Will I have to pay support to lazy husband?

[LdiJ]

This is, of course, absurdly generous. You have to be aware that Bali Hai is bitter because of his situation and never misses a chance to make himself look foolish.

If it gets to court, they're going to split marital assets AND marital debt. And there's no way you're going to be paying alimony of 25% of gross salary for 5 years. Temporary support while the divorce is pending? Sure. But not beyond that (assuming that he's capable of working and just doesn't want to).

Personally, I'd split marital assets and debt. Let him keep the musical instruments if he takes the loan on them (since his Dad's name is on it and yours isn't, you're not going to be held liable if he refuses to pay, anyway). You take the house and mortgage and pay him half of the equity growth during your marriage. Reasonable support for 6 months while the divorce is pending (don't offer to pay while the divorce is pending without a time limit or he'll drag it out). That would be a reasonable offer. He may counter, but if he lets it go to court, he's not going to get much more.

I don't think that she should offer any support...at least not to start out. He has someplace to go and he does have some income. He may not ask for support.

However, she should offer him a share of the equity in the home that accrued during the marriage. However, she should get the house appraised to be sure what that is. With the housing market the way it is, its not even certain that any equity has accrued.

 

[Bali Hai]

Bali....its a 5 year marriage. There isn't going to be any alimony. Please stop that.

5 year or 15 year marriage does not change the CIRCUMSTANCES. These are only NUMBERS that women think are important!!!

 

[Just Blue]

He never stayed home with my son and we have no marital dept. he has just laid around stoned for 5 years. I don't think illeagal drug use and homosexuality are "irrevelant crap"

Just 'cause the guy doesn't want to have sex with you does NOT make him homosexual. He might just not be attracted to you.

 

[mistoffolees]

You "enabled" his behavior and consequently impaired his ability to support himself. This is a WINNING argument made by women all the time!! To what extent you impaired him will be determined by the court if this goes to trial.

The judge will make sure that you pay for his reasonable (includes your ability to pay) support and the duration of said support. There is no gender difference in the eyes of the LAW!!!

That is correct - and a woman wouldn't likely receive support after a 5 year marriage, either.

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't think that she should offer any support...at least not to start out. He has someplace to go and he does have some income. He may not ask for support.

You may be right. My thinking is that if she wants out as quickly and painlessly as possible, the offer should be close to what the court would offer, anyway. His attorney (if doing his job) would explain that if they reject the offer, they could spend a lot of time and money and not do much better.

But if he's not going to expect temporary support, then it might not hurt much to leave it out - and be prepared if they come back with a counter offer to include some temporary support. But I would not offer ANY support past the divorce decree.

 

[Liz T]

There are other facts besides lack of sex that makes me think he is gay.

 

[mistoffolees]

There are other facts besides lack of sex that makes me think he is gay.

That's nice. I'm still having a hard time figuring out why it should matter. Grounds for divorce in IL say nothing about homosexuality. (http://www.divorcenet.com/states/illinois/ilfaq_04). If he has committed adultery, that would be grounds (but it doesn't matter what gender his partner is).

You have to realize that the courts are concerned with only what the law says they should be concerned with. Unless the legislature tells them that homosexuality is grounds for divorce, they can not consider it. And they certainly can't consider it in terms of property settlement.

 

[Bali Hai]

There are other facts besides lack of sex that makes me think he is gay.

I see you are focusing on the important advice you are given here. If you continue to do so, you will get everything that is coming to you when your divorce is final.

 

[Just Blue]

There are other facts besides lack of sex that makes me think he is gay.

Really? What would that be?

 

[Liz T]

to baystategirl

He looks at gay porn sights and lies about being with his "friends" He says to me he is asexual, but looks at gay porn.

 

[LdiJ]

He looks at gay porn sights and lies about being with his "friends" He says to me he is asexual, but looks at gay porn.

In that case, you may be right.

 

[Ohiogal]

Bali....its a 5 year marriage. There isn't going to be any alimony. Please stop that.

Acually there COULD be short term alimony. But not long term. I have seen it happen for five year and heck even some three year marriages. Depends on the judge. She could expect most likely at worst case paying for a duration of 1/3 to 1/2 of the marriage.

 

[seniorjudge]

Post your new questions here.

 

[Liz T]

Male friends?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois
My husband moved out of the house 2 weeks ago, because I asked him to due to his drug use and porn. He has almost all his stuff out of the house now. can he raise a fuss if I have a male friend over to help me with the lawn and fixing things in the house? We are just friends, but my husband does not like him. I will be filing for divorce soon.

 

[seniorjudge]

Do you have minor children in the house at the same time you have your male friend over?