Visitation interfering with children's sports

[stealth2]

Yes, thank you. I know you are right. I just hate that my girls are not allowed the normal childhood that we both had as kids.

Well, that dream was pretty well screwed when the two of you didn't stay together.

 

[bononos]

Yes, thank you. I know you are right. I just hate that my girls are not allowed the normal childhood that we both had as kids. I am looking into "sweetening" the deal more for him, and hopefully make both him and the girls happy. My girls have said they will go at Christmas if he does not agree because they do not want him to take me to court.

But, then again, read this post.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=278527
Kind of similar and a good warning to you.
Christmas break comes before the softball week you are requesting.
Your ex could agree to switch that summer week for the week after Christmas, take his Christmas time, then refuse to allow that summer week when it comes time.
And, of course, you MUST follow the Court Order, agreements made between the two of you are not binding.
Just a heads up!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Yes, thank you. I know you are right. I just hate that my girls are not allowed the normal childhood that we both had as kids. I am looking into "sweetening" the deal more for him, and hopefully make both him and the girls happy. My girls have said they will go at Christmas if he does not agree because they do not want him to take me to court.

This is not up to your girls, discussing it or the negoitions with them beyond their request, input only interferes with their relaitonship with their dad, leading to a breakdown in that relationship and alienation, which is what you want afterall isn't it? You are making this into a bigger deal than needed, just give him all his time and pay the transportaton costs, make it easier for him to have his visitaiton rather than harder, that is fair to everyone, and in your girl's best interest, they are not pawns!

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

Offer to pay for all of the transportation at Thanksgiving not just 1/2, but that is still not making up all the time so give him the rest at Christams and pay for that transportation also and then your daughter will stil; be home for New Years's. Do you know what 16 yo want to do with friends for New Year's? When you find out, you may want her with dad! You are too quick to defend yourself rather than provide the facts and you apparently you still want to rule the roost, but dad has rights that are for the best interest of the children and you are interfering with that. Not doubt wou will still have defenses

I do not have the money to pay for all of the airfare. He makes about three times as much money as I do. He has the money to pay his part; he is just cheap. I do not ask him to pay all of the airfare when I give him extra time that is not court ordered, so why should I pay all of it for him? I have given him extra time on other occassions that more than makes up for this week, and I have no problem with giving him more if I can. Why do you say I am trying to "rule the roost" just because I am trying to allow my daughters to have a normal life? It sounds to me like you are a Father that has an ex that does not put her kid's best interest first and let them see you as much as they can. I am not like that, so don't assume something that you know nothing about. I fault him for not seeing our daughters enough. They complain because their Father does not take the time to see them any other time during the year, so they do not understand why he will not make this accomodation for them. Personally, I don't blame them. He has always prioritized them behind everything else in his life.

 

[stealth2]

I do not ask him to pay all of the airfare when I give him extra time that is not court ordered, so why should I pay all of it for him? I have given him extra time on other occassions that more than makes up for this week, and I have no problem with giving him more if I can.

It's called sweetening the deal. He has already made it plain that he's not going to pay extra airfare, so offering extra time at other times isn't particularly useful when you KNOW he won't take it.

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

This is not up to your girls, discussing it or the negoitions with them beyond their request, input only interferes with their relaitonship with their dad, leading to a breakdown in that relationship and alienation, which is what you want afterall isn't it? You are making this into a bigger deal than needed, just give him all his time and pay the transportaton costs, make it easier for him to have his visitaiton rather than harder, that is fair to everyone, and in your girl's best interest, they are not pawns!

Sounds like you are bitter because of your own situation? Why else would you insinuate that I would actually want a "breakdown" in my girls' relationship with their Father? I encourage time with their Father, not discourage it. I try to let the girls have some input into their own lives, and encourage them to speak with their Father instead of me, but inevitably, he and I have to negotiate. He does not pay all of the airfare when I give him extra time that is not court ordered, so why should I pay all of this airfare? You are right, the girls are not pawns, but it is him that makes them that, not me. I am the one that works for them to see their Father. We have had many arguments because he does not take visitation.

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

But, then again, read this post.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=278527
Kind of similar and a good warning to you.
Christmas break comes before the softball week you are requesting.
Your ex could agree to switch that summer week for the week after Christmas, take his Christmas time, then refuse to allow that summer week when it comes time.
And, of course, you MUST follow the Court Order, agreements made between the two of you are not binding.
Just a heads up!

Thanks. I guess I will have to get everything in writing. I would hope that he would not do that to the girls, but has in the past.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Sounds like you are bitter because of your own situation? Why else would you insinuate that I would actually want a "breakdown" in my girls' relationship with their Father? I encourage time with their Father, not discourage it. I try to let the girls have some input into their own lives, and encourage them to speak with their Father instead of me, but inevitably, he and I have to negotiate. He does not pay all of the airfare when I give him extra time that is not court ordered, so why should I pay all of this airfare? You are right, the girls are not pawns, but it is him that makes them that, not me. I am the one that works for them to see their Father. We have had many arguments because he does not take visitation.

Nice try no cigar, I am female with no custody or family law issues.
It is not an issue you you giving him extra time, that is an exucse, it is an issue of you taking away court ordered time and trying to control everything.
Everyone here see's through you male and female alike. Even those who usually don't agree! You can't always have it your way and it's not fair to make dad out to be the meanie when you can but won't play well with others! What type of games did you play as a child? I'm afraid to ask.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Thanks. I guess I will have to get everything in writing. I would hope that he would not do that to the girls, but has in the past.

Someone is not getting it!

 

[usmcfamily]

Someone is not getting it!

Because she is hearing what she wants to hear - which is anything that makes her think she is right

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

Nice try no cigar, I am female with no custody or family law issues.
It is not an issue you you giving him extra time, that is an exucse, it is an issue of you taking away court ordered time and trying to control everything.
Everyone here see's through you male and female alike. Even those who usually don't agree! You can't always have it your way and it's not fair to make dad out to be the meanie when you can but won't play well with others! What type of games did you play as a child? I'm afraid to ask.

Okay, bitter female for some other reason, I guess. Why else would you come at someone so harshly on something you know nothing about? Or for that matter, a situation that you do not know the whole story on? I am only trying to do what is best for my kids, so if you find fault in that, sorry. You are so quick to make me the bad person in this. What motivates your bad attitude and your accusations that I am trying to be controlling? You do not know me or my ex, so do not act like you do. I asked for advice, which I think is a step in the right direction of trying to find a good resolution for my girls and their Father. I have nothing to gain either way. I enjoy the couple of times a year that the girls visit their Dad because that gives me a break. Why would I want to "control" the situation and take away his time, unless it was in the best interest of my girls? I don't get the "every other weekend" breaks, or have him around to help out when I need it because he lives in another state. He makes the choice to only see his girls twice a year. But, I will say that he did take them for spring break last year for the first time in 7 years. Anyway, going back and forth with someone like you is pointless. You are only out to "bash" someone for some unknown reason. I think it might be in your best interest to go to anger management classes or see a counselor. You obviously have some kind of issues.

 

[sofrustrated]

Get A Grip

Some of you people here need to get a grip on reality. To sit here and run someone down really isn't solving anything but making you look like a problem.

Nobody here knows all the details of each situation and yet so many are so quick to be judgemental.

REALITY CHECK:: There are some ex's out there whether it be male or female that DELIBERATELY do things to cause problems and aren't willing to give an inch unless it is on their terms. IT ISN'T ALWAYS THE CUSTODIAL PARENT EITHER like so many seem to believe. My ex is one of those. It's his way or no way and in the past I have done that but guess what, NO LONGER. It has gotten me nowhere trying to work with him and giving in to his demands. Once he gets his way, he is off on another adventure to see how much trouble he can cause.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Okay, bitter female for some other reason, I guess. Why else would you come at someone so harshly on something you know nothing about? Or for that matter, a situation that you do not know the whole story on? I am only trying to do what is best for my kids, so if you find fault in that, sorry. You are so quick to make me the bad person in this. What motivates your bad attitude and your accusations that I am trying to be controlling? You do not know me or my ex, so do not act like you do. I asked for advice, which I think is a step in the right direction of trying to find a good resolution for my girls and their Father. I have nothing to gain either way. I enjoy the couple of times a year that the girls visit their Dad because that gives me a break. Why would I want to "control" the situation and take away his time, unless it was in the best interest of my girls? I don't get the "every other weekend" breaks, or have him around to help out when I need it because he lives in another state. He makes the choice to only see his girls twice a year. But, I will say that he did take them for spring break last year for the first time in 7 years. Anyway, going back and forth with someone like you is pointless. You are only out to "bash" someone for some unknown reason. I think it might be in your best interest to go to anger management classes or see a counselor. You obviously have some kind of issues.

You came here like many others, looking for others to support your agenda and don't like that experienc e of getting objective advice nor do you supply the facts. Finally you reveal what is really bothering you and it has nothing to do with your children's sports.

I usually get a lot more per hour than I get here to give you your answer.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Some of you people here need to get a grip on reality. To sit here and run someone down really isn't solving anything but making you look like a problem.

Nobody here knows all the details of each situation and yet so many are so quick to be judgemental.

REALITY CHECK:: There are some ex's out there whether it be male or female that DELIBERATELY do things to cause problems and aren't willing to give an inch unless it is on their terms. IT ISN'T ALWAYS THE CUSTODIAL PARENT EITHER like so many seem to believe. My ex is one of those. It's his way or no way and in the past I have done that but guess what, NO LONGER. It has gotten me nowhere trying to work with him and giving in to his demands. Once he gets his way, he is off on another adventure to see how much trouble he can cause.

Frustrated,
Please don't hijack a thread, this isn't about your situation and if you read the post and situations it is the CP who is trying to take away from dad's parental time, interfereing with the parental relationship and not willing to give an inch. It is a control issue.

 

[mmattox]

Thank you very much

Some of you people here need to get a grip on reality. To sit here and run someone down really isn't solving anything but making you look like a problem.

Nobody here knows all the details of each situation and yet so many are so quick to be judgemental.

REALITY CHECK:: There are some ex's out there whether it be male or female that DELIBERATELY do things to cause problems and aren't willing to give an inch unless it is on their terms. IT ISN'T ALWAYS THE CUSTODIAL PARENT EITHER like so many seem to believe. My ex is one of those. It's his way or no way and in the past I have done that but guess what, NO LONGER. It has gotten me nowhere trying to work with him and giving in to his demands. Once he gets his way, he is off on another adventure to see how much trouble he can cause.

Thank you very much. I was beginning to feel like everyone thought I was a bad person or something. I can empathize with you. It seems as if our ex's are very similar. I just want to do what is right for my kids, and if that means that they have to make the choice between Christmas and softball, they will. I was just hoping to find a solution where everyone was happy. I can't afford to pay all of the airfare, so I can't sweeten the pot too much, but Christmas may be the only solution from what I am getting.