problem with hubby's ex

[PoohBear8]

i sent you an email this morning...if you want, we can vent to each other, since some of the posters seem to think it's ok for the cp (on paper only) to collect full child support while the ncp (again, paper only) has the child(ren) the lion's share of the time.
hope to hear from you soon.

 

[djohnson]

You are letting her control your lives and as long as she is the BM then she will be a part of your life. You knew that going in so you can't just change it in the middle. Anytime steps are involved it's a hard situation and you just have to make the best it. If he has them all this time then when the time comes be able to prove it. You can't just ask every month for modification because something with you changed. You come across on her as a very crass and cold person that doesn't care about the children and that is why you are taking so much flack. The things you say show you have no feelings for these children that are in your care this much. I'm sure they feel it too and hear you talk about BM. True or not, it's not something a child should have to choose and I honestly think at this point I think they might be better off with mom until you get over all the issues that you are having. It could also be (I have seen this). Is that BM sees your weaknesses and is preying upon them by sending the kids over there all the time. She knows you can't hack it and trying to get rid of you. Maybe not but don't doubt that she can see what's going on. Parents try to cause problems for each other after divorce most of the time. I think you may be falling into her plan.

 

[djohnson]

i sent you an email this morning...if you want, we can vent to each other, since some of the posters seem to think it's ok for the cp (on paper only) to collect full child support while the ncp (again, paper only) has the child(ren) the lion's share of the time.
hope to hear from you soon.

I don't think anyone is saying that that is ok or we don't see a problem with it. The problem falls into what are the deeper issues as this isn't obviously it. If you can understand poster then great but understand that everyone that is in this situation has different feelings for it. She has no concern for the children and I think it's bad that she has them so much.

 

[julbug66]

just for the record, i love these kids very much..if i didn't, i'd be fighting for "less time", not "proper time-related payment". in fact, if i wasnt willing to take on the challenge of being a stepmom, i probably wouldnt be here! they came with the package, and that was just fine with me. but over the course of two and a half years, i've had to deal with this WOMAN who has been trying to get me out for over two years now. i've stuck with my husband because i love him and his children. i couldnt have asked for a better father, and the kids are totally in love with their little sister.

maybe i sound like a cold b**ch when i talk about this, but that's only because of my disdain for thier BM. but, just because their BM and i cant stand the sight of each other (which hasnt happened since i got the restraining order against her), that doesnt mean i dont love or care for THEM. the people that matter (ie the kids, my husband) understand that.

and i dont talk about their mother around them. her daughter, however, is always telling her father "mom said such and such about you" and "mom said blah blah blah about julie". i keep my cool about it (except on mondays and tuesdays when they're not around to hear it lol) because i know what it's like to have your SM rip your BM, and i personally hate my SM for that. i wouldnt do that to these kids.

i've always thought that it might be better for them to be with us all of the time while their mother gets her life together, i.e. a FT job, maybe some counseling (if you think I have issues, you should talk to HER). she has even admitted in the past that she needed medical help. but she wont try because ... why should she? she's getting everything paid for, and she is a mom when its convenient for her. she got her car, he got all the debts, she's got men to buy her things she can't afford. she's the only person i know who's living the good life and not paying their rent at the same time.
...
ok, now this is getting too "Dear Abby"-ish, which is exactly what i didnt want this to turn into. i just came here asking "should i modify now and include my daughter, or should i wait a bit until i have more documentation proving actual parenting time?"

 

[djohnson]

document and wait

 

[tearful20]

having another child is considered continuing change of circumstances.
21. Modification

a. Standard Procedure

Pursuant to Arizona Revised Statutes Sections 25-503 and 25-327,
either parent or the state title IV-D agency may ask the court to
modify a child support order upon a showing of a substantial and
continuing change of circumstances.

b. Simplified Procedure

Either parent or the state title IV-D agency may request the
court to modify a child support order if application of the guidelines
results in an order that varies fifteen percent or more from the
existing amount. A fifteen percent variation in the amount of the
order will be considered prima facie evidence of substantial and
continuing change of circumstances. A request for modification of the
child support amount must be accompanied by a completed and sworn
"Parent's Worksheet for Child Support Amount," and documentation
supporting the incomes if different from the court's most recent
findings regarding income of the parents. If the party requesting the
modification is unable to provide documentation supporting the other
party's income, the requesting party shall indicate that the income
amount is attributed/estimated and state the basis for the amount
listed. The state title IV-D agency may submit a parent's worksheet.

The simplified procedure also may be used by either parent or
the state title IV-D agency to modify a child support order to assign
or alter the responsibility to provide medical insurance for a child
who is subject of a support order.

A copy of the request for modification of child support and
the "Parent's Worksheet for Child Support Amount," including
supporting documentation, showing that the proposed child support
amount would vary fifteen percent or more from the existing child
support order shall be served on the other parent, or on both
parents if filed by the state title IV-D agency, pursuant to Rules
4.1 and 4.2, Rules of Civil Procedure.

If the requested modification is disputed, the parent receiving
service must request a hearing within 20 days of service. If service is
made outside the state, as provided in Rule 4.2, Rules of Civil
Procedure, the parent receiving service must request a hearing
within 30 days of service.

A party requesting a hearing shall file a written request for
hearing accompanied by a completed and sworn "Parent's Worksheet for
Child Support Amount." Copies of the documents filed, together with
the notice of hearing, shall be served on the other party and, if
appropriate, the state title IV-D agency by first class mail not less
than ten judicial days prior to the hearing.

Upon proof of service and if no hearing is requested within the
time allowed, the court will review the request and enter an
appropriate order or set the matter for hearing.

If any party requests a hearing within the time allowed, the
court shall conduct such hearing. No order shall be modified without
a hearing if one is requested.

The notice provision of Rule 55, Rules of Civil Procedure, does
not apply to this simplified modification procedure.

A request to modify child support, request for a hearing and
notice of hearing, "Parent's Worksheet for Child Support Amount" and
child support order filed or served pursuant to this subsection must
be made using forms approved by the Arizona Supreme Court or
substantially similar forms.

Approved forms are available from the Clerk of the Superior Court.