Please, please help asap!

[LadyRose]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Va

Yesterday, I received notification from my 6 year old's school that she is to change classes beginning this coming Monday. This would not ordinarily be an issue, however, at this point in time I am confident my daughter will not be able to handle it. (I'm willing to fill in the blanks for you if needed, just trying to keep it brief)

I've contacted the school, been given the brush off (more blanks to fill in if needed). Even called the school board in an effort to block my daughter from being moved. Each person that I have spoken with has said that it is ultimately the principals final decision about moving students, and that classes are 'set'. The principal is the one person that I've not talked to. She is conveniently and repeatedly 'unavailable' (hence the call to the school board).

My question:

As the parent, is it not ultimately my right to oversee my daughters educational and emotional well being? FERPA doesn't seem to apply, neither does IDEA (not that I thought they would, but I looked anyway). I know that in custodial matters, such as GPV, it is the parents (constitutional?) right to make the decisions regarding their child. Education Law is a new animal for me. Is there anything that might apply in this situation?

Off to do more searching, but if someone could point me in any direction, I'd be incredibly grateful.

Thank you,
Rose

 

[stealth2]

In all likelihood, the school is within its rights to move students to a different class.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Because you did not give any facts which would MAYBE suggest that your daughter was being singled out for tranfer for reasons other than legitimate, you are wrong. It is the Principal's ultimate right to decide which students go where as well as the teachers.

You have no such rights.

 

[BlondeIntel]

Why?

Why do you believe that your daughter would be unable to handle the move?

The answer to this question might help us think of more that you could do.

 

[LadyRose]

Definitely not what I was hoping to hear.

I understand that within the school, the principal has the decisions as to what goes on. I had hoped that it was ultimately my right to make the decision for my own child.

The primary reason my daughter won't handle this is my husband (her daddy) has been deployed to Iraq for the last 9 and a half months. She's had a very hard time with it, and is getting worse rather than better. The best way to counter-act the shake-up of a deployment is to provide as much stability and consistency as is possible. She utterly adores her teacher, and has formed good friendships with students in her present class (none of whom are moving to the new class).

Now, if that were the ONLY issue that has gone on in the last nine months, I would likely 'go with' this move. I've been in this situation with my two older children, and always presented it in a positive light and as an adventure. They did well with it.

However, just to hit the 'high points' of the last nine months in my husband's absence:

We had to move (whole other story) causing her to lose her familiar home, her (daily) friendships within the neighborhood we were in, and I was unable to obtain housing in that school district--causing her to move into this one as the other school district wouldn't allow for a boundary exception even though we now live just over the line.

In the last month alone---her grandfather passed away, her best friend's father (one of my husbands soldiers) was killed in action, and we found out my husband's tour may be extended because of everything going on over there.

Yes, I have her in counseling. I'm busting my butt trying to present *everything* in as positive a light as possible and keep her on as even a keel as possible with all of these disruptions we've had.

And the school, for whatever reason, seems to feel that they're administrative duties and actions are more important than one heart-broken little girl.

 

[stealth2]

If I were in your shoes, I would likely simply go in to the school and stay there until the principal had time to speak with me. Then I'd lay all of this out and ask if there is any possibility of keeping your daughter in that same class. Ultimately, tho - the principal will have the final say. But I'd give it a shot.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

If I were in your shoes, I would likely simply go in to the school and stay there until the principal had time to speak with me. Then I'd lay all of this out and ask if there is any possibility of keeping your daughter in that same class. Ultimately, tho - the principal will have the final say. But I'd give it a shot.

But then, if you were the one POSTING this sitaution, you would have already told us WHY such a move was being done and how many other children were being moved? RIGHT?

Now, I wonder why I asked these question?

 

[LadyRose]

Sorry BB. I didn't respond to your hint for more information because you are correct, my child is not being singled out. The school received funding for an additional first grade teacher, so they are revamping the classes for smaller class sizes over all. There are between 16 and 18 children being moved.

Stealth, thank you for the suggestion, but I already tried it yesterday. First, I was told that the principal was there, but in a meeting, so could I please leave a message and she would get back to me. (which is how my day started to begin with). I parked myself in a chair to wait, the secretary went back to say something to the principal, came back and said the principal had to leave immediately after the meeting and couldn't see me. I attempted to see/speak with the principal *five* times yesterday, to no avail. So, now the school board has a complaint about the principals refusal to meet/discuss with a parent an issue that she is solely in charge of. (It was *much* more diplomatic than that, but you get the idea I hope)

I just find it astounding that educators who are presumably well aware of psychological and sociological development in children, would essentially *refuse* to help look out for a childs well being and stability.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Rose,
I went back and read all of your posts. You have a habit of omitting improtant details from your questions, you have been told repeatedly you need to give us the information up front to get appropriate advice, this is very controlling behavior and you like to be in control. You also tend to overract when any threat of your control is made or you don't get the attention you think you deserve. Is that a part of what is happening here?

You claim, being a perfectionist, yet fail to research your questions, such as your question about international travel which involved US military personnel. You could have easily searched and found the State Department site http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction.html which even has an 800# to call and/or you could have contacted JAG since your current husband is in the military as is your ex. You tend to ask your questions in such a way to elicit an answer that would be different if you simply gave the full information in the begining, that tactic does not go over well on this forum. You would have learned that Germany is a signer of the Hague convention and that US & US military laws apply, something you already knew with your current husband deployed to Iraq. If anything, rather than a one time stipulation for the summer visit, modify the child support order to allow for different visitation agreement when your ex is stationed overseas while in the military. Please allow your children to have a relationship with their father and to utilize the opportunities of foreign travel their father can provide, perhaps even extending it during the summer which would still be less than the stateside visitation anyway.

As for your younger child, reducing class size is a positive thing and she was not singled out, which will allow your child to have more not less attention. You accuse the school of not considering your child's stability while their reaction may be more a reaction to your demeanor than anything else. You claim your child's stability as an issue, because your husband is deployed to Iraq yet are intentionally denying your child contact with your biological mother and that relationship. You went out of your way to find, contact and begin to develop a relationship with her and then take that away, even going so far as to ask about getting a no contact order because she sent a holiday card to your children and emailed your husband 2 days after you sent her letter asking for no contact. Did she even get the letter by then, then you see her statement about your control issues as a threat?

Please get a grip on yourself, learn to count to 10 before jumping to conclusions or starting some vendetta, learn to focus your energy in more suitable places and get some counseling for yourself as well.

 

[LadyRose]

Rose,
I went back and read all of your posts. You have a habit of omitting improtant details from your questions, you have been told repeatedly you need to give us the information up front to get appropriate advice, this is very controlling behavior and you like to be in control. You also tend to overract when any threat of your control is made or you don't get the attention you think you deserve. Is that a part of what is happening here?

You claim, being a perfectionist, yet fail to research your questions, such as your question about international travel which involved US military personnel. You could have easily searched and found the State Department site http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction.html which even has an 800# to call and/or you could have contacted JAG since your current husband is in the military as is your ex. You tend to ask your questions in such a way to elicit an answer that would be different if you simply gave the full information in the begining, that tactic does not go over well on this forum. You would have learned that Germany is a signer of the Hague convention and that US & US military laws apply, something you already knew with your current husband deployed to Iraq. If anything, rather than a one time stipulation for the summer visit, modify the child support order to allow for different visitation agreement when your ex is stationed overseas while in the military. Please allow your children to have a relationship with their father and to utilize the opportunities of foreign travel their father can provide, perhaps even extending it during the summer which would still be less than the stateside visitation anyway.

As for your younger child, reducing class size is a positive thing and she was not singled out, which will allow your child to have more not less attention. You accuse the school of not considering your child's stability while their reaction may be more a reaction to your demeanor than anything else. You claim your child's stability as an issue, because your husband is deployed to Iraq yet are intentionally denying your child contact with your biological mother and that relationship. You went out of your way to find, contact and begin to develop a relationship with her and then take that away, even going so far as to ask about getting a no contact order because she sent a holiday card to your children and emailed your husband 2 days after you sent her letter asking for no contact. Did she even get the letter by then, then you see her statement about your control issues as a threat?

Please get a grip on yourself, learn to count to 10 before jumping to conclusions or starting some vendetta, learn to focus your energy in more suitable places and get some counseling for yourself as well.[/QUOT

*********************
For starters:
The rules of the forum state to be brief, civil, and to the point. I posted what I believed were the relevant facts in each of my initial posts. Deliberately attempted to scale it down, as I had glanced through lengthy posts in the past and seen responses amounting to "cut the diary and emotional diatribes out of your post and leave the relevant facts only please". That is all I was trying to do.

As to the rest of your crap:
I'd hit a brick wall in my research regarding overseas visitation. Did a google search and found this forum. Figured there might be someone more knowledgeable than myself, and that could perhaps direct me to an area that I hadn't found to research. (where was your effing link then, by the way?) And the Hague convention doesn't fly in this situation (as BB had stated in that thread). And if you re-read my posts, where do you get the idea that I'm attempting to limit my children's contact with their father or deny them travel opportunity?


I wrote
" I feel comfortable (as much as can be, anyway) in signing passports and 'allowing' for this, as there really haven't been many disagreements in regards to the kids, and although he didn't make great 'huband material' for me--he is a great father to them."

And
"I do plan to let them enjoy each other (as BB suggested) and send them over. I want them to enjoy some time with their dad (they miss him terribly), and BOY what a chance for them to travel and see that there is more to this world than their own back yard."


As to the bio-mom---yep, she got the letter before she emailed the husband. How do I know? She used the *exact* same terminology in the email to my husband, that I had used in the letter to her. As to denying contact------you've utterly NO IDEA as to why it was done or what the back drop of the situation is.


Anything else armchair psychologist?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

(QUOTE)You would have learned that Germany is a signer of the Hague convention and that US & US military laws apply, something you already knew with your current husband deployed to Iraq.(QUOTE)

RMET did state that US law applies.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

(QUOTE)You would have learned that Germany is a signer of the Hague convention and that US & US military laws apply, something you already knew with your current husband deployed to Iraq.(QUOTE)
BULLCRAP!!!!

Military law has not one iota to do with the Haugue Convention in this matter. In fact, since it is Germany and Germany is a founding signatory of the European Community commission on family and children, then EU Law prevails.

You had better be very carful how you interpret what you THINK is relevant. Or know that one of the people on this forum helped WRITE the Position paper that lead to the EU commission on family and children laws.

 

[BlondeIntel]

Ultimately, tho - the principal will have the final say.

This is not always true.

If your child's counselor agrees with you that this move would be unhealthy for your child, he/she could write a recommendation to that affect. You can then take this recommendation to whoever handles special education and 504 accomodations at your child's school. I can't guarantee that it will work, but it is an option.

 

[LadyRose]

Thanks for the suggestion, BlondeIntel. The same thought had occured to me, and I picked up a letter from the counselor earlier today. I plan to go to the school (again) tomorrow and ask to see the guidance counselor and the principal (again).

I don't hold out much hope for it considering the reception I've gotten thus far from the school, but I've got to try, right?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

For starters:
The rules of the forum state to be brief, civil, and to the point. I posted what I believed were the relevant facts in each of my initial posts. Deliberately attempted to scale it down, as I had glanced through lengthy posts in the past and seen responses amounting to "cut the diary and emotional diatribes out of your post and leave the relevant facts only please". That is all I was trying to do.
Each time it was pointed out to you that you need to include relevant facts, which you refused to do each time. Either you do not know what is relevant or you are intentionally framing your questions to control your response, the result is the same, from how you have responded and even the fact that control is an issue with you in your relationships leaves little to assume. It wastes everyone's time if you omit relevant information, it does get you the attention you want.

As to the rest of your crap: (your language doesn't set a very good example for your children, is this how you speak in front of them or how you talk about those with whom you disagree
I'd hit a brick wall in my research regarding overseas visitation. Did a google search and found this forum. Figured there might be someone more knowledgeable than myself, and that could perhaps direct me to an area that I hadn't found to research. (where was your effing link then, by the way?)
You couldn't find a link to the US State Department when doing a search re US citizens traveling overseas? Please you can't be that ignorant can you? Not to mention that you are a military spouse nor do you have to use such terms as "effing" just because you are too lazy, ignorant or controlling to do your research. I have posted that same link on this forum several times in relation to international travel and/or child abduction issues, international child abduction is the subject of you inquery about your children traveling to Germany to visit with their father who is based there and in the US military.
And the Hague convention doesn't fly in this situation (as BB had stated in that thread). I was not the one who brought up the Hague convention, nor did I say it applied in your exact situation, I only stated that Germany is a signer of the Hague convention, something which BB pointed out. Now if your children were in Germany and somehow their father was separated from the US military, you might find yourself needing to know the specifics re Hague Convention and Germany.

In fact, since it is Germany and Germany is a founding signatory of the European Community commission on family and children,(Hague Convention) then EU Law prevails (This is the current civil law in Germany eg. German Law. US and Military law apply to the children's father since he is active US military stationed overseas, in addition to other applicible law. In the other thread BB also said:" The Hague Convention will not apply. As active duty, even living in Germany, your ex will not leave U.S. Soil therefore, pursue the bond and contact the Consulate on Prinzregenten Str. in Munich to notify them of the visitation order and dates when your child will be required to return.

Also, contact his base commander (he should be required to leave this information with you and you should verify it before allowing your child to leave).

Otherwise, leave them alone to enjoy each other.)

BB goes on to say the same thing I said about you continually omiting relevant facts.

You had better be very carful how you interpret what you THINK is relevant. Or know that one of the people on this forum helped WRITE the Position paper that lead to the EU commission on family and children laws.

And if you re-read my posts, where do you get the idea that I'm attempting to limit my children's contact with their father or deny them travel opportunity?
Your thread, https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=198809 I did not respond to that thread because your were given good advice including references to the Hague convention. BB explained how US and Military law applied to your active duty US military ex. Your thread was specifically asking about the possibility of your children not being returned and the advice was how to limit their time there so you would control how long your children visited their father, his request of 6 weeks while all at the same time, is far less than was available before, the fact that you were considering a one time exception further limits the father's visitation. One of the other members even stated that you looked like you were on a fishing expedition. Don't be confused.

I wrote
" I feel comfortable (as much as can be, anyway) in signing passports and 'allowing' for this, as there really haven't been many disagreements in regards to the kids, and although he didn't make great 'huband material' for me--he is a great father to them."
OOPS!!! You omitted another one of those pesky facts and one reason why you appear to be controling. You went on to say?
"However.

I'm a real stickler for documentation. Therefore, my question is:

Do the U.S. and Germany have 'reciprocal custody laws'? Meaning, if somehow he turned out to be someone I would have never guessed he would be and he refused to return the children, would I have some type of legal recourse to get my children back? (This is your question about international child abduction and the Hague convention.)

I realize this site states "U.S. law only", but I'm hoping maybe someone might have some knowledge on this subject, and maybe be able to direct me to where I might find this law if it exists.

I have other questions in the same vein, but figured I'd start with this one."

And
"I do plan to let them enjoy each other (as BB suggested) and send them over. I want them to enjoy some time with their dad (they miss him terribly), and BOY what a chance for them to travel and see that there is more to this world than their own back yard." Why limit them to 6 weeks only and not more since it is summer and all the visitation they may have if only for the logistics or it? If your ex is stationed overseas, why not modify visitation so it doesn't have to be modified each time, have one set of rules for stateside and another for overseas visitation while he is on active duty, again it goes back to the control issue.

As to the bio-mom---yep, she got the letter before she emailed the husband.
Also BB said re your demand letter in which you apparently threatened to get or had a restraining order, for some reason you don't give us the text of what YOU said, "

You're 'no contact' demand is worthless. If you want this to stop get a no contact order from the court....
Again, worthless and an expenditure of money wasted. Go to court and get a no contact order. ( YOU went on to quote VA law which indicated that you had no grounds for a R/O, the only one making threats was YOU.)

Bio-mother contacted---again. She sent me an email, which reads in part:
"It seems very mean spirited to me that you would ask me not to contact your children.The fact that you have issued an order does not necessarily mean that you can force people to do what you order, so remember that. (Evidence of your threat as it was also a LIE, you didn't have an order!) It's just an attempt on your part to control the world, some people buy into it but most don't."... But I'm wondering if the above quote might be enough to show a 'perceived threat' to have a no-contact order issued?

I realize none of you can say what a judge might rule, but I don't want to waste the court's time on something when there are many others in desperate need of that time. (And who don't see a Holiday card from Grandma as threatening!)

How do I know? She used the *exact* same terminology in the email to my husband, that I had used in the letter to her. SO WHAT???

As to denying contact------you've utterly NO IDEA as to why it was done or what the back drop of the situation is.

You quoted her letter in which she said you have a control issue, which you do. Parents and children don't always agree, get along, or even like each other, you can't expect that reunification after so many years will always be smooth and without some problems, one you sought out. But she now has a relationship, or is trying to nuture a relationship with your children, one which you want to control just like you are trying to control everything else in their lives, you are taking away form your children and adding to their instability.


Anything else armchair psychologist?

Sorry my speciality doesn't include armchairs, although they might be less dense than you.