ROFR and other questions - ex filed again!!

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I found this posting made by Courtclerk on another forum. You will note that it is about maximizing the amount of time to be spent by the PARENTS with the child. It is NOT about maximizing the amount of time to be spent with a stepparent versus a grandparent.

As for length of time, you might want want to appease him with something like "a period of time exceeding 12 hours that includes an overnight." I know all about not wanting to see the X anymore than you have to.

This posting was by a "fiance":

Right of First Refusal Provisions in Parenting Plan

The "Right Of First Refusal" is a provision frequently written into custody orders and parenting plans. The intent of a Right Of First Refusal provision is to maximize the time child spends with both parents (especially the non-custodial parent, whose time is normally limited to begin with).

In its most basic form, Right Of First Refusal means that before either parent can use the services of a baby-sitter or other third-party caregiver, THE OP IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE CONSIDERED A THIRD-PARTY CAREGIVER the other parent must be given the opportunity to care for the child during that time. The kind of situations where Right Of First Refusal typically apply are both "spur of the moment" occurrences (your car breaks down and you're unable to pick up the child at school), as well as situations that are planned in advance (for example, job interviews, doctors' appointments, or night classes).

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks for all of the replies, I just got finished organizing email - I have 122 examples from the past year as to how I communicate with him and keep him informed!!

As far as Judicial harassment the reason is for this is the ongoing need to bring up new issues every few years. It never stops. So what is it going to be next?? And it gets back to the fact this is about ways he can control me, not about the children.

I like the idea of ROFR up to ad after 12 hours.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Be careful on the wording of an ROFR. You don't want him hitting you with contempt when a child spent the night at a friends house, KWIM. Children will make these plans; then you figure, "hey, I have a free night, so you go off and have fun."

So, I take it back, make it more like 24 hours.

Last time we communicated verbally he tried to bang through a window at my home with the children present while calling me a list of horrible names.

Any more examples like this where email communications could be proven to be better for all parties?

 

[mommyto 2]

Ginny I can't thank you enough for your input.

The interesting thing about ROFR is I never go away without my kids. I don't travel for work. He on the other hand does. That is why I am sure he wants it for very small amount of time. Like when I have parent - teacher conferences twice a year at night, or back to school night once a year (I work in education), or when I have a school meeting. During these times my mom always watches the kids and gets them to bed, so that their regular schedule is kept. My son is autistic so scheduling is very important.

Ginny - some days I think everything is going okay and then out of no where he starts up again. The motions are unbelievable and what he accuses me of is out of this world. Every time he brings me back to court he has knew accusations.

As far as the clubs and activities we have not started our knife throwing classes yet, but just finished firework making for beginners!

 

[onebreath]

His case sounds lousy to me.

You have to file a responsive declaration. In it, state he wants wife to watch the kids and you don't see that as better than their child care provider currently whom they know and trust.

Coparent counseling is tricky...I see it as a tricky method some ex's use (like mine) to look good and show their involvement....but if you state in your responsive declaration and to the judge what you have stated here, you may be exempt....exp if you write out in the declaration, and give your examples of how email has worked great for sharing in a safe way and you have extensively shared. That if you were forced to talk by phone or in person, it would be harder and not in the childs best interests.

Extracurricular activities you can choose and child can do on your time. If he cannot be supportive, technically then, it is none of his business.

Hands down he has a lousy case.

 

[mommyto 2]

That is my concern regarding family counseling - that is what his papers state. It is him trying to show how great he is and that I am preventing him from being the father he can be. He even has something in his motions regarding the child bill of rights and that I am violating it. He states that I threaten the children to not disclose information about my parenting time with them. I really do not care what my children tell him. I have no great family secrets!

Once again I am at a loss as to how to respond to the statements he makes - as proof he submits our divorce papers and papers from the first time he took me back to court, but not the second when he lost every motion.

 

[Humusluvr]

That is my concern regarding family counseling - that is what his papers state. It is him trying to show how great he is and that I am preventing him from being the father he can be. He even has something in his motions regarding the child bill of rights and that I am violating it. He states that I threaten the children to not disclose information about my parenting time with them. I really do not care what my children tell him. I have no great family secrets!

Once again I am at a loss as to how to respond to the statements he makes - as proof he submits our divorce papers and papers from the first time he took me back to court, but not the second when he lost every motion.

Take a deep breath, and just start gather ing evidence to the contrary. You sound like a level-headed person who has their ducks in a row...

Do you have a lawyer this time? If not - post the points here, and let us help you write your responses...

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks, I do have an attorney but I am trying to do as much as possible to keep the cost down. She gives me assignments and I follow through.

Quick question, he states that I don't give him school stuff, but I have the kids folder where he has signed off on each week - should I include?

I am trying to breath - really I am. I am going out to mow the lawn, I need some fresh air, then back to this crap!!

Thanks every one!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Thanks, I do have an attorney but I am trying to do as much as possible to keep the cost down. She gives me assignments and I follow through.

Quick question, he states that I don't give him school stuff, but I have the kids folder where he has signed off on each week - should I include?

I am trying to breath - really I am. I am going out to mow the lawn, I need some fresh air, then back to this crap!!

Thanks every one!

Definitely include the children's folders with his signature as evidence. Make a copy as part of your motion to deny his claims.

Personally, I like email because it provides a paper trail instead of the he said/she said that can transpire. Because of prior past bad behaviour, you can show that it is effective.

 

[mommyto 2]

So submitting over 122 emails along with about 20 other paper documents showing I kept him informed and that his wife has interfered is ok - not to overwhelming? Or do I want to be over the top to show ex is crazy?

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks, I do have an attorney but I am trying to do as much as possible to keep the cost down. She gives me assignments and I follow through.

Quick question, he states that I don't give him school stuff, but I have the kids folder where he has signed off on each week - should I include?

I am trying to breath - really I am. I am going out to mow the lawn, I need some fresh air, then back to this crap!!

Thanks every one!

Absolutely yes, you should include the folder. The more evidence you provide that he is off his rocker, the more the judge will see that.

Since the only reason he wants ROFR is because he wants his wife to watch the kids, rather than your mother, I would argue against ROFR for that reason. Explain that your working hours parallel the kids school hours, therefore any need for outside care during your time is minimal during the school year, and during the summer is only during the time when he is also working.

Explain that you feel that email communication is safer and more effective, citing the incidences that occurred that made you stop face to face communication with him. State that you are not comfortable engaging in family counseling with him, for the same reasons.

Also, explain that you never schedule any activities that would interfere with his time, and that he also doesn't do that, and you would prefer that things remain that way.

Contradict anything he has said that is not the truth, and provide evidence of that whenever possible.

Much of what he is asking is innocuous on its face, however his reasons/motivations for asking for the things are what is not reasonable. Therefore you need to make sure that the judge is made aware of his reasons.

 

[mommyto 2]

Thank you - got it. You really understand where I am coming from.
How about the kids report cards - showing how great they do in school. How about my son's IEP cover page showing step attended? And the letter she sent to the teacher to have a phone conference? Is this enough to show parental interfenence? I ask this because in his motion he also states that I won't speak to his wife. I have, briefly, but I only deal with ex regarding the children.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Thank you - got it. You really understand where I am coming from.
How about the kids report cards - showing how great they do in school. How about my son's IEP cover page showing step attended? And the letter she sent to the teacher to have a phone conference? Is this enough to show parental interfenence? I ask this because in his motion he also states that I won't speak to his wife. I have, briefly, but I only deal with ex regarding the children.

You are NOT required to speak to his wife, only the other PARENT. If he wants his wife to know something, he can put his big panties on and tell his wife.

FERPA is a Federal law that gives parents or eligible students the right to have access to a student's education records, the right to seek to have the records amended, and the right to have some control over the disclosure of information from the records. The term "education records" is defined as those records that contain information directly related to a student and which are maintained by an educational agency or institution or by a party acting for the agency or institution. 34 CFR § 99.3 "Education records."

The term "parent" is defined as including natural parents, a guardian, or an individual acting as a parent in the absence of a parent or a guardian. 34 CFR § 99.3 "Parent." The Department has determined that a parent is absent if he or she is not present in the day-to-day home environment of the child. Accordingly, a stepparent has rights under FERPA where the stepparent is present on a day-to-day basis with the natural parent and child and the other parent is absent from that home. In such cases, stepparents have the same rights under FERPA as do natural parents. Conversely, a stepparent who is not present on a day-to-day basis in the home of the child does not have rights under FERPA with respect to such child's education records.

http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/library/hastings082004.html

Because she is the wife of an NCP, she does NOT have a right to the information. She can sit out on any conference that you have with your X and the teachers. Now, if he wants to schedule a separate meeting and include the wife, you have the right to say she should not attend, but in the spirit of 'co-parenting', you might just want to ignore that.

 

[mommyto 2]

Ok - he has been remarried 4 years and in the last two months of this past school year he decided to let her be involved in everything. Mind you I attend all meetings and am very involved with our children's education. This again, to me (but I may not be seeing clearly) shows parental interference and his need to play dirty - is there a better term to use?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Then just nip it now. If she just started sticking her nose in, then help her remove her nose. You can always just email the X with a, "the parent teacher conference will be on (fill in the blank.) It is for you and I only." No drama. No commentaries. If he balks, use the FERPA piece I stated above.