What do I do????

[iscrewedup2]

THERE is no one better than my wife.

SO I should seek a perfect woman to have an affair with??? Affairs are wrong. I knew it coming in, and I know it getting out.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

SO I should seek a perfect woman to have an affair with??? Affairs are wrong. I knew it coming in, and I know it getting out.

No, you should keep it in your pants and grow up.

 

[critterperson]

Did she already know you had children to support and were married? I'd suggest that you have your WIFE file for CS so that she has a CS order in place and your already born child is not made to suffer because of the CS order this gal gets.

Nextwife,
Hi.........new here.....as far as I know a Wife cannot file for CS in an intact marriage maybe it depends on your state but if this were possible I think there are a lot of people that would be doing it because someone wasn't as faithful as they should have been. But who knows in this situation it may no longer be intact after the wife finds out........Hopefully they can work through it.........

 

[critterperson]

John

I dunno snostar, it depends. Sometimes I think I just want to tell her and let her Drop me like a rock as stated by veronicalouise. Sometimes I want to see if I can keep it a secret for as long as possible. someimes I want to take the child away from the other woman. other times I think I want nothing to do with the child. I feel like she wants me to "love" the child as if I had had it with my wife, that is hard if not impossible to do. I know I'm going to take a fall, simply because if God in heaven won't forgive me, why should my family.

Veronicalouise, I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me nor have I asked anyone else to feel sorry for me on this board. I'm sorry every morning and on most sleepless nights. But that doesn't help anyone. Right now I'm trying to make the best of this ****ty mess i've created for my wife and children. I'm coming out in the open and I want your advice, as far as chastisments and condemnation, I'm going to get enough of that to last a lifetime when I tell my wife,kids, parents, brothers and sisters. So please.

Thanks,

john

John,
The first thing you need to do is talk to your wife.......I know it will be difficult I've been there but if there is any love in your marriage and you haven't done this before you may be able to work it out although it will be tough. Your wife will probably be very upset to put it mildly. But if you wait even another week or month that is one week or one month that your wife will feel that you lied to her every day. Believe me when I tell you that you will feel better when your wife is making you feel like a jerk as apposed to beating yourself up....the lie will be in the open and you will know where your future is.......it may not be where you want it to be but you will know. I think you need to allow your wife to be involved at ground level if you are to have any future at all. You said that the girlfriend will keep it a secret but if anyone she knows slips you will never have a chance at making it work with your wife because she will feel that she has been made the fool and that is a very tough pill to swallow............I wish you luck

 

[snostar]

I dunno snostar, it depends. Sometimes I think I just want to tell her and let her Drop me like a rock as stated by veronicalouise. Sometimes I want to see if I can keep it a secret for as long as possible. someimes I want to take the child away from the other woman. other times I think I want nothing to do with the child. I feel like she wants me to "love" the child as if I had had it with my wife, that is hard if not impossible to do. I know I'm going to take a fall, simply because if God in heaven won't forgive me, why should my family.

You’re as sick as your secrets. Every day you arrive home your going to be wondering if this is the day the wrecking crew arrived, do you really want to live like that? Your wife and children deserve better, and at least your wife should be told of this affair, if you have any respect for her left. I usually do not go off on morally related tangents....but it really pisses me off when people refer to conception as a mistake due to lack of responsibility and commitment.

 

[iscrewedup2]

critterperson/ nextwife

Thanks for responding. You are right. But, before I tell her I need to make sure her house will not be lost to someone else. I need to secure her future and my childrens future. If she throws me out after the fact, well so be it. I'm not one to make up excuses as I have none in this case I appreciate your input. Thanks for the advice and if you have anymore, I can take all I can get.




my email: [email protected]


belize, snostar, veronicalouise, Thanks for your input.

 

[newlywed03]

Dude, the FIRST thing you need to is tell your wife. What, do you think it's going to make her feel better for you to wait a few months, then say :gee honey, I have bad news and goods new - the bad news is I had unprotected sex with someone else while still sleeping with you & now I'm having a baby with this person. The good news though, you won't lose your house".

oh yah, THAT will make her feel better.

Tell your wife and beg for forgivness, but don't expect it.
Get a DNA test.
See an attorney (!!)
Pay your child support - and too bad if you don't want the state telling you how much you should be paying - should have thought about that before having unprotected sex.


You go on and on about how you know it was wrong, we get that. Now it's time to be a man and own up to your mistake to the person who's going to be affected by this the most - your wife. Aside from the fact you had an affair, you had unprotected sex and possibly have endangered her life. did you ever think about that?

 

[LdiJ]

You go on and on about how you know it was wrong, we get that. Now it's time to be a man and own up to your mistake to the person who's going to be affected by this the most - your wife. Aside from the fact you had an affair, you had unprotected sex and possibly have endangered her life. did you ever think about that?

DITTO THAT! Everybody understand that you are still in the "denial" phase on this and the subconciously you still hope it will go away...but that isn't going to happen and its time to deal with reality.

 

[iscrewedup2]

newlywed03

newlywed03,
thanks for your input.

 

[iscrewedup2]

ldij

Actually, I'm no longer in denial. that is only a dream.
thanks for your input

 

[critterperson]

Thanks for responding. You are right. But, before I tell her I need to make sure her house will not be lost to someone else. I need to secure her future and my childrens future. If she throws me out after the fact, well so be it. I'm not one to make up excuses as I have none in this case I appreciate your input. Thanks for the advice and if you have anymore, I can take all I can get.




my email: [email protected]


belize, snostar, veronicalouise, Thanks for your input.

John,
She will not loose her house unless you and she can't work it out and you have her sell it in a divorce.....but if you would like to try and avoid divorce I would tell her ASAP and allow her the dignity to decide. The most that this woman would be able to get is child support from you. and you would also be able to petition for visitation. The only effect this will have on your wife and children is the fact that you weren't faithful and that a new baby will be in your lives. If you and your wife can't work it out you will have to pay your wife child support in the event of a divorce. Your children will not lose their savings (they did not create this baby). Do yourself a favor and call a family law attorney and get a free phone consultation and they will ease any fears that you may have as far as your wifes assets go (she did not impregnate this woman..unfortunately that falls on you). If you truly value your marriage...tell your wife ASAP don't let her hear this from a loose liped individual with no tact. Everyone makes mistakes most of the people on this board have probably made one in their life (no one is perfect) or they would not be here so don't let the high and mighty people get you down (marriages are 50/50).......You did screw up but if it was truly a mistake it won't happen again and hopefully you can begin to assemble the pieces of your life and move on. I wish you well

 

[iscrewedup2]

critterperson

Thanks for your advice you and nextwife have been very helpful. Others have expressed views, that is fine. I would not nor do I criticize anyone for what they have done as I have no way of knowing what drove them to do something. I'm beyond that so it doesn't bother me. I often wonder about preachers, when the rubber meets the road, can they cast the first stone?
I appreciate your advice. I am going to go through with this and tell my wife myself. But, she is going to fall apart, she will not be able to look into the legalities of my issue. So I need to make sure I have them covered first. Then, I'll take what I have coming to me.

I wish you well in your life.

john

 

[critterperson]

Thanks for your advice you and nextwife have been very helpful. Others have expressed views, that is fine. I would not nor do I criticize anyone for what they have done as I have no way of knowing what drove them to do something. I'm beyond that so it doesn't bother me. I often wonder about preachers, when the rubber meets the road, can they cast the first stone? I appreciate your advice. I am going to go through with this and tell my wife myself. But, she is going to fall apart, she will not be able to look into the legalities of my issue. So I need to make sure I have them covered first. Then, I'll take what I have coming to me.

I wish you well in your life.

john

John,
About preachers they often do cast the first stone (on how some choose to live their lifestyles and such) but if you have seen the news lately their are quite a few that have their own little secrets.A lot of "religious" people forget that according to the very bible they use to beat people up with it tells them not to judge, but they choose to ignore that part of it. Your wife will fall apart but if you love her enough maybe she will allow you to help her pull herself together and you can both overcome this. You will have to take a good deal of abuse first when she finds out (you will just have to tough it out and let her blow all the while begging......there will be a lot of begging)but I would't suspect that you would think otherwise... Good luck.......

 

[iscrewedup2]

critterperson

critterperson- Thank you your advice is truly appreciated.

 

[djohnson]

The only thing the other woman can get is child support. You can calculate what it would be based on your pay and pay her that but you need to make sure you keep receipts of it incase ten years down the road she comes back and says you never paid. To make it all legal you really do need the paternity test and a court ordered amount. The way you are talking I take this as not a current thing that just happened. Apparently the child is atleast several years old by now. If you don't tell your wife ASAP someone else likely will, kids in school, or the child itself. The sooner she knows the better off she will be in handling it especially since it happened years ago. But if she finds out and isn't prepared to handle it then she feels like everyone has betrayed her and even if she wanted to work it out she may not because she would feel like a fool, where if you tell her and she can prepare herself in how to handle when it comes up, and it will, it gives her more power and that is what she needs to feel. You other children now has a sibling and it may be nice for them to know each other. If you wait too long and they are older they may resent you more for it.