X took my son to a bar

[CJane]

Seems like a high standard to hold people to, IMO.

I see this getting worse as the country gets closer to no separation between church and state.

Heh, you should meet my ex. I had never smoked pot, drank to excess, seen porn, etc until I met him. 10 years of marriage later, he's the perfect Baptist boy and I'm the heathen who's a danger to the kids because of my 'moral predilictions'. It's not just the (lack of) separation between church and state, with some people, it's just a control thing. He swore to me when I divorced him that I'd never 'make a decision he didn't control the outcome of'. He's been trying to make good on that promise since.

 

[casa]

umm actually yeah I do......jslo-pez.......

I don't want to cause a riot, but throughout my posting history, I have made it pretty clear that morality clauses are archaic. And I do not agree with courts micromanaging how people choose to parent because people are such control freaks they think its OK to let a court hold that power over THEM in exchange for thinking they still have power over the other parent.

" no overnight visitors of the oposite sex"

"child must be raised a christian"

"child must never be around this or that person"

"child can only wear brown boots on tuesday and striped shirts on friday"

etc etc.....


consistently it is those from the "bible belt" who love those clauses, and go on and on about how wonderful they are.

up here in the 'blue states' the only way you are going to get one of those clauses in, is if both parents demand them, and even then most lawyers are not going to be cheerleading for it.

So there you have it. I know some lovely southern people, and I go there a bit on business and occasional pleasure, but I am really glad I don't have a custody order from there.

just my honest opinion........

'Zactly!

 

[brisgirl825]

Heh, you should meet my ex. I had never smoked pot, drank to excess, seen porn, etc until I met him. 10 years of marriage later, he's the perfect Baptist boy and I'm the heathen who's a danger to the kids because of my 'moral predilictions'. It's not just the (lack of) separation between church and state, with some people, it's just a control thing. He swore to me when I divorced him that I'd never 'make a decision he didn't control the outcome of'. He's been trying to make good on that promise since.

It's amazing how people find "God" after a divorce and/or going to jail. My dad did the same thing.
He beat my mother, in front of us kids, smoked pot, etc. Was a real nice guy. Then they get divorced and he's found "God". Yeah, ok. Unfortunately, I think judges can really buy into that sometimes.

 

[casa]

I have to completely disagree with all of you, although I can see your point based on perception and possibly distinct meetings in your area.




How many meetings have you attended to form this opinion? The main difference....there's NO alcohol at meetings...hence no one stumbling over your children. So, do you think it is better that your ex picks up a drink when caring for your child than getting his ass to a meeting?

I've brought my children to meetings for years, now they are a bit older I choose not to most of the time because it is an anonymous program. The GAL strongly promoted it as a positive influence for my children. The forensic psychologist noted in her report that both of my children were obviously living a life according to the principles laid out in the program. My children are both predisposed to this disease through heredity (as yours is also). My oldest knows that his mommy lost everything meaningful in her life because she picked up a first drink. They know I will do what ever it takes to stay sober even if that means bringing them to a meeting when they don't really want to go. And most importantly they are learning how to life without alcohol or substances, constantly strive become a better person based on self awareness and learn from and admit mistakes. My five year old would walk out of a meeting with me and says, “Even I feel better!”

In all these years there has only been one occasion I had to remove my child from a meeting because of the state of an attendee, I would do it again in a heartbeat if necessary. But I think it is way out of line of a judge to even consider such a clause that could stand in the way of a willing parent trying to stay sober.

Well..he had 13 yrs sober when I met him. (little did I know he just exchanged alcohol for emotional addictions ) I went often...and also to Al-Anon and various partner's meetings. For years. I heard people talk about shooting up, losing their children, crashing and killing people, going to jail, bursting into tears about their ruined/horrible life...all the myriad of issues a drug addict/alcoholic encounters.

There were many meetings where children were NOT allowed~ and those that were 'family' meetings had separate accomindations for the children. The one my nuttyX chose was run by his friend- and that is why it went on. Many people (after the fact) stated it bothered them, and didn't speak up only due to uncomfort re; confidentiality issues.

edit to add: My 3 yr old told the GAL that she was afraid her "Great Gma would die if she picked up a drink bc that's what the man at the meeting said". This was a few weeks prior to Thanksgiving where the family has dinner and some have wine.

I'm aware my daughter's father's side of the family has contributed to her genetics...I'm also aware that she can be witness to a healthy lifestyle without the graphic content of AA meetings.

And perhaps I don't frequent shady enough bars...lol...but I've never had anyone trip over my child drunk- since I don't take her to bars. Ever.

 

[snostar]

The one my nuttyX chose was run by his friend- and that is why it went on.

So perhaps the judges decision was based your ex's lack of parenting skills in choosing a proper environment for your child instead of basing a decision on an opinion that all AA meetings are detrimental to children.

Don't roll your eyes at me...

 

[casa]

So perhaps the judges decision was based your ex's lack of parenting skills in choosing a proper environment for your child instead of basing a decision on an opinion that all AA meetings are detrimental to children.

Don't roll your eyes at me...

I'm certain of it. Believe me, if it were one of the family meetings, I'd have had no problem with it. Some of the people in the program have been very good friends and support systems to everyone involved.

Rolling my eyes at the idea...not you.

The GALs report did state, specifically, that "an adult AA meeting is not an appropriate place for a 3 yr old child to spend her visitation period".

 

[jslopez711]

but not so much the West.

PS How's baby?

Bean is 4 months old today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Check up tomorrow. I thought it was today but they turned me away at the Dr's. She is 13 Lbs. All is well, thanks for asking.

 

[snostar]

Rolling my eyes at the idea...not you.

Then I'll still provide you with those backroad directions to the Hamptons if you ever need them.