so much control from cp

[wileybunch]

thanks Wileybunch, I have done some reading tonight looking into this diet. It does seem to have some good outcomes from all the research done.

I'm surprised you haven't heard about it before now. I don't have an autistic child, but have friends that do and know about it, but I have a child that's got some issues where a restrictive diet has been discussed with his Ped. Are you receiving some sort of support for parents of autistic children? It makes sense that you would be able to meet with the Ped to discuss this anyway to assuage any fears you have and what to look out for if something needs to be adjusted is his diet or vitamin/mineral supplementation. I realize your ex said some things that sounded very jerky, but I can't see how putting a child on a diet that's been known to help some was done just to mess with you.

 

[Bloopy]

Has he share anything with you on why he thinks this works? What do the teachers think? What does the school feed him? I'm asking if YOU have done any legwork to find out since he is not being cooperative.

Do that legwork. I smell a set-up.

Your Ex sounds like a control FREAK but the GF diet is reasonable. I think he’s baiting you with the most antagonistic language possible, so you’ll balk at the diet and end up looking like an arse in court. If this is his angle, he’ll then present a lot of thorough research and recommendations to try and make himself golden.

Don’t get me wrong. I suspect that is his PLAN. It doesn’t necessarily mean a judge won’t recognize he’s being an arse.

Gluten has very little nutritional value. Every nutrient available in dairy can easily be found elsewhere. This diet may be a pain to follow if your used to a bowl of cereal every day, but I can’t fathom why you think it’s less nutritional. It doesn’t matter if you think soymilk is yucky, YOU are being asked to drink it.

Some info and shopping http://www.glutensolutions.com/autism.htm

Remind me again why you don't want to go for custody. Dad is trying to alienate your kids from you, you do realize this don't you?

Having the other children police Mom SCREAMS alienation.

Sorry to parrot others but I hadn't read this thread before.

 

[faithnlve]

update: Called doctor this morning, there was never any diet given to our son prescribed by doctor, and doctor says that if in fact he is on a gluten free diet, then our son needs extra nutrients to offset what he is no longer getting while on that diet. Called school very early this morning. The school informed me our son is on the diet but dad supplies the food. Answer to Bloopy: I am planning on going back to court in regards to these control issues with him, and how he uses the kids. But, I have done this before and he vehemently denies it, and I am worst of than before. Court claimed not enough for change of circumstances. All this did was make matters worse. Now he thinks he can say and do what he wants. I did buy the food for him this weekend, WOW, very expensive, I can't afford to buy this stuff!!! I only bought a small bag of gluten free food and it cost me $38.00!!!! I have a food budget and I can't cut down anymore, I really cannot afford this food. Any suggestions? Ex said he would supply two weekends after that I need to budget this into our expenses. My hubby is in his cave swearing at the wall over all this. Thanks Faith

 

[wileybunch]

I did buy the food for him this weekend, WOW, very expensive, I can't afford to buy this stuff!!! I only bought a small bag of gluten free food and it cost me $38.00!!!! I have a food budget and I can't cut down anymore, I really cannot afford this food. Any suggestions? Ex said he would supply two weekends after that I need to budget this into our expenses. My hubby is in his cave swearing at the wall over all this. Thanks Faith

Why? Well, my suggestion is that he starts thinking of your son first and hold his anger in check. I know he's "only" the stepdad, but maybe he could be thinking of ways to help make the situation better, cut back in other areas of the budget, look for overtime opportunities, etc. to give this diet a chance.

 

[faithnlve]

Oh, he is not mad at the diet and not really the amount we are going to have to re-budget in, he is angry at my ex for saying some of the things he did to my other kids, and threatening me the way he did. I just am soooo tired of all the battles, and he thinks i CAVE in too easy to my ex. I just will not let the kids get in the middle or see them hurt by all this. Faith

 

[stealth2]

Honestly, from what I've heard from others - this diet CAN help. Instead of focusing on your ex "controlling" you, try to find out whether it actually does help the kid.

 

[StampGirl]

Oh yeah, mine too! I also apparently have those hidden powers, along with some others like: increasing traffic, creating wildfires & mudslides, sickness', other people's opinions of him, school policy, etc. etc. etc. ad naseum

But do any of you have the power that my Ex claims that I do??? LOL Apparently I have the power to have the entire court system in MY back pocket AND also have supernatural powers to know ALL the Wifey's personal info needed to call insurance companies and impersonate her & drop her off all his insurance LOL

I would like to control the weather though Casa. BTW... thanks for the AWESOME weather we had this weekend here in So Cal

 

[Bloopy]

I am planning on going back to court in regards to these control issues with him, and how he uses the kids. But, I have done this before and he vehemently denies it, and I am worst of than before. Court claimed not enough for change of circumstances. All this did was make matters worse. Now he thinks he can say and do what he wants.

Sigh

I did buy the food for him this weekend, WOW, very expensive, I can't afford to buy this stuff!!! I only bought a small bag of gluten free food and it cost me $38.00!!!! I have a food budget and I can't cut down anymore, I really cannot afford this food. Any suggestions? Ex said he would supply two weekends after that I need to budget this into our expenses. My hubby is in his cave swearing at the wall over all this. Thanks Faith

I think all those Gluten-Free products are a crock. Skip them for the most part and buy foods that are naturally gluten free. A can of beans cost about 60 cents, rice is third-world-country cheap, serve that with chicken. Not a big deal, not “weird,” and not expensive. Corn tortillas are a cheap way to meet a sandwich habit.

Shop the perimeter of the store for naturally gluten-free foods. Fresh produce, fresh meat (boiled chicken has NOTHING to do with GF, avoid luncheon meat and other processed meats which may contain gluten for filler/flavor.

Dairy can be part of a GF diet BUT, with Autism dairy is sometimes avoided for separate intolerance reasons.

Shop an Asian for cheap rice-based products like noodles and crackers. These foods have always been GF and aren’t taking advantage of GF as a gimmick.

 

[HpyFosterMom]

Bloopy's right. We've had to deal w/ a child w/ celiac disease for years.... It's not as difficult as you might think. These new-fangled "gluten free" foods are just another example of clever marketing! Though, there are some new gluten free things that help us have a few additional snack choices. That's about it though...

There are some really great gluten-free cookbooks that you can buy.

Also - a lot of Thai and Japanese food has no gluten... These days when we go out to eat, we now eat Thai or Japanese. They are mostly rice based and include a lot of veggies. We all now eat a much more healthy diet...

 

[faithnlve]

I appreciate all the input on the gluten diet. I am sorry but cannot accept what I have read on these gluten free diets in regards to autism. My biggest challenge is my autistic son is the pickiest eater in the world. Getting him to eat vegetables and fruits is a battle. Now my ex says NO dairy products, but gives him calcium chews (twice a day). My ex says NOTHING with wheat, yeast, flour. My ex says no lunch meats. My ex says do not give him cookies, ice cream, mac and cheese, hot dogs, breakfast cereals, and only eggs that are laid by chickens that have eaten vegetable grains and high in omega 3. All eggs have omega 3! I said, look, I have 6 children to feed, and our autistic son is going to watch them all eat this stuff while he is to eat stuff that mostly tastes like cardboard? Rice cakes, soy milk and so on. I said why don't we both meet with his doctor to work out a good diet for him. He said tough, he either eats what I tell you or you don't get to see him. I asked for a list of gluten free foods he can have, my ex says for me to figure it out, buy it at the stores marked gluten free. So, its NOT a matter of not wanting to put him on this diet, LOOK WHAT I AM DEALING WITH!! This is just a control issue, our son is healthy, active, and great teenager with a neurologicial disorder of the communication part of the brain. I am sick and tired of his dad treating him like a guinea pig. A few years ago my ex behind my back found a doctor to intravenously inject our son with secretin, claiming it would cure him. He had a reaction to it. I have read up on this gluten free diet and can find NOTHING that PROVES it helps autism! It may help a child with autism feel better, but it could help ANY kid feel better, focus better. This diet leaves out diary, protein, wheat, grains. I cannot accept giving a fast growing teenager this food and expect him to eat it. This change should be medically introduced and not the custodial parent ORDERING the NCP to do as I say, and when I decide to stop doing it you do as I say. This is not fair to my son, or myself as his mom. This is not a matter of what is best for our child, if it was, he would of had both of us introducing it together, and made sure it would be nutritionally valid through his doctor and a nutritionist, instead of believing everything he reads on the internet. Faith

 

[wileybunch]

faithnlive, isn't your son living primarily with Dad so Dad's already been through or going through helping your son adjust to the new diet? As I said earlier, it's not like he dropped him off at your house with the demand for you to start him on the new diet, he's insisting that you continue it while he's in your care. How much time does son spend with Dad and how much with you?

How can you not accept what you've read on these diets? They seemed to be news to you when you first posted which, to be quite honest, I was astonished that you'd never heard of them with an autistic child. I think you are making this a control issue and maybe that's why you're getting push back from dad who feels you aren't trying to cooperate in son's best interests.

Edited to add: I certainly understand the push/pull you all have been through and also your issues with the costs (there's been advice given now so cost should not be an issue) and temptation for the son when he's with you b/c of what other siblings are being given, but what is the harm in trying this diet and seeing if it makes your son feel better? Ultimately there will be the day your son feeds himself and can choose a totally crappy diet or one that's that's balanced for his true needs. But, for now, seems like you could give it a chance to see if it helps your son which should be #1 priority and not fight dad on it and evaluate the results. While from your POV dad's been insensitive toward you in his approach, it seems like it goes both ways. Ultimately, do you think a judge will really think dad's only trying to jerk with you or that dad has a valid reason for putting son on the diet?

 

[Zephyr]

look, are you fighting the diet or fighting your ex???

 

[Ohiogal]

look, are you fighting the diet or fighting your ex???

Quite frankly it sounds like she is fighting to fight. The more ruckus she causes, the more she looks like the victim. Faith, you really need to get over it or do something about it. WHINING is not doing anyone any good. And your idea that he is being overly controlling -- quite frankly you are also controlling the situation. And you know you are hurting in the process? Can we guess? Come on Seniors, help her out with this....

 

[haiku]

*I am not a medical person nor an expert*
I have a child with aspergers....Honestly, the diet is tough to start with an older child, children with autism do have sensory issues that can keep them from having a healthy appetite to begin with, so it can seem daunting, and caution would be needed in those cases.....what is usually reccomended is to go dairy-casien free for the first month as that is easiest and then ease into the gluten part...it can take quite a few weeks to see any improvement if it works, (the dairy part is usually not as sussessful as the gluten part...) and the children will get "worse" before they get better...

....people are not really sure why it helps some and not others...basically it works the same way certain meds work on some kids and not others...

In my mind if your child responds to the diet, they probably do have a wheat allergy of some sort...that has manifested itself with autism like symptoms...

When you have a child with autism spectrum disorder it is worth it to try things to see if they work for you. There is SO much information on it out there for you Faith, Please type in "GFCF diet" into the google search, and READ!

because you do not have your child often...it should be easy to follow this diet while you have him, much easier than if he lived with you full time...

He can have fruits and vegies...rice, meats...just no processed meats such as bologna and hot dogs...GF bread is pretty nasty but there are alternatives to bread....and for the short time you have him you can experiment relatively cheaply....there are lots of ideas out there for parents.

It is reccomended in some circles that children with autism spectrum disorder, take omega 3 from fish (there are blends specifically for children that are safe from contaminants) extra c and b vitamins, all of which help brain function....All of these things you must discuss with your doctor first of course. I tried the diet, 3 months total two months glutenfree, it didn't work for us, but we continue with the vitamins...

in my opinion, you have a child with a disorder that needs constant attention, in the realm of things a dietary change is NOT unusual, quite a few parents of autisitic spectrum kids have tried it. Have you at all asked dad what the long term plan is? Is he going to stop the diet within a certain time frame? etc...

 

[stealth2]

Actually, all six of your children would likely benefit from some of the stuff Dad is trying to get you to do. Gee, how terrible that they won't get to eat hot dogs and luncheon meat! Is it really all that this child won't eat "good" stuff, or that your other kids would protest?

As Bloop said - shop the perimeter. Cooking good, fresh food is (I find) cheaper than buying the processed gunk. With what hot dogs for 8 would cost, you could buy enough stew meat, ground beef, or chicken to feed you all several times over!

But yeah, I get the feeling this is all about fighting the ex. And I do understand how one wants to push back a control freak. But.... if it were my kid and there was a chance that it would help him? I'd give it a decent shot.