Relation over but child on way. Need advice

[Antigone*]

David and Lizzie sittin' in a tree...

 

[Just Blue]

OP,

I agree you are trying to do the "right" thing, and I DO commend you for it...You LEGALLY should wait till you are LEGALLY declared the father before offering this EXTRA support to Mom.

We see many "fathers" that try to shirk their financial responsibilities. We also see many men that "think" they are doing the "right" thing by their "children" and end up supporting a child that is not theirs.

Please keep this in mind.

 

[Wyldrush]

I will listen to the pro's here. I plan to draft up all the terms, wait for the baby, get the DNA(if it looks like me it be easier) and then proceed.

However in the mean time, I plan to support her through the pregnancy regardless as I want to. She is still a very important part of my life and do not want to see her suffer especially if she is bearing my child which I believe 110% is mine.

 

[Antigone*]

I will listen to the pro's here. I plan to draft up all the terms, wait for the baby, get the DNA(if it looks like me it be easier) and then proceed.

However in the mean time, I plan to support her through the pregnancy regardless as I want to. She is still a very important part of my life and do not want to see her suffer especially if she is bearing my child which I believe 110% is mine.

You are an honorable man. I wish you well.

 

[mistoffolees]

I will listen to the pro's here. I plan to draft up all the terms, wait for the baby, get the DNA(if it looks like me it be easier) and then proceed.

However in the mean time, I plan to support her through the pregnancy regardless as I want to. She is still a very important part of my life and do not want to see her suffer especially if she is bearing my child which I believe 110% is mine.

That is all very nice and you deserve a lot of respect. Most of the time, we're dealing with non-custodial parents who do everything in their power to avoid supporting their own kids. It's refreshing to see someone going out of his way to support his kids (and even their mother) when it's not legally required. Kudos.

Just one thing - when you ask her for a DNA test, it will be difficult. Go through it quite a few times in your own head to practice how you're going to do it without damaging your relationship. It might even be worth scheduling an appointment with a family counselor for yourself to work out how you'll request it.

I would bet that it will be something along the lines of "I don't want someone else to come along later and try to interfere with my paternity" or something like that. You'll know what makes sense (or a counselor can help), but tread lightly.

 

[LdiJ]

That is all very nice and you deserve a lot of respect. Most of the time, we're dealing with non-custodial parents who do everything in their power to avoid supporting their own kids. It's refreshing to see someone going out of his way to support his kids (and even their mother) when it's not legally required. Kudos.

Just one thing - when you ask her for a DNA test, it will be difficult. Go through it quite a few times in your own head to practice how you're going to do it without damaging your relationship. It might even be worth scheduling an appointment with a family counselor for yourself to work out how you'll request it.

I would bet that it will be something along the lines of "I don't want someone else to come along later and try to interfere with my paternity" or something like that. You'll know what makes sense (or a counselor can help), but tread lightly.

That is very good advice Misto...

It could also be something along the lines of..."I know 110% that the child is mine, but I don't want anyone to ever ask me if the child is mine just because the child might look like your side of the family instead of mine. I want to be able to say that DNA says that he/she is mine. Please don't think that I doubt you, I just don't want anyone else to ever be able to question it."

 

[majomom1]

I will listen to the pro's here. I plan to draft up all the terms, wait for the baby, get the DNA(if it looks like me it be easier) and then proceed.

However in the mean time, I plan to support her through the pregnancy regardless as I want to. She is still a very important part of my life and do not want to see her suffer especially if she is bearing my child which I believe 110% is mine.

Kudos to OP from me too.

This is one lucky Momma and kiddo. You are going to be a great Dad!

 

[CJane]

Just one thing - when you ask her for a DNA test, it will be difficult. Go through it quite a few times in your own head to practice how you're going to do it without damaging your relationship. It might even be worth scheduling an appointment with a family counselor for yourself to work out how you'll request it.

It's funny, because this is such an individual thing. I knew without a doubt who the father of my son was. There simply wasn't any other person it could possibly have been. And yet, I encouraged him to get a DNA test, beginning months before the child was born. I almost refused to sign the AOP without a DNA test. He was FURIOUS with me. It seemed that by me encouraging him to get a DNA test - so there could never be any question in his mind at all - that he felt I was questioning his honor or something.

Anyway, it was weird, but it's not the only time I've heard of Mom being the one pushing for DNA and Dad being freaked out about it.

ETA - Until, that is, I filed for child support. THEN there was no way in h*ll that could possibly be his kid and I'd BETTER consent to a DNA test RIGHT NOW. lol Funny how things change.