Visitation interfering with children's sports

[mmattox]

You are wrong - children's sports

Frustrated,
Please don't hijack a thread, this isn't about your situation and if you read the post and situations it is the CP who is trying to take away from dad's parental time, interfereing with the parental relationship and not willing to give an inch. It is a control issue.

Excuse me, but this is my thread, and I appreciate Frustrated commenting on you, specifically. Frustrated is right. It is not always the CP that is the bad person, and you are assuming that without knowing the situation. How do you know that I will not give an inch? Obviously you have not read all of my replies, or you would recognize that I am not trying to have it all my way. I am only trying to "find" an alternative where both the girls and their Dad will be happy. What are you? The "know it all" on control issues? You don't know any of us, so don't judge me. I am not trying to make by ex the bad guy either. I am not doing this to bash him. I just want what is best for my girls. If you think I am wrong, fine. That is your opinion, but it does not mean you are right, or that I am controlling.

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

You came here like many others, looking for others to support your agenda and don't like that experienc e of getting objective advice nor do you supply the facts. Finally you reveal what is really bothering you and it has nothing to do with your children's sports.

I usually get a lot more per hour than I get here to give you your answer.

No, I was not looking for all support. Your advice was not objective. It is very biased. You can tell that by what you said in the reply. If you would read the other replies, I conceded that I may not have any other options than for the girls to have to give up Christmas for softball. I would do that if that was the girls' choice between the two. I did not say that not having my ex around every other weekend bothered me. I said that I appreciate when he does take visitation because he is not around to take the girls every other weekend. Once again, you took what I said and put a negative spin on it. And, once again, you do not know what you are talking about when you say my children's sports have nothing to do with it. I'm sure glad that you think you know more about me than I do; shows a lot of arrogance on your part. By the way, sounds like you are paid way too much for your obviously biased opinions and attitude. You fit the "typical" stereotype; that's for sure. Maybe you need to pay someone for their opinion on you.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Excuse me, but this is my thread, and I appreciate Frustrated commenting on you, specifically. Frustrated is right. It is not always the CP that is the bad person, and you are assuming that without knowing the situation. How do you know that I will not give an inch? Obviously you have not read all of my replies, or you would recognize that I am not trying to have it all my way. I am only trying to "find" an alternative where both the girls and their Dad will be happy. What are you? The "know it all" on control issues? You don't know any of us, so don't judge me. I am not trying to make by ex the bad guy either. I am not doing this to bash him. I just want what is best for my girls. If you think I am wrong, fine. That is your opinion, but it does not mean you are right, or that I am controlling.

We discourage the hijacking of active threads.
Frustrated is that, frustrated and misread your thread.
You are the one judging me, look at your statements calling me bitter.
You are controlling and defensive you also resent that you don't have your ex around to help out, that is what is behind all of this.
You got your legal questions answered as well as practical soultions to your problem which are not to your liking.
You are putting your children in the middle of something between you and your ex, that in and of it's self is interference with parental relationship.

 

[casa]

Your girls are smart to realize that going is the easiest solution if Dad wants to fight it, however, it's better for them if you don't include them in parental disagreements. They will find out who's who when they are ready~ any added push by either parent will result in resentment towards them in the longrun.

It makes sense Dad doesn't want to add 'extra' visits, especially if it includes additional airfares. Cheap or not, that's his choice to make re; his personal finances.

So, sounds like best bet is to add days ON to already scheduled visits like Thanksgiving & also Spring Break as previously suggested.

In the end if he doesn't agree, even with the amendments you propose, your child misses only approx. 2 games- still gets added coaching/experience prior to Varsity....AND I agree that maybe spending New Year's Eve with Dad may be better in the longrun for a teen.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Your girls are smart to realize that going is the easiest solution if Dad wants to fight it, however, it's better for them if you don't include them in parental disagreements. They will find out who's who when they are ready~ any added push by either parent will result in resentment towards them in the longrun.

It makes sense Dad doesn't want to add 'extra' visits, especially if it includes additional airfares. Cheap or not, that's his choice to make re; his personal finances.

So, sounds like best bet is to add days ON to already scheduled visits like Thanksgiving & also Spring Break as previously suggested.

In the end if he doesn't agree, even with the amendments you propose, your child misses only approx. 2 games- still gets added coaching/experience prior to Varsity....AND I agree that maybe spending New Year's Eve with Dad may be better in the longrun for a teen.

Is this where we let out the secret about teenage girls for let her learn on her own

 

[bononos]

Another suggestion:
If your girls excel at this sport and continue in it, this will not be the only time this problem will occur. It will happen most every year.
You and ex need to come up with an agreement so that the girls aren't losing out on it and he is not losing out on his time
You need to modify your order with the courts!!!
Hopefully, if you can come to an agreement, it will be easy to modify.
I had a cousin who was all softball, she ended up making a career of it through playing, got her scholarships, physical therapy degree, then was hired as an assistant coach for the school she attended. The schedules she had throughout high school were rigorous.

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

We discourage the hijacking of active threads.
Frustrated is that, frustrated and misread your thread.
You are the one judging me, look at your statements calling me bitter.
You are controlling and defensive you also resent that you don't have your ex around to help out, that is what is behind all of this.
You got your legal questions answered as well as practical soultions to your problem which are not to your liking.
You are putting your children in the middle of something between you and your ex, that in and of it's self is interference with parental relationship.

You don't know anything besides the legal aspects. You need to learn the situation before you judge. I already knew the legal, but sometimes judges will modify in the best interest of the child, while still being fair to both sides. Or, someone may have been able to give me advice on how to come to an agreement with my ex on our own. I was looking for advice, not to be bashed by someone who knows nothing about me or my situation. You obviously have personal problems and use this as a means to vent on other people. You really need to work on dealing with people. You can give advice without belittling someone. My girls put themselves in the situation asking to play softball knowing that it would cut into their Dad's visitation, and asked me to talk to him about it. I am not just going to ignore them and not even try to work something out. I encouraged the girls to talk to their Dad themselves, but they were scared to. So, once again, you are wrong. Another thing, I consider myself lucky not to have my ex around, personally. But, I would change that if I could for my daughter's sakes because they don't understand why their Father does not see them more than he does.

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

Another suggestion:
If your girls excel at this sport and continue in it, this will not be the only time this problem will occur. It will happen most every year.
You and ex need to come up with an agreement so that the girls aren't losing out on it and he is not losing out on his time
You need to modify your order with the courts!!!
Hopefully, if you can come to an agreement, it will be easy to modify.
I had a cousin who was all softball, she ended up making a career of it through playing, got her scholarships, physical therapy degree, then was hired as an assistant coach for the school she attended. The schedules she had throughout high school were rigorous.

I totally agree with you, thank you. You are right, we do need to work something out and modify so that one or the other can't just back out on what was agreed upon. The girls are what is important here. Hopefully my girls will do as well as your cousin!

 

[stealth2]

You don't know anything besides the legal aspects. You need to learn the situation before you judge. I already knew the legal, but sometimes judges will modify in the best interest of the child, while still being fair to both sides. Or, someone may have been able to give me advice on how to come to an agreement with my ex on our own. I was looking for advice, not to be bashed by someone who knows nothing about me or my situation.

However, this IS a legal board, not a feel-good advice board.

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

Your girls are smart to realize that going is the easiest solution if Dad wants to fight it, however, it's better for them if you don't include them in parental disagreements. They will find out who's who when they are ready~ any added push by either parent will result in resentment towards them in the longrun.

It makes sense Dad doesn't want to add 'extra' visits, especially if it includes additional airfares. Cheap or not, that's his choice to make re; his personal finances.

So, sounds like best bet is to add days ON to already scheduled visits like Thanksgiving & also Spring Break as previously suggested.

In the end if he doesn't agree, even with the amendments you propose, your child misses only approx. 2 games- still gets added coaching/experience prior to Varsity....AND I agree that maybe spending New Year's Eve with Dad may be better in the longrun for a teen.

Thanks for your advice. My daughters asked me to talk to their Dad. I usually try to leave it between them if I can. You are right about the airfare, and I will try to add on to an already scheduled trip; there just aren't any in this case besides the one they are disagreeing about. I do have another idea, though, that my ex may go for. I am going to see if we can extend Thanksgiving. I would give up both holidays if need be. I just want everyone to be happy, and the girls to have the opportunity to play softball. Basically, it comes down to the fact that they cannot be on the team at all if they cannot be there that last week for the state tournament. It is a competitive team that you have to try out for, and they would rather you not play at all if you cannot be there the whole season. That spot on the team could be given to someone who could play the whole season. My girls will go at Christmas if that is the choice they make between softball and the holiday. I keep close tabs on my daughters, so I am not worried about her spending New Year's with her friends. But, you are right, a lot of times it is better that they are at home with their parent(s).

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

However, this IS a legal board, not a feel-good advice board.

Yes, you are right, so it should be kept to legal advice. It should not be used to belittle someone and judge them personally either.

 

[Zephyr]

is this horse dead yet or should we beat it some more????

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You don't know anything besides the legal aspects. You need to learn the situation before you judge. I already knew the legal, but sometimes judges will modify in the best interest of the child, while still being fair to both sides. Or, someone may have been able to give me advice on how to come to an agreement with my ex on our own. I was looking for advice, not to be bashed by someone who knows nothing about me or my situation. You obviously have personal problems and use this as a means to vent on other people. You really need to work on dealing with people. You can give advice without belittling someone. My girls put themselves in the situation asking to play softball knowing that it would cut into their Dad's visitation, and asked me to talk to him about it. I am not just going to ignore them and not even try to work something out. I encouraged the girls to talk to their Dad themselves, but they were scared to. So, once again, you are wrong. Another thing, I consider myself lucky not to have my ex around, personally. But, I would change that if I could for my daughter's sakes because they don't understand why their Father does not see them more than he does.

THIS IS A LEGAL BOARD not a vent/rant/support group. A part of that includes but is not limited to the objective "advice" and the implications of your situation. We are not here to aid an abet you in your personal agenda if it does not conform to the letter and spirit of the law. We are not judges and cannot tell you what a judge will or wil not do and many people come here as you did, knowing but not liking the legal answer and lashing out because you do not like the answer you got. We can only work with the facts you give us and we understant that you are going to give us the facts that you think will give you the answer you want.

You cannot always have your way, your children cannot always have their way. You can say all you like that you want your children to have more time with their father, but the words are empty as you always couple that with a negative and accuse him of not using the time he has all the while you are trying to take time from him.

If the girls make a request. Fine, take the request and work out a compromise with their father, DON'T put that on your children, that is your responsibility and you may have to go out of your way so that he can have his time, he is giving up time as it is. If you want to know what a judge will think? For the most part, there are different rules that come into play with mitary members, something I believe you already know and the judge is liable to rule for the mlitary member when the other is attempting to limit their relationships with their children, that is why you are avoiding court.

 

[mmattox]

children's sports

THIS IS A LEGAL BOARD not a vent/rant/support group. A part of that includes but is not limited to the objective "advice" and the implications of your situation. We are not here to aid an abet you in your personal agenda if it does not conform to the letter and spirit of the law. We are not judges and cannot tell you what a judge will or wil not do and many people come here as you did, knowing but not liking the legal answer and lashing out because you do not like the answer you got. We can only work with the facts you give us and we understant that you are going to give us the facts that you think will give you the answer you want.

You cannot always have your way, your children cannot always have their way. You can say all you like that you want your children to have more time with their father, but the words are empty as you always couple that with a negative and accuse him of not using the time he has all the while you are trying to take time from him.

If the girls make a request. Fine, take the request and work out a compromise with their father, DON'T put that on your children, that is your responsibility and you may have to go out of your way so that he can have his time, he is giving up time as it is. If you want to know what a judge will think? For the most part, there are different rules that come into play with mitary members, something I believe you already know and the judge is liable to rule for the mlitary member when the other is attempting to limit their relationships with their children, that is why you are avoiding court.

First of all, read your own first sentence; you need to remember that. You were not giving any advice at all, legal or otherwise. You were only judging me personally, and acting like you know what I am thinking, or what I have done in the past in relation to my kids and their Father's visitation. There are plenty of others who have replied and said the same thing you did without trying to judge or belittle me, and I am fine with what they have said. They have all said that I cannot change the visitation, and have helped me to see that I need to work it out in another way. You just don't like it that I called you on your attitude. You have done nothing but show me what a small and hateful person you are. For your information, my lawyer told me to leave the visitation issues between my girls and their Father, and to stay out of it. I have tried that, but when my girls come to me and ask for help, I am going to help them.

I am willing to give up time for my kids. It's not me that is missing out on time. I have them most of the year, and that is why I do allow him more than court ordered time if he wants it. My daughters are the ones that want this change in visitation. Who said I was trying to avoid court? Once again, you are assuming something you know nothing about. I would actually like to go back to court to modify the visitation. Anyone with common sense knows that they should check out their chances before they do, though, and that is exactly what I was doing here. My ex is the one that does not like to go to court, but sometimes it is the only way to make sure that he follows through with our agreements. So, you have given me your "expert opinion", which amounted to nothing. I got what I needed from everyone else, thank you.

You might try taking some sort of "people skills" class.

 

[LdiJ]

THIS IS A LEGAL BOARD not a vent/rant/support group. A part of that includes but is not limited to the objective "advice" and the implications of your situation. We are not here to aid an abet you in your personal agenda if it does not conform to the letter and spirit of the law. We are not judges and cannot tell you what a judge will or wil not do and many people come here as you did, knowing but not liking the legal answer and lashing out because you do not like the answer you got. We can only work with the facts you give us and we understant that you are going to give us the facts that you think will give you the answer you want.

You cannot always have your way, your children cannot always have their way. You can say all you like that you want your children to have more time with their father, but the words are empty as you always couple that with a negative and accuse him of not using the time he has all the while you are trying to take time from him.

If the girls make a request. Fine, take the request and work out a compromise with their father, DON'T put that on your children, that is your responsibility and you may have to go out of your way so that he can have his time, he is giving up time as it is. If you want to know what a judge will think? For the most part, there are different rules that come into play with mitary members, something I believe you already know and the judge is liable to rule for the mlitary member when the other is attempting to limit their relationships with their children, that is why you are avoiding court.

I waffled before responding. Rmet, you did "judge". You honestly don't have to be quite so "personal" in your responses. You do tend to judge the people rather than the situations a bit more than necessary. Someone did that to you and ALL of us said that it was wrong. So maybe you should attempt not to do it to others.