Problems with Bio Mom

[momandsmom003]

Job as a step mom.....

This is what I told mom.....(before we all go along enough to not holler and scream like some spoiled brats)....The only job I have is to make it easier on dad to spend good quality time with his children and to take care of them AS IF they were my own, but not claim them for my own. They have a mom and a dad...... I am neither one**************

Know your roll**************It really helps all issues.

 

[stepmom4ever]

I know my roll now as everyone explained it to me

 

[Accountable]

It's just my beliefs, thats all. I'm not trying to offend anyone

Then bestow "your beliefs" on your OWN child and leave this woman's child alone!

If you want to be a PROPER Stepmom and supportive wife, then you need to give the child's mother some respect (whether she deserves it or not). Eavesdropping on her phone calls with her child's father is NOT respectful, even if your husband is okay with it. Overinvolving yourself in their custodial issues is NOT respectful to either of them.

 

[proudwifey]

Now let's just hope you ACT OUT your role, and stop overstepping your bounderies. You can tell us over and over again that NOW you know your role. But after the story you gave, it's really hard for ME to believe you'll actually step down (no pun intended) to your actual role. But for the child's sake (and HIS FAMILY), I really hope you do

 

[Accountable]

Im just supporting him but I will not control the situation. I dont know her and she really dont know me, it's just that she came out of nowhere saying that the chil is his (which it is). I know my husband made a mistake but we are dealing with it at best

No....apparently the DNA test proved she came out from under your husband!

 

[stepmom4ever]

Then bestow "your beliefs" on your OWN child and leave this woman's child alone!

If you want to be a PROPER Stepmom and supportive wife, then you need to give the child's mother some respect (whether she deserves it or not). Eavesdropping on her phone calls with her child's father is NOT respectful, even if your husband is okay with it. Overinvolving yourself in their custodial issues is NOT respectful to either of them.

Well that was in the begining but because of my eavesdropping, communication between them is nil, not sure of that totally my faught but I see where I was wrong

 

[stepmom4ever]

Now let's just hope you ACT OUT your role, and stop overstepping your bounderies. You can tell us over and over again that NOW you know your role. But after the story you gave, it's really hard for ME to believe you'll actually step down (no pun intended) to your actual role. But for the child's sake (and HIS FAMILY), I really hope you do

It wont be easy by far! but I will butt out because this is THEIR CHILD and not mine, and thats what hurt me

 

[proudwifey]

No....apparently the DNA test proved she came out from under your husband!

ROFL! So true

 

[momandsmom003]

Hurting, yes. Doing the hurting, no.

Understandable that you are hurting. And usually people go on the defensive and get angry when they have been hurt by someone they love. That is probably the fuel that feeds the fire in you that wants so bad to be involved. Be involved, just in the back ground offer love, support, and a safe environment for Dad to parent his child. It will be hard, but not impossible. If he asks for your advice, give it, but don't offer or claim it as what has to be written in stone. After all the only people that get a say so is the Dad, Mom and the Judge.

 

[stepmom4ever]

No....apparently the DNA test proved she came out from under your husband!

what do you mean by this?

 

[Accountable]

what do you mean by this?

My comment was in response to your statement that she "came out of nowhere". Clearly that is not true. If the DNA is a match and the court has declared your husband "daddy", then she did not just appear out of thin air to destroy your marriage.

 

[stepmom4ever]

Understandable that you are hurting. And usually people go on the defensive and get angry when they have been hurt by someone they love. That is probably the fuel that feeds the fire in you that wants so bad to be involved. Be involved, just in the back ground offer love, support, and a safe environment for Dad to parent his child. It will be hard, but not impossible. If he asks for your advice, give it, but don't offer or claim it as what has to be written in stone. After all the only people that get a say so is the Dad, Mom and the Judge.

Yes, I can do this by standing in the backround. I guess because the way the situation was presented to me, I felt compelled to get involved and let mom know I'M HIS WIFE AND NOT HER. I think that's what ticked her off between my husband and her

 

[momandsmom003]

o.k.

But it is never good to see who can piss who off the most. That just creates avoidable turmoil in an already delicate situation. Fade Away. You will be a lot happier, and more peaceful in the long run. Life has too many stressors as it is, let mom and dad deal with this little stressing situaiton.

 

[stepmom4ever]

My comment was in response to your statement that she "came out of nowhere". Clearly that is not true. If the DNA is a match and the court has declared your husband "daddy", then she did not just appear out of thin air to destroy your marriage.

As much as it hurt, you are right. My husband obviously had a relationship with the mom prior to marrying me. But as his wife, it appeared she come out of nowhere because my husband did not hear from her after she told him she was pregnant until she gave birth

 

[Accountable]

As much as it hurt, you are right. My husband obviously had a relationship with the mom prior to marrying me. But as his wife, it appeared she come out of nowhere because my husband did not hear from her after she told him she was pregnant until she gave birth

Well, frankly, she didn't need to contact him again after telling him that she was pregnant. Clearly she also told him that he was the father. If they were no longer dating, no further contact was necessary until the baby was carried to term and delivered successfully.

But, you know, the phone lines work both ways. Since you mentioned "beliefs" and "morals", remember that works both ways, too. If he knew he possibly impregnated this woman, he should have been following up with her, too.

It's more likely that your husband just chose to look the other way and pretend the pregnancy did not exist.