Will paying wife $1000 per month hurt me?

[tyandi]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

My wife & I are not Legally separated but physically. She may or may not divorce me, but until she decides (have up to one year) her & i came up with a figure of $1000 per month to cover her bills & her expenses at the house, I am staying with my mother and paying her some money also. I just want to know if by me paying the $1000 per month to her now, if she does decide to divorce me, will i be held to that amount until she re-marries? We have nothing signed. She works and is healthy & 33 years old, I am 35 and make 40,000 per year. In addition, I did commit adultery.

Please help me

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: I just want to know if by me paying the $1000 per month to her now, if she does decide to divorce me, will i be held to that amount until she re-marries?

A: That amount will probably be considered a minimum. BUT you didn't say anything about kids.

This is from an NC lawyer (I don't want to give that attorney free advertising):

The court's alimony order must make findings on all these factors and also on all factors in the following list about which either of the parties has presented evidence: (1) The relative earnings and earning capacities of the spouses; (2) The ages and the physical, mental and emotional conditions of the spouses; (3) The duration of the marriage; (4) The standard of living of the spouses established during the marriage; (5) The relative needs of the spouses; (6) The contribution of a spouse as homemaker; (7) The relative education of the spouses and the time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the spouse seeking alimony to find employment to meet his or her reasonable economic needs; (8) The extent to which the earning power, expenses, or financial obligations of a spouse will be affected by reason of serving as the custodian of a minor child; (9) The amount and sources of earned and unearned income of both spouses, including, but not limited to, earnings, dividends, and benefits such as medical, retirement, insurance, social security, or others; (10) The marital misconduct of either of the spouses through the date of separation; (11) The contribution by one spouse to the education, training, or increased earning power of the other spouse; (12) The relative assets and liabilities of the spouses and the relative debt service requirements of the spouses, including legal obligations of support; (13) The property brought to the marriage by either spouse; (14) The federal, state, and local tax ramifications of the alimony award; and (15) Any other factor relating to the economic circumstances that the court finds to be just and proper.

 

[tyandi]

No kids

We have no kids. When you say a minimum, do you mean i may have to pay more? Remember we just added the monthly bills, and i threw in a few hundred to keep food on her table, but we have nothing signed. If I were to give her say $500 per month would that be a minimum also? Also she has a trust fund that gives her $11,000 per year tax free.

 

[seniorjudge]

We have no kids. When you say a minimum, do you mean i may have to pay more? Remember we just added the monthly bills, and i threw in a few hundred to keep food on her table, but we have nothing signed. If I were to give her say $500 per month would that be a minimum also? Also she has a trust fund that gives her $11,000 per year tax free.

I obviously have no idea what (if anything) you will be required to pay.

It is also obvious that you can pay $1K per month.

 

[Zephyr]

and why can't this adult woman support herself?

 

[tyandi]

My point exactly

I wonder also since out of concern for her now I am willing to pay out the yin yang, gifting her $1000 per month, if she did decide to divorce me would a judge say "If you can pay her $1000, keep paying it"?

 

[Zephyr]

I wonder also since out of concern for her now I am willing to pay out the yin yang, gifting her $1000 per month, if she did decide to divorce me would a judge say "If you can pay her $1000, keep paying it"?

yes he could and likely would say that

 

[Content]

Your best bet is to not pay anything unless you feel like possibly having to pay that amount for the rest of your life. Consider it this way....a judge is going to say that if you can afford that amount now that you can afford it for the rest of your life. Why can't she get a job? Just because you cheated doesn't mean you would have to pay alimony, it makes you a crappy husband but doesn't guarantee alimony would have to be paid. Don't offer to pay anything other than possibly half of the mortgage if it's in both of your names, otherwise until she makes up her mind and gets an attorney she should fend for herself.

 

[LdiJ]

Your best bet is to not pay anything unless you feel like possibly having to pay that amount for the rest of your life. Consider it this way....a judge is going to say that if you can afford that amount now that you can afford it for the rest of your life. Why can't she get a job? Just because you cheated doesn't mean you would have to pay alimony, it makes you a crappy husband but doesn't guarantee alimony would have to be paid. Don't offer to pay anything other than possibly half of the mortgage if it's in both of your names, otherwise until she makes up her mind and gets an attorney she should fend for herself.

I think that's a very bad idea. The money that he is giving her is obviously paying bills that are also in his name...perhaps even a house payment that is in his name or his name too. He is protecting his own credit by doing that....and perhaps protecting a specific asset (house).

The length of his marriage will be a significant determining factor as to what kind if any, alimony a judge would order as a result of divorce. Since they are 33 and 35 respectively, the odds of long term alimony are pretty darned slim.

 

[Content]

I think that's a very bad idea. The money that he is giving her is obviously paying bills that are also in his name...perhaps even a house payment that is in his name or his name too. He is protecting his own credit by doing that....and perhaps protecting a specific asset (house).

The length of his marriage will be a significant determining factor as to what kind if any, alimony a judge would order as a result of divorce. Since they are 33 and 35 respectively, the odds of long term alimony are pretty darned slim.

And if he's dumb enough to give her money to pay bills that are in his name then he deserves to be screwed. People who are trying to protect assets and credit ratings get accounts changed or pay the bills themselves, instead of relying on the ex to still pay the bills even if they give the ex the money. The woman needs to get herself a job and pay her own bills.

 

[LdiJ]

And if he's dumb enough to give her money to pay bills that are in his name then he deserves to be screwed. People who are trying to protect assets and credit ratings get accounts changed or pay the bills themselves, instead of relying on the ex to still pay the bills even if they give the ex the money. The woman needs to get herself a job and pay her own bills.

Sure, it may be wiser for him to pay the bills directly rather than to give her money. However, he may know things about her that we don't know.....ie, she may be an incredibly responsible person financially.

The bottom line however is that everyone has been scaring him by letting him think that a temporary agreement to cover household expenses could lead to a similar permanent alimony figure.

She is 33, he is 35...he makes 40k a year. Him covering 1000.00 a month in household expenses during a separation has virtually no chance of obligating him for long term alimony in that amount.

If she is not serious disabled (and that issue hasn't been addressed here) or doesn't have a household full of small children (another issue that hasn't been addressed), then of course she needs to get a job. However if he follows your advice he might find his credit severely damaged...particularly if a jointly owned home goes into foreclosure.....and that is the point I was making.

I have seen too many people lose 10's of thousands of dollars in equity in property/possessions and/or destroy their own credit...very stupidly. Generally, its been flat out due to a refusal to do anything that might benefit their ex financially....even if that benefit to the ex is slight, or the risks to them are high.

The two biggies (and the most stupid) are not making sure that a mortgage/car payment is made, and/or cancelling any form of insurance.

 

[IrishLady47]

I would suggest that both of them sign an agreement which states that the money is for payment of his share of household expenses, not her support, until a final decision regarding the marriage is made.

It does make sense for him to assist in the household expenses since no property division is being made at this time and he retains his rights to the property. And, from the facts given, it does seem unlikely for her to be awarded alimony (at least permanent) since she is pretty young & working.

But, it wouldn't hurt to have an agreement that specifies what the money is for so no precedent for spousal support could be construed.

 

[LdiJ]

I would suggest that both of them sign an agreement which states that the money is for payment of his share of household expenses, not her support, until a final decision regarding the marriage is made.

It does make sense for him to assist in the household expenses since no property division is being made at this time and he retains his rights to the property. And, from the facts given, it does seem unlikely for her to be awarded alimony (at least permanent) since she is pretty young & working.

But, it wouldn't hurt to have an agreement that specifies what the money is for so no precedent for spousal support could be construed.

Good point.

 

[pty]

Just because you cheated doesn't mean you would have to pay alimony, it makes you a crappy husband but doesn't guarantee alimony would have to be paid.

In NC, it pretty much does (if he is the supporting spouse, adultery can be proven, and she did not also commit adultery). This is a state that does not look kindly on those that commit adultery. Remember, in NC you can still sue for alienation of affection and criminal conversation.

North Carolina Statutes 50-16.3A.

If the court finds that the supporting spouse participated in an act of illicit sexual behavior, as defined in G.S. 50-16.1A(3)a., during the marriage and prior to or on the date of separation, then the court shall order that alimony be paid to a dependent spouse.

However, if I were the OP I certainly would not voluntarily be paying $1,000 a month in alimony if I only made $40,000 a year. I'd suggest speaking with a local attorney about the situation.

 

[tyandi]

Let me spell it out

First of all, thank you all for your input.
Next, to clarify, we have no kids, i have agreed to give her the house (i drew up an agreement) Her parents are going to pay off the mortgage ($48,000) the home is worth 155,000.
I think i should know in the next two months whether she will divorce me in ten months. So If I paid her $1000 per month now for two months, and then told her she'll have to asume more responsibility after, would i be ok? I'm thinking more like $400- $500 until the divorce, then let a judge decide. Remember, her parents are millionaires, she recieves $11,000 per year tax free, and works.
Her parents have helped us out alot. Out of my kindness i did decide to give her the house until we decide whether to divorce because her parents helped us with a house 13 years ago. (They gave us her grandmas house worth $75,000 at the time)
We have been married for almost 15 years.
Also, I am living with my mother and having to help her with her expenses. Am i being to kind? Will this HURT ME!!!