Proving verbal abuse with recording in 2 party consent state

[cbg]

How could they rule on a he said she said without solid evidence?

That's all well and good if you're HR conducting a sexual harassment investigation, but a domestic abuse situation doesn't work under the same rules. Your "legal adviser from work" may know how to conduct a work investigation but isn't quite up to speed on what's needed for a divorce. You will never, and I mean that, "scare" him into being respectful to you. Abusers don't scare. That's just not going to happen, no matter how many recordings you make. You have two options. Once is divorce, for which you do not need to prove anything. The other is to accept that nothing is ever going to change and put up with it. "Scaring" him into being respectful is a dog that will not hunt.

 

[stealth2]

What benefit do you expect from proving his abuse?

 

[commentator]

It is the same mindset that people get when contemplating the divorce from "cheating" spouses. In other words, they feel like it must be to their advantage if they can show they are the "wronged party" and that the other person has "sinned" by doing whatever it is that they are trying to prove that this person did. IF this OP went to divorce court with recordings, transcripts, etc of verbal abuse, it would not be surprising if a judge simply refused to hear it. And no responsible attorney would permit a client to wander off down this path.

But I am hearing that this person doesn't want a divorce. She merely wants to win the argument that the spouse is verbally abusing her, NOT that she wants a divorce. And of course, having shown other people what a bad person he is, and how bad he is treating her, she fully expects that this will magically stop the behavior.

I strongly suggest counseling for her, and NOT marriage or couples therapy, as this person would probably do what I have seen other spouses do in these types of situations, sit there and refuse to say anything helpful in her own defense. I also suspect they've had some marriage therapy, in which as she says, the husband angrily and adamantly denies being verbally abusive. But this is not really a legal problem, as the illegal recording of his verbal abuse will do nothing except...well, exactly what could it possibly accomplish? We all agree that it's not going to work for her to gain any type of advantage if there were a legal proceeding. And her magical thinking is that the minute she definitively proves that he is verbally abusing her, he's going to stop doing it, right? She will somehow win the argument, and he'll immediately change the negative behavior. Nice idea, but not worth all the trouble and strain of making such a recording.

 

[TigerD]

It is the same mindset that people get when contemplating the divorce from "cheating" spouses. In other words, they feel like it must be to their advantage if they can show they are the "wronged party" and that the other person has "sinned" by doing whatever it is that they are trying to prove that this person did. IF this OP went to divorce court with recordings, transcripts, etc of verbal abuse, it would not be surprising if a judge simply refused to hear it. And no responsible attorney would permit a client to wander off down this path.

I disagree. In my state, conduct and misconduct within the marriage is a factor in the division of assets. In my new client information, I tell clients to install call recorders on their phones. And I have won cases because we were able to play the call and let the judge hear the difference between the polite, respectable person in court and the raving a$$ on the phone with their spouse. Now, I practice in a one party recording state, which makes a big difference.

TD

 

[stealth2]

I pretty well agree with all of that, c, but would like OP to verbalize what benefit she is expecting...

 

[LdiJ]

I disagree. In my state, conduct and misconduct within the marriage is a factor in the division of assets. In my new client information, I tell clients to install call recorders on their phones. And I have won cases because we were able to play the call and let the judge hear the difference between the polite, respectable person in court and the raving a$$ on the phone with their spouse. Now, I practice in a one party recording state, which makes a big difference.

TD

You also appear to practice in one of the rare states where fault still playing into any part of the divorce at all. There are not many of those states left.

 

[cbg]

If the OP doesn't want a divorce, that is up to her (though if she doesn't I'm wondering what "rule" she thinks she's going to get). But she's got a lost cause in that case. She could make 1,000 recordings and play them to everyone she knows, and I'll bet her folding money that it won't change his behavior one whit in the long term and only marginally in the short.