Quote: "I have said and put on the record that she is not seeing him again until......"
What record are you referring to? There is nothing official about this decision you've made, that's what everyone here is trying to tell you. You simply do not have the authority to change your own court order.
In fact, suggestion three here, 3. We go to court and do what the judge orders. If he gets another chance and fails (which he will!!) At which point does the Judge say, that’s enough" is by far the only rational reasonable alternative. And in the meantime, keep offering the father his appropriate visitation.
You stand the very real risk of going back to court to get orders changed, telling the judge what you've done in order to make things the way you thought they ought to be, and having him change things in a way you will not like, simply because of your overstepping and your unwillingness to follow the whole court ordered thing. You have to be shown as the less objectionable parenting choice, and if your ex is as big a boor as you indicate, it's a high bar he's setting, but if you do too much of this controlling and overstepping, you're liable to cross it. How much will the judge "make me put up with?" Depends. And all her crying and hysteria will amount to NOTHING in court, like your recordings and notes and demands and decisions without their input.