Tired of the waiting game

[DomsMom]

You Don't "tell them" that!

My daughter was abandoned at an orphanage about a week after birth. After that she had NO parent until age two. Just 98 other babies and a few caregivers around her. My daughter could have been allowed to believe that neither of her bioparents "wanted" her. (BTW - adoptive families don't use the word "real" to describe bioparents, because adoptive parents are very "real". Might as well know about accepted adoption terminology if you aspire to become a participant in the adoption process)

But we tell her that it has nothing to do with HER. That she is WONDERFUL and that the choice her bioparent made to not be her parent is a choice we don't really understand or know the WHY about. There are many possible reasons, but we don't have answers. And I NEVER, EVER say a BAD thing about her bioparents!

We tell her that we DON'T know whether they "wanted" to be a parent to her: only that for some reason they knew they couldn't be the parent that she needed.

I definitely respect what you all have done for your daughter. And I would NEVER tell my son anything about his father that would hurt him in any way. I can not say what I will honestly tell him, until I'm put in that situation. I would be honest with him, but I would never tell him that his father didn't want him. In my opinion that would give him a complex and have him thinking he wasn't good enough for his father to want. But no, I would never talk bad about his father, especially in front of him, I never have. He will know about most of the things that happened, like the adoption for instance, but I would definitely leave out all of the hurtful things.

 

[Silverplum]

Y'know, this entire trauma of a thread could've easily been avoided had OP read and followed the RULES contained in the STICKY at the top of the Topic Page.

It's all laid out in there. It's not that hard to run a search.

And as far as your complaints about "the system"? You are welcome to read a magnificent post of mine in which I discuss "the system" and your place within it, helpfully linked right here:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showpost.php?p=1797348&postcount=15

Of course the primary topic of that post was child support, but I'm sure you can extrapolate from there.