Visitation Modification

[LdiJ]

I just got an email from my ex a few hours ago and all it said was. "I'm going to write up my own visitation schedule but not until next week. Sorry."
Do you think I should wait to see her schedule or should I start the paperwork now? I mean, already she has made me wait this long to see my child, I guess a little while longer won't hurt my relationship with my daughter too much. I just don't want her to play her games with the "oh sorry, next week" and then the next week and next week. Should I email her back and tell her she has until June 1st or something like that so she knows that I will fill out the necessary paperwork then?

I wouldn't give her more than two or three weeks.

 

[Ohiogal]

I just got an email from my ex a few hours ago and all it said was. "I'm going to write up my own visitation schedule but not until next week. Sorry."
Do you think I should wait to see her schedule or should I start the paperwork now? I mean, already she has made me wait this long to see my child, I guess a little while longer won't hurt my relationship with my daughter too much. I just don't want her to play her games with the "oh sorry, next week" and then the next week and next week. Should I email her back and tell her she has until June 1st or something like that so she knows that I will fill out the necessary paperwork then?

Why would you rely on someone who has already proven to be untrustworthy?

 

[stealth2]

I just got an email from my ex a few hours ago and all it said was. "I'm going to write up my own visitation schedule but not until next week. Sorry."
Do you think I should wait to see her schedule or should I start the paperwork now? I mean, already she has made me wait this long to see my child, I guess a little while longer won't hurt my relationship with my daughter too much. I just don't want her to play her games with the "oh sorry, next week" and then the next week and next week. Should I email her back and tell her she has until June 1st or something like that so she knows that I will fill out the necessary paperwork then?

Time for you to man up and file yourself. Be proactive.

 

[EmmeRose]

Follow up...

Well, I filed for visitation modification and paid the filing fee. I used the exact outline as shown in my first post. I've been waiting for her response and I just got it today. The court date is May 25th and I received an email today from her lawyer with the paperwork and it says that it was mailed today, May 19th.
She's denying everything and is trying to get me to pay her filing fee AND her lawyer fees of $1500!
It says "Ordering parenting time in _______ (her city) and denying that the minor child ever leave _______(her city) with petitioner.

There is nothing in the papers stating "her choice" of parenting time. Just that it takes place in her city, and I'm never allowed to take my daughter out of the city. What does that mean? It doesn't say if she wants to go by my order or another order. It just says everything is "denied." Would that mean it's up to the courts to make up a different one?
The excuse is: (direct quote from papers)
"Minor child is a very sensitive child and does not do well to sudden changes. Petitioner has not seen minor child a lot and does not have a relationship with her. Minor child would not be able to fully comprehend what is going on and why she is in a strange place away from her parents. Respondent lives with her boyfriend that minor child considers her father."
Yeah, she wrote parents PLURAL! I'm her father and one of her two parents.

I guess all I really can do is wait for the court's decision but I think this is BS. Do you think that the court is going to make me pay all of her court fees when I could barely afford the filing fee on my half?

 

[MichaCA]

I can't imagine the courts requiring you to pay her court fee's. It certainly is not a frivolous motion.

Consider - don't do unless you hear back from seniors get a consult with a attorney - filing a response to her motion.

In that I would be clarifying she has not been supporting the previous court order- which is sticky cause in a way you haven't been either (show up on your weekends on time and pick up child...if she refuses THEN its contempt). The point being its because of moms' lack of support of your parental relationship that she is now claiming the child should not be far from her (?!).

She is also not supporting your parental relationship by encouraging the bf to be daddy. Request a clause in the court order that only mom and dad are called mom and dad.

One clause you had inserted I would have adjusted - where if you give 48 hour notice you can see for a 24 hour period. I don't have the words but it needs to be a little more assertive. 48 hours advance, mom is do everything possible to make child available for 48 hours...including notice of commitments such as sports, a bday party, whatever.

The hard part for you is you moved far away. If you lived closeby still, you could have simply filed for contempt of the court order, and start following up on your EOW plus the night during the week.

 

[EmmeRose]

But this is a response to my motion. I made the motion and she's responding to it with her lawyer. I don't think there is a motion to respond to a motion of a motion is there? I'm assuming I just have to wait until court this next Wed.

I just can't believe that she's trying to get me to pay for her court fees and I'm paying over half my paychecks to her for CS anyway. I hope the judge doesn't make me pay for it.

I've now read the papers about 20 times and she also stated "Minor child will be attending summer school because she is behind in school. It would not be in her best interest to be with petitioner during the summer."
She's 6 years old! What 6 year old needs to attend summer school? I think my ex is doing that just so she can't see me during the summer.

The papers state that "In the event Court grants Petitioner parenting time in ND, ordering the Petitioner permit Respondent's friend who lives in ND, to check in with child and Petitioner during Petitioner's parenting time in ND."

I don't know who this "friend" is. Why would I want a stranger in my house checking in on me and my daughter if she's allowed to stay up here? I've never met my ex's b/f, why should I trust him? All I know about him is that he's been in jail. So, my ex trusts a guy who's spent years in jail to be with our daughter but not her own father?

I just hope the court date goes smoothly but I'm going without a lawyer and she's got a lawyer, written statements from babysitters, friends etc. Nothing is saying bad things about me, just stating how "sensitive" my daughter is and how she doesn't know who I am (which is BS). I saw her over Xmas holidays and she knew exactly who I was and was so happy to see me.

So, does anybody else have any suggestions on how I can explain my case? Anything will help! Thanks!

 

[TheGeekess]

Without witnesses, those statements from God and everybody will be inadmissible. A piece of paper cannot be cross-examined.

 

[Nevergrowup]

But this is a response to my motion. I made the motion and she's responding to it with her lawyer. I don't think there is a motion to respond to a motion of a motion is there? I'm assuming I just have to wait until court this next Wed.

I just can't believe that she's trying to get me to pay for her court fees and I'm paying over half my paychecks to her for CS anyway. I hope the judge doesn't make me pay for it.

I've now read the papers about 20 times and she also stated "Minor child will be attending summer school because she is behind in school. It would not be in her best interest to be with petitioner during the summer."
She's 6 years old! What 6 year old needs to attend summer school? I think my ex is doing that just so she can't see me during the summer.

The papers state that "In the event Court grants Petitioner parenting time in ND, ordering the Petitioner permit Respondent's friend who lives in ND, to check in with child and Petitioner during Petitioner's parenting time in ND."

I don't know who this "friend" is. Why would I want a stranger in my house checking in on me and my daughter if she's allowed to stay up here? I've never met my ex's b/f, why should I trust him? All I know about him is that he's been in jail. So, my ex trusts a guy who's spent years in jail to be with our daughter but not her own father?

I just hope the court date goes smoothly but I'm going without a lawyer and she's got a lawyer, written statements from babysitters, friends etc. Nothing is saying bad things about me, just stating how "sensitive" my daughter is and how she doesn't know who I am (which is BS). I saw her over Xmas holidays and she knew exactly who I was and was so happy to see me.

So, does anybody else have any suggestions on how I can explain my case? Anything will help! Thanks!

One thing that jumps out at me is you keep talking about 'half your paycheck". It isn't mom's fault that you don't make much because you don't work much because you are going to school...that is YOUR choice. How was cs based? Because you could be imputed at full time if you haven't been already...it is your choice to be underemployed. And before you tell me you are going to school to better your life, don't...because I understand that. But still, your choice to make less isn't mom's problem, it is yours. It is also not mom's problem that you make so little that you can't visit all that much in her town...your choice.

As far as having a "friend" check on you, likely the judge will not order that...and lawyer's fees are probably pretty unlikely as well, your motion is not frivolous, it is legitimate, and doesn't appear to be created to harass mom or use the legal system incorrectly. I would not worry about that so calm down on that issue and focus on the real issues.

 

[EmmeRose]

CS was put into effect when both my ex and I were unemployed and they based it on me having 2 jobs, a part time job and a full time job working at 1 1/2 times minimum wage. I can't possibly work 70+ hours making almost $11 an hour at both jobs. Right now I am full time for the summer but when school starts again, I will be back down to part time at one job. That is why over half my pay check is gone. I have never argued it and I owe no arrears so that is a big plus on my side.
After visitation is established, I'm debating whether or not I should go to court over lowering child support as well. Back, a year ago, when I brought up to my ex about lowering child support all she said was "Well, how about you give your rights and let my boy friend be the dad. Then you never have to pay CS again." Yeah right. I love my daughter and would never do that.
I would just want it lowered while I'm still in school then readjusted when I graduate. I'll have to see though, I'm waiting to see what happens when visitation has been sorted out.

I am trying to focus on the real issues, the real issues are that I want to see my daughter and my ex is trying to stop me in any way she can.

 

[stealth2]

Right now I am full time for the summer but when school starts again, I will be back down to part time at one job. That is why over half my pay check is gone.

Here's a news flash, dude - your child's needs don't go to part time at the end of the summer. If you cannot support your child while you are a student, you need to cut back on your course-load so that you can work enough hours to do so.

If your choice to cut back your working hours means you don't have the money to see the child? That is a *choice* you are making.

 

[EmmeRose]

If the money was going towards my daughter and not her mother's pot and alcohol addiction it would be different...
She posts weekly on her public FB "Yeah! I'm kidless and just got my checks from ex. PARTY! Who wants to come over?" Things like that. I guess that's not 100% proof because maybe she's "making things up" or w/e.
If I'm surviving (but barely) on less than half of my pay check, I really don't think my ex needs all of that money. But that will be up to the court to decide later, after this one.

 

[stealth2]

Your CS money is *reimbursement* for what she spends on the child. So yeah, once she gets that check? She can do what she likes with it.

 

[CJane]

I am trying to focus on the real issues, the real issues are that I want to see my daughter and my ex is trying to stop me in any way she can.

And you've LET HER stop you for quite awhile.

So, I guess my question and the question the court will likely have is WHY did you let her control it for so long? You HAVE a court order that you NEVER ONCE tried to enforce. And in fact, when she said "Now isn't really a good time", you didn't even ATTEMPT to see your child.

You don't want to make a "pointless" trip to the city that your child lives in, so if Mom says no, you just don't go there. So there aren't attempts to visit the child that are being denied, there's nothing at all to show that you have ever really REALLY cared that your relationship was being eroded.

So what changed? Why do you so desperately want to see kiddo NOW?

 

[stealth2]

So what changed? Why do you so desperately want to see kiddo NOW?

He wants to impress EmmeRose. That's my bet.

 

[frylover]

I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that "EmmeRose" was the child (not a very smart handle since the ex could come here, too!)