13 year old son doesn't want to visit Dad

[stealth2]

Your definition of helpful and the law's definition of legal are two different things.

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Re: 13 year old doesn't want to visit dad

I live in Tennessee too and I had a problem with my daughter not wanting to go see her father when he and I had joint custody. She would cry sometimes before he would come get her and if she told him she didn't want to go, he would tell her she was going whether she wanted to or not. She would tell him on the phone she didn't want to go to his house, he'd hang up on her and come get her anyway. What finally happened with me was that my attorney told me that the "only thing that can get you out of this is a new court order modifying visitation arrangments", but I had to show that my ex was placing my child in physical or emotional harm to do so. That took me 3 years, 3 taped phone conversations, two trips to a child psychologist and over $3,000.00. It was not speedy process by any means. It would be my advice to contact an attorney, take the child to a psychologist and have them discuss and document what these visits are doing to the child on an emotional and/or physcial level. An inbiased opinion, like one from a child psychologist, can carry alot of weight in court on your behalf. But it costs money. As far a I know, there is no law in the state of Tennessee that says when a child becomes a certain age that he or she can just say "No" and not go on the visitation, although I could be wrong about that. I'm not an expert. I'm just telling you what my attorney told me. Also, when the child is 14, the judge might be more receptive to listening to what the child wants. My main point is contact an attorney. And I would talk to more than one. Some are better than others.

mrseld

===================

I read this post last night, and I thought it was very good advice, based on facts about the system AND experience with the system (and badly needed here).

hmmbrdzz

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Re: Isn't it amazing ...

whenever a 'dad' is a jerk, it is always the mother's fault. This whole notion of 'we must force the children into a relationship with someone who is obviously unstable and damaged' is just ridiculous.

My kids go once per week for six hours to 'dad's.' He fails to show roughly 50 percent of the time with no call. He doesn't feed them. He doesn't do anything with them. He doesn't buy them Christmas presents. He doesn't buy them birthday presents.

But, the court says they need to go and I cooperate even to the tune of picking them up because he refuses to drive 40 minutes both ways.

But I suppose that is my fault. He's really a warm-hearted guy just waiting to escape.

Hogwash!!!!!

====================

good one, too!

hmmbrdzz

 

[hmmbrdzz]

I don't think anyone said it was her fault.

==================

What?

hmmbrdzz

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Re: Re: Isn't it amazing ...

Isn't it amazing that you use the word "dad" with "jerk?" Some mothers are "jerks" too, even bigger jerks than dads sometimes. And if the woman slept with a "jerk" then that is her own fault. Just like a man who sleeps with a "jerk."

=================

Now this one here ? It takes the cake as far as legal advice.

hmmbrdzz

 

[mammyelizabeth]

mrseld, hannibal, mommatiger

I'm in agreement with most of what each of you has posted. I have been divorced since early 1992, so we're talking lots of history here. We began petitioning for visitation mod. in 1996 when the child was 6 and became literally hysterical at visit time, while the father used physical force to put him in his vehicle. I have volumes of documentation that has been presented over and over again to attorneys, a guardian ad litum, psychologists, the court, at costs of over $30,000 - someone will surely say that I must not truly have a case if none of this has produced the desired result. Someone else will also know that that is not necessarily true - that a crappy court-appointed psychologist, a guardian ad litum that resigned at the last minute for personal problems, an attorney who turned the case over to his most junior firm member, a dad who can be convincing when he wants to be - all of these things can make or break a case. I also think that some of this can be attributed to the fact that almost all of the people in this drama who were supposed to be my allies were men, and like it or not, it is true that many men blow us off as histrionic buffoons and aren't completely convinced of our side. I suppose I was hoping for an easy way out for my son, but at 13 years old, he and I have to think about the overall quality of his life for the next 5 years, and maybe spending hours and years with attorneys, doctors, and in court is not what will be the best for either of us. Thanks.

 

[stealth2]

Re: Re: Re: Isn't it amazing ...

=================

Now this one here ? It takes the cake as far as legal advice.

hmmbrdzz

And your last 4 posts have contained what legal advice, exactly? Come on, kids - y'all can do better than this.

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Isn't it amazing ...

And your last 4 posts have contained what legal advice, exactly?

======================

My last post was actually making fun of someone (and it wasn't VG). I guess I was just tired of the admonishing and coaching here where it didn't seem appropriate, or something !
My personality disorders have begun to kick in ? ? Bad day? ?
I guess I better stop while I'm ahead, because if I don't I will surely lose effectiveness and gain a few more enemies!

Ya'll have fun. Good luck to mammyelizabeth and all others and all kids and dads and moms who are entangled in visitation or custody matters. I've never been there personally, and I can only imagine how difficult it is.


hmmbrdzz