Rock & a hard place, help!!

[LdiJ]

My dad always thought more punishment would make my ADHD go away too. He also thought it was my mom's fault because she was "too permissive". He was an idiot too. To this day I can't even have a conversation with him about the fact that I am on medication because he Just Doesn't Get It.

I think that this dad gets it a little better than that...at least his further posts seem to indicate that.

I do think however that he is a bit more worried about his wallet than he should be.

He is paying alimony but no child support. I don't understand at all how that happened, legally. Mom must have really rolled over and played "dead" in court for that to happen. That tends to indicate that mom cares more about the child than about the money.

Mom is apparently low income, dad makes over 100k by his own admission. Dad pays alimony which is fully tax deductible to him and taxable income to mom...but pays no child support at all in a situation where even if the timeshare was 50/50 dad would have to be paying some child support if a judge had decided the case.

Dad's wallet also appears to be a factor in his decision as to how to proceed.

I am tending to have a great deal more sympathy for mom here...despite what dad has to say about mom.

 

[Isis1]

I think that this dad gets it a little better than that...at least his further posts seem to indicate that.

I do think however that he is a bit more worried about his wallet than he should be.

He is paying alimony but no child support. I don't understand at all how that happened, legally. Mom must have really rolled over and played "dead" in court for that to happen. That tends to indicate that mom cares more about the child than about the money.

Mom is apparently low income, dad makes over 100k by his own admission. Dad pays alimony which is fully tax deductible to him and taxable income to mom...but pays no child support at all in a situation where even if the timeshare was 50/50 dad would have to be paying some child support if a judge had decided the case.

Dad's wallet also appears to be a factor in his decision as to how to proceed.

I am tending to have a great deal more sympathy for mom here...despite what dad has to say about mom.

well, he did say he didn't want the child support to be paid to her since she wouldn't spend it on the child properly.

 

[Proserpina]

well, he did say he didn't want the child support to be paid to her since she wouldn't spend it on the child properly.

Does Dad realize that he cannot dictate how Mom spends child support?

 

[Isis1]

Does Dad realize that he cannot dictate how Mom spends child support?

not yet......

 

[LdiJ]

well, he did say he didn't want the child support to be paid to her since she wouldn't spend it on the child properly.

Yes he did, but isn't that pretty "classic"?

They have only been divorced a short time...look back at the original timeline.

It makes absolutely no sense that he wasn't ordered to pay child support. Mom had to have seriously rolled over and played dead if no child support had been ordered.

 

[Isis1]

Yes he did, but isn't that pretty "classic"?

They have only been divorced a short time...look back at the original timeline.

It makes absolutely no sense that he wasn't ordered to pay child support. Mom had to have seriously rolled over and played dead if no child support had been ordered.

very true. i remmeber a particular conversation with the husband pulling that same card "but you don't deserve any of my money".

 

[atompkins99]

I think that this dad gets it a little better than that...at least his further posts seem to indicate that.

I do think however that he is a bit more worried about his wallet than he should be.

He is paying alimony but no child support. I don't understand at all how that happened, legally. Mom must have really rolled over and played "dead" in court for that to happen. That tends to indicate that mom cares more about the child than about the money.

Mom is apparently low income, dad makes over 100k by his own admission. Dad pays alimony which is fully tax deductible to him and taxable income to mom...but pays no child support at all in a situation where even if the timeshare was 50/50 dad would have to be paying some child support if a judge had decided the case.

Dad's wallet also appears to be a factor in his decision as to how to proceed.

I am tending to have a great deal more sympathy for mom here...despite what dad has to say about mom.

Of course my wallet is a factor. How could I not think about that as a factor? Is it the only factor? Hell no, but when this woman cheated on me in a 'no fault state', PASSED UP child support so that she could spend the money on herself, I think that a bit of caution is an order before throwing everything I have at taking my child from a gold digger dead set at taking me for everything I have.
I lost a house, half of my 401 and the list goes on. Forgive me if I seem bitter about throwing money away.

 

[atompkins99]

very true. i remmeber a particular conversation with the husband pulling that same card "but you don't deserve any of my money".

Did you cheat on him? Do you squander alimony and child support on coke and pot and a boyfriend much younger than you? Do you show complete apathy towards your child's well being unless you're threatened with child services calls? Please don't take this as an opportunity to take out your anger on MEN. We're not all the same.

 

[ecmst12]

You do realize that she can spend child support on any damn thing she likes, right? Because child support is to REIMBURSE mom for expenses she incurred while raising the child.

You're not paying support mainly because the court THINKS you have equal time with the child. But you don't. Mom should take you back to court for child support and maybe then she'd be able to afford a nicer place.

But your money does NOT and will NEVER make you a better parent. It just makes you look snotty to claim it does.

By the way, you CHOSE this woman to bear your child. A little late to regret your choice now.

 

[atompkins99]

Does Dad realize that he cannot dictate how Mom spends child support?

Of course dad does, hence dad's concern with paying child support. Hence dad's seeking advice from an online forum.

 

[atompkins99]

Yes he did, but isn't that pretty "classic"?

They have only been divorced a short time...look back at the original timeline.

It makes absolutely no sense that he wasn't ordered to pay child support. Mom had to have seriously rolled over and played dead if no child support had been ordered.

As I stated, we drew up the divorce through a paralegal document preparation service. She passed up 10 years of child support for 4 years of alimony so that it was her money free and clear. This is a woman who will spend her last $300 on a coach bag.

 

[atompkins99]

You do realize that she can spend child support on any damn thing she likes, right? Because child support is to REIMBURSE mom for expenses she incurred while raising the child.

You're not paying support mainly because the court THINKS you have equal time with the child. But you don't. Mom should take you back to court for child support and maybe then she'd be able to afford a nicer place.

But your money does NOT and will NEVER make you a better parent. It just makes you look snotty to claim it does.

By the way, you CHOSE this woman to bear your child. A little late to regret your choice now.

Ughhh don't know how many times i have to spell this out. YES, I understand how child support works. When did I ever claim my money makes me a better parent. No, I believe my ACTIONS make me a better parent. The fact that I support my child with said money makes me a better parent. I could pay her 3grand a month in child support, it wouldn't make a difference. SHE WOULD SPEND IT ON DRUGS. And yes, I did choose this woman to bear my child. Does that mean i shouldn't ask questions? Does that mean I shouldn't show any concern? Don't throw your standardized forum default statements at me when you can't make a legitimate argument.

 

[Isis1]

As I stated, we drew up the divorce through a paralegal document preparation service. She passed up 10 years of child support for 4 years of alimony so that it was her money free and clear. This is a woman who will spend her last $300 on a coach bag.

she's legally entitled to do that.

um..i hate ro break it to you....but mom didn't "pass" on 10 years of child support. that child support issue can be opened at any time.

and if mom cheating on you is a factor in supporting your child....you need some mental therapy. seriously.

 

[CJane]

Of course my wallet is a factor. How could I not think about that as a factor? Is it the only factor? Hell no, but when this woman cheated on me in a 'no fault state', PASSED UP child support so that she could spend the money on herself,

She could "spend the money on herself" regardless.

I lost a house, half of my 401 and the list goes on. Forgive me if I seem bitter about throwing money away.

This was apparently a stipulated agreement. For only an 8 year marriage, it's HIGHLY unlikely you would have paid alimony, OR any of your retirement if this had gone to court and a judge decided the distribution of assets.

However, you WOULD have been paying child support according to guidelines. Which may or may not be less than you're paying in CS.

Regardless, if you attempt to change custody now, it's VERY likely you'll be ordered to pay child support IN ADDITION TO the alimony, etc.

 

[CJane]

As I stated, we drew up the divorce through a paralegal document preparation service. She passed up 10 years of child support for 4 years of alimony so that it was her money free and clear. This is a woman who will spend her last $300 on a coach bag.

Except, it's NOT her money free and clear. It's taxable income. CHILD SUPPORT is "free and clear".

AND Mom can file for it at ANY TIME. Just because she waived it in the agreement doesn't mean she waived it indefinitely. At all.

Was Mom using drugs a year ago?