The never ending saga

[mommyto 2]

What is the name of your state? NJ
Hi everyone, I'm back for more info/advice.
Crazy ex is at it again. I have some new questions. As primary parent with joint custody am I responsible for sending every little piece of school info to ex.? Now mind you I do, but now he is accusing me of not sending one piece of info regarding grandparents day. I sent it over but now he is saying I did not. Mind you this info. was also available on the school's web sight in two places. I am just wondering how much I am responsible for informing ex. of and how much effort he is required to make.

Another thing he and wife told the children he has hired an attorney and is going after me. The children were very upset and my son with special needs became out of control. My son stated he feels like he needs protection. My next question is how do I protect my children from his behavior?

Last question (I think), I have responded to his emails paragraph by paragraph because they are so disjointed and difficult to follow it is the only way I can address each issue in a some what coherent manner. He is now stating I am changing what he writes and will now only fax me at work, which I can not have. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Easy answer on the fax. "I'm sorry, but my employer will NOT accept personal letters for employees on the fax machine."

If he doesn't like email, he can use the pony express method. I believe that is what Cjane uses; problem with that is the amount of time it may actually take to receive. Flip side is that he'll say he sent it, but then it doesn't arrive.

Tell him that it must be email. Too bad you can't use the Quote like here on FA.

 

[Zephyr]

What is the name of your state? NJ
Hi everyone, I'm back for more info/advice.
Crazy ex is at it again. I have some new questions. As primary parent with joint custody am I responsible for sending every little piece of school info to ex.? Now mind you I do, but now he is accusing me of not sending one piece of info regarding grandparents day. I sent it over but now he is saying I did not. Mind you this info. was also available on the school's web sight in two places. I am just wondering how much I am responsible for informing ex. of and how much effort he is required to make.

send him what you can, as much as you can, and ignore his complaints, provide him with the school website


Another thing he and wife told the children he has hired an attorney and is going after me. The children were very upset and my son with special needs became out of control. My son stated he feels like he needs protection. My next question is how do I protect my children from his behavior?

it seems just about impossible to keep an angry ex from saying bad things, reassure your child that you all are safe and everything will be fine, and make sure to be ready to have kiddo talk to a counselor if things seem overwhelming to him

Last question (I think), I have responded to his emails paragraph by paragraph because they are so disjointed and difficult to follow it is the only way I can address each issue in a some what coherent manner. He is now stating I am changing what he writes and will now only fax me at work, which I can not have. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

tell him not to fax you at work as it will jeopardize your job, if he insists that hard copy writing is the only way he will communicate, then he can use the mail and wait for his answer. is he so stupid that he doesn't realize that he can save outgoing messages? and if he could prove you were manufacturing the evidence you presenting in court then you might be in some serious hot water?....

 

[mommyto 2]

That is what I have been thinking, I always save my original email messages. I am telling you he is esculating out of control and it scares me.
He has the school web sight. I just feel they are looking for me to screw up and it is making me a wreck. They told the children they are going to end up living with them.
One other question, I signed my son up for an afternoon school club. I did not consult my ex since it was not an educational decision and it is on my parenting time. He is also stating that I violated his rights because I did so. He is going from one thing to another so fast I can't keep up.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

One other question, I signed my son up for an afternoon school club. I did not consult my ex since it was not an educational decision and it is on my parenting time. He is also stating that I violated his rights because I did so.

Would the decision have been any different had you asked? Is it a BAD thing for him to be in a club?

Heck, my child asked me to stay an extra hour after school the other day. SHE decided to check out a club. Did **I** call daddy dearest that morning. Heck no ... it doesn't affect her grades or school selection. Said and done, she decided that she didn't like the club and said she wouldn't go back. That is one of those, when you have the child parenting time things.

Personally, I think it's about time for y'all to go back to court. Your X needs to be put down a couple of pegs

 

[mommyto 2]

Ginny you're the best! You always make me feel Like I am not loosing my mind. Trying to figure out a mentally unstable person is impossible but because we have children together he knows he can pull my strings. It makes me so sad for our children.

He hire a new attorney, number 5 since the divorce. That must say something. I have a call into my attorney to review the recent events. I am looking at trying for sole custody and some clarification on the court orders that ex. can't read them as he chooses and then latter change his mind when he so desires.

 

[mommyto 2]

As far as the club Ginny, yes he would have not allowed it for several reasons. He sign our son up for an activity on his tie, fine. But, now he wants to change the time he goes to that activity and have him go on my time, the same day as the club. He is very angry I will not allow that to happen. And, no, he did not consult me when he signed son up for that activity. And to be honest, I don't care.

 

[angus161]

i hope this helps but this is shared parenting agreement out of florida


DECISION MAKING:
Each party has a right to confer with the other pertaining to all major decisions concerning the welfare of the children. Both parents shall also confer so that major decisions affecting the welfare of the children will be determined jointly.Such major decision areas may include but are not limited to, the education,medical and dental care, religious training and discipline of minor children. The parties shall also confer and make good faith efforts to jointly make such decisions. The primary residential parent has a duty to discuss with the secondary residential parent the advantages and disadvantages of all major decisions regarding the children and to work with the secondary residential parentin an effort to reach a joint decision. For example this duty would include an obligation to discuss a decision to remove the children from public school in order to enroll them in a private school. It would not include a decisiion to have the childrens hair trimmed. In the event the parties are unable to agree on a decision affecting the welfare of the minor children, then the ultimate responsibility for making such decision shall be the primary parent.



Also under Records it states that the secondary parent as a concerned and loving parent cannot rely tottaly on the primary parent to supply all infomation which the secondary parent deems necessary regarding the care and development of the children

 

[mommyto 2]

I hope that is true in NJ too!

 

[VeronicaLodge]

He can also type his emails to you in a word document, save it or print it to pdf (or print it and scan it) and attach the pdf to the email if he is so worried you are changing his words.

 

[CJane]

As someone with a crazy-ass ex, can I make a suggestion?

You are NEVER going to do everything to his satisfaction. In fact, you'll be very very lucky if you do ANYthing to his satisfaction.

So my advice to you? Stop the madness.

Let ALL of his calls go to voice mail.

Keep ALL communication in writing, and as short, to the point and clear as you can.

Do NOT respond to each paragraph of his letters. Respond to the general gist. Or, don't respond AT ALL. There is no law that you have to respond to every single thing he sends you. I respond to maybe 1/10 of the stuff my ex sends me.

If he has ACCESS to the school stuff via the website, and you TRY to send him everything you get in a backpack, you have fulfilled your obligation.

Stop LETTING him do this to you.

Unless there's a change in the circumstances of the CHILDREN, he's not getting custody away from you. So be the best mom you can on YOUR time, pray a lot when they're with HIM and keep yourself sane by ignoring his crazyness.

It's the only way you're going to survive.

 

[fairisfair]

since WHEN is the custodial parent responsible for forwarding all of the schools info in the firstr place? is this specific to your order? He has the right to get it, but unless it is court ordered, it is not your responsibility to SEND it. That would be up to the school to provide those copies to him.

 

[CJane]

since WHEN is the custodial parent responsible for forwarding all of the schools info in the firstr place? is this specific to your order? He has the right to get it, but unless it is court ordered, it is not your responsibility to SEND it. That would be up to the school to provide those copies to him.

Dunno about OP's order. Mine states that if the school does not/refuses to send copies of stuff not in the records (notes from school, permissions slips, calendars, etc) then the parents are responsible for providing them to the other.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

OP - I suggest that the X provide the school with stamped, self-addressed envelopes so that the school can MAIL the info directly to him.

My X and his other X had the school info as an issue. The judge finally told them that each parent was responsible to go to the school and get the info themselves. He wanted both of 'em to grow up. (PS - my X still hasn't.) He recommended what I just stated.

Behaviour like your X's will only make him look like a fool in front of the judge.

 

[StampGirl]

Its practically impossible to send everything to the ex that comes home from school. I have folders for each of the kids with the label "Dad" on them. They put ALL papers in the folder and it goes down to him every-other friday when they see him. That way he has EVERYTHING (boy does he complain that I don't "weed" through the non-important stuff!!). I scan and email info that is important and will take place before he sees the kids otherwise it can all wait.

My ex also will not access the school's websites for early-release time on his pick up days. When he emails asking me for the times, I simply type in the website's address and the phone numbers to the schools. The boy knows how to use a computer and a telephone. I sent a master copy of school schedules at the beginning of the year w/that info. Not our fault they don't keep those things!!

Keep your chin up and know you aren't alone