ROFR and other questions - ex filed again!!

[mommyto 2]

I was actually thinking of putting in something with my reply motions. This way it is court ordered.

 

[wileybunch]

I was actually thinking of putting in something with my reply motions. This way it is court ordered.

What time of parenting time-share do you and Dad have?

 

[mommyto 2]

He has two overnights a week and all day Saturday. He also takes the kids to school during the school year. Last time he took me to court he asked for 50/50 and was turned down by the judge due to no change in circumstances. Parental time is not a motion in this filing. I am not seeking any change either. This has been our time set up for 8 years and the consistency is good for our son. We also each get 7 days vacation and I frequently give him extra time for special events. I truly try to do my best to get along and keep the peace.

 

[Humusluvr]

He has two overnights a week and all day Saturday. He also takes the kids to school during the school year. Last time he took me to court he asked for 50/50 and was turned down by the judge due to no change in circumstances. Parental time is not a motion in this filing. I am not seeking any change either. This has been our time set up for 8 years and the consistency is good for our son. We also each get 7 days vacation and I frequently give him extra time for special events. I truly try to do my best to get along and keep the peace.

mommyto2, I really like your style!!! LD and Ginny are giving you great advice... I'm glad you are keeping the best interests of the child in mind. You would be a great example to many CP's.

 

[wileybunch]

He has two overnights a week and all day Saturday. He also takes the kids to school during the school year. Last time he took me to court he asked for 50/50 and was turned down by the judge due to no change in circumstances. Parental time is not a motion in this filing. I am not seeking any change either. This has been our time set up for 8 years and the consistency is good for our son. We also each get 7 days vacation and I frequently give him extra time for special events. I truly try to do my best to get along and keep the peace.

OK, I just wondered WRT the step's involvement in parent-teachers conferences, if there would be a reason it would make sense for her to participate. Clearly not, though, so yes I would bring up the places she interferes in your response and specifically request she be barred from certain things.

 

[mommyto 2]

Well for the last three hours I wrote my responses, thank God mom came to help with the kids. I printed out much of what you guys advised me and had them handy for guidance. I think it looks good. Next I have to organize the exhibits!! I'll do that tomorrow.

Thanks everyone!!!

 

[Humusluvr]

Well for the last three hours I wrote my responses, thank God mom came to help with the kids. I printed out much of what you guys advised me and had them handy for guidance. I think it looks good. Next I have to organize the exhibits!! I'll do that tomorrow.

Thanks everyone!!!

Best of luck.... come back tomorrow and let us know if you have questions!

 

[mommyto 2]

Hi everyone - spoke to my attorney who spoke to ex's attorney. It seems as though my ex really wants me to go to therapy with him. I realize this is his way of trying to control me but I was thinking, fine go to therapy, as long as he drops everything else he is asking for. Makes me look like I am trying.

In return I am asking that his wife is not allowed to interact with medical and educational professionals involved with our children about decissions and and appointments. I am not trying to keep her away from family events, such as open house or school fairs. Just meetings about the children and writting to professionals about the children.

Now couple questions - does this sound like a good solution?
Does anyone know how many times you go to family therapy?
Any input on things that should be in the agreement?
Thanks again!

 

[Ohiogal]

Hi everyone - spoke to my attorney who spoke to ex's attorney. It seems as though my ex really wants me to go to therapy with him. I realize this is his way of trying to control me but I was thinking, fine go to therapy, as long as he drops everything else he is asking for. Makes me look like I am trying.

In return I am asking that his wife is not allowed to interact with medical and educational professionals involved with our children about decissions and and appointments. I am not trying to keep her away from family events, such as open house or school fairs. Just meetings about the children and writting to professionals about the children.

Now couple questions - does this sound like a good solution?
Does anyone know how many times you go to family therapy?
Any input on things that should be in the agreement?
Thanks again!

Why do you believe that therapy is all about controlling you? Why not look at it as a chance to figure out between the two of you HOW TO WORK TOGETHER?

 

[mommyto 2]

I know that sounded harsh. It is just that there is a long history of my ex needing to make all the rules and decissions. We have been communicating via email for a long time due to his outbursts towards me infront of the children. It is safer and easier on the children. He was fine with that. Now a couple of months ago he decided he wanted me to go to therapy with him. He also has suggested his wife go. I really just want to stay away from them. I assure you I keep him fully inforrmed of all issues and events regarding our children. I do this through email, he now wants us to communicated face to face. I just know with his history that it will not stay positive. Also he tends to manipulate situations and I just do not wish to be a part of it anymore. But, I will go to therapy, I will try to be postive, but there is a very long history of verbally abusive behavior from him that I won't easily forget.

 

[Ohiogal]

I know that sounded harsh. It is just that there is a long history of my ex needing to make all the rules and decissions. We have been communicating via email for a long time due to his outbursts towards me infront of the children. It is safer and easier on the children. He was fine with that. Now a couple of months ago he decided he wanted me to go to therapy with him. He also has suggested his wife go. I really just want to stay away from them. I assure you I keep him fully inforrmed of all issues and events regarding our children. I do this through email, he now wants us to communicated face to face. I just know with his history that it will not stay positive. Also he tends to manipulate situations and I just do not wish to be a part of it anymore. But, I will go to therapy, I will try to be postive, but there is a very long history of verbally abusive behavior from him that I won't easily forget.

Let me turn this around -- you are happy when YOU CONTROL the situation. You keep him INFORMED of ALL (?) issues and events regarding the children. Ummm. Informed is NOT coparenting. All issues or just those issues that you feel are important for him to know? As for not staying positive, that involves two people. You seem to be wanting to live in the past and refusing to move on. Dad at least is trying to move on by suggesting therapy. Your issue? You want an excuse not to go and reasons why it WON'T work. how about you look at how YOU can MAKE it work?

 

[mommyto 2]

I am - really. And not I do not select what information I share with him. I send everything the school sends home to him, I even make sure the school directly sends him things they send me. I include him in all medical and educational appointments. He has all phone numbers of all people involved with our children. He attends all meetings at school. Any activity that occurs on his time I send the information directly to him. There has not been any major decissions lately involving the children but in the past he attended meetings with the professionals (teachers, doctors) when they wewre being made. I have consulted him on everything, including ear piercing, and school supplies.

This is not about me not wanting to coparent, this is about trying to stay away from someone who has a long history of not being cooperative and verbally abusive. It takes two to work together, and I know how if he does not hear what he wants from a therapist it will be my fault. Then in a few months he will demand something else. That has been the cycle.

But I will go into it with a positive attitude.

 

[wileybunch]

I agree with OG. In my DH's case, it's his ex's (CP's) outbursts and obsessed anger w/him in front of the kids or anyone for that matter and her harassment that a family court judge told her to stick to email. Nevertheless, DH suggested they attend counseling together. She has not been all that cooperative, but they did have spots of sunshine here and there. DH has a really hard time looking her in the eyes. She's cunning, manipulative, just not a nice person. But, he hung in there with the counseling and she's the one that keeps bailing on it. In his case as an NCP perhaps he's more enticed to want to go b/c she has home turf, he doesn't and in your case you have home turf, but going to counseling is MAYBE a chance at changing up some of the interactions with you both. Just like when people are married, often one person won't allow the other to move on and progress, holds them to past mistakes, etc. That's often made FAR worse in divorce situations where no one wants to give an inch. Maybe he's ready to move past some past things. Maybe you can be, too. It's for the children, after all, even if not for yourselves.

 

[mommyto 2]

Thanks wileybunch, I am trying. But I guess the idea of having to be around him more than I have to just upsets me. As much as I know I should be able to move forward it is hard to put aside the history, which is always and continues to still evolve. The e-mails he sends are threatening but at least he is not physically in my face. I guess this is better then going back to court!
Thanks