What do I do????

[iscrewedup2]

What is the name of your state? CA
I had an affair with a woman who now has a child she says is mine. I believe she is right. Things are cordial between us and we are not at eachothers throat. Do I need to do anything to protect my wife and childrens home, savings account etc?? The woman I had the child with has not sent me to court or anything but, how do I figure out how much support I need to give her?? Any assistance will be appreciated. I know there is another man out there that has made this mistake, I'm reaching out to anyone who can give me advice.

Thank You,

john

 

[nextwife]

Don't do anything before you obtain a DNA test, to establish, and verify paternity. Then you may file for shared legal custody, shared physical custody/or visitation and CS establishment.

 

[snostar]

First, tell your wife it is possible you will be having another child with another woman and keep your pants zipped!

 

[iscrewedup2]

Thanks for replying

nextwife, thanks. You know I don't doubt her at all. She just promised to keep it a secret. She isn't even asking for support. But, its the least I can do for the child I help bring into the world. I am however worried about the X factor. Meaning, what if things go south and she decides to hit me with CS, I don't need her, nor the state to tell me I need to provide her with at the minimum $$ assistance. But, I don't know how I'm going to tell my wife and kids. or if someday she wanted to sue me for the house or my wifes and kids savings accounts and so forth. That is where I need the help. do I need to do anything to protect them>>?? what??

Snostar: my ex-lover wont tell my wife. I will, I need help not smirky remarks. I beat myself up 18 hours a day with what I did. I did it I screwed up big time. I need to do not what is right for me, but for my wife and family who had no say in this. and now the child I helped bring into this world.

Thanks all
John

 

[nextwife]

Did she already know you had children to support and were married? I'd suggest that you have your WIFE file for CS so that she has a CS order in place and your already born child is not made to suffer because of the CS order this gal gets.

 

[snostar]

Snostar: my ex-lover wont tell my wife. I will, I need help not smirky remarks. I beat myself up 18 hours a day with what I did. I did it I screwed up big time.

Good, tell her today or do you really want to sit back and wait for the sh!t to hit the fan?

 

[iscrewedup2]

Thanks Nextwife

Thanks for responding kindly nextwife. To answer your question, yes she did know. And that is an idea you gave me. I'm just kidding myself that my wife won't ever find out. But, if she does I want to be the one to tell her. And I want what little I/she has, house cars, small savings account to be hers and my children from my marriage to her. I'm really basing this happy ending on the idea that my lover never tells my wife, or have my wife get somekind of CS letter in the mail meant for me.

As far as my affair, I screwed up and I will have to pay for it. I just don't want my kids and wife to have to pay for it.

once again thanks for hearing and responding to me.

John

 

[iscrewedup2]

Hey Snostar

Snostar, no I don't want to wait till **** hits the fan, But I also don't want to do anything without first getting legal, peer, advice. I have to believe my wife will rush into things trying to kill me and so forth. But, before she does that I need to make sure her and my childrens home is safeguarded. then she can kill me. you know snostar, I screwed up like only a royal idiot can do, but it doesn't mean I don't love my wife and children.

 

[nextwife]

And for pete's sake, DO NOT, DO NOT, just ACCEPT that she is correct about paternity. MANY women don't seem to really accurately know their child's paternity. SO many have come here and posted they had "thought" so and so was the father but NOW they have discovered........, etc. Seems that some woman don't realize that if they have had multiple partners within a month window of conception, they may NOT accurately know the parentage. They are just presuming. Don't be a FOOL. DEMAND a paternity test!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[sparky31676]

What is the name of your state? CA
I had an affair with a woman who now has a child she says is mine. I believe she is right. Things are cordial between us and we are not at eachothers throat. Do I need to do anything to protect my wife and childrens home, savings account etc?? The woman I had the child with has not sent me to court or anything but, how do I figure out how much support I need to give her?? Any assistance will be appreciated. I know there is another man out there that has made this mistake, I'm reaching out to anyone who can give me advice.

Thank You,

john

Does your wife and children know about this?

 

[iscrewedup2]

Nextwife

She is currently in a relationship herself. she has two children with her current BF, one from her previous BF, and now mine. She volunteered a DNA test to prove it. But, I believe it is mine also. the child is very beautiful and distinctly different from the other children. But, I will keep your advice in my back pocket. Do you really think I should ask my wife to hit me with CS??? will that protect her and my kids??

If I need to work nights and weekends to pay the other woman, I'll do it. What do I do to protect my wife and what is rightfully hers and our children??

 

[iscrewedup2]

NO, my wife and children don't know yet.

Hence the question, what do I do?? and How??

 

[snostar]

Tell your wife and get the DNA test done! Do you have any desire to be apart of this child's life????????

 

[nextwife]

Consult a family law attorney NOW. Have him suggest any and all ways to protect assets and income that your current wife/child are entitled to have. Sorry, but in my humble opinion, women who make babies with married men should NOT be able to have financial priority over the existing family.

 

[iscrewedup2]

snostar

I dunno snostar, it depends. Sometimes I think I just want to tell her and let her Drop me like a rock as stated by veronicalouise. Sometimes I want to see if I can keep it a secret for as long as possible. someimes I want to take the child away from the other woman. other times I think I want nothing to do with the child. I feel like she wants me to "love" the child as if I had had it with my wife, that is hard if not impossible to do. I know I'm going to take a fall, simply because if God in heaven won't forgive me, why should my family.

Veronicalouise, I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me nor have I asked anyone else to feel sorry for me on this board. I'm sorry every morning and on most sleepless nights. But that doesn't help anyone. Right now I'm trying to make the best of this ****ty mess i've created for my wife and children. I'm coming out in the open and I want your advice, as far as chastisments and condemnation, I'm going to get enough of that to last a lifetime when I tell my wife,kids, parents, brothers and sisters. So please.

Thanks,

john