Status quo

[saleen556]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon.

How long does a custody arrangement need to be in place to have a custody modification done based on status quo? Our oldest daughter has lived with me for a year. Has visited coparent every other weekend on the avg. Coparent has agreed to child going to school this year in my district so she can meet kids in our area. Original agreement was a 50/50 split.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon.

How long does a custody arrangement need to be in place to have a custody modification done based on status quo? Our oldest daughter has lived with me for a year. Has visited coparent every other weekend on the avg. Coparent has agreed to child going to school this year in my district so she can meet kids in our area. Original agreement was a 50/50 split.

Six months to a year is normally enough to establish status quo.

 

[saleen556]

Six months to a year is normally enough to establish status quo.

Thanks. It will have been at least 1 1/2 years before i even file for it.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks. It will have been at least 1 1/2 years before i even file for it.

You should be OK. Given the timing and the fact that ex is OK with child going to school in your district, I think I'd wait until you're well into the school year before filing - just to improve your chances.

 

[saleen556]

You should be OK. Given the timing and the fact that ex is OK with child going to school in your district, I think I'd wait until you're well into the school year before filing - just to improve your chances.

Thanks. Won't be filing untill probably spring next year.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks. Won't be filing untill probably spring next year.

That will make it pretty solid - as long as ex doesn't change his/her mind in the interim.

How old is the child? Does the child have a strong preference either way?

 

[saleen556]

That will make it pretty solid - as long as ex doesn't change his/her mind in the interim.

How old is the child? Does the child have a strong preference either way?

She is 13 and will be 14 in march next year. She is happy living with me. I have had her in counseling for the last year trying to make things better with her and mom. But mom hasn't been very willing to heal the relationship. Daughter is beginning to see a phsycologist as well for the anxiety related to the mother/daughter relationship.

 

[mistoffolees]

She is 13 and will be 14 in march next year. She is happy living with me. I have had her in counseling for the last year trying to make things better with her and mom. But mom hasn't been very willing to heal the relationship. Daughter is beginning to see a phsycologist as well for the anxiety related to the mother/daughter relationship.

OK. If it gets nasty, you might have to call the psychologist to testify, but with a 14 year old who has a strong preference and a year and a half of status quo, your odds are pretty good (there's no such thing as a sure thing in this business).

 

[saleen556]

OK. If it gets nasty, you might have to call the psychologist to testify, but with a 14 year old who has a strong preference and a year and a half of status quo, your odds are pretty good (there's no such thing as a sure thing in this business).

I am hopeful. Our daughter was in a very bad place (suicidal thought) before I was able to get her in counseling. She has made great gains in self confidence and is doing fabulous in school since we agreed to this schedule.

 

[saleen556]

I filed for the modification on January 5th. We went to mediation the end of January. She told the mediator that she was fine with the arrangement however didn't want it changed on paper as she didn't want to pay child support. Her excuse is i am remarried and my wife works. As of the beginning of March she has decided to start using her parenting time. She is being extra nice to our daughter now so things are ok. The one issue i do have is she is dropping our daughter off at my parents in the morning and my mom is taking her to school. I believe she should be dropping her off here and she ride the bus like she does when she is here. She has also told her all about our upcoming court proceeding and has made our daughter feel guilty about her paying child support. I do have this text conversation in print.

I guess my question is, Will a judge see through this act? She had alienated our daughter for 1 1/2 years and suddenly wants to be a mom again. I will be speaking with our daughters psychiatrist about it next week. Depending on his opinion i may drop the modification.

 

[ecmst12]

If your mom doesn't have a problem taking her to school, then neither should you. Find another hill to die on.

 

[saleen556]

If your mom doesn't have a problem taking her to school, then neither should you. Find another hill to die on.

Not sure why i deserve this comment?

 

[ecmst12]

You said that's your only problem with what she's been doing, and it's not even a real problem.

Good for her for wanting to be a mom. Good for the kids, too.

 

[gr8rn]

Because it sounds like you are nitpicking. Mom is using her time according to the agreement you now have in place. You want the judge to "see through" what? That Mom has a good enough relationship with your parents that she asks them to help her on her court ordered time? Yeah it sounds like you are nitpicking.

 

[saleen556]

You said that's your only problem with what she's been doing, and it's not even a real problem.

Good for her for wanting to be a mom. Good for the kids, too.

I think its great that she would like to be a mom. However i believe once court is over she will revert back to her normal ways. I am seriously only interested in whats best for the kids. Your correct my mom taking her isn't a problem. I just don't understand it. Thanks for your 2 cents.