Adoption / Cs

[Ambr]

Things mom and dad might be looking at......please don't take this the wrong way........you sound sincere, loving and concerned.


1. the $4000 a month CS -- her house is paid for, she woudn't have to work and bills would be covered every month.

2. the kids are looking at a full inheritence if anything were to happen to you.

3. bio-dad knows that things didn't work out once.....he may want to just sit back, just in case......know what i mean?

 

[WHAT?]

I have gotten back from talking to my meeting about visitation and I thought that I would give you an update.

My ex, the children, our lawyers and I sat down and discussed the issues at hand. I explained to her my reasons for why I felt that the children should live with me. We came to an agreement that has been drafted and signed and we will make a final draft here in the next week or so. This is what we agreed on:

- 50/50 custody.
- The children will primarily reside with me for the school week. If mother would like to see the children on a school day she may do so given that they are done with their homework and she has them returned to my residence by 10:00 pm.
- Mother is allowed any amount of weekend visitation that she wishes as long as I have at least 1 weekend a month with the children.
- Since I am the one that wants the children to remain in their respective private schools I will be paying their school tuition directly to the school.
- Mother has been offered relocation assistance closer to my residence and I have also offered to provide her with a vehicle so that she may come and see the children whenever she wishes. Biological Father is not to use this vehicle for his own personal every day use.
- Mother will receive 1000 dollars a month in CS during all months that fall in a school year.
- If mother wishes to take the children on a vacation during the summer months I will be more than happy to assist in paying for the children’s half of the vacation. I will not provide for any costs of the vacation that will be incurred from her or her husband.
- No changes to this agreement shall be made to this agreement for at least 24 months.
- If in the event that I become unable to care for the children, Mother will be informed immediately and will have the first option to care for the children.
- All CS payments to mother will be monitored as they were before. Mother has agreed that if money is found to be spent in any way that is not for the children she will forfeit all CS payments forever. I have stated that I feel that I am being very generous in helping her out the way that I do and I am just ensuring that she is not taken advantage of me.
- I will provide a live in Nanny in the event of a medical emergency on my part that may result in my incapacitation.
- Biological father will not at any time be able to retain custody of the children.

I am pretty sure that is everything. I don't have the draft in front of me so I am trying to remember everything. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and comments. We discussed some changes to the children’s trust funds and such as well. I had listed that they could have access to their trust funds when they reached 18 and it will now read as follows:
- Children will have access to $50,000 when they reach the age of 18.
- When they reach the age of 26 they will be paid $40,000 a year for 20 years until they reach the age of 46. The children are required to earn a bachelors degree by the age of 27 or they will forfeit the entire amount of their trust fund. Once they reach the age of 46 half of the remaining trust fund will be remitted to them in full ($275,000) and the other half will be remitted at the age of 56. If they are to die before the full amount is remitted the amount remaining will be donated to charity.
- The children are to remain employed until they reach the age of 45 or they will forfeit their trust fund.

We both agreed to this because we feel that this will keep the children from going wild and spending all of the money at once. This will teach them to be responsible. I realize that a person can live decently on 40,000 a year but it is not all that much. This also ensures that they will not just become bums that live off of a trust fund their whole life.

 

[brisgirl825]

Wow, that was extremely generous. I hope that this works out for you. You sound like a great dad and male in general! Good luck!

Sarah

 

[abstract99]

Seems like everything worked out for you. I wish I had money like that for my children. Don't forget to get it all in writing with a nice dark signature.

 

[Gracie3787]

Wow, I'm so glad that everything worked out for you and your kids. Although I've never had any wealth, I always said that education and learning how to work is much more important than money. It is so nice to see that someone who has money feels the same way.
Even if you were to lose all your money, you would still be a very wealthy man- you have your kids and you have your wonderful giving heart. I wish you and your kids the best.
Gracie

 

[LdiJ]

I have gotten back from talking to my meeting about visitation and I thought that I would give you an update.

My ex, the children, our lawyers and I sat down and discussed the issues at hand. I explained to her my reasons for why I felt that the children should live with me. We came to an agreement that has been drafted and signed and we will make a final draft here in the next week or so. This is what we agreed on:

- 50/50 custody.
- The children will primarily reside with me for the school week. If mother would like to see the children on a school day she may do so given that they are done with their homework and she has them returned to my residence by 10:00 pm.
- Mother is allowed any amount of weekend visitation that she wishes as long as I have at least 1 weekend a month with the children.
- Since I am the one that wants the children to remain in their respective private schools I will be paying their school tuition directly to the school.
- Mother has been offered relocation assistance closer to my residence and I have also offered to provide her with a vehicle so that she may come and see the children whenever she wishes. Biological Father is not to use this vehicle for his own personal every day use.
- Mother will receive 1000 dollars a month in CS during all months that fall in a school year.
- If mother wishes to take the children on a vacation during the summer months I will be more than happy to assist in paying for the children’s half of the vacation. I will not provide for any costs of the vacation that will be incurred from her or her husband.
- No changes to this agreement shall be made to this agreement for at least 24 months.
- If in the event that I become unable to care for the children, Mother will be informed immediately and will have the first option to care for the children.
- All CS payments to mother will be monitored as they were before. Mother has agreed that if money is found to be spent in any way that is not for the children she will forfeit all CS payments forever. I have stated that I feel that I am being very generous in helping her out the way that I do and I am just ensuring that she is not taken advantage of me.
- I will provide a live in Nanny in the event of a medical emergency on my part that may result in my incapacitation.
- Biological father will not at any time be able to retain custody of the children.

I am pretty sure that is everything. I don't have the draft in front of me so I am trying to remember everything. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and comments. We discussed some changes to the children’s trust funds and such as well. I had listed that they could have access to their trust funds when they reached 18 and it will now read as follows:
- Children will have access to $50,000 when they reach the age of 18.
- When they reach the age of 26 they will be paid $40,000 a year for 20 years until they reach the age of 46. The children are required to earn a bachelors degree by the age of 27 or they will forfeit the entire amount of their trust fund. Once they reach the age of 46 half of the remaining trust fund will be remitted to them in full ($275,000) and the other half will be remitted at the age of 56. If they are to die before the full amount is remitted the amount remaining will be donated to charity.
- The children are to remain employed until they reach the age of 45 or they will forfeit their trust fund.

We both agreed to this because we feel that this will keep the children from going wild and spending all of the money at once. This will teach them to be responsible. I realize that a person can live decently on 40,000 a year but it is not all that much. This also ensures that they will not just become bums that live off of a trust fund their whole life.

May I suggest some modifications regarding the trust funds? First, 50,000 at 18 is quite dangerous....if they are to have that kind of access it should be controlled access. Most 18 year olds would go nuts having free rein to that kind of money and would just "blow" it. Consider making the 50,000 available in some sort of controlled way. Perhaps some amount discretionary and the rest having to go for specific purposes.

Its likely that you are going to have grandchildren. While its probable that you intend to provide for grandchildren separately are you taking them into consideration when you state that the money would go into charity in the event of your children's demise? Perhaps the trust funds should have potential grandchildren as beneficiaries and charities as secondary beneficaries?

I also think that 40,000 a year might be a little too much. Of course inflation is going to make that figure less valuable than it is today. However there are many families who live adequately on 40,000 a year, so that might not be low enough to guarantee that your children will go out in the world and make their own way.

Honestly though my main concerns are allowing the kids free access to 50,000 at 18 and the lack of provision for grandchildren.

 

[WHAT?]

No we talked a long time about this trust fund thing and we decided that this is fine. They get 50,00 at 18 because even though I will pay for their college tuition up to the age of 22, to allow them to learn money management, all other things (apartment, car, entertainment) they will have to purchase themselves. It evens out to about 62 a year. They will be made aware that that is all they have until 26. If they spend it then they spend it, they will have to deal with the consequences of their actions though. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think that they will be able to make it last 2 years. I agreed to the 40,000 a year in the event that anything happens to them like what happened to me and they aren't able to work anymore.

 

[LdiJ]

No we talked a long time about this trust fund thing and we decided that this is fine. They get 50,00 at 18 because even though I will pay for their college tuition up to the age of 22, to allow them to learn money management, all other things (apartment, car, entertainment) they will have to purchase themselves. It evens out to about 62 a year. They will be made aware that that is all they have until 26. If they spend it then they spend it, they will have to deal with the consequences of their actions though. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think that they will be able to make it last 2 years. I agreed to the 40,000 a year in the event that anything happens to them like what happened to me and they aren't able to work anymore.

I see your point. I do hope that both you and mom work on teaching them to budget money and to learn what things really cost.

 

[Kansas4me]

Good Golly. Do you want to adopt me?

Good points in there. Making them work or they loose it, making them get a degree or they loose it.

Nice to know there are still a few good guys out there!

 

[nagol818]

No we talked a long time about this trust fund thing and we decided that this is fine. They get 50,00 at 18 because even though I will pay for their college tuition up to the age of 22, to allow them to learn money management, all other things (apartment, car, entertainment) they will have to purchase themselves. It evens out to about 62 a year. They will be made aware that that is all they have until 26. If they spend it then they spend it, they will have to deal with the consequences of their actions though. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think that they will be able to make it last 2 years. I agreed to the 40,000 a year in the event that anything happens to them like what happened to me and they aren't able to work anymore.

How about making the $50,000 available when they graduate college?

I was given $78,000 when I turned 18 and BELIEVE ME it was gone! I bought a $30,000 car with cash and PARTIED PARTIED PARTIED! I thought I was invinsible!!!

 

[abstract99]

Yeah but those kids have to make that 50 grand last a few years. After that they still have a gabillion dollars left to last them the rest of their lives.

 

[abstract99]

Just out of curiosity... What happens if the kids get married? If there is money left when they die does their family get it or does it still go to charity?

 

[Tunie]

You sound like a saint to me. I say go for it. You're footing the bill for everything now, it's obvious you love the children and want to see that they are well provided for. I'd go for full custody. And I send you my prayers and good wishes.

 

[casa]

I have gotten back from talking to my meeting about visitation and I thought that I would give you an update.

My ex, the children, our lawyers and I sat down and discussed the issues at hand. I explained to her my reasons for why I felt that the children should live with me. We came to an agreement that has been drafted and signed and we will make a final draft here in the next week or so. This is what we agreed on:

- 50/50 custody.
- The children will primarily reside with me for the school week. If mother would like to see the children on a school day she may do so given that they are done with their homework and she has them returned to my residence by 10:00 pm.
- Mother is allowed any amount of weekend visitation that she wishes as long as I have at least 1 weekend a month with the children.
- Since I am the one that wants the children to remain in their respective private schools I will be paying their school tuition directly to the school.
- Mother has been offered relocation assistance closer to my residence and I have also offered to provide her with a vehicle so that she may come and see the children whenever she wishes. Biological Father is not to use this vehicle for his own personal every day use.
- Mother will receive 1000 dollars a month in CS during all months that fall in a school year.
- If mother wishes to take the children on a vacation during the summer months I will be more than happy to assist in paying for the children’s half of the vacation. I will not provide for any costs of the vacation that will be incurred from her or her husband.
- No changes to this agreement shall be made to this agreement for at least 24 months.
- If in the event that I become unable to care for the children, Mother will be informed immediately and will have the first option to care for the children.
- All CS payments to mother will be monitored as they were before. Mother has agreed that if money is found to be spent in any way that is not for the children she will forfeit all CS payments forever. I have stated that I feel that I am being very generous in helping her out the way that I do and I am just ensuring that she is not taken advantage of me.
- I will provide a live in Nanny in the event of a medical emergency on my part that may result in my incapacitation.
- Biological father will not at any time be able to retain custody of the children.

I am pretty sure that is everything. I don't have the draft in front of me so I am trying to remember everything. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and comments. We discussed some changes to the children’s trust funds and such as well. I had listed that they could have access to their trust funds when they reached 18 and it will now read as follows:
- Children will have access to $50,000 when they reach the age of 18.
- When they reach the age of 26 they will be paid $40,000 a year for 20 years until they reach the age of 46. The children are required to earn a bachelors degree by the age of 27 or they will forfeit the entire amount of their trust fund. Once they reach the age of 46 half of the remaining trust fund will be remitted to them in full ($275,000) and the other half will be remitted at the age of 56. If they are to die before the full amount is remitted the amount remaining will be donated to charity.
- The children are to remain employed until they reach the age of 45 or they will forfeit their trust fund.

We both agreed to this because we feel that this will keep the children from going wild and spending all of the money at once. This will teach them to be responsible. I realize that a person can live decently on 40,000 a year but it is not all that much. This also ensures that they will not just become bums that live off of a trust fund their whole life.

Following this thread- I was pleased to hear that the situation is resolving the way you'd wish it to. The only negative I see is that it 'appears' that not only were you scammed, the mother has set up her children for life (Not a bad thing in your eyes and certainly helpful for the children), BUT ...NOW the mother and her spouse have free childcare for 1/2 the time. That's my take on it, based on the mother's previous actions.

At least the children and you are in a winning situation regardless. The mother will have to live with herself~ and that can't possibly be 'easy' based on her character.

Good Luck to you and your children.

 

[abstract99]

This might be just me but I don't think he really cares what happens to mom. It seems that as long as the kids are ok and taken care of then he is perfectly happy.