if your ex is proved not to be the father, since he has a relationship and you represented the child as his, he can petition to have visitation even if he is not paying child support etc.
The longer you prolong the process, the costlier it will be for you.
The best interest of the child is at stake.