Scheduling Issues Before Custody Hearing

[catechismia]

I never let him cry to sleep, no. I try to comfort him before the fussiness turns into a fit.

 

[Zigner]

Ice cream is not a big deal, no. It's not necessary though. I didn't freak out on him or anything. I was just like, "Yeah...babies don't need to have that."

When the other parent has the child, the other parent can make this sort of choice. The child is not "yours" (singular).

 

[Zigner]

I never let him cry to sleep, no. I try to comfort him before the fussiness turns into a fit.

That is unnecessary. A baby doesn't need that.

 

[CSO286]

I never let him cry to sleep, no. I try to comfort him before the fussiness turns into a fit.

Ha!

LittleCSO once was so upset and got me to the point of exasperation, that I brought her to her room, set her in her crib, and walked out of the house. I walked down the driveway and back twice. By the time I re-enetered the house, she has calmed herself and fallen asleep.

If you don't let a child "cry it out" on occasion, they never learn how to calm themselves down and will always need somome to hold their hand throughout it.

 

[gam]

It's wrong if it doesn't work. I know my baby. There are a few things that calm him down instantly. It is not healthy for a baby to be crying for long periods. So yes, there are wrong ways and right ways.

There really are no wrong ways, unless were are talking abuse. Crying it out is an acceptable way to many experts out there. I'm not big on it, anything more then a few minutes and I got to try something else, but some experts think it is just fine.

What works for my daughter with her 3 month old baby does not work for me, her husband or my other daughter. Between the 3 of us, we cover childcare.

You should see how I get my grandbaby to sleep, to some it would not be acceptable, but it works for me, and my daughter and my other daughter have adopted my way, to throw in from time to time.

What works this moment, might not work in 2 hours. You have to come up with many things to keep baby occupied, to get baby sleeping. To each his own.

Your in for one long haul, just wait till dad does get full weekends and see what your child is like when returned. OMG, I could right 3 books on this, 1 for each grandchild that I have who is in split situations. Never ever does the other parent do what things your way, they don't make the same decisions, you can't make them and you lost control over it when your relationship ended.

You need to prepare yourself, cause your child is gonna come home from a weekend or weeklong visit, dirty, hungry, sick, a brat, hyped on sugar, no sleep at some point and more often then not. SCHEDULES, lol, they don't have schedules for fun time with dad, they are dragged all over the place, kept up half the night. Sick child, who cares, we drag them out anyways, we keep them up late, we feed them nothing but garbage.

No one out there is going fix that for you, NOT EVEN THE COURT AND NOT A 40 PAGE DETAILED ORDER.

 

[ecmst12]

Do we really need to turn this into a discussion about parenting choices? That is SO not the point.

OP, you can keep the current schedule for your regular schedule (for now) and still have some extended time for each of you also worked into the schedule. You definitely need to have holidays and vacations addressed. Perhaps each of you should have one uninterupted weekend with the child every month. That would be reasonable.

 

[gam]

Do we really need to turn this into a discussion about parenting choices? That is SO not the point.

OP, you can keep the current schedule for your regular schedule (for now) and still have some extended time for each of you also worked into the schedule. You definitely need to have holidays and vacations addressed. Perhaps each of you should have one uninterupted weekend with the child every month. That would be reasonable.

I disagree, she got answers to her legal questions and she even got many options to those answers. You just offered another option with the one weekend of free time for each parent a month.

However it is clear by her own postings, that she has issues with her fears and control over dad doing things her way. Perhaps they should be left off this board, but I don't see anything wrong with her having people address those, that includes parenting choices. Dad is always going to have his own parenting choices and she needs to see that and learn how to deal with that. I personally like it on a board because then she gets more opinion then 1, and she gets plenty of ideas to try.

To the OP, feel free to PM me, you do need help here outside of the legal. Be more then happy to tell you what your in for with visits in a split situation and how to deal and cope with it.

 

[stealth2]

CIO is a parenting choice. Dad, if he wants it, is going to get parenting time on his own, and he will be allowed to let his son CIO if that is what he chooses.

As for ice cream... LOL When my kids were little, my house was THE go-to for sleep-overs. Why? Because of breakfast... funnel cake and homemade ice cream. I had a few parents ask me horrified HOW I could consider feeding my and their) children such a horrible breakfast. I asked them a question of my own - how was it worse than the Dunkin' Donuts and milk that they served? At least I knew what went into the breakfast I served. Shut them up right quick.

LIttle did they know that, on holidays, I let my kids have *soda* for breakfast. Made me feel less guilty for the bloody mary...

 

[ecmst12]

The choice to let a 6 months old CIO or not is not going to permanently alter his life either way. Doesn't seem like the point of the discussion, since mom is not trying to prevent dad from having more time with the baby, she just wants to structure it a little differently. So that's what I offered suggestions regarding.

 

[stealth2]

The choice to let a 6 months old CIO or not is not going to permanently alter his life either way. Doesn't seem like the point of the discussion, since mom is not trying to prevent dad from having more time with the baby, she just wants to structure it a little differently. So that's what I offered suggestions regarding.

Except OP seems to believe that her way is the right way, and Dad needs to fall in line with the way she has chosen to raise their child. He does get to make choices on his time, and she should be aware of that, IMO.

 

[gr8rn]

Do we really need to turn this into a discussion about parenting choices? That is SO not the point.

OP, you can keep the current schedule for your regular schedule (for now) and still have some extended time for each of you also worked into the schedule. You definitely need to have holidays and vacations addressed. Perhaps each of you should have one uninterupted weekend with the child every month. That would be reasonable.

I know we do NOT want to deviate from legal advise, but I just want to interject...babies have brains. Yes! They do! And they pick up on stress like no one else. And they learn to self soothe...

My new baby grandson uses his thumb. But he likes to take a piece of our hair with it..he grabs a chunk holds it in his palm and sticks the thumb in. We all wear hoodies in the house. He also likes to take one of the hoodie strings too, and chuck that thumb into his mouth holding the hoodie string. You know what I think? He wants to keep us close. No way can we leave if he's got a chunk of hair in the hand with the thumb in his mouth! You know what he loves best? He loves to see Mom, Dad, uncle J. And Nana all around him, looking at him! He squeals!

What I'm trying to say, OP, is don't sweat the small stuff. It may be inconvenient, but at this age what baby likes to see is both Mom and Dad together and often. You'll probably get to compromise when you go to court. Keep an open mind and remember what's important.

And by the way, if you only work weekends why not give him all weekends? You are aware that most places of worship are open during the week, right? With the added bonus of less crowds, less germs.. You're off all week that's great. Weekends are like your work week. Let it go. Make a generous offer, I'm sure he will take it.

 

[catechismia]

And by the way, if you only work weekends why not give him all weekends? You are aware that most places of worship are open during the week, right? With the added bonus of less crowds, less germs.. You're off all week that's great. Weekends are like your work week. Let it go. Make a generous offer, I'm sure he will take it.

1. I know worship places are open during the week, but I don't just want to go to the building. I want to go to services. Services only happen on sunday mornings (at my church). My church doesn't even have sunday night services.

2. No, he will not take a generous offer. If I offered him every weekend, he would ask for 50/50. If I offered him 50/50, he would ask for primary. Even if I gave him primary, he would try to cut me out completely (he admits he does not think I should be around our baby). I am not dealing with someone who wants to be friends with me. I'm not even dealing with someone who wants to co-parent with me. I will make an offer that is somewhere inbetween standard visitation and what we have now. But I'll have to make that offer to the judge.

 

[Zigner]

You know, Dad doesn't want his baby screaming and crying either! If nothing he is doing works, then he needs to know how to soothe the baby.

And he will figure out what works for him. It's not YOUR place to dictate the only way to calm the baby.

 

[catechismia]

And he will figure out what works for him. It's not YOUR place to dictate the only way to calm the baby.

Okay, I realize that is legally true. But as a mother, whenever you have to sit around and do nothing while your baby screams his head off, it is heartbreaking. I know my job is to encourage his relationship with the child. I know this very well. But my top priority is to do what is best for my baby.

The child is an infant. I can't explain to him that during certain times, he has to be with Dad. I have to just allow the child to believe that during certain times, Mommy abandons him. I will always abide by the law and court orders. I will always encourage Dad's relationship with child and work with him as best as I can. Ya know, that's all I can say anymore.

 

[Zigner]

Okay, I realize that is legally true. But as a mother, whenever you have to sit around and do nothing while your baby screams his head off, it is heartbreaking. I know my job is to encourage his relationship with the child. I know this very well. But my top priority is to do what is best for my baby.

Right - and what is "best" does not always mean what YOU decide is "best".

The child is an infant. I can't explain to him that during certain times, he has to be with Dad. I have to just allow the child to believe that during certain times, Mommy abandons him. I will always abide by the law and court orders. I will always encourage Dad's relationship with child and work with him as best as I can. Ya know, that's all I can say anymore.

I suggest that you attend a few co-parenting classes. If you can convince the father to do so with you, even better, but even if you go alone, go. You've got a lifetime of dealing with the father ahead of you, might as well make the best of it.