Waiting period for change of child support

[stealth2]

AS a step mom, when we go on what may appear to be a pricey Caribbean trip with our daughter, it is I who shops the bargain fares and I who pays for it. I don't understand this presumption by CPs that everything their ex's step kid gets is money taken from their kids. I work to significantly support our household and my kids, as a very good chunk of DHs income goes toward his over-age 18 son, and I have every right to buy us a vacation together if I wish. Just as his ex has the right to spend her money as she sees fit.

Sorry, but I keep hearing the CPs complain how he must be hiding income because "they live in a $250,000 house" or "they have two cars" or whatever. What are we wives, chopped liver? Why is it so hard to understand that plenty of woman have fully self-supportive incomes, and what we have or don't have has NOTHING to do with our husband's or their incomes?

I hope you realize that's not at all what I'm doing. My ex and his wife make comparable salaries, and that's great. Obviously, they will do things with her kids when mine & ex's aren't there. What I object to is when our kids are told that they can't afford to take them somewhere because of CS. Because it's a total falsehood. I don't tell the kids that 'cause that would only twist the knife deeper.

 

[nextwife]

Actually, I was not at all referring to your post. I know your situation. I was speaking about the post before mine, and many others we have seen in which CPs, not the regulars, post about how "he says he doesn't have the money for this or that BUT HE gets his step-kids.....: blah, blah, blah. In other words, some (and NOT you, Stealth) CPs seem to think that if ex's step kid gets this or that, it means that ex must be lying about how much money he makes, or what he has, or that it is ex who is providing it. What I meant to say to those CPs who think they should be modifying every time they see evidence ex's household is doing well, is that WIVES can be the ones responsible for a big part of that! It was the pricey vacation comment I was responding to, because we give a family vacation priority- and I find and pay for it. My dad got ill and died very young, so we feel these special memories-of-a-lifetime times together are top priority. But we also buy space left on charters at really bargain rates. The trip does LOOK pricey, though.

It's not always what it appears.

 

[Plantinga]

Actually, I was not at all referring to your post. I know your situation. I was speaking about the post before mine, and many others we have seen in which CPs, not the regulars, post about how "he says he doesn't have the money for this or that BUT HE gets his step-kids.....: blah, blah, blah. In other words, some (and NOT you, Stealth) CPs seem to think that if ex's step kid gets this or that, it means that ex must be lying about how much money he makes, or what he has, or that it is ex who is providing it. What I meant to say to those CPs who think they should be modifying every time they see evidence ex's household is doing well, is that WIVES can be the ones responsible for a big part of that! It was the pricey vacation comment I was responding to, because we give a family vacation priority- and I find and pay for it. My dad got ill and died very young, so we feel these special memories-of-a-lifetime times together are top priority. But we also buy space left on charters at really bargain rates. The trip does LOOK pricey, though.

It's not always what it appears.

I applaud you for your statements. I also agree with you as well. On this, and your prior post.

CPs and NCPs have to realize that as long as money is either being paid or received by the obligee or the obligor, the worry should be at ease.

Too many children are affected by the money issue that always exists in parent relationships. When will people open their eyes?

Regards,
Plantinga

 

[kel4377]

You're right, because my husband's ex always makes everything an issue. I agree that the child should be taken care of, and she is very well, by both her and us, but she just does this to make my husband mad and to make his life miserable. And she's been doing that for years and will always. It's just a shame that they have to keep going back and forth to court. In 2 years that we've been together, he's been back and forth to court probably 15 times if not more, and that's not only for child support, but for visitation. Because if it's not her way, it's no way. If she doesn't get her way, then my husband doesn't get to see their daughter.

 

[stealth2]

That's just ridiculous - she should be reprimanded by the judge. At the very least.

 

[kel4377]

Yeah, that's what we thought when we went to court and they did find her in violation. That was back in January, and they still haven't made a decision on what to do about it. Nice system we have!!!

 

[lyndi&kaylee]

shedding some light

To tell the truth when it comes to money, visitation, or almost anything else in "ex-relationships" I am totally vindictive! I feel like he "owes" me for leaving me and our child, and I want him to pay for it. Yes, I'm immature and "scandelous(as he calls me), but on some level I feel it gives me some kind of control. I am wrong for being this way and I know it. I do hope that one day I grow out of it, maybe when I am ready to date agin, but for now, I'm being "evil"LOL!!! I know alot of people(men & women) feel the same way I do, which doesn't make it right, but we're just human right? I also really hate my ex's new girlfriend. Mostly cause she's not me, and I know that's very immature!!! But to the point, yes, the mom probably wants to make him "pay", but extra money for the kids is never bad so let him pay and deal with it. And for the record I have no problem with child support being lowered if a man loses his job and has to take on a lesser paying job. And furthermore, as a "new wife, girlfriend, whatever" you got in the situation on your own and should have known there would be "drama" involved, if you don't like it, you shouldn't have married someone with an "ex-situation". My ex's new girlfriend hates me and his situation and I don't feel one bit sorry for her, she should've dated someone single if she wasn't ready for the "ball-game"(that's what we call it)

 

[nextwife]

Sometimes it IS the fireworks and vindictiveness between the parties that causes one to want out of a relationship.

My husband's ex was always screaming at him, hitting him, and throwing shoes at him. She resented his time with anyone but her (he was a young professional getting established in his field, and she was suspicious of every business trip, every late night working, etc. Her whole identity was him and her goal was to get knocked up asap and be a SAHM. She quit work the day she found out she she was pregnant. Geez. They were, frankly a miserable match, and the kids are far better off not being in that contentious environment. Why would anyone want to continue to face that at the end of each day? He's not a different guy now, same guy, except now he has a partner with whom he can communicate.

I met him many years after the divorce, and I do not understand what her problem was, as we get along great. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, makes things for our daughter, fixes stuff, almost never wants to hang out with the boys and always heads home right after work, doesn't drink, do drugs, or care about fancy cars or showey clothes. He's a great husband and a great dad, yet he and ex could not get along at all. WE had a track record of five years knowing each other before we married, and two years of marriage before bringing our daughter into our lives. And his ex has no business resenting our home and what I provide my child. Ex has even more education than I - she is no less capable of providing for her kids than I am of providing for mine. She still gets the same CS even though he can't make near what he did when they were together. Because I maintain our standard of living. She has the option to do the same and is no less able bodied than I- her kids are quite a bit older, actually.

 

[kel4377]

This response is for lyndi&kaylee: people like you are who makes it difficult for everyone else in the world. You sound just like my husband's ex, and thank God that's all she was, and ex-girlfriend, not even and ex-wife. It's bad enough they have a child together, but to have been married to her would've been worse. She hates the fact that he's with me, it's just jealousy. I do everything for her daughter and you'd think after 3 years she'd appreciate something, no of course not. We've done everything to get along with her and it's always her way.....or he doesn't get to see his daughter. What kind of a parent is that?? That's just plain childish and jealousy. Yeah, I did go into our relationship knowing what kind of person she is, but you'd think after so many years a person could just give up and stop being so miserable. And she's had boyfriends, but she's still the same person. And it's not just about being jealous, she's just a complete b#*ch. I have been nice to her and have done her favors, but you can only try being so nice for so long to someone who isn't nice back. She even told me when I was pregnant that she wished I lost my baby. Now would you be so cruel as to wish that on your ex's girlfriend if she was ever pregnant? If you would, you're just as pathetic as my husband's ex is. Lighten up a little, maybe you'd be able to all get along if you weren't so jealous, miserable, and probably lonely.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Wow!

Finally, honesty! Lyndi&Kaylee, I may not like what you say, but I admire your honesty. Nice to see someone living in the real world.

 

[kel4377]

You're right FJ1200guy, I didn't like what she said, but at least she was honest. I wish my husband's ex could be honest like that and just admit why she acts the way she does!!!

 

[nextwife]

" I am totally vindictive! I feel like he "owes" me for leaving me and our child, and I want him to pay for it. Yes, I'm immature and "scandelous(as he calls me), but on some level I feel it gives me some kind of control. I am wrong for being this way and I know it. I do hope that one day I grow out of it, maybe when I am ready to date agin, but for now, I'm being "evil"LOL!!!"

Hon, is this way of reacting what you want to teach your kid(s)? Your blood pressure and sense of well-being will be better served by getting past reacting to things on the basis of how it might hurt your ex. Decisions should be made on their own merit. Vindictiveness has a way of coming back to bit you. MY DHs ex was the same way, vindictive. Yet, THEY WERE MISERABLE TOGETHER AND BOTH REMARRIED AND HAPPY WITH THEIR SUBSEQUENT SPOUSES! They could have stayed miserable together and jointly made their kids miserable daily. Would that have been a good thing for ANY of them?

Find serenity in living your own life, instead of living to hurt him. THAT is what will give you control.

 

[smh33]

Well...needless to say I could not even read some of the crap posted in this thread.

Your ex can take you to court for modification before the 'scheduled' review if that is how it works in your state, but usually that means your ex would have to prove a 'need' for the increase....provide how costs for the child has increased, especially if the child is well taken care of as is under the current support order. Make sure if you go to court that your lawyer demands 'reasons' for the increase other than just an increase of income. Still remember in some states...most states it is totally up to the judge to go either way so do not make the judge mad. Check your state statutes as some states require that if a judge rules on child support outside of the normal guidelines, the judge must give a written reason for deviating from the norm. Good luck....this is what they mean by 'between a rock and a hard place!