Who should provide clothing?

[ecmst12]

The child support that NCP pays is not meant to be 100% of the child's expenses, it's meant to be NCP's portion of the expenses that the child incurs AT THE CP'S HOUSE.

 

[bridgemom]

And this is NOT a battle to pick to fight unless there are allergies or medical concerns involved. A child drinking pop for two days and eating take out is being fed.
Clothing battles are also ridiculous. Unless the child needs something and it is not returned with -- middle of winter and the child has one winter jacket which is not returned or transferred with child -- or child is dressed inappropriately -- i.e. it is 30 degrees and snowing and the child is dressed in shorts and a tank top with flip flops.

Yes, there is a medical concern.

 

[haiku]

Yes, there is a medical concern.

what medical concern limits eating mcdonalds?

 

[haiku]

The child support that NCP pays is not meant to be 100% of the child's expenses, it's meant to be NCP's portion of the expenses that the child incurs AT THE CP'S HOUSE.

that depends on the state and how child support is figured really.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Ok, ok...Just so everyone knows that I am NOT trying to be petty, I will try to explain the situation...

We have an order that is very, very vague on this. Traditionally, what we have done since the divorce (almost 8 years ago) is we each provide kiddos clothing at our own home. NCP just started paying child support approx 2 1/2 years ago, we are in the middle of a cs review as we speak.

Since ncp moved further away and started paying child support he has decided he will no longer provide clothing while the children are with him. I have sent a bag with the children for many of his weekends, and he required I send two weeks worth for each of them for each of his summer visits, six weeks total. I have ALSO purchased clothing for him to keep at his home. Each time I send clothing, he refuses to send all of it back, each and every time, and he insists I need to continue purchasing clothing for his home as well.

This should not be an issue whatsoever, however, I cannot afford to continue sending clothes over twice a month for each of the three children, and for his entire six weeks in the summer because he WILL not send them back and then INSISTS I keep sending more.

I am not that person who nit picks over every item, and would never have a problem packing clothes for them (which I have been doing) but everytime I address the fact that he should either return the clothes I already sent, or just use the same ones he insists he doesn't have them anymore. Just looking for new ideas.

 

[Ohiogal]

Quit sending clothes then.

 

[ecmst12]

How old are the children? Can THEY be responsible for packing their own bags when going to dads and coming back?

 

[maryjo]

Quit sending clothes then.

That was my thought!

Although, OP, you might also want to consider keeping track of what you buy and send. Receipts, lists, picture if necessary. Just so dad cant say you never sent anything.

 

[haiku]

go to goodwill, for one kid purchase 5 shirts, a couple of pairs of shorts. buy a windbreaker maybe.
WHen the two weeks in summer comes up pack those items with a weeks worth of undies and socks and their sneakers. Dad can do laundry.

On regular weekend visits send the kid with one change of don't care if they get lost clothes. IF they don't come back, don't send any the following visit, Dad can do laundry again.

When our kids were young, my husbands wife was "good" at handing my husband a bag with a pair of wet panties and maybe a pair of shorts in February. Sometimes we made a trip to salavation army, and sometimes I just washed what she had on or sometimes she wore them the whole weekend.... Eventually the kids got old enough where they packed their own stuff and would freak if mom tried to do what she did when they were little. And conversely, they got better at packing their own things when they went home and didn't leave clothes here unless THEY wanted to. One daughter did begin leaving extra clothes on purpose, and neither parent said a word about it, at that point. (She was around 14 at the time)

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

My opinion (and we ALL know what they say about opinions) on the matter is that both custodial and non custodial parents are responsible in providing for their children's needs.

Personally, I always pack a bag for Son to go to Dad's. Diapers, wipes, juice or milk, 2 extra sets of clothing, and his favorite stuffed frog. My main goal if for our Son to be as comfortable as possible when he is with his dad. And I ask that dad send back any of his clothes (including dirty) that he doesn't need.

There comes a point, I feel when it can easily get out of hand... When he's potty trained, should I send TP? Should I send bath soap? Laundry detergent? I mean, these are things I use child support to buy, so should I send them? No.

The attorney I used when going through our initial child custody case, said legally, I don't have to send anything. The percentages that are used in child support calculators are made to include the time when the NCP is to have the child/ren.

Like I said, I feel both parents are responsible for their children.

My mom was pretty naïve when she and my Dad divorced. He actually told her that out of the $900 a month he paid a month in CS, she HAD to give him $200 a month back so he could buy food for us while we were with him every other weekend. She fell for it.
My dad also made a point to humiliate my brother at the end of his weekend. He made my brother change his clothes in the car while waiting for my mom to get there. Can you imagine being 17 and having to strip nearly naked in front of God and everybody? He was very happy when he aged out of the CO.

I don't want either of my kiddos to ever feel that way. I will continue to send at least a small bag for Son unless his Dad asks me not to.

I believe after a child reaches a certain age, if the NCP doesn't keep ANYthing at their house, the child will never feel like anything more than a visitor in the NCP's home. That's how I felt, anyway. (but I was an overly emotional teen)

 

[sytech]

What I used to do

My ex and I separated when our son was 1 1/2 she used to send a bag every visit. When I met my wife she explained to me that my son needed to feel like my home was his as well. I had never really thought about it before. So one weekend I just let the ex know that I would provide clothes and anything he may need(diapers, toothbrush,lotions) at our home. He usually would take a bath every night we had him.So we would just wash his clothes when he would jump in the bath and wear he would wear the clothes we would provide and on Sunday when he would get dressed I would lay out the clothes that she had sent him in (clean of course). When I was the NCP and son started school I would also help out with school clothes and school supplies.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

Quit sending clothes then.

Ahh yes, that is exactly what I told him I was going to do and he is now going to address the issue in court next week to try to have the judge include it in the order.

I know it really shouldn't be an issue, but things have really gotten out of hand.

I read all of the posts about sending clothes, purchasing new ones for his house. I have done all of this. I usually get 1/3 of the clothes I send back, and of course he denies keeping them EVERY time and I have purchased clothes for him to keep and he tells me it's not enough, and that I need to provide more.

I have even documented the clothes I have sent, and what was returned. He doesn't care and insists I keep sending more. It's getting way too expensive just to be able to keep them in clothes at my house now because I continually have to purchase more because he doesn't return the ones I send.

 

[Raisingmaddy]

How old are the children? Can THEY be responsible for packing their own bags when going to dads and coming back?

If it was that easy, this wouldn't be an issue

 

[maryjo]

Ahh yes, that is exactly what I told him I was going to do and he is now going to address the issue in court next week to try to have the judge include it in the order.

I know it really shouldn't be an issue, but things have really gotten out of hand.

I read all of the posts about sending clothes, purchasing new ones for his house. I have done all of this. I usually get 1/3 of the clothes I send back, and of course he denies keeping them EVERY time and I have purchased clothes for him to keep and he tells me it's not enough, and that I need to provide more.

I have even documented the clothes I have sent, and what was returned. He doesn't care and insists I keep sending more. It's getting way too expensive just to be able to keep them in clothes at my house now because I continually have to purchase more because he doesn't return the ones I send.

I really think you should just stop sending them. If the kids go one weekend without changing clothes it isnt going to kill them. Tell dad you have sent all you are sending and if he doesnt have enough clothes then he knows where Walmart is. I bet he finds all the other clothes you have sent.

It almost seems as if this is a ploy from him to control how you spend child support.

Also..get a Sharpie and start writting on the inside of all the clothes "MH" for mom's house..or something like that and then do an inventory when you drop off and an inventory when you pick up. Its a pain but if he doesnt like it..he might stop it with the nonsense.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Ahh yes, that is exactly what I told him I was going to do and he is now going to address the issue in court next week to try to have the judge include it in the order.

I know it really shouldn't be an issue, but things have really gotten out of hand.

I read all of the posts about sending clothes, purchasing new ones for his house. I have done all of this. I usually get 1/3 of the clothes I send back, and of course he denies keeping them EVERY time and I have purchased clothes for him to keep and he tells me it's not enough, and that I need to provide more.

I have even documented the clothes I have sent, and what was returned. He doesn't care and insists I keep sending more. It's getting way too expensive just to be able to keep them in clothes at my house now because I continually have to purchase more because he doesn't return the ones I send.

Let him bring it up in court he is going to look like a fool. Nothing judge's hate worse than a petty selfish parent. You have been providing clothes this whole time it's about time he pitched in as well. Shoot all three sets of grandparents for my children have sets of clothes they keep at their houses for when the grandkids come to visit.

As to the other poster...If your child has a medical issue like diabetes as my son has there are still "healthy" meals they can order at fast food restaurant. You can request nutritional booklets from almost every fast food restaurant and just highlight meals that would be great for child to have.

My son is twelve now so he just flips through the booklets himself. Picks out foods that fall into the carb/fat ratios that he is allowed and still gets to enjoy eating out.