Potential problem on the horizon…

[ProSeDadinMD]

So we're back to "Big Mean Pro Se" eh?

I don't think it's a "Slam Dunk" by any means.

I do think that it's a reasonable request.

Status Quo may bite me in the butt. On the other hand, if YOU were The Ex, would YOU want to spend another $5k+ on "maybe"?

And in regards to MY "legal skills", I'm 2-0 on a Pro Se basis. Then again, I am pure of heart and intention...

Something else to consider is that, on the off chance that a "proposal" of a Saturday AM pickup was tossed out, THAT would mean a change in PHYSICAL custody. NO "change of circumstance"(under Maryland guidelines) exists to warrant that. Worst case is that I will continue to pick LMPS up at 8:45-9pm on EO Fridays.

 

[wileybunch]

And in regards to MY "legal skills", I'm 2-0 on a Pro Se basis. Then again, I am pure of heart and intention...

Something else to consider is that, on the off chance that a "proposal" of a Saturday AM pickup was tossed out, THAT would mean a change in PHYSICAL custody. NO "change of circumstance"(under Maryland guidelines) exists to warrant that. Worst case is that I will continue to pick LMPS up at 8:45-9pm on EO Fridays.

Your intentions always matter. And, you know how your judge has viewed previous actions before him, things we can't know about that you would have a better read on. The Saturday AM proposal is what Mom would offer if you were concerned about DD being out late at night, but I can't see a judge *forcing* that, either. I think worst case is like you said -- you have to pick DD up after your new later work schedule. Do you have family or something in your area that Mom can drop DD off to earlier in the evening that you can get her from when you get off work?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Your intentions always matter. And, you know how your judge has viewed previous actions before him, things we can't know about that you would have a better read on. The Saturday AM proposal is what Mom would offer if you were concerned about DD being out late at night, but I can't see a judge *forcing* that, either. I think worst case is like you said -- you have to pick DD up after your new later work schedule. Do you have family or something in your area that Mom can drop DD off to earlier in the evening that you can get her from when you get off work?

Sure, she can drop her off to my Mom(who's in an assisted living facilty due to Dementia). That's the only "family" I have. Both my LIGF and her son work retail which makes any kind of regular schedule on Friday evenings impractical/impossible.

OR she could drop her off to ME at my job, which is less than a mile from my house.

The whole point of The Ex's non "cooperation" is that she doesn't want(or, more accurately, feel that she should have to) to do any of the driving. That's how I got my 65(her)/35(me)% physical custody in the first place. She refused to do any of the driving(citing first her pregnancy with L'il Sis, then L'il Sis herself) even when our order stated that we split it. So I filed contempt that ended up with this.

 

[profmum]

She refused to do any of the driving(citing first her pregnancy with L'il Sis, then L'il Sis herself) even when our order stated that we split it. So I filed contempt that ended up with this.

So exactly how was that a legal win for you?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

So exactly how was that a legal win for you?

'Cause I went from not having ANY physical custody to having SHARED physical custody, which I've had several lawyers in MD tell me was impossible without a change in circumstaces(this was because The Ex didn't want it to get to a hearing because she WOULD hve been actually found in contempt).

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

'Cause I went from not having ANY physical custody to having SHARED physical custody, which I've had several lawyers in MD tell me was impossible without a change in circumstaces(this was because The Ex didn't want it to get to a hearing because she WOULD hve been actually found in contempt).

Or phrased another way, it put me in a position where I was actually able to spend a regular weeknight(bedtime and wake-up, like “normal” parents) with our daughter, rather than a 6pm pickup and 8:30 pm drop-off(again, with a 45 minute drive each way if I wanted to take her home).

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

An update, kinda sorta…

I have to be honest here. I absolutely HATE to be lied to. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

I spoke to The Ex this morning to switch this Wednesday for this Thursday(about the only thing that she works with me on is when one of us needs to switch a night. I guess it’s ok to be amicable when it works out for her too). Anyway, during the course of the conversation, she wanted to discuss the Friday drop-off, and whether she needed to respond to my email since we talked about it last Friday. I said I’d like her to, but it was up to her. During the conversation, I mentioned that LMPS had told me that this past Friday was the first time that L’il Sis had been to gymnastics. When I brought it up, I was told that LMPS just didn’t know what she was talking about, and that L’il Sis has been in gymnastics “for weeks”.

Well, this afternoon, curiosity got the best of me, so I called and asked the gymnastics place what time the class for L’il Sis’s age group was(because the website says 5:30pm is the latest available on Fridays). There’s one at 5:30pm and 7:30pm. So, again, curiosity got the better of me and I asked which class L’il Sis was enrolled in, and they told me(what, no privacy protection?) that she had only been in for an “introductory class” and was not actually enrolled.

So again, a ploy to not have to do anything extra.

When I get to the point of filing, should I mention this? Or wait for her reply and then subpoena it as part of the discovery process(if we get that far) to show the lengths The Ex will go to to not work with me?

 

[wileybunch]

Sure, she can drop her off to my Mom(who's in an assisted living facilty due to Dementia).

Whoa there, don't get snarky, it was a legit question!

OR she could drop her off to ME at my job, which is less than a mile from my house.

Oh, did not realize that was an option or I would have suggested that.

When I get to the point of filing, should I mention this? Or wait for her reply and then subpoena it as part of the discovery process(if we get that far) to show the lengths The Ex will go to to not work with me?

Mention it in your filing? Hmm, dunno, total hearsay. I guess you could, family court judges are swayed by hearsay. So are you and Mom done talking about it? You'll have to go to court to see if any other arrangement can be made? If there's more talking left, I'd be awfully tempted to say something like, "Well, when you do decide to pick the class to enroll L’il Sis in, it would be good if you can choose the earlier one on Friday, if not Saturday, so you guys can work out the best arrangement for LMPS.

DH's ex lies. All the time. She's been behaving herself for 3 months now. She got pretty busted for her lies, we think, by her DD. But, when DH would be onto her lies, she would either get worse or have no shame for being caught in a blatant lie. Really weird. My suggestion above is passive aggressive, I suppose, but it's a subtle way to let her know you know.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Whoa there, don't get snarky, it was a legit question!
.

I know, I was just funnin' ya. Still the legit answer though.

Oh, did not realize that was an option or I would have suggested that..

I don't think I mentioned it, so that's ok.

Mention it in your filing? Hmm, dunno, total hearsay. I guess you could, family court judges are swayed by hearsay. So are you and Mom done talking about it? You'll have to go to court to see if any other arrangement can be made? If there's more talking left, I'd be awfully tempted to say something like, "Well, when you do decide to pick the class to enroll L’il Sis in, it would be good if you can choose the earlier one on Friday, if not Saturday, so you guys can work out the best arrangement for LMPS.

DH's ex lies. All the time. She's been behaving herself for 3 months now. She got pretty busted for her lies, we think, by her DD. But, when DH would be onto her lies, she would either get worse or have no shame for being caught in a blatant lie. Really weird. My suggestion above is passive aggressive, I suppose, but it's a subtle way to let her know you know.

Oh, I'm now pretty sure that she know's I know. The Ex called me a little while ago to say that the gym got a call inquiring about L'il Sis's enrollment(or lack thereof), that I posed as Dad(I wouldn't misrepresent myself that way), and that I shouldn't ask her for "anything" else, and if I continue, she will file "harassment " charges against me because she knows "all about your(my) games.

Answers my question though. I'll make it a subpoena thing...

 

[wileybunch]

Oh crap. That's not good. You're going to have to curtail your curiosity. It's not worth it.

And, I'm really sorry about your mom (should have said that before).

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Oh crap. That's not good. You're going to have to curtail your curiosity. It's not worth it.

And, I'm really sorry about your mom (should have said that before).

If 1 phone call is all she can say, I ain't skeered. And I have nothing left to be curious about. Also, they coulda said "None of your business".

And my Moms situation is what it is. Thanks though...

 

[mr t]

don't know if this will help you out but ill try. i travel from Pittsburgh pa to grand rapids mi about 600 miles one way, every three weeks to have visitation with my son i do all the driving for those wknds. i found out after i had moved for work about my son back in mi. the problem came when i had my son for extended visitation which would mean i drive up and any where from 5 to ten days later i drive back to get him home. his mom wouldn't work with me at all. it ended up in court and she wasn't willing to budge at all while we were with the referee. it went to the judge and he had seen that for the previous year i had made the drive every three weeks i had proof. and he rewarded me by having her meet me half way every other trip for extended stays. what that amount too is about 3.5 hours less driving. i know your situation isn't the same but you might be able to use it for ideas to present to the courts if she still isn't willing to work with you. just make sure that when you go to court you are open to anything.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

... just make sure that when you go to court you are open to anything.

"Open to anything" covers waaaaaayyyy too much ground. And simply stated, I'm not "open to anything".

 

[Ohiogal]

I know, I was just funnin' ya. Still the legit answer though.

I don't think I mentioned it, so that's ok.

Oh, I'm now pretty sure that she know's I know. The Ex called me a little while ago to say that the gym got a call inquiring about L'il Sis's enrollment(or lack thereof), that I posed as Dad(I wouldn't misrepresent myself that way), and that I shouldn't ask her for "anything" else, and if I continue, she will file "harassment " charges against me because she knows "all about your(my) games.

Answers my question though. I'll make it a subpoena thing...

She cannot file harassment against you. She needs to prove that you posed as dad. And you can ask for her anything you want. Of course it might not get you anywhere but you can ask. No law against it.

 

[LdiJ]

I know, I was just funnin' ya. Still the legit answer though.

I don't think I mentioned it, so that's ok.

Oh, I'm now pretty sure that she know's I know. The Ex called me a little while ago to say that the gym got a call inquiring about L'il Sis's enrollment(or lack thereof), that I posed as Dad(I wouldn't misrepresent myself that way), and that I shouldn't ask her for "anything" else, and if I continue, she will file "harassment " charges against me because she knows "all about your(my) games.

Answers my question though. I'll make it a subpoena thing...

If you didn't allow them to believe that you were somehow connected to L'l sis, how did you get them to give you any information regarding her?

That is where I think that you possibly made a big mistake. There was nothing wrong with calling them to get information about their classes and times and dates, but once you asked a question about someone else's child, you crossed a pretty big line. I wouldn't have done that.

Think about it? Lets say you get married and have another child. If the ex made calls to outsider organizations etc to try to get information regarding your child, what would your reaction be?