Please, I need advice on a separation situation.

[ceara19]

My oldest son's father resides in Michigan. He has been in prison for most of his childhood, and while he's apparently working on getting his life back together (and paying support for the first time in 11 years) the only interest he has shown in his son is requesting to have his rights removed. So, he is currently not a factor in this.


Also, I had actually only come back to post an update... After hours of discussing the matter of a seperation agreement, I believe that it is a possible option at this time. At first he was completely irate and very hostile about the idea (which concerned me even more). But the more I explained the reasonings, and after he had time to cool down, he has made an attempt to see things from my perspective.

I purchased the forms online, and have filled them out and have been sending the information to my husband for the past few hours, and we're working on the details now. Whether or not its something that he's going to go with (considering that it is basically a divorce) he understands my reasons for wanting this, and the benefits (for both of us) to do this.

I've expressed concern that he could be plotting with his family to try to remove the child from my posession as soon as I leave... and though he swears that this is not something he would do, I've expressed that there are other factors as to why it would be in OUR best interest to follow through with it.

It will put a child support order in place, prevent either of us from incurring debt that may be detrimental to the other, protect his visitation rights, etc.

So provided we can work to make all parts of the agreement fair to both of us, I may have the answer that I was seeking when I initially came here for advice.


-------

I do not feel obligated to explain my reasonings for my deceit, it was a choice that I made, and while you may or may not understand (or agree), I do not feel that my actions have been wrong considering the situation that we are currently in and the circumstances involved. Sometimes people have to lie, whether or not it be to protect someone's feelings, or to protect themselves. In this case it is both.

I have been faced with a lot of hardships in life that I have been able to overcome, this is just one more bump along my journey and I intend to do my best with every decision I make to ensure that my children are loved, cared for, and treated the way that they should be. My actions towards my husband are not for my benefit, or for his, but primarily for theirs. It would be detrimental to let a situation arise where there could be hostilities that my children would have to participate in, and I am doing what I need to do to avoid that.

I have put much time and effort into resolving our sitation in other ways, and I had failed at obtaining a positive outcome. Leaving a marriage is not an easy thing to do, it is not the right thing to do... but for the situation that we are in it is the BEST thing to do.

I do appreciate the advice from those of you who were able to look past that.

For those of you who insist to label me and assume that I am a bad person, I thank you for your opinions and I wish you well with your endevours and hardships. I sincerely hope that when and if a time comes that you are faced with a prediciment such as the one that I am in, that people will not attack you like you have me when you make decisions that others do not agree with.

Also, even though mean words have been spoken... my spirits have not been dampened, my hope has not been lost, and I know that I will endure this battle and overcome the obsticles to find a better, safer, and happier place for my children and myself.

Thank you.

SJ

You certainly don't have to explain anything you don't want to. However, I have lived with and was married to an alcoholic, one that didn't start having a problem until AFTER we were married and I was pregnant with my second, and LAST child. Never ONCE did I lie or mislead him just in order to get my way or make things easier, even though many times I could have tried to "justify" it by using the "best interests of the children" as an excuse.

I played by the rules set forth by the court and stayed on the straight and narrow during the entire process. Had I NOT, the outcome in court would not have been nearly as good or favorable to me as it was.

 

[SaraJane]

You certainly don't have to explain anything you don't want to. However, I have lived with and was married to an alcoholic, one that didn't start having a problem until AFTER we were married and I was pregnant with my second, and LAST child. Never ONCE did I lie or mislead him just in order to get my way or make things easier, even though many times I could have tried to "justify" it by using the "best interests of the children" as an excuse.

Did he at any point revoke your ability to provide yourself and your children with the things that you need? Just so you couldnt make a break for it? Just so you couldnt go to a shelter, or seek out an attorney? Or contact your friends and family?

 

[ceara19]

Did he at any point revoke your ability to provide yourself and your children with the things that you need? Just so you couldnt make a break for it? Just so you couldnt go to a shelter, or seek out an attorney? Or contact your friends and family?

He never had the POWER to revoke MY ability to provide for myself or my children. At the time, I was basically a SAHM. However, from the day I quit my full time position, I continued to do enough freelance work in my field so that I would still have up to date job skills and contacts for when I was ready to go back to work full-time. YOUR ability to provide for you and the children is something that is 100% in YOUR control. Even if you BOTH agreed that you should stay at home with the kids, in the end YOU had the final say.

You have already stated that

His typical schedule is 14 days out, 14 days in.

, you had 2 weeks every month to go to a shelter or seek out an attorney or to contact your family and friends.

I've already been in your shoes, none of the typical excuses are going to make me change my mind on the situation. If there were TRULY extenuating circumstances that made YOUR situation different from that every other person seeking a divorce, you would have put it in the first post.

 

[SaraJane]

Forget it, its not worth it.

 

[SaraJane]

I've already been in your shoes, none of the typical excuses are going to make me change my mind on the situation. If there were TRULY extenuating circumstances that made YOUR situation different from that every other person seeking a divorce, you would have put it in the first post.

No, I didnt feel that it was necessary to come here and bash my husband. I wanted legal advice, not judgements from people who assume to much.

 

[ceara19]

Did he call and cancel your phone service / internet because he knew that you called your mother crying because he had passed out on the floor at 7pm?

MY phone and MY Internet service were in MY name paid for by ME. He couldn't cut it off if he wanted to.

Did he keep all the money in an account in his name so that he could control how much money you had access to and monitor how you spent it?

We had a joint account and then each of us had our OWN bank account. As I have already told you, no one was stopping you from getting a job but YOU. Since you asked, my ex did try to clean out our joint account. It didn't work because I had already closed the account a few hours earlier and had 2 cashier checks made out for the balance, half for me and half for him, just another example of playing fair.

Did he take all the keys to your vehicle with him when he left so that you could not leave?

Nope and if he had every even mentioned doing it, I would have left his ass then and there. You could have gotten a key made the next time you went grocery shopping or left while he was gone for 14 days at a time. If you could call someone to get you because he cut the phone off, you could have gone to a neighbors house and called. I KNOW he didn't have all of the neighbors phones disconnected too.

Did he munipulate you consistantly and play games with your emotions?

Yes, that's the reason I didn't leave when he first started having problems.

Did he threaten to kill himself if you were to leave him?

Many, many times. I finally asked him if he'd like to borrow a gun, knife, razor blade, sleeping pills or a garden hose to help him along. Most people that THREATEN suicide have no intention on ever attempting to do it.

Do you live in the backwoods of Mississippi where the nearest business is well over 2 miles away, and your nearest neighbor is one hell of a hike?

Nope, I lived in the back woods of Texas. If you really want to get somewhere and have no other way, you do what you have to. You don't find excuses NOT to go.

Were you ashamed of the situation you were in and not sure what you could do to save yourself and your children or who you could turn to?

I sure as hell didn't go around bragging that I was married to a no-good alcoholic. I think almost EVERYONE that goes through a divorce or failed relationship has a certain amount of shame. People don't like to FAIL at anything, even if there is nothing they can do to save the relationship.

Did your family have the financial ability to help you out?

They did have the means to help, but I didn't ask them for anything other then NON-monetary support until 2 years AFTER I left him. I only asked then to speed my never-ending divorce along. If they would have decided NOT to help, I would have done it on my own, it just would have taken even longer then it did.

Mine dont! Do you have any idea what I have endured... NO! YOU DONT!

Yes, I DO. The difference is, I never tried to make MYSELF into a "victim". I don't have that kind of mentality.

I stated that my husband is not physically abusive, and that he is not. A lot has changed with his behavior since our son was born, but the circumstances are still unfavorable.

That doesn't give you the right to play by your own rules.

I've got a friend who was able to accumulate enough money to put down a months rent and cover a $100 security deposit (Just over $650, which would not be much help for me here).

Why haven't you gotten a JOB or 2 if that's what it takes?

He's able to assist me with cash to get home if needed also, but that is not enough to hire an attorney, and legal aid cannot assist me unless we have been separated for 6 months.

Then you start the proceedings yourself or you wait it out for 6 months.


Other than that all I have are hopes and prayers that I can return home soon. My father passed away almost 7 years ago, my mother is in a financial crisis of her own and was laid off almost 2 years ago. She began working again less than a month ago, and is on the verge of losing her home herself. She cannot do much more to help me. My Aunt was quite possibly the only other hope I had for financial support, and her situation has also turned sour.

Social Services can offer me foodstamps. What good will that do?

It will put FOOD on the table.

No shelters or housing assistance programs have room, assets, or the ability to help me at this point, I have been turned away and turned away (Katrina victims are still a huge issue here, there is nothing that they have been able to do but wish me luck)

Get a J-O-B! There are many places practically BEGGING people to take jobs because of all of the people that decided NOT to move back after the hurricane.

I have begged and pleaded with my husband to let me go. He had finally agreed that I can go, only after making false threats and claims about these 'services' being able to help me when they had not. Yes I am a liar, but for God's sake I have good reason for that right now.

When he finds out that you are lying (and he WILL find out) it's your CHILD that will suffer the consequences. You DO NOT have a good reason to lie.

Its great if I have allowed you to feel that you are a better person because you were able to do things 'the right way' and have it work in your favor. Im not so lucky.

It has nothing to do with feeling like a better person. It about RIGHT and WRONG and the repercussions of doing the WRONG thing. Are you prepared to lose CUSTODY of your child because you chose to lie and cheat the system? I didn't play fair because I'm a BETTER person than everyone that doesn't. I did it because that was the best thing for my CHILDREN.

 

[SaraJane]

I guess I should just stay, let my children grow up to be alchohlics... wait til maybe he gets pulled over for a DUI and tossed in prison (im sure the 4th offense would be some jailtime atleast)... remain miserable... keep putting in applications at the local "McDonalds" only to find that they have no positions available... and if they do become available, maybe by then my child will be old enough to attend daycare. Oh wait... if Im making $6 an hour would I even be able to afford daycare? Oh, and what if my husband flips out because Im working with 'other men' and in a jealous rage does anything he can to make me unable to show up for work so that I can get fired.... again.

Maybe I could wait til he does start beating on us so that I can press charges and get him locked up and file a PPO.

Maybe I should just give up my rights to my son in MI because my husband wont allow for me to see him anyway, God forbid he gives me 'allowance' to go home and risk the chance of me not coming back.

Maybe in a few months they will 'reopen' the waiting list for housing assistance or emergency shelter. Maybe eventually they'll change the requirements for legal aid and I wont have to be moved out for 6 months before they can help me. MAYBE eventually someone will drop $3,000 on my lap so I can hire an attorney. Maybe I'll find a lawyer who wont need a retainer and will help me for free! Maybe I can call Bellsouth and see if they can just switch the name on the bill to mine so that he cant shut it off again. Maybe I can go to the bank and demand that they put my name on his bank account, or call his employer and see if they can direct deposit his paychecks into MY account instead of his. Maybe I can get a prescription for Zoloft so I can just live like a zombie for my life and become numb to the hurt that I feel. Maybe I can go get foodstamps, sell them and try to save that money for a lawyer... oh wait that would be WRONG. Hell, I can just get the foodstamps and buy name brand food instead of offbrand stuff!

Maybe I can wait until the system can offer me something other than dead ends.

Maybe I'll find someone who isnt so self righteous that they can see that Im trying, regardless to how easy they think it should be, when its not... just because it worked for them.

Maybe you will stop talking out your ass and stop assuming that you know how much - or how little - effort I have put into doing things the right way, or trying to figure out how. Maybe you will stop assuming that the resources here are equal to that which you had available for you.


Maybe I came here because I wanted to do what was right, with the resources I had and got nothing... Maybe I should have assumed that every other effort I made has been useless and this wouldnt be any different... Maybe I should assume that the only way to escape this situation is to wait until we die and in the meantime continue to be miserable in a loveless marriage because someone wants a pretty girl sitting in his livingroom to get him his drinks when he's home.

God knows that'd be better than lying to my husband.

 

[ceara19]

I guess I should just stay, let my children grow up to be alchohlics... wait til maybe he gets pulled over for a DUI and tossed in prison (im sure the 4th offense would be some jailtime atleast)... remain miserable... keep putting in applications at the local "McDonalds" only to find that they have no positions available... and if they do become available, maybe by then my child will be old enough to attend daycare. Oh wait... if Im making $6 an hour would I even be able to afford daycare? Oh, and what if my husband flips out because Im working with 'other men' and in a jealous rage does anything he can to make me unable to show up for work so that I can get fired.... again.

Again, instead of taking the CORRECT steps, you are making excuses to try and justify doing things the WRONG way. There is no such thing as doing the WRONG thing for the RIGHT reasons. If it is right, it's right, if it's wrong, it's wrong. There is all kind of daycare assistance for working mothers and mothers that are in school. There are job training programs that are FREE.

Maybe I could wait til he does start beating on us so that I can press charges and get him locked up and file a PPO.

Another excuse to not do the RIGHT thing.

Maybe I should just give up my rights to my son in MI because my husband wont allow for me to see him anyway, God forbid he gives me 'allowance' to go home and risk the chance of me not coming back.

Earlier you stated that you quit working because his income was enough to support the FOUR of you, now suddenly, your son is in MI. Was he living in prison with his dad all these years?

Maybe in a few months they will 'reopen' the waiting list for housing assistance or emergency shelter.

Maybe you'll win the next "HGTV Dreamhouse".

Maybe eventually they'll change the requirements for legal aid and I wont have to be moved out for 6 months before they can help me.

Maybe you'll read up on the statutes in your state and start the process yourself, that's what I and many others here did because it was what we had to do.

MAYBE eventually someone will drop $3,000 on my lap so I can hire an attorney.

Maybe you'll win the lottery or Oprah will hear your heart-wrenching story and send you a check.

Maybe I'll find a lawyer who wont need a retainer and will help me for free!

Maybe you could pull up the website for your state bar association and find out how their pro bono services work.

Maybe I can call Bellsouth and see if they can just switch the name on the bill to mine so that he cant shut it off again.

There's a thought.

Maybe I can go to the bank and demand that they put my name on his bank account, or call his employer and see if they can direct deposit his paychecks into MY account instead of his.

Maybe you could just open your OWN account and put YOUR money in it.

Maybe I can get a prescription for Zoloft so I can just live like a zombie for my life and become numb to the hurt that I feel.

If that's the way you want to handle it feel free, but you are not the first person to be hurt in a relationship and you won;t be the last. People get their heart broken everyday and endure much more then you have been through (try losing a child) and they still get up and continue with life day after day.

Maybe I can go get foodstamps, sell them and try to save that money for a lawyer... oh wait that would be WRONG. Hell, I can just get the foodstamps and buy name brand food instead of offbrand stuff!

Use it to buy food, pocket the grocery money and use THAT to help you out of your current situation.

Maybe I can wait until the system can offer me something other than dead ends.

Maybe you could find the road yourself instead of waiting for someone else to draw you a map.

Maybe I'll find someone who isnt so self righteous that they can see that Im trying, regardless to how easy they think it should be, when its not... just because it worked for them.

I'm not being self-righteous and so far you haven't shown how YOU have tried to do anything. You have only pointed out how OTHERS have FAILED to help you. I was TRYING to help you. EVERY single person that I know that has gone about something like this in the WRONG way has had it come back to bite them in the ass.

Maybe you will stop talking out your ass and stop assuming that you know how much - or how little - effort I have put into doing things the right way, or trying to figure out how. Maybe you will stop assuming that the resources here are equal to that which you had available for you.

I'm not ASSUMING anything. Everything is based on the information YOU have provided. The only "resources" I had are the ones I worked for MYSELF.

Maybe I came here because I wanted to do what was right, with the resources I had and got nothing...

You have gotten all of the CORRECT legal advice available. NO ONE here or at any reputable legal site is going to assist you in cheating the legal system. It is in place for a reason. People don;t get to pick and choose the laws that they follow without facing serious repercussions when they DON'T follow the rules. We all had to play by the rules and so do you.

Maybe I should have assumed that every other effort I made has been useless and this wouldnt be any different...

What have YOU done to change your situation? I'm not taking about trying to get public assistance or waiting until someone else comes along to save you.

Maybe I should assume that the only way to escape this situation is to wait until we die and in the meantime continue to be miserable in a loveless marriage because someone wants a pretty girl sitting in his livingroom to get him his drinks when he's home.

Maybe you should actually DO something other than trying to be the victim in all of this.

God knows that'd be better than lying to my husband.

The bible says "Thou shall not lie", not "Thou shall not lie, unless you have a really good reason".

 

[SaraJane]

Again, instead of taking the CORRECT steps, you are making excuses to try and justify doing things the WRONG way. There is no such thing as doing the WRONG thing for the RIGHT reasons. If it is right, it's right, if it's wrong, it's wrong. There is all kind of daycare assistance for working mothers and mothers that are in school. There are job training programs that are FREE.

You're right, but this does not apply to me. I cannot get daycare assistance due to my husband's income... and that does not magically put daycare or jobs in my reach. You are completely sure that the job market here is just booming with jobs and that there's just all sorts of daycare providers jumping at the opportunity to watch my child, arent you? I mean, lets just dismiss the fact that my husband would NOT allow me to work.

Earlier you stated that you quit working because his income was enough to support the FOUR of you, now suddenly, your son is in MI. Was he living in prison with his dad all these years?

The FOUR of us - My husband, my 1 year old, my 11 year old, and myself. I also have an 8 year old child in Michigan who is living with HIS father. Yep 3 kids, 3 dads, not only am I a liar, but I bet you think Im a horrible person for that too, eh?

Also, as I earlier stated...

I stopped working when I was pregnant due to severe morning sickness, and he preferred that I remain home during the pregnancy due to complications with my previous pregnancies.

Prior to not working while with him I have never been unemployed, before and after my first son was born I maintained full time employment to support him (while recieving some financial assistance).

He had wanted me to continue to stay home since he makes more than enough money to support the 4 of us. Reasons being from daycare costs to the fact that he didnt want me to meet 'someone else'.

Maybe you'll read up on the statutes in your state and start the process yourself, that's what I and many others here did because it was what we had to do.

WOW... now was that so hard? I dont know anything about statutes, or how to do the process myself, I have looked up what I can online and the only things I have found were 'do-it-yourself divorce kits' that run for quite some money. The only advice I had gotten in regards to that was "Dont do it yourself, get a lawyer, or you'll be screwed!" That lead me here, in hopes of more than what I had gotten, my original post https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=331847 recieved 2 replies and I was still very uncertain of what procedures I could take to get things done 'the right way'.

Maybe you could pull up the website for your state bar association and find out how their pro bono services work.

Again, this is something that I am not familiar with, and information that does a lot more for me than for you to tell me to "GET A JOB!"

Maybe you could just open your OWN account and put YOUR money in it.

Again, I have no income, no money and he will not allow me to have money of my own. I have managed to save $600 over a period of several months. I -do- receive child support for my 11 year old, but that goes directly to my other child.

If that's the way you want to handle it feel free, but you are not the first person to be hurt in a relationship and you won;t be the last. People get their heart broken everyday and endure much more then you have been through (try losing a child) and they still get up and continue with life day after day.

I know Im not the first person, or the last... and I have lost a child, and I have gotten up and continued with life day after day.

I am not familiar or educated or experienced with issues reguarding divorce or statutes or pro bono services. I have done what I can with what I know, and with what little resources I have. Yes, I have internet and that's a wealth of knowledge, and again... why I am here. I did not come here to be lectured on God's feelings about lying... I came here because I have spent countless hours trying to find answers on my own and have come up empty handed or completely confused about my options.

I'm not being self-righteous and so far you haven't shown how YOU have tried to do anything. You have only pointed out how OTHERS have FAILED to help you. I was TRYING to help you. EVERY single person that I know that has gone about something like this in the WRONG way has had it come back to bite them in the ass.

I dont see how you being insistant that Im not trying is helping me. This is the first post that you've made in my situation that has provided information that I might benefit from.

Im aware that the current situation and me leaving can cause for the situation to bite me in my ass... I know that much... but the information I have has not been enough for me to know what else I 'could' do with what resources I have. Again... why I came here for information.

I didnt come here for a loan, or someone to take me in and give me a place to stay, I came here so that PERHAPS I could find someone who would have some knowledge about steps that "I" can take to resolve the situation Im in. I didnt come here so someone could paint the way for me... all I wanted was someone to perhaps point me in the right direction.

You have gotten all of the CORRECT legal advice available. NO ONE here or at any reputable legal site is going to assist you in cheating the legal system. It is in place for a reason. People don;t get to pick and choose the laws that they follow without facing serious repercussions when they DON'T follow the rules. We all had to play by the rules and so do you.

I have never asked anyone to help me "cheat the legal system". Im not asking anyone to help me break the rules. I came here so that I could find some information that could be useful so that I could go about things the 'right way'.

What have YOU done to change your situation? I'm not taking about trying to get public assistance or waiting until someone else comes along to save you.

I have tried to work with my husband in so many ways to resolve issues.

I have done countless hours - days - weeks trying to find any information I can online.

I have called countless lawyers, met with any that I could who offered "free consultation" to see if I could just get some sort of information that would allow me to know more about the Mississippi procedures and guidelines.

I opened a bank account in my name. Chose the "cash back" option when I was able to go grocery shopping and pocket $20 each week. (Now Im a thief too!).

I have supported my husband through thick and thin (despite his behavior) hoping that my commitment to him, patience, and desire for our relationship to be salvaged would be enough to make him want to try to give us a better life.

I have tried to get a job working as a 'sample giver' with a company based in Meridian, MS (an hour from here) - something that would have allowed me to work without my husband knowing, a job that would allow for me to work when I was able to work but not penalize me if I was unable to work. (It would have allowed me to 'bid' on the positions open, on a first come first serve basis and work only when I could).

I've gone to the library to see what I could find, and again I was just as confused and lost as I had ever been with no answers and no solutions to be found. Not knowing what to look for isnt very helpful when you dont know where to start.

I called any person I could think of from shelters, social services, legal aid, etc... not to see what they could do for me, but what I could do for myself.

I came here.

When that provided no answers I took another step... instead of trying to 'go back to Michigan' I figured I'd try to find a place here.

I tried to find an apartment for rent. I have horrible credit, I have no job, I have no money...

When I had given up all hope for answers I had then started the process of trying to see if there was anyone who could help me help myself. I then called social services, I called the housing authority, the legal aid office, domestic hotlines, etc etc etc... hoping for any kind of answers I could get.

Then, when my husband came home this last time and came inside, eyes all bloodshot, acting like a fool I told him I was leaving, and that I was going to go to the shelter and they were going to help me leave him. Yes... I lied. He became frightened, and scared, and made all the promises he could saying that he would change, and get help, and everything that I've heard a hundred times before.

I told him it didnt matter, it was time for us to go and they were going to come get me if he wasnt going to let me leave and that they would help me get home to my family, my child, and I would then be able to be free.

He offered a compromise... asked me that if he'd let me go if I would stay married to him. I said yes.

He asked if he would let me go, if there was a chance I would come back to him if he quit drinking. I said yes.

He agreed to let me leave.

If you think Im so wrong for that, then that's what you think... I cant change that.

Now, Im here... not to find out what I can do to divorce him, or what I need to do to start a divorce, or who can do a divorce for me... all I wanted to know was how I could ensure that he would not be able to wait until I was home to call and report that I had kidnapped his son, or seek out a lawyer and say that I had just packed up and left with no warning and file a judgement for immediate return of our child.

I just wanted someone with any sort of knowledge to let me know what I could do... FOR MYSELF... to keep something worse from happening to us.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I guess I should just stay, let my children grow up to be alchohlics... .

This is why you will receive no help from me.

I guess because hubby is an alcoholic the children are destined to become alcoholics also. Does that mean they will also become liars, sleep with and produce babies with a number of people, run away from their problems and learn to whine their way through life?

 

[CJane]

Did he at any point revoke your ability to provide yourself and your children with the things that you need? Just so you couldnt make a break for it? Just so you couldnt go to a shelter, or seek out an attorney? Or contact your friends and family?

Heh. Really? That's nothing. I could tell you unbelievable horror stories about being at home with no phone, no gas in the car because he siphoned it out, no money, 2 sick babies, the power getting shut off, and not having firewood - in Missouri in January. And I stayed and bided my time and got out when it was smart to do so. And I NEVER lied to him about my intent. Not once.

I have a question though...

You stated in your original post that you lost custody of a child when you moved to Mississippi. Now you state that your oldest's father is in prison and you have the child.

So what's up with that?

 

[CJane]

I guess I should just stay, let my children grow up to be alchohlics...

Maybe I could wait til he does start beating on us so that I can press charges and get him locked up and file a PPO.

Maybe I should just give up my rights to my son in MI because my husband wont allow for me to see him anyway, God forbid he gives me 'allowance' to go home and risk the chance of me not coming back.

You're right. All alcoholics produce alcoholic children. Which is why me an all 6 of my siblings are alcoholics that never amounted to anything.

And all drunks are violent. Which is why my step-father, who was probably not sober for more than a few weeks while I was growing up was and is one of the nicest, most caring and loving people you'd ever meet, and even while drinking to excess ALL THE TIME never once raised a hand to anyone.

I thought the babydaddy in MI was in prison. Did he take the kid with?

 

[ceara19]

Heh. Really? That's nothing. I could tell you unbelievable horror stories about being at home with no phone, no gas in the car because he siphoned it out, no money, 2 sick babies, the power getting shut off, and not having firewood - in Missouri in January. And I stayed and bided my time and got out when it was smart to do so. And I NEVER lied to him about my intent. Not once.

I have a question though...

You stated in your original post that you lost custody of a child when you moved to Mississippi. Now you state that your oldest's father is in prison and you have the child.

So what's up with that?

Apparently she has the one child with the jailbird daddy, the one with the boozer, another one that lives with a 3rd daddy and maybe one that had died. (I mentioned how there are people that have managed to keep going day after day without just giving up after having a child DIE, so she REALLY needed to get over the "woe is me" crap and she said she has been through that TOO.)

You'd think that after the problems with the first TWO baby daddies, she would have learned that you NEVER, EVER, EVER put yourself into a situation where you are 100% dependant upon anyone but yourself for your survival and that of your children, but here she is.

 

[ceara19]

You're right. All alcoholics produce alcoholic children. Which is why me an all 6 of my siblings are alcoholics that never amounted to anything.

And all drunks are violent. Which is why my step-father, who was probably not sober for more than a few weeks while I was growing up was and is one of the nicest, most caring and loving people you'd ever meet, and even while drinking to excess ALL THE TIME never once raised a hand to anyone.

I thought the babydaddy in MI was in prison. Did he take the kid with?

Guess I'd better ship the kids off to Betty Ford now and nip it in the bud while they're young.

 

[Zephyr]

Heh. Really? That's nothing. I could tell you unbelievable horror stories about being at home with no phone, no gas in the car because he siphoned it out, no money, 2 sick babies, the power getting shut off, and not having firewood - in Missouri in January. And I stayed and bided my time and got out when it was smart to do so. And I NEVER lied to him about my intent. Not once.

I have a question though...

You stated in your original post that you lost custody of a child when you moved to Mississippi. Now you state that your oldest's father is in prison and you have the child.

So what's up with that?

the child with the dad in prison is an additional child to the one who lives in MICH and the one she has with current hubby