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concerned & desperate grandmother

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theresajengle

Active Member
I am a concerned & desperate grandmother reaching out for help and guidance regarding the health and welfare of my daughter and my three grandchildren ages 10, 13 and 16 years old. They live in horrific conditions subject to their father's years of mental, psychological, and emotional abuse which has become worse over time. They live in New York and I live in Pennsylvania. I have tried everything to help them, and avoid alerting authorities. But their dad has consistently made it more and more difficult to communicate with them. He has directed all mail incoming and out to be held at the post office and not to the house for the purpose of intercepting and blocking all mail sent out from my grandchildren/daughter as well as any mail that I send to them. Their father is a drug addict and alcoholic. He is controlling, manipulative, abusive and neglectful. He at all times displays temper tantrums, cruel behavior and shaming them all to the point that they talk of suicide. My 13 year old granddaughter wrote on her mirror that she wanted to kill herself. They are not allowed outside or to have any friends. Their living conditions are so bad that dad knows if I or anyone else knew, that he would be held legally responsible. I bought a $500.00 cell phone for my granddaughter's Birthday and Christmas present. She turned 16 today, she told me today was awful, just like always all birthday's and holidays are always worse because dad yells at everyone through the whole ordeal. I have money that I am trying to send my daughter and my other grandchildren for Christmas but their father found out about it and he said that he won't let them have their presents. He has successfully brainwashed them all to believe his ridiculous lies preventing them from thinking that they can ever have a life of their own.

I love my daughter and grandchildren more than life itself. They love me and need me too. I am their only hope for them to have a suitable, secure, and stable atmosphere. They are at a critical age and without help and intervention, these children won't have a chance. From what they have said, suicide is a real possibility. I'm afraid for their lives this is a real crisis.

Can someone give me any advice on what I can do to get the cell phone and Christmas money to my daughter and grandchildren?

Can a restraining order be in effect without the person's listed knowledge?

Thank you for your time and interest.
 
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Ohiogal

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
theresajengle said:
I am a concerned & desperate grandmother reaching out for help and guidance regarding the health and welfare of my daughter and my three grandchildren ages 10, 13 and 16 years old. They live in horrific conditions subject to their father'syears of mental, psychological, and emotional abuse which has become worse over time. They live in New York and I live in Pennsylvania. I have tried everything to help them, and avoid alerting authorities. But their dad has consistently made it more and more difficult to communicate with them. He has directed all mail incoming and out to be held at the post office and not to the house for the purpose of intercepting and blocking all mail sent out from my grandchildren/daughter as well as any mail that I send to them. Their father is a drug addict and alcoholic. He is controlling, manipulative, abusive and neglectful. He at all times displays temper tantrums, cruel behavior and shaming them all to the point that they talk of suicide. My 13 year old granddaughter wrote on her mirror that she wanted to kill herself. They are not allowed outside or to have any friends. Their living conditions are so bad that [Dad] knows if I or anyone else knew, that he would be held legally responsible. I bought a $500.00 cell phone for my granddaughter's Birthday and Christmas present. She turned 16 today, she told me today was awful, just like always all birthday's and holidays are always worse because Micah yells at everyone through the whole ordeal. I have money that I am trying to send my daughter and my other grandchildren for Christmas but their father found out about it and he said that he won't let them have their presents. He has successfully brainwashed them all to believe his ridiculous lies preventing them from thinking that they can ever have a life of their own.

I love my daughter and grandchildren more than life itself. They love me and need me too. I am their only hope for them to have a suitable, secure, and stable atmosphere. They are at a critical age and without help and intervention, these children won't have a chance. From what they have said, suicide is a real possibility. I'm afraid for their lives this is a real crisis.

Can someone give me any advice on what I can do to get the cell phone and Christmas money to my daughter and grandchildren?

Can a restraining order be in effect without the person's listed knowledge?

Thank you for your time and interest.

Teri
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Contact protective services and let them do an investigation. Your daughter is an adult and is just as responsible as dad for what is happening to the grandchildren.
 
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stealth2

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I'm going to report your post so Admin can edit out the father's name. (OG - you might want to remove it from the quote)

In the meantime, I'd be less concerned about getting them their gifts than contacting the authorities.
 
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C

commentator

Senior Member
You may need to remember that you are the sounding board for all the stories. Your daughter is telling you all the awful awfuls, and then she is staying in the situation, drinking, not dealing with anything because she believes in her own mind, that by telling YOU she has done what she needed to do, and has put the responsibility for "saving" the children onto you. That's not what it is. She can't just go on drinking, having told herself that she has dealt with the situation by telling momma on him, and it is now up to you to come in and rescue them.

You need to tell her, once and firmly, that you have called children's services. You need to then stop accepting her calls telling you about the latest rounds of emotional abuse and fits and tantrums, etc. STOP BEING HER PLACE TO COMPLAIN. She is NOT taking action by complaining to you. You have now done all you can do, and now it it up to her to help herself and help her children. If she'd rather just sit there and drink, so be it. Don't excuse her.
 
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theresajengle

Active Member
commentator said:
You may need to remember that you are the sounding board for all the stories. Your daughter is telling you all the awful awfuls, and then she is staying in the situation, drinking, not dealing with anything because she believes in her own mind, that by telling YOU she has done what she needed to do, and has put the responsibility for "saving" the children onto you. That's not what it is. She can't just go on drinking, having told herself that she has dealt with the situation by telling momma on him, and it is now up to you to come in and rescue them.

You need to tell her, once and firmly, that you have called children's services. You need to then stop accepting her calls telling you about the latest rounds of emotional abuse and fits and tantrums, etc. STOP BEING HER PLACE TO COMPLAIN. She is NOT taking action by complaining to you. You have now done all you can do, and now it it up to her to help herself and help her children. If she'd rather just sit there and drink, so be it. Don't excuse her.
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My daughter is mad at me. because I stopped excusing her last week, and for the first time ever, she threatened not to allow me to communicate to the kids or her any more, via Facebook. I have been talking to the 16 year old on Facebook, they are afraid that her boyfriend (dad) will take mom's phone away from them.
 
stealth2

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
theresajengle said:
My daughter is mad at me. because I stopped excusing her last week, and for the first time ever, she threatened not to allow me to communicate to the kids or her any more, via Facebook. I have been talking to the 16 year old on Facebook, they are afraid that her boyfriend (dad) will take mom's phone away from them.
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Seriously - it is time to involve the authorities. If your daughter can't or won't protect her children, you should.
 
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theresajengle

Active Member
Doesn't a 16 year old have any rights? The right to own her own phone? I was 16 and my daughter's father was 15 when we got married, We drove to Nevada because it was illegal in California. "emancipation????" possible?
 
Zigner

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
In response to your original post: Are you really saying the most important thing(s) are not their safety or even their day-to-day well-being, rather, it's most important that they not hate you?
 
stealth2

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
theresajengle said:
Doesn't a 16 year old have any rights? The right to own her own phone? I was 16 and my daughter's father was 15 when we got married, We drove to Nevada because it was illegal in California. "emancipation????" possible?
Click to expand...
Is she supporting herself? Honestly - emancipation is unlikely to happen. And no, she doesn't have a right to her own phone. A roof, clothes, food. That's about it.

What about the other kids *if* 16 gets emancipated? Which, again, is unlikely.

Why are you so resistant to getting the authorities involved?
 
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