Withheld Visitation to Father/Non-custodial parent in fear of endangering child

[strathywins]

One more thing...her father has not actually made up the 4 hour visit yet. My mother passed away on December 4th and he wanted to make his time up the day after her passing. We were not in town so I told him any other day would be fine. He has not replied back to me on another date and time yet.

 

[mistoffolees]

When I called her father to relay the message of, not only a bland diet, but, "NO VEGETABLES or FRUITS", which includes sweet potatoes as vegetables,

Interesting that 'No vegetables or fruits' is in quotes since that's apparently what the doctor said.

It looks (from the above sentence construction) as if YOU added the 'sweet potatoes are vegetables'. If that's simply your interpretation, it is wrong. Potatoes and sweet potatoes are classified as starches nutritionally, not as fruits or vegetables.

Dad has every right to hear directly from the doctor what the orders are - since you seem to be wiling to play fast and loose with the orders.

 

[mistoffolees]

Also, her father has told me that his girlfriends son, the older 7 year old one, acts out a lot. Her kids have 2 different fathers and she will not allow me to meet the children at all. She says they have 2 stepmothers and that is confusing enough. My daughters father says that the 7 year old actually takes the mother's keys and drives the car around the neighborhood out of anger at his mother. He says that the father is the only one who can control him. This scares me to death because my little girl is over there with these kids. They are out of control and I just envision that boy driving away with my daughter in the car. I mean I know it sounds crazy but bad things happen and no one does anything about it until it is too late.

In our order it states that I get to meet everyone that is living with her dad or that her dad is living with. She will not let me so when he actually does move in with them then I will have to show cause him for being in contempt of the order. I do not want to do that though. I just wish I could say, "hi, i am .... 's mom, nice to meet you."

Looks to me like you're doing everything you can to stand between the kids and their father. That's one of the things you seriously need to work on.

 

[strathywins]

Stand between the kid's and their father? Who are you speaking of? There is only one infant child that we have together.... I am not trying to stand between them at all.

 

[CJane]

Interesting that 'No vegetables or fruits' is in quotes since that's apparently what the doctor said.

It looks (from the above sentence construction) as if YOU added the 'sweet potatoes are vegetables'. If that's simply your interpretation, it is wrong. Potatoes and sweet potatoes are classified as starches nutritionally, not as fruits or vegetables.

Dad has every right to hear directly from the doctor what the orders are - since you seem to be wiling to play fast and loose with the orders.

This is exactly what I was thinking. The only time that potatoes count as vegetables are when I'm trying to convince myself that a cheeseburger and fries really is a balanced meal, complete with vegetables.

Dad did NOT go against Dr's orders, child was NOT harmed. I GET that Mom is all freaked out, being a first time Mom and stuff. But seriously? There are going to be so many bigger, crazier things to worry about in the future.

Dad is going to skip doses of tylenol that Mom thinks are VITAL to kiddos health because HE thinks that a kid should be allowed to run a low grade fever. Mom is gonna let kiddo go outside with we hair even though Dad is convinced she'll die of pneumonia if she does. And on and on and on.

Shut it down NOW, Mom.

 

[sometwo]

If you look at the sites I already posted on this thread

What Foods Are Allowed on a Bland Diet? | eHow.com


you will see sweet potatoes are not listed in fruits and veggies

(breads and other carbohydrates)

 

[strathywins]

Gerber says that Sweet Potatoes are a "vegetable". The point here is that my daughters father ignored instructions that I passed on to him that were given to me by the doctor. He said that he did not believe me and that he doesn't trust me. That fact is a scary one to me. I don't think I should have to have a doctors note every time she is not supposed to eat a certain food.

We both do need co-parenting classes and we need to trust each other a lot more. That is for certain. I hope we can get to that point soon because it will be a rough 18 years otherwise...

 

[sometwo]

your court order is really controlling and interfering with dad's right to be a parent. I predict in the future dad getting that changed very soon.

What gives you the right to meet everyone? They have no obligation to you whatsoever

You chose him to be her father and therefore decide he was good enough to be daddy. Let him be dad.

Until then follow the court order. If it doesn't address it stay out of it.

 

[sometwo]

Gerber says that Sweet Potatoes are a "vegetable"

was that also in relation to a bland diet?

I have many other sites that say its classified as something else. Does that make you right over dad? Does that make Gerber right over the rest?

 

[strathywins]

The order goes both ways. I live with my fiance and my daughters father wanted the living arrangement clause in the order because he feared that I might break up with my fiance and move in with my parents or somewhere else that he didn't approve of. He wanted that to be in the order.

We have a mutually agreed upon court order. That is why orders are put in place. To dictate a form of control that is enforced by our court system.

 

[gam]

Gerber says that Sweet Potatoes are a "vegetable". The point here is that my daughters father ignored instructions that I passed on to him that were given to me by the doctor. He said that he did not believe me and that he doesn't trust me. That fact is a scary one to me. I don't think I should have to have a doctors note every time she is not supposed to eat a certain food.

We both do need co-parenting classes and we need to trust each other a lot more. That is for certain. I hope we can get to that point soon because it will be a rough 18 years otherwise...

What your not seeing though is this starts with you, you don't trust dad to care for the child. You can be fussy all you want with the child on your time, however you can't demand dad be fussy to. Your complaints in your long post, were over issues that are not harming the child. Your telling dad to do this and that, and be fussy cause this is your first child. As long as he is following basic care for a child, you have nothing here.

He wants proof of Dr orders, cause you said yourself, he said he does not believe what you say. When your demanding him be fussy on all this other stuff that is not needed, no wonder he does not believe you.

You need to start with you, not dad. Take those co-parenting classes, read any book you can find on co-parenting, read basic care books on children. When you learn how to co-parent and what is important in basic care and start practicing that yourself, then you might see dad doing the same.

 

[strathywins]

Ok. I will start with me. I don't think that I was being "fussy" with him..but maybe he thought I was. I just told him what the doctor told me. I thought that was my job as the custodial parent. I had no idea he would take it in any other way.

I will work on the way I communicate with dad. Thanks for all the input.

 

[Ohiogal]

Gerber says that Sweet Potatoes are a "vegetable". The point here is that my daughters father ignored instructions that I passed on to him that were given to me by the doctor. He said that he did not believe me and that he doesn't trust me. That fact is a scary one to me. I don't think I should have to have a doctors note every time she is not supposed to eat a certain food.

We both do need co-parenting classes and we need to trust each other a lot more. That is for certain. I hope we can get to that point soon because it will be a rough 18 years otherwise...

No he did NOT ignore instructions given to you by a doctor. Sweet potatoes are NOT a vegetable. They are a starch. I don't blame him for not trusting you since you seem to be hypercontrolling. And quite frankly if she really shouldn't eat a certain food, it should be because a doctor said she shouldn't and there should be written orders accompanying that.

 

[stealth2]

Hi,

I think all of the replies that I have received here are good! I agree that we do need co-parenting and I am signing up for those classes that start in January today!

Good - even if he doesn't cooperate, it will be help you learn which hills to die on.

I called her father's phone and when the girlfriend answered I only wanted to know what she had eaten and when so I could go by that to know what time to feed her next and what to feed her next. I didn't think there would be an argument.

Well... if the doctor told you to only feed her formula & rice cereal... Why would you need to know WHAT to feed her next. Not a huge choice there, and really... it wouldn't make much of a difference if she got the same thing twice in a row... Ya know?

The reason I asked if this was your first child is... as mothers (perhaps fathers, too, but I'm not one of those so I can't say for certain), we tend to go overboard with our first. EVERYthing needs to be *just* *so*. We tend to doubt our natural instincts. Many (most?) of us have btdt. But know that... it's not that easy to to do something irreparable. Dads tend to be more fly by the seat by nature - and that serves it's purpose, too. It helps kids learn how to take chances, and that just because something may be scary - it doesn't mean it's unsafe or wrong.

Understand that you and Dad serve two different functions in raising your child(ren). Obviously, you'll have some parents switching those roles, and some parents straddling the two. But for the most part.... men and women parent very differently. Understanding that may help you loosen up a bit and allow him to parent his way.

But yeah - ignore the g/f.